The Crippled Masters

"The Crippled Masters" qualifies as one of the weirdest entries in the Kung Fu genre, which was so popular in urban grindhouses in the early to mid-70's. Despite the 1984 copyright date, this curiosity obviously was filmed at least 10 years earlier & no doubt played a rat infested, inner city theater or two.

No actors or technicians are credited on the New Line print in circulation, but longtime fans will obviously spot some genre vets in supporting roles. The actually crippled "stars" (an armless man and his near-legless partner)probably made this one picture & then faded into obscurity.

A secret Kung Fu society banishes one of its members, but not before cutting of the poor unfortunate fellow's arms. Soon, the individual who presided over this cruel punishment is, himself, banished, suffering an acid bath that nearly disintegrates his legs. Improbably, they end up as partners under the tutelage of an ancient, alcoholic-looking "master" who teaches them kung fu, to help them to exact revenge on the leader of the secret society who ordered their mutilations.

Also figuring into the plot is the search for the "8 Jade Horses", statuettes that imbue "one who understands" with great kung fu powers. Each side wants them, including a "government" investigator sent to find them. This sets the stage for several interminable and amateurish "chop-socky" set pieces as the film lunges and kicks towards its conclusion.

As usual, the dubbing of this Hong Kong production is atrocious and the sound effects accompanying the various blows sound like those of a poorly produced video game. The chief interest of this film is it's sheer "political incorrectness", as it exploits the humiliations experienced by the poor unfortunate cripples cast in the lead roles.

Sadistically sick, but in a cheesy sort of way, it's a definite guilty pleasure. Best viewed with a cold six pack handy!

Well this chopsocky flick sure has a memorable premise. Two actually disabled martial artists - a thalidomide man with no arms and a man with useless withered legs - team up to get revenge on the evil master who maimed them. The Spice Girls sung a song called '2 Become 1' and I believe its just possible that Geri and the gang got the idea for their number one single after taking a time out from their girl power based activities to unwind to a VHS tape of The Crippled