Black Devil Doll from Hell

I remember a friend of mine got a copy of this from someone when I was in about 10th grade. We must have watched this movie about 40 times, and laughed hysterically every time. Unfortunately, he somehow lost his copy of it. This is seriously one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I highly recommend it. If you're lucky enough to find a copy.

Do we really need a title sequence which lasts for six minutes, forty-nine seconds?

Do we really need a bone-gratingly bad metal song played over the aforementioned six minutes, forty-nine seconds-long title sequence?

Do we really need to hear a five-minutes-long telephone conversation, while the camera aimlessly roams about the girl's apartment, drifting slowly in and out of focus, as if the cameraman forgot what the hell he was supposed to be filming and why?

Do we really need such obnoxious, over-poweringly LOUD noises, buzzes, and hissing on the soundtrack? Buzzing noises which can make dogs start baying two blocks away?

And must those ear-shattering noises accompany such ugly female nudity?

Do we really need to see this woman repeatedly getting boned by the doll that she bears an uncanny resemblance to?

What was the purpose of the still-photographs used during the attack scenes? Was it to conceal the crappy effects?

And if the doll keeps returning to the same Thrift Store by itself, why the hell doesn't the Thrift store worker just get rid of the bloody haunted thing?

None of these questions, and less, may ever be answered, even by the few people who have the tolerance to endure this putrid example of shot-on-video horror.

Not that it matters, but this is basically a one-person story, about the title object terrorising a pug fugly woman in her house. Well, actually it was probably filmed in Chester Novell Turner's house, on Chester Novell Turner's camcorder, written by Chester Novell Turner, directed by Chester Novell Turner, produced by Chester Novell Turner, edited by Chester Novell Turner, scored by Chester Novell Turner, with sound effects by Chester Novell Turner, featuring friends of Chester Novell Turner, and probably distributed by Chester Novell Turner, who handed copies of this to random passersby on the street, and leaving copies of it in local video stores, and perhaps anonymously mailing copies to people he didn't like.

It is kind of admirable, really, that this goofball had the commitment to actually see something like this through, and that he could actually persuade his friends to be in, and work on, a film like this, and see it through fruition. But really, it is an awful monstrosity of a so-bad-it's-good movie. Chester Novell Turner's friend David Ichikawa provides what is quite possibly the worst song in the history of recorded music, until that little toilet-bug Damon Fox came along nine years later with "his" Traces of Death.

The Simpsons tackled this same basic premise far more effectively (and funnier) eight years later, in the 'Klown Without Pity' segment of Treehouse Of Horrors III. Watch that instead.

Chester Novell Turner's social commentary piece about the struggles faced by a young, average-looking, African-American woman and the troubles she encounters with her religious beliefs and the puppet she loves. Turner has a magic ability for character development; we learn that the female character is religious, not only through a 10-minute phone conversation, but also a 10-minute camera pan displaying all the religious artifacts (read: Sunday bulletin) hung from her wall.

The film sexy side places the female lead with an abusive, controlling puppet that simply does not care about the women who nurture and care for him. While some scenes may be difficult to watch, the end result clearly displays the destructive nature when a woman makes love to a puppet. Not since Jurassic Park has visual effects seemed so real - many scenes of the puppet actually look like a 6-year old kid! Truly amazing!

I wish the Academy had opened their eyes in 1985 and taken notice to this masterpiece! A great story, jaw-dropping visual effects and to top it off - a soundtrack that hasn't been heard since I accidentally pressed the `demo' key on my Casio keyboard. Find this video, it will make you rethink your social circles dominance.

Shot-on-video horror movies are probably the only kind of movies that come close to the depressing look of video pornography. The sheer lack of production values leads the viewer to contemplate whether or not the money that he or she has in their wallet could have funded a better piece of cinema. That said, BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL is just about the shoddiest movie I've ever seen, and that's saying something! I've braved more bad movies than I can even remember, and this one ranks pretty much as one of the three all-time worst pieces of galloping horse crap that I have ever endured. Terrible pacing, an annoying casiotone sound track, execrable acting and a truly pointless story are just some of the many non-highlights.

The only reason to see this is for the unintentionally hilarious rape scene wherein a pious sister of the church is tied down to her bed and given a serious rodgering by an evil, horny ventriloquist's dummy with dreadlocks. The scene where he "orally pleasures" her will forever be burned into my memory, not only because if was silly beyond all human comprehension, but because his tongue looks like a popsicle stick. And, yes, we do get to see his, er...wood. Rent it, and fast forward to this scene. After seeing it, immediately remove the tape from your VCR and use it as a skeet shooting pigeon.

Brilliantly sincerely evil and naive. It could be compared to John Waters work in it's disregard for societal racial, drug and sexual taboos even tho I think they were going more for a PUPPET MASTER vibe. The plot is less convoluted than that of PUPPET MASTER (nice lady goes to open air market, buys cute rasta dummy/puppet, takes it home, puppet raises hell, smokes pot, is mean and gives her oral sex.) This movie is worth seeing - if you can find it. The soundtrack is Phillip Glass minimal and the sex scenes with the puppet are shockingly bad/funny. Beyond so bad it's good, so crinchingly terrible it's wonderful. Laugh your way through scenes never intended to be funny while you groove to the fumbled 2 finger synth sound track.