Fair Game

I like Cindy Crawford. I really do. I respect the class she has maintained in an often classless fashion and modeling industry. But some people should stick to what they know.

Cindy, my God! In this movie, you were just in your lovely apartment overlooking the water. Your apartment is then blown up, you are blown off the balcony into the water, your cat is toast and all your possessions are gone. Oh, and by the way, a bunch of very bad people are now trying to shoot you dead. You get out of the cold water, run for your life and get taken to a safe house where the 2nd rate Baldwin asks you `How do you feel?' And Cindy says with the intensity of a heroin addict, `Like my life just exploded. What is this place, Motel Hell?' She said it like she was reading the phone book! A real actress would have been looking at the cop like he was nuts! And she would have delivered the lines accordingly. It got worse.

Did you see at the very first scene in the movie where Cindy's character is jogging and gets shot? Did you notice her slowing down to hit her mark and wait for the shot? I've never heard or seen anyone more stilted and lifeless except for a really bored telemarketer.

The writing was just BAD, and the movie was just about look how good Cindy looks after being dumped in water and having no shower. Notice her lips still had color? Did they have the long-lasting stuff back then?

Luckily it wasn't the kind of bad where you can't sit and laugh at it. You can sit and laugh at this one. In fact, you don't have a choice.

This movie basically blows. But, it's fascinating to watch just because it's so bad. I find myself not able to turn the station when I stumble across it.

The acting is terrible, the plot is terrible. There are too many goofs to count. It just goes to show you it does not require a great script or even a great idea to make a movie.

Really bad and tedious with it. The mystery here was not who was trying to kill Cindy Crawford, but how her hair was magically dry and sexily tousled after a series of dunkings.

Cindy has exhibited better acting in lipstick commercials. And that scene where she uses her charms to persuade the geek in the computer shop to help her was reminiscent of Ginger trying to coax a coconut from Gilligan.

Silly from start to finish.

This is bad, very bad. It must have sounded like a good idea at the time: "Die Hard With Legal Mumbo-Jumbo" with a twist: we'll have a sexy model as the star.

Erm, it sounds good on paper, and perhaps it would have been a good idea if they hadn't screwed the damn thing up by giving us a weak script, even weaker plot, weaker villians and then give up on the sexy model as John McClane and turn her into a damsel in distress.

It almost feels like Producer, Joel Silver is satirizing or parodying himself in the constant need for set-piece action after set-piece action strung together on the weakest thing to ever grace the screen.

Everything that hits something explodes, cars hit telegraph poles and explode violently, tree's that are in the way explode even more violently...its almost too much to take in. I know action is what was driving hollywood around the early 90s - but this is just TOO much.

Anyway, the film pretty much nose-dives when Crawford - who looks stunning - turns into a damsel in distress with Baldwin acting like he's painting by numbers - just doing the thing because either Stallone dropped out or because of the money.

Not even the "sex-scenes" can save this terrible affair. Not even Berkov, now type-cast as Russian bad guys, can save it. Everything hurts...everything. The end explosion looks kinda cool, but it can't mask the fact that this film is flimsy at best - and at worst? Well, I just don't wanna think about that.

They could have made it a lot better than this trash. A die-hard with a woman as the hero could have been done a lot better. Its a shame with the buckloads of money they wasted on this trash seems to have gone onto Crawford's make-up.

My Rating: 0/10

Okay, so the screenplay wasn't really Sidney Lumet, and the two leads were in bad need of an acting class, but you can't say this movie wasn't entertaining. It was campy! Everyone in the cast talked like they were reading off a chalkboard somewhere, making it hilarious. What's more (or to add good expectations for the male side) you get a full glimpse of Cindy Crawford's bare breasts and the millionth Baldwin brother to take a shot at acting. (And without a surprise, this shot proved blank.) Don't take this as something serious; look at it as the "Plan 9 Of Outer Space" for Hollywood action movies. If you have to poke fun an it, you could, but take the whole thing like a grain of salt.

Invite some friends over, leave your brain at the door, get a few beers and Chinese take-out and prepare yourself for a blast!