Barbarian Queen

After surviving a brutal attack on her village on the day of her wedding to a tribal prince (Frank Zagarino), a tough female warrior (the late Lana Clarkson) seeks revenge. With the help of two equally powerful warriors (Katt Shea, Susana Traverso), she recruits more rebels before taking the battle to an evil army led by an evil king (Arman Chapman).

Silly, poorly acted (and poorly dubbed) romp is loaded with action and gratuitous nudity (just about every female bares it all, including Clarkson). Nothing original here, except the heroine using her vagina as a weapon against one of her captors and he complains that she's "too tight." Trashy and entertaining at the same time. My evaluation: ** out of ****.

(1985) Barbarian Queen ACTION ADVENTURE

Part European production that has Amathea (Lana Clarkson) who is about to get married to Aargon (Frank Zagarino) until her small village become attacked by marauders led by Lord Arrakur (Arman Chapman) taking with them are prisoners. After the invaders assume Amathea had died from the fire, she and her two swords women, Estrild (Katt Shea) and Tiniara (Susana Traverso) then goes on a saving rant, with the first person she saves is her sister Taramis (Dawn Dunlap).

Again, the action is unconvincing, the acting is second rate that looks like it takes a back seat to the nude scenes, which to some can be more entertaining than the movie itself.

41 seconds in and you have a topless woman. Thanks to Shout Factory this glorious entry into the 80's Sword and Sorcery trash cinema along with Amazons was just released on a Blu-ray double bill. All I can say is "Thank you." I remember watching this gem when it first came out, along with every other entry into the genre. Roger Corman, you sir were in integral part of my misspent teens. Is it complete garbage, yep but it's my type of garbage. Every single one of these Sword and Sorcery "films" are cinematic gold. Plain and simple. Scoff if you will but I bet I'm not alone.

I was in college when this film was released and it really made an impression on me. Now, I'm not saying that it moved me to deep philosophical thinking. Rather, this movie is one that can be seen in fast-forward mode on your VCR and you won't miss a bit of the plot (which I'll give in a bit). The impression it made on me was one of Lana Clarkson, who plays the lead role, topless and tied to an upright rack while she's tortured with a needle by a smallish man with large glasses.

Now the reason she's there: Amathea (Lana Clarkson) was about to be married to the prince of her village when soldiers charge in and slaughter just about everyone. The prince is captured and Amathea escapes into the woods where she joins up with 3 other warriors. They plan to go to the city and rescue the prince. Along the way they manage to kill a few straggling soldiers, rescue a woman tied to fence who's topless and has been whipped, and make friends with rebels seeking to overthrow the local ruler. Amathea's sister allows herself to be captured by the ruler so that she can be his concubine and Amathea is captured while trying to rescue her. The king thinks Amathea is part of the rebel movement and orders her to be tortured until she identifies the rebel leaders. After the 5 minute torture scene, Amathea throws the torturer into a vat of acid and escapes, freeing the gladiators and the prince and creating a mediocre fight scene wherein the ruler is overthrown and the people are free.

Don't see this movie for the plot. Don't see it for the dialogue. You'll want to see it because the 4 main actresses in the film eventually have nude scenes in this order: rape, nipple play, wrestling, woman on the fence topless, rape, stripped topless, Lana's torture scene. The rape scenes are weak, the wrestling is short. I'm convinced that the only reason they made a sequel was to show Lana Clarkson on a rack again (see "Barbarian Queen II"). Unless you're into bad barbarian sword-and-sandle movies, mild rape, Lana Clarkson, and/or bondage, you can skip this movie. Me, I saw it for Lana Clarkson.

I had a theory about movies. For every two minutes of Bad movie you need one minute of Nudity to make it watchable. This movie puts that theory to the test, and disproves it with a glorious vigor.

I think most every female in this movie was topless for the majority of it. The story is milk toast, but what I found the most absurd is just how bad the acting was. I mean it was Tommy Wiseau bad. In fact the nudity and acting are so bad there's almost a shamelessness about it. As though it's proud of how bad it is. And for that I would actually recommend it for anyone who wants to see a lot of breasts in a low budget Connan rip off.

For those who are feeling daring I offer the barbarian Queen Drinking game. This requires two teams, Team One is team acting and Team two is Team Boobs. For ever poorly acted line of dialog, team Acting takes a drink, For every set of boobs you see, team Boobs takes a drink. Please keep an EMT handy and sober as most likely more than one person will almost die of alcohol poisoning. You've been warned