Hamburger: The Motion Picture

...but for some reason I watched it many, many times on cable.

That may have been because I was 13 at the time, and "Hamburger..." features a ton of gratuitous nudity even by cable standards.

The movie is pretty awful, but the fact that it stands out in my mind after all these years has to say something about it.

If you are a fan of Dick Butkus, like me, then Hamburger the Motion Picture is A Must. See Butkus chase our hero through this madcap romp. If you've ever wanted to see two fun-loving college guys be tortured in a giant pickle chamber, then this film is for you. Cameo by Charro as well!! This motion picture was sadly overlooked for the Oscar of most hilarious movie staring former pro athletes...which is a real shame. Hamburger has it all, handsome characters, torture sauce, guys who sing like Lou Rawls...and Buster Burger!! Don't take my word for it...Jerry Lewis says "it's a smash!!!" Now if that doesn't convince you, nothing will.

Most people will hate this movie but it's one of my all time favorites. The plot involves a guy who needs to get a college degree so he can receive an inheritance. So he chooses to go to 'hamburger college'. Hijinks ensue. "Bun Shakers!!!!"

All I can say is, if you're REALLY interested in quality when watching a movie, stay away from this one. This has the unholy trinity: bad acting, bad writing, and bad directing. But maybe that's part of its appeal, if you're into that sort of thing. As someone who used to watch "USA Up All Night" with Gilbert Gottfried and Rhonda Shear, I love this movie. As bad 80s movies go, this is one of the more watchable.

The main character is Russell, a guy who's been thrown out of college after college for having sex with the co-eds. So for some reason, he decides to go to Hamburger University to learn to work at a fast food restaurant (and subsequently to keep it in his pants, as if one leads to the other). Of course, all of the lame s*** you're expecting to happen does happen, but watch it anyway, because some of it is pretty funny. Watch out for the names: Mrs. Vunk, Mrs. Gottbottom, and did you know that there's a country called Guacamole (not pronounced GWOK-a-mole; it's gwok-a-MOL-ee!)? There were a lot of puns that I found myself laughing at despite myself, including the names of some foods at the Chinese restaurant they eat out at (one character in more ways than one) and the Frying Nun (watch and you'll find out). And when they all yell "Put that cookie down motherf***er!" at the little girl, I thought I would die laughing. And the part at the beginning, with the old lady dying of a heart attack in the drive-thru line from being insulted by the guy she's trying to order from? Priceless. Watch out for Dick Butkus (in one of the main roles; he's the biggest celebrity in the movie) as a sort of drill sergeant at Hamburger U; whatever you're expecting about Dick Butkus's acting ability, you're probably right.

Sure it's stupid, lame, crude, and completely disposable. But there's also lots of naked women and fart jokes. If you are the type who can find the merits of some bad movies, you should give this one a try. I haven't seen it in years; I don't think it's been released on DVD yet, but I'd love to see it be.

One of those guilty-pleasure, take it for what it is, so bad it's good, whatevers. In the wake of the "Police Academy" success, producers Feldman and Meeker---who made the legitimate "The Hitcher" the same year---picked up this script about life at a college university for fast-food franchise wannabes. The focal point is McCloughsky, who though a perennial flunk-out who lives at home, looks like he's in his mid-30s. He feels a last-ditch effort at an "education" is to attend a screwball Burger University with a group of over-cooked washouts of life. It's hard to offer an honest review on this, because I first saw it when I was 11. Back then it came off as comic genius, but revisiting it lately I realize how cornball and unrealistic it is. I mean, there's some good "bad taste" kind of jokes---old woman cussed out in a drive-thru, oral copulation in a Chinese restaurant---but again, most of the humor is in suspension of disbelief. Such as the student turned into a half-chicken, and a black guy "kidnapped" to the school to prove the burger chain isn't bigoted. Which is one of the areas where it crossed from bad taste to offensive, with a later sequence involving a black policeman being hurled epithets. This leads to an eye roller when said cop returns to join rioters in destroying one of the burger joints. And a BIG line crossed when the group of misfits in unison calls a five-year-old girl a "mother-f***er". But there's a good deal of clever puns on gherkins and "eating out", plus a spirited turn by the Dean of Burgers and some decent T&A. Along with a surprisingly catchy theme song, and a farting sequence that will forever obliterate any other film's attempts in the rest of the history of cinema. So with the above said, I think you have an idea of what you might be in for.