Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park

I'm going to assume that you, the reader, have already been privileged enough to view this masterpiece. Most likely, like most of the world's population, you have seen it multiple times and probably own your own copy, as I do. I will also go out on a limb and assume that you are aware of Gene Simmons' acting chops. They speak for themselves. Here we see a master thespian at the peak of his craft, eliciting emotions and feelings as only one as trained and skilled as he can do. Assuming you already know these things, I will spare you intricate plot details and my hypothesis on all of the metaphors and double-entendres that exist in this cinematic celluloid achievement. What we've got here is a cultural landmark the likes of which may not be fully understood for centuries to come. Like "Riding With Death" and Steven Speilberg's "2001: A Space Odyssey" before it, "KISS Meets a Phantom in a Park (1978) (TV)" asks questions of the mind, heart, body and soul. Where Speilberg failed, George Lucas succeeds with this film, his directorial debut. And what a stellar debut it is. Originally titled "KISS in Attack of the Phantom", Lucas wisely retitled the film due to his imminent release 20 years later of the similarly titled films "Attack of the Clones" and "The Phantom Menace". Whatever title he chose, "KISS Meets the Phantom in a Park (1978) (TV)" surpasses those two films by leaps and bounds, and indeed is even vastly superior to the 1982 original "Star Wars". Though released in (1978) for (TV), the special effects and brilliant stunt work were far ahead of their time and truly belonged on the big screen. Only with `The Star Wars Holiday Special' and perhaps "Corvette Summer" would Lucas come close to the greatness he ultimately captured in "KISS in KISS Meets a Phantom in a Park Who Attacks Them (1978) (TV)". Sadly, he would never approach that level of mastery again, though some (myself included) would argue that his Executive Producer credit on "Glitter" should have earned him an Oscar. To sum up, an overall brilliant film, utterly bereft of flaws. A timeless and intriguing piece of work that to this day does not fail to frighten, educate, thrill, and provoke thought. This is the quintessential Rock and/or Roll film that writer/director/star Kevin Costner tried to bring to fruition in his half-baked, ill-fated, ill-received 1984 film `Pink Floyd: The Wall'. Costner failed, and failed miserably. Of course he would go on to make some of the best short films of all time, including `Waterworld' and `The Postman', but neither he, nor anyone else would ever attempt again to match the glory, mystique and power of the film that is `KISS Star in a Phantom Meeting In The Park (TV) (1978)'.

This is such a terrible movie that i can't help but love it. It's so pointless! The plot is terrible, it looks like it was shot on a broken VHS camera by someone with a blindfold on. The acting really couldn't be any worse but the music is good apart from when the evil Kiss robots do a show. Can anyone tell me why Beth is in there, yeah it's a good song but it's not set-up, no-one comments on it and everyone is just posing... absurdly. The thing i love the most though is how Gene strides around in his platforms, he looks like he's been riding a horse for too long! It's such fun it has to be watched and absolutely essential if your in danger of taking Kiss too seriously...

These are the reasons why i hate this film and the reasons why i love it. Don't ask me how that works i'm as confused as you.

I can remember in 1978 when this movie came out. It was aired on October 29th, just 2 days before Halloween. The anticipation for this movie was kind of like being a kid at Christmas time. You know on Tuesday of this week that Rudolph is on Friday of next week. The days can't go by quick enough, and you anxiously await for it to finally air. Well finally, it did. At 12 years old, and being a huge KISS fanatic, that was the best movie ever. I can remember the next day, every kid in the neighborhood talking about the movie, and for about a week, playing KISS vs their robot doubles. To the hard core KISS fan, the tunes rocked. Rock And Roll All Nite started off the opening credits. Again....at 12 years old, it was magic.

Now enter 8 years later. The age of the VCR's, and cable TV. I had noticed in TV Guide that KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park was going to be on....next week. Just like 1978, I had to go through the anticipation phase again. But the night finally came, and I had the VCR and brand new tape all set. My movie finally aired. I watched it.......and it was totally and completely one of the most dumbest movies I had ever seen in my life. Needless to say....the movie didn't have the same impact on me as it did 8 years prior. I had come to realize that aside from wasting my money on a blank tape, I had just wasted 2 hours of my life that I will never be able to get back. The songs were still great, and the concert footage was good, but the acting was absolutely horrible. At least Gene went on to do a couple better movies a few years down the road(Runaway, Wanted Dead or Alive).

