Not with My Wife, You Don't!

Two buddies from the Korean War vie for the affections of a military nurse; one of them eventually marries her, but that doesn't stop the other man from trying to grab her one last time. Colorful opening sequence gives way to galumphing, desperate antics. Tony Curtis is more attuned to the script and the handling than is George C. Scott (who is lost at sea); Virna Lisi tops them both with a sensuously silly performance. She's really the only reason to watch, as the laughs are spread far and wide. Comedy veterans Melvin Frank and Norman Panama originated the story, though Frank's work was apparently squeezed out of the final draft (the screenplay is credited to Panama, Larry Gelbart, and Peter Barnes). Either way, it's disastrous. * from ****

Although Tony Curtis in his memoirs compared Not With My Wife You Don't to a Crosby/Hope Road picture in point of fact this film for me came off more like one of those post sound Flagg and Quirt movies. Certainly the military aspect of this film lent itself better to the Captain Flagg Sergeant Quirt hijinks. And neither Curtis or Scott warbled a note.

When we meet the guys they're in Korea, a pair of Air Force fliers who are rivals for everything including Italian nurse Virna Lisi. Curtis wins her by foul means though when Scott is shot down on a mission. He's all right, but he's shipped to hospital in Manila. Curtis intercepts the telegram saying so and tells Lisi he died. So she marries him, possibly on the rebound.

14 years go by and Curtis is now a Lieutenant-Colonel stationed in Europe and Scott gets stationed there. Of course he has to fake surprise that his old buddy is alive and actually has a higher rank. When Scott learns of the deception the old games resume with a vengeance.

In his memoirs Curtis says that Scott was an actor of great intensity who really could over power other players. He had to really be on his toes to make sure he didn't steal the whole film. I suspect there was a little bit of professional jealousy in his words. Now that Curtis, Scott, and Lisi are all gone they can argue it out in the next world.

Fans of the three stars should like it. But whatever it is Not With My Wife You Don't is far from a male buddy picture.

Korean War buddies Tony Curtis (as Tom) and George C. Scott (as Tank) would rather fight over blonde Italian beauty Virna Lisi (as Julie). She likes to have two of everything, but Ms. Lisi can't juggle two contentious colonels. Lisi marries Mr. Curtis, but since he won her deceptively, she may decide to hook up with Mr. Scott. Naturally, Mr. Curtis thinks, "Not with My Wife, You Don't!"

After Bob Hope's cameo, it occurred to me that if they were 20 years younger, Mr. Hope and Bing Crosby might have starred in this film. Hope would play "Tom" and Mr. Crosby would be perfect as "Tank"; of course, somehow both Hope and Crosby would be sent snow-sledding to Labrador. Now, who would win Virna Lisi is debatable. Well, flash-forward to director Norman Panama's present…

The actors have a few good moments, like Curtis trying show Scott he's temporarily gone blind, in an early hospital scene. And, later in the running time, watch for the very best part of the movie, with Scott and Curtis joining Lisi in a black-and-white Italian movie spoof - if only the entire movie were as good as this scene. Most prophetic line: Curtis, in Arab drag, says "Let's get the Shah on the road."

**** Not with My Wife, You Don't! (11/2/66) Norman Panama ~ Tony Curtis, George C. Scott, Virna Lisi

In film history there are many comedy teams. Some good, others better and some are Classic Teams of the highest caliber. Examples like Laural and hardy, Lou And Abbot and of course, Martin and Lewis rank among the greatest. In this film called " Not with My Wife, you don't " are teamed Curtis and Scott (Tony Curtis and George C. Scott). Despite their great talent in dramas and Plays, their gifted combination as a comedy team falls short in this effort. The story is of two Air Force fliers who's constant game of one up-man-ship is forever fueling their amorous conquests. So much so that even as they flow through their military careers, this game continues. While stationed in Asia during the Korean War, they suddenly put all their skills on high as they both fall in love with the same woman. Virna Lisi plays Julietta, a beautiful nurse who becomes their ultimate luscious target. Unfortunately, the game becomes serious as Ferris takes advantage of Scott's absence and marries Julie. Indeed, twenty years elapses and into their lives re-enters Col. 'Tank' Martin. Now the table is set for a rematch as Ferris's wife feels so neglected, she's willing to allow Tank to win her away from a husband who has become a 'Gopher' for the commanding general (Carroll O'Connor) Gen. Maynard C. Parker. The movie is complete with high flying antics, double-crosses and comedic situations which enliven the film. It's good laughter, combined with semi-serious drama. Eddie Ryder plays Sgt. Gilroy a trusted, but otherwise slap-stick side kick to Curtis. The result is a good film, interesting, humorous and in many ways a Classic in its own right. ****

Virna Lisi plays "Julietta", the femme fatale here, who is chased after by soldiers Tank Martin (George Scott) and Tom Ferris, (Tony Curtis). Scott and Curtis had appeared together in "The List of Adrian Messenger" back in 1963. Carroll O'Connor (Oh Archie!) in supporting role, as the big shot General. The "other" big Hollywood role for which V. Lisi is known is "How to Murder your Wife", a similar farce, with Jack Lemmon, in 1965. Julietta flirts with both men, as they get sent to various places around the world, even after she gets married. You need to have a lot of patience for the many physical and sight gags here, much like a slow moving "Pink Panther" movie. Another little weird connection here - Note actor Robert Cleaves, the reporter Chandler McVey, from Time Magazine -- he will appear with Carroll O'Connor in "Archie Bunker's Place" in the late 1970s; Cleaves has quite the interesting bio on IMDb for those interested. Directed by Norman Panama, who had directed Bob Hope in "Road to Hong Kong", "That Certain Feeling" and "How to Commit Marriage". That may explain why we see footage of Bob Hope in this film.... "Not with my Wife" is okay... nothing earth shattering, just one of the romps from the free-loving 1960s, after being stifled so long under the film production code.