One Million Years B.C.

Take off your cultural blinders...the one you put on when you watch a "trashy" movie...and think about what you are actually experiencing as you watch this movie. Is it merely a "trash" entertainment? To be sure, Raquel Welch in her furkini, the now quaint quality of the Harryhausen effects, the girl fight between Raquel and Martine Beswick, all provide the frisson of "trash" delight. But this movie is much more than that, a tour de force of imagination, and a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. The vision of man adrift in a hostile universe, at odds with his fellow creatures, his own untamed emotions, and the apocalyptic earth itself, is haunting and beautiful. Our only hope is Raquel, who offers a transcendent vision of peace and love--without uttering a word.

Special kudos to the music. Where the special effects strain against their limits, as in the terrifying pterodactyl attack and the final upheaval, the music carries home the emotion. I am reminded of Schopenhauer: "The internal relation that music has to the true nature of all things can also explain the fact that, when music suitable to any scene, action, event, or environment is played, it seems to disclose to us its utmost secret meaning and appears to be the most accurate and distinct commentary on it." In a film where words matter so little, the music is especially crucial. As you watch the pterodactyl snatch Raquel and carry her off to feed its young while the other humans watch in helpless dismay, listen to the music, and think about the "utmost secret meaning" of what you are witnessing. This is an artistic moment of astounding ambition, and there are many such moments throughout this sustained meditation on man and the universe.

A few years later, the same team made Creatures the World Forgot, a more "realistic" look at prehistoric survival sans dinosaurs, with a Cain and Abel story that is riveting...and my god, the cave people are hot!

This movie is everything a prehistoric adventure should be. Forget the fact that dinosaurs and man did not co-exist...this is just as much a fantasy as "Jason and the Argonauts" or "Star Wars".

The world of "One Million Years B.C." is insanely brutal, where man is the weakest creature in a harsh landscape of volcanoes and giant monsters. The Rock People have lives that are "nasty, brutish and short", where only the strongest survive. They are dominated by the rugged chief Akoba, whose two sons Tumak and Sakana are in a constant battle to see who will gain his favor. Sakana gains the upper hand and Tumak is banished into the wastelands. After dodging monsters, he finally arrives at the seaside domain of the Shell People, who are more cultured and civilized. He captures the eye of the beautiful Loana and the two have a non-stop series of adventures.

The narrative is direct and primitive, befitting the primeval setting. John Richardson is quite good as Tumak...he is decent but still has a lot of barbarism in him. As for young Raquel Welch, not even the special effects of Ray Harryhausen could outshine her incredible beauty in this film. Even in our own time, gorgeous babes like these are rare...they would be totally impossible in the prehistoric world. The stunning Raquel is pure eye candy and succeeds better in this regard than any other actress in film history. Especially noteworthy is her cat-fight with sultry Martine Beswick, no slouch in the looks department herself.

Ray Harryhausen outdoes himself again with brilliant stop motion dinosaurs. Look at the realistic movements of these creatures, which have not been surpassed by CGI. The ravenous Allosaurus who duels with Tumak is a particular stand-out, but the battling Triceratops and Ceratosaur are also pretty cool. The movie also features the more standard giant lizard dressed up and made huge, but even this scene is better than most of its ilk. An eerie scene featuring ape-men and some colossal earthquake and erupting volcanoes round out an exciting picture.

Don't look for anything really deep in this one. Just expect primitive action with plenty of monsters, battling cavemen and the awesome Raquel Welch. This movie does everything it sets out to do.

One thing that newcomers to Hammer need to appreciate is that many of their films are low-budget, and kitsch, and One Million Years B.C scores high on the cheese-factor even by Hammer's yardstick. The film's tagline is laughably off-target – "This is the way it was!" – I am almost positive cavewomen didn't have immaculately coiffured hair, push-up loincloth bras, eyeliner, and waxed legs, while their primitive menfolk did battle with dinosaurs that scientifically speaking died out many millions of years earlier. Needless to say, a willing suspension of disbelief is a prerequisite to enjoyment of this movie.

Inappropriate marketing aside, if you can get past these hurdles, B.C is an entertaining, if mindless, action movie, and one which is elevated to ongoing cult status thanks to 2 main factors - Raquel Welch and Ray Harryhausen.

Even if you have never heard of this film, chances are at some point you have been exposed to "that picture". Raquel Welch is THE reason this film's cult following is 95% male, and seeing her in her loincloth bikini is quite honestly a sight to behold. Fleeing from giant dinosaurs, and fighting with cavewomen, this role in a low-budget British monster movie is the one that put her on the map and created one of the greatest sex symbols ever to light up the silver screen.

Only just losing out to Raquel Welch as the star of the show, are the creatures themselves. Animated by the inimitable, legendary Ray Harryhausen (as far as I know the only special effects guru to become a household name in his own right) the creatures are brilliantly realised, and integrated seamlessly with the live-action elements. Aside from Jason and the Argonauts, and Clash of the Titans, this is some of his best work – the Allosaur attack on the shell-people's village being a real technical accomplishment and highlight of the film. The results are slightly marred though by the the integration of real animals, shot and superimposed to look massive. An early attack from a giant, half-asleep looking iguana is hardly menacing, nor is a (thankfully very brief) appearance by a gigantic tarantula that is trying to eat an equally gigantic cricket. These negative moments are forgotten though when Harryhausen's flawless stop-motion takes center stage, bringing us the iconic triceratops fight amongst other great set-pieces.

Thanks to the jaw-dropping "talents" of Raquel Welch, the rest of the cast are pretty expendable. Even main star John Richardson's character of Tumak could have been played by a monkey in a spacesuit when Welch was on screen, no-one would have noticed. Everyone plays as well as they need to though, given the grunt-riddled, running-away-from-an-imaginary-monster screenplay. The storyline is simplistic, (primitive man learns tolerance and civility) and is basically a thinly veiled cover for a series of awesome action set-pieces and monster vs human battle sequences, and a vehicle for the scantily clad Raquel Welch to run around getting sweaty and dirty, which can only be considered a bonus.

In summary, leave your brain at the door and you are likely to have a great time. This is a cult classic; a camp, entertaining showcase for Harryhausen's skills, and while shallow, has enough action and sex-appeal to please the average testosterone-laden viewer. Worth watching for Raquel Welch's magnetic presence alone.

Vaguely similar to the 'Dawn of Man' sequence in '2001' and set long ago when women wore false eyelashes and permed hair, but hadn't yet learned to eat quietly. Raquel Welch in her first starring role was helped by the fact that she didn't need to learn lines, but the real reason to watch it is Martine Beswick as a feral savage called Nupondi. And the music by Mario Nascimbene is up to Hammer's usual high standard.

Raquel Welch's later, more solid acting performances will never erase our memories of this dinosaur-epic wherein she runs around in full cavegirl regalia. Then again, she may not want them to. Time has been surprisingly kind to this reworking of 1940's "One Million B.C." The special effects are very good, the wilds of prehistoric nature are often excitingly, colorfully captured, and handsome John Richardson is charismatic as a caveman who, along with Welch, ditches his tribe to set out on a personal journey. Yes, it's Raquel in a fur-bikini that most people will remember, but a good time is had by all. **1/2 from ****