Because of this disappointment I experienced, I had come to the decision that I would never buy this video. I have since seen it on Ebay, record stores, movie stores, etc. And for cheap money at that. But I know deep down inside I'll either never watch it, or I'll start to watch it and get bored rather quickly. I find it better to hold it as a childhood memory.

In a note to the previous posting about Peter Criss' voice being re-dubbed because it was awful.....perhaps. The real reason is (as stated by Paul Stanley of KISS in the KISS home video Extreme Closeup)...the reason for the different voice is because....after the filming of the movie, the band had to go back to the studio to do what was called looping (re-taping their voices). Peter Criss would never show up, so another person had to do his voice.

If you are looking for monstrous special effects (even by 1970's standards), this is not the film for you...

If you are a KISS fan, it is definitely worth a watching. Especially if you are a classic KISS fan.

Brief synopsis: KISS is about to play for an amusement park. The brains behind this park (Abner Deveraux played by Anthony Zerbe) grows resentful that a rock-n-roll band is overshadowing the technical expertise that he created at this park. He vows all-out war against the band using his creations to attack the band members. And their secret talisman which gives them powers.

BTW, Gene Simmons does most of his own stunts, probably preparing himself for a future theatrical career (which he did, in the 1980's). Peter Criss's lines are dubbed in by a voice guy from Hanna Barbera. Strange how Peter Criss sounds the same as Dirk Daring from G-Force.

Anthony Zerbe does a great job in acting as the villain in this one. His best IMHO is in North and South as General Grant.

Ok, this is not an epic adventure that got critical acclaim, yet after a few beers, it is good entertainment.

I'm no KISS lover, nor am I a KISS hater; I suppose I'm a bit of a casual fan. I am however, a lover of movies of the genre that is sometimes called "Inexplicable." KISS Meets The Phantom (Of the Park) is such a movie. A real head-scratcher. You'll be scratching your head so damn much your scalp will start to flake. I think this movie keeps Head and Shoulders in business.

KISS star as themselves (Sort of, they are the band KISS, but they only refer to themselves as "The Demon" or "Space Ace" and so on), in a, well, really, a TV movie, but even then, that doesn't explain how poor the quality is. TV movies look better than this, heck, most after school specials have this beat. Anyway, KISS is playing 3 days of concerts at an unamed amusement park (In reality, Magic Mountain in California), and in between their 2-song concerts (That's as much as we see anyway), they fight the evil shenanigans of an evil inventor who works in a secret lab underneath the park.

Although I can't recall him ever being referred to in the film as "The Phantom" I have to assume he is the titular character. He certainly doesn't wear pink tights and fire pistols; though that probably would have pepped up the plot, which is droll and inane to say the least.

Here's the main problem. Amongst the opening credits you will prominently see displayed as Executive Producer one Joseph Barberra, famous for the Hanna Barberra cartoons. You will also notice a lot of musical cues and story elements that seem plucked right out of bad episodes of Scooby-Doo, Super Friends, Josie and the Pussycats and others. I'm not reaching here, a lot of sounds and music are exactly the same. Basically, the film is a live action Hanna Barberra cartoon, complete with terrible laser beam eye blasts and fire breath (One time you can see the physical edges of the effect, not a proud moment for Gene). This movie could have worked as a cartoon, or as a KISS movie about, I dunno, a concert. Instead its A Hard Days Scooby, and a poor one at that.

KISS certainly don't help their cause, Gene is really the only one who seems comfortable in his non-performance scenes, and he's hindered by a weird reverb effect on his voice that makes him almost impossible to understand. Ace and Paul are both more wooden than George Washington's teeth, and "The Cat" sounds an awful lot like Duke from GI Joe (His voice having been redubbed in post because, well, it was bad). In one scene, Ace is also clearly a stunt double, who's...well, black. In another, he's Asian. Oops.

I know I've made it sound awful but...well, okay so it's awful. But KISS Meets The Phantom often achieves that rare goofy quality of a movie that isn't so much bad, as it is completely insane and way off base. It's not as funny as a Plan 9, or a Gymkata, but it is worthy of at least one viewing with a big crowd of rowdy friends.