If You Could Only Cook

If You Could Only Cook had been made over at MGM, Jean Arthur would have had her pick of leading men like Robert Montgomery, William Powell, Robert Young, or Franchot Tone all of who might have been a bit more believable as the auto tycoon who gets tired of his stuffy board of directors and walks out on them. As it was Columbia Harry Cohn got her Herbert Marshall is far better cast in more mature parts like in The Little Foxes or the head of MI5 in The List of Adrian Messenger. He really hasn't the touch for light fare like If You Could Only Cook.

That's what happens to Marshall though, he walks out on his board of directors and a week before his wedding to Frieda Inescourt who's from a family with an old name, but no dough. On the park bench he runs into Jean Arthur who is one of the great mass of unemployed. They get to talking about food and Arthur sees in the want ads one for a married couple to be cook and butler on an estate. On a whim as these things are in screwball comedies, Marshall and her agree to pose as husband and wife.

What they don't know is that who's hiring them is gangster Leo Carrillo who's particular about his food. Not unusual because if you remember Goodfellas the wise guys in stir were very particular about their food and were rich enough to buy what they want in the joint. Carrillo's number two, Lionel Stander, thinks these two just don't sound right.

The rest of the film is the normal antics of mistaken identities and mistaken motives and finding out who really loves who after all. It's not a bad film, but not particularly a memorable one.

But If You Could Only Cook attained a status way beyond its own importance in film history by becoming the object of a fraud perpetrated on the foreign markets by Harry Cohn. Seems as though when the film reached Europe, Cohn advertised it in the foreign markets as being a Frank Capra Production. When Capra found out about it, he went ballistic and ultimately his connection with Columbia was severed.

The story is described in great detail in Capra's memoirs and the whole saga is a great example of the power those studios had back when they were at their height.

In fact that whole story might make a great movie.

The Austin Film Society showed this entertaining old film last week on election night. The receptive audience found laughs in many lines that still seem current, especially about unemployment, the want ads and being broke.

Jean Arthur looked lovely in this movie, and Herbert Marshall was perfect. What a wonderful voice that man had! My husband thinks that his walk may have inspired C3PO's formal motions, although the robot had a metal leg, not a wooden one like Mr. Marshall's.

Lionel Stander was already in full bellow, many decades before 'Hart to Hart', and Leo Carillo was a treat as the gangster employer. It was a surprise to hear them use the term 'wise guy' for a prospective member - I didn't realize it was already being used back then.

James Buchanan and Joan Hawthorne meet on a park bench one day. Buchanan is sulking away about his impending marriage which is sure to be a loveless one, while Hawthorne is perusing the job vacancy adverts in the paper completely baffled by her lack of suitability for all the positions. Once the pair strike up a conversation it becomes apparent that both of them could help each other if they are prepared to take a risk, the risk would mean posing as a husband and wife team and entering the service of Mike Rossini, but little do they know that Rossini is something of a local wise guy, love and gangsters.......interesting.

If You Could Only Cook slips firmly into the category of films that deserve to be called charming, simple in structure and honest in its intent, it's a most enjoyable piece that leaves a long and warm impression after the initial viewing. There are many different reasons why so many old black and white pictures get termed classics, with one of the main instances being the ability to have longevity of entertainment values. It only really becomes apparent with a film such as this when you compare it with the more modern day romantic comedies, where today's directors and writers are prepared to force the issue with star appeal and cloying scripts, here the makers are fresh with zippy dialogue and charm personified.

Jean Arthur is Joan, a wonderful bone structured face and a lovely fulsome figure, she's a smashing actress that carries off the required romantic humour with consummate ease. Playing off her with equally excellent results is Herbert Marshall as James, many other actors could do no worse than to watch Marshall when they want guidance in the art of line delivery, peachy and carrying a great presence, Marshall remains a sadly undervalued old time performer. Villain duties fall to Leo Carrillo {Rossini} and the wonderful Lionel Stander as henchman Flash, while all the supporting members come up to the requisite charming standards. But ultimately it's a team achievement across the board, from the writing to the wink at the end of the piece, If You Could Only Cook is a smashing film that makes one feel all the more richer for having sat thru it. 8/10

Auto titan Jim Buchanan is in a league with Henry Ford but in the dumps over an impending marriage to a cold fiancé and Luke warm reception to his latest models. Disconsolate, he finds himself sharing a park bench with Joan Hawthorne (Jean Arthur) a Depression victim in need of work. Unaware of Buchanan's status she gets him to agree to be a butler to her cook in order to attain employment with a wealthy mobster (Leo Carrillo). Seems they only want married couples. With everyone being less than upfront comic confusion reigns.

If Only You Could Cook is a spry enough comedy with plenty of charm supplied by Herbert Marshall and Jean Arthur ably supported by the abrasive comic turns of mobsters Leo Carrillo and especially Lionel Stander who threatens to steal the picture. Director William Seiter assembles economically, as he sums up Buchanan's dual predicament in under ten minutes before encountering Hawthorne and focusing on the couple for the rest of the picture, the first hint of romance between them a brief harmless interlude with the ruse still playing itself out. By removing extraneous characters and situation he leaves it up to the four leads to carry the pace of this benign comedy in which they more than succeed.

This is a rather simple plot for a film, but due to exceptional writing, deft direction and the winning acting of Herbert Marshall and Jean Arthur, it's a wonderful movie. This is a great old romantic film that would be great to see with someone you love.

Marshall plays the CEO of a huge car manufacturing company. When his ideas are rejected by the board, he gets annoyed with the business. At about the same time, he meets Arthur, who has no idea he's a rich big-shot. She actually thinks he's an out of work schnook and convinces him to apply to a job with her--she as a cook and he as a butler in the same household. Since Ms. Arthur is so charming and sweet, he agrees and neither she nor the employer know his true calling. Later, this misunderstanding REALLY gets out of hand, but I don't want to spoil the film by explaining further.

The bottom line is that the freshness and delightful nature of the film make up for the fact that the plot line is pretty hard to believe. Unless you are an old grouch or hate old films (people like this need to be shot), you will like this film.

Interestingly, the film was so good that Columbia Pictures' president, Harry Cohn, tried a "fast one". Since Frank Capra worked at the studio and was now famous for IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (having practically swept the Oscars) and since IF YOU ONLY COULD COOK was such a sweet film, it was marketed as a Capra Film--even though Capra had NOTHING to do with it!! As a result, Capra sued and Cohn nearly lost his job until it was all smoothed over and tempers subsided.