Pretty Maids All in a Row

Because I'm re-enrolling for post-graduate summer school!

This picture proves that on occasion a less-than-deep storyline doesn't prevent a film from being terrifically-entertaining. You'll be dragged along willingly and unprotestingly in the offbeat proceedings onscreen.

And Angie Dickinson (who seems to be thoroughly enjoying her part) is stunning, gentlemen ... stunning!

Recall that gorgeous teacher we all remember oh-so-well from high school? Well, here ... she ... is. And John David Carson plays, uh ... every guy who was ever in her class, okay?

Things move along smoothly in parallel plots, a strange mix of sex comedy and murder-most-foul. But it all works, and you won't forget "Pretty Maids" any easier than you ever forgot ... that long-ago teacher.

Highly recommended, for adults.

A juicy bit of 70s kitsch right here for your viewing pleasure. Rock Hudson as a horny high school coach/guidance counselor who is nailing every girl in sight. This man is so hip, he has arranged the thumb tacks on his cork board into a peace sign. No wonder all the kids love him. Right on, man.

The luscious Angie Dickinson plays a substitute teacher who wears very short skirts and form-fitting sweaters. Not only does she get felt up by Hudson, she also enthusiastically deflowers the gawky teenage male virgin after extolling the virtues of John Milton's "Paradise Lost." Telly Savalas is the state police detective called upon to solve a series of murders of young girls at the high school, the first of which is charmingly named "Jill Fairbutt." No lollipop here. He is sucking on a cigarette, a cancer stick, a coffin nail! Who loves ya, baby? Nice job by Keenan Wynn is the wheezy geezer local sheriff assigned by Savalas to direct traffic after incompetently touching every bit of evidence at the first murder scene. Also by James Doohan ("Scotty" of Star Trek fame) as Savalas' underling. Too bad they couldn't have gotten Shatner to give Hudson a run for his money...

Also heard from is Roddy McDowell, twittery here as the high school principal, whose concern over the murders is limited to characterizing one of them as a "great little cheerleader." He comes complete with prim, nerdy, bespectacled secretary, de rigeur for the 70s.

In what other decade could something be listed as a comedy/crime/ thriller? Only the 70s, my friend. You can also groove to the opening song by the Osmonds, "Chilly Wind," which happens to be sung over Rock Hudson getting it on with a topless honey. Osmonds and boobies - my head just exploded.

If I'm not mistaken, I think I saw a very young Alfre Woodard as one of the students questioned by Savalas. Rock that afro, girl!

What can you expect by combining the directing talents of Roger Vadim and the writing of Gene Roddenberry? If you can ignore the misogyny of every female in this movie being a ditz/victim/sex object/cuckold, then you will enjoy this very of-its-time pre-sex-comedy-era sex comedy. With some murder thrown in. And a bit of mystery. And don't forget the Osmonds.

This was one of the most influential movies of my high school years.

And it's all thanks to French director Roger Vadim. Magnifique!

What a life Vadim must have led during the '60s & '70s. Yes, this is envy speaking.

Okay, some of the credit for this most enjoyably sly & funny little gem goes to Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, who, for this film went where he'd never gone before, bringing along James Doohan, aka, Scotty with him on this marvelous adolescent comedy sex fantasy/murder mystery.

The cast has a lot of fun, including Rock Hudson and the most heterosexual high school counselor in the universe (believe it); and Angie Dickenson as the sexiest teacher this side of my sophomore English teacher, Miss Lynn Segal at San Gabriel High (Angie has a stiffie-inducing seduction scene that'll ring most guy's bells like Quasimodo sure as hell never could).

In a wonderfully clueless comic role is Keenan Wynn. He's great. And a pre-Kojak Telly Savalas is the coolest police homicide detective in the history of cinema. High school chicks dig him.

John David Carson is ideal as Ponce, the shy, quiet, timid, virgin student who doesn't necessarily end up that way. Every girl he sees drives him crazy - and it's easy to see why. These babes are total! Joanna Cameron, Aimee Eccles, June Fairchild, Barbara Leigh as Rock's jaw-dropping wife, and the other "Pretty Maids" will bring eyesight to the blind. Wow!

I could go on, but why? If you like it, you like it. If not, try Von Stroheim or Bergman. I prefer Vadim. Pretty Maids All In A Row entrertained me then, and it entertained me one night in August 2006.

After years of only knowing about this movie, I finally saw it on the Dailymotion site. Since it's directed by Roger Vadim, I wasn't too surprised it showed many teen girls in sexually provocative poses. It's slightly a bit more surprising Gene Roddenberry-the creator of "Star Trek"-was the writer and producer, though the fact his series had plenty of pretty women might have been a sign. Rock Hudson is the school guidance counselor and coach who manages to get many of the female students in his office for recreation. Angie Dickinson is a substitute teacher who gets one unlucky boy-played by John David Carson-in a lucky mode, if you know what I mean. Their scenes are perhaps the funniest in the movie while much of the rest of it is only slightly amusing like principal Roddy McDowell describing one of the dead girls as a "terrific little cheerleader"! Keenan Wynn plays the not-very-bright sheriff and Telly Savalas is the detective who seems to get closer to nabbing the killer. Also of interest is one former "Star Trek" player-James Doohan-is also in this but not in his Scottish accent! I watched with bemusement throughout so on that note, I say Pretty Maids All in a Row is worth a look.

Rock Hudson's extraordinary good looks and charm are cast against type as he plays a school guidance counselor and football coach who picks a few choice plums among the student body on a regular basis. Seeing all those nubile young girls with skirts up to their hynies was temptation enough for anyone. The problem is that these girls want to take a permanent lease out on him and he's already married to Barbara Leigh and has a little daughter. What choice is there before the scandal costs him his job, but kill these Pretty Maids All In A Row.

The unusual combination of Gene Roddenberry who wrote script and French director Roger Vadim, best known here on this side of the pond for Barbarella created Pretty Maids All In A Row, a black comedy that garnered a nice cult following. Hudson worked well playing his one and only villain on the big screen.

A secondary plot involves substitute teacher Angie Dickinson who Hudson gives a warm up to in preparation for his protégé young John David Carson nailing Dickinson. A little Tea And Sympathy sideline as Carson slowly discovers what his mentor is up to..

Roddy McDowall plays the clueless high school principal and Keenan Wynn the equally clueless sheriff. One who is not clueless is Telly Savalas who plays a Kojak like detective who suspicions that Hudson is the murderer but can't quite prove it. At the end of the film Savalas is totally convinced.

Hudson as serial killer might be jarring to his fans, but Rock does pull it off. An interesting alternative part for an actor who was far better than he was credited.