Shatter Dead

Stark Raven and Flora Fauna. What kind of name are those? Hippies? Porn Stars. Well, we did see them starkers in the shower. I'm just askin' This is Scooter McCrae's entry into the world of writing and directing. Well, he also plays a role in the film. Good thing he had someone else on the camera. He will be back, along with Stark Rave in Sixteen Tongues, a movie whose tags definitely place it on my must-see list.

Now, this film has some weird symbolism that is hard to explain. An androgynous angel, sucking off a gun in her dreams, even an appearance by a Howard Stern/Fartman character, who performs a cesarean with a shotgun (that, you have to see!).

Buckets of blood, lots of breasts, a gun penis, a wacky preacher, what more do you want?

Having read of this film and its charms in such reputable genre magazines as "Rue Morgue" and "Fangoria" over the past eight years or so, I finally got around to viewing "Shatter Dead" in its newly released DVD format. That said, I find myself shaking my head (and just shaking in general) as to how anyone with an IQ higher than that of the most scholarly of algae could summon up anything positive to say about this terrible waste of time and money. While the premise of having the living dead trying to live amongst us is an intriguing one to this long-time viewer of hardcore porn, (Oops! Did I say hardcore porn? Sorry, I meant to say zombie movies.) there is nothing at all intriguing about watching a lousy student film (which is to say, a student film) shot directly to video, starring said student's film school chums running around backyards and stripmalls with the same blatantly latex makeup jobs as if they'd all consumed cases of Schlitz Malt Liquor with Vicatin chasers. Much more interesting would be a film about a pencil factory where the evil CEO falls into the grinding machine and his soul comes to inhabit millions of number two pencils the world over. Mankind, armed only with his own moxie and a few good pencil sharpeners, in the end are no match for this fiendish plot, and soon succumb to the heathen pleasures of permanent and non-permanent inks. I call it, "Get the Lead Out!", and while it may not exactly be coming to a theater near you anytime soon, when it does, you will find it a much more harrowing experience than say, "Shatter Dead", and you will believe (!!!), or, at the very least, you'll think twice before chomping on our bright yellow friends. As I close, I am reminded again of this kindergarden klownfest's declaration that "God Hates You!". Well, duhh! Tell me something I don't know! Of course God hates me. He told me to watch "Shatter Dead".

More regrets:

I have to be the biggest sucker in the world. What other person would go out and buy so many of these backyard home video horror movies? Why did I buy into all the hype that these little genre websites give to these pieces of garbage!?

Well I've learned my lesson. Yes, I was an idiot to go out and buy so many of these films but having done so, I feel safe in saying that any positive reviews that junk like this gets has to be written by cast members or the directors themselves because there's no way anyone besides people involved who could actually like this crap.

First off, this is not a movie for fans of traditional zombie films! Shatter Dead is a cheap looking home video. It's not a horror film in any sense, it's nothing more then a wanna be art film. It's got the most vile looking cast ever assembled to carry the lame story forward. It's got the lowest production values I've ever seen and I've seen a lot of these type films lately. There was no way of getting behind any of the character's because they all sucked! A bunch of art film school students making a video in their backyard. Nothing more!!! The only good thing about this garbage was the DVD sleeve which worked like a charm in suckering me into buying it.

If one is desperate for a z-grade zombie film then they'd be better to look into MEAT MARKET 2 which I also recently bought. While that movie was nothing great either, it's at least a zombie film that entertains the viewer. Shatter Dead does nothing but annoy and bore the viewer.

0/10 AVOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I borrowed a friend's copy of Shatter Dead, I expected to get some thrills of the zombie gore-fest variety. What I received was really really bad. It wasn't even good in a really really bad way. The first thing that upset and disgusted me was not blood or wanton violence but rather that it was shot on video, not film, immediately cheapening the whole experience. The pictures on the DVD case (yes, DVD) misled me into thinking that this would be a professional piece of work. I have seen many low-budget films, but this takes the prize for worst makeup. Some characters, many of which I'm sure were willing locals and student volunteers, donned grey paint on their skin. Others had some some cheap looking gashes about the face. Most, however were not made up at all. It was also very slow paced, a bit confusing and featured both flat staging and acting. It was hard to tell whether it was the poor acting or the poorly written lines ("Don't be scared, I'm scared too") were what made me want to turn it off.

Having ripped in to this movie quite a bit, it's only fair to share some highlights. Indeed writer/director, Scooter McRae puts an interesting spin on the old living dead yarn that discusses "souls" as being un-killable, despite condition of the body. It also receives my thumbs up for explicitly using, one more than one occasion, a hand gun as a phallus. It's also encouraging to any aspiring filmmaker to see the manifestation of McRae's ideas and labor, on DVD no less. I guess it won some sort of award, too. Bottom line, this flick is for hardcore low-budget horror fans only. If, on the other hand, a friend owns it you might want to watch it. If not for a laugh, then at least to broaden your filmic horizons.

Shatter Dead exhibits much weakness within its plot and structural makeup. The story appears to be dreamed up as some kind of twisted fantasy of the director as the filming process progressed. The "blood and guts" effects were possibly the largest downfall of the film. The same effect could have been achieved by merely dumping spaghetti and meatballs on the actors and actresses. A majority of the acting was unprofessional and cheesy.

Sadly, the only scenes which are able to keep an audience awake are the ones which contain nudity. Sound effects are another large problem which adds to the films downfall. The camera crew is able to be heard brushing up against the camera. That is acceptable in a documentary or a film of that caliber but not a "walking dead" movie. In conclusion, Shatter Dead merits a 3 on a scale of 10 for not containing key element of a credible film.