Jaws: The Revenge

There is Montezuma's revenge and then there is Jaws: The Revenge, in either case diarrhea is produced. This is really a terrible film, as if a shark would go out and take revenge on the family that "murdered" his cousins. Nonsense! It is awful to see Michael Caine in this film, I don't know why Michael appears in films like this, he must only do it for the money because the artistic merits of this film are zilch. Poor Lorraine Gary, went into retirement and then only to come out of retirement to do this turkey, and to think she felt obliged to as well, hardly a fitting finale to the end of a career. This film should have won more Razzies than it did but then against it was up against Leonard part 6!

The movie is one of the worst I've ever seen. The attack scenes are worse than what I used to do with Fisher Price Town and a stuffed seal from Marineland. The shark follows them to the Bahamas; apparently for revenge...revenge for being killed in earlier movies! Or is the shark exacting revenge for his friends who were killed? Or maybe (and here's something they could have pursued) it was the WIFE of the previous shark who decided the wife of her husband's killer should suffer. Well she did suffer, by appearing in this movie. For Jaws 5 I suggest the surviving family members of Mrs. Brodie swim back to New York and start biting sharks.

In Jaws 2 a person told sheriff Brody that sharks don't take things personally...in this one they apparently not only do, but they also will hunt you down to the ends of the earth. This focuses on the most mediocre character of the first two Jaws, Ellen Brody. It starts with one of her sons being out on a boat and being killed by a shark. Why he is out on the water is anyone's guess seeing as he was afraid of water in 3, which I do believe this one completely ignores. This attack is probably the only real good scene in the flick cause we are off to the Caribbean where Ellen goes to visit with her other son who just doesn't seem all to upset by his brother's death. What is waiting for her here, but the exact same shark that killed her other son. Michael Caine is in this and this somehow makes me wonder why couldn't they have just forgotten about the Brody's and maybe have it be about Caine in Australia or something as a shark hunter...why do we have to have the same family, you have a better chance of being struck by lightening than you do of being attacked by a shark yet this family is constantly being attacked by sharks. Maybe they all bath in fish blood before swimming? Anyway this film is quite bad and was a pretty bad way to end the franchise.

On the island Amity during the Christmas break, Mrs. Ellen Brody's younger son Deputy Sean is taken by a great white shark one night after being called out to move a piece of wood tangled up with a buoy. After this happens Michael who lives in the Bahamas with his wife and daughter studying sea snails, visits his mother and asks her to come down there with him and the family. Ellen wants Michael to not go near the water, but he convinces her that it's all fine, since great whites don't like the warm water. But hold on as the shark that killed Sean is now stalking the family and has only one thing on mind - to wipe out the Brody family.

Leave those Brody's alone! Err, what crud… yeah reading the outline above you'll be just rolling your eyes at how ridiculous this film does get. The last sequel "Jaws 3" was a bad film, but I actually enjoyed it to some degree, but here the personal agenda format was just rubbish and the special connection between the Brody's and the shark was just plain risible. I just found this clunker quite lacklustre with it's melodramatic, soap opera of a story and it's lack of thrills and suspense. It was quite a drag and it did have that cheap TV feel about it, despite it's more than capable cast. The only thing that I thought was decent was the terrifyingly, bloody and macabre opening death. Although, few of the performances ( mainly Lance Guest in the key role of Michael Brody and Michael Caine's happy- go-lucky pilot character Hoagie ) made sure that the film didn't sink too fast. While, the rest were simply one-note and Mario Van Peebles' Jamaican accent was just so dodgy. But what was in need of a life-jacket was the dire script that threw out many awful lines of dialogues. "I've always wanted to make love to an angry welder. I've dreamed of nothing else since I was a small boy." What?! The repetitively, diluted story is full of crock with many implausible situations and it doesn't leave too much up to the imagination. Was the writer and the director drinking sea water on this project? Maybe so, because Michael's wife's supposed piece of art resembled… what? I just don't see it. Well, the sprawling beach lines and crystal blue waters were a nice sight. Too bad that the mechanical, but crooked plastic shark slowly got in the way. The ramshackle design looked dreadful, but the makers didn't seem to notice because they constantly kept showing the abomination in it's full glory. I even got the feeling that the shark just couldn't stop grinning. The (few) shark attacks are rather furious and quite graphic, but I found the latter ones to be laughable because of the execution. Really, it goes all out to outdo itself, but this puddle turns out to be simply inept in mostly every single department. Overall, a fatally disastrous novel production that never should have seen open waters and you won't be laughing too much, but you'll be a daze of bemusement to how this franchise fell apart.

It's definitely as bad as its reputation. This is one shark that just won't let go!

It's personal because I hate this audience-insulting movie. This has got to be the stupidest horror flick of all times. The ending (all of them) alone would be enough to justify this film's place on the bottom 100 list. I mean the premise (shark is after the Brody family for revenge. It chases (and beats) the Brody's to Jamaica to harrass them and snack on a few extras).

The effects went WAY downhill for this one. The shark on the Universial Studios tram tour is more convincing then this duct-taped-at-the-seams roboshark. The acting is atrocious (especially Mario Van Peeble and his grating "hey mon" accent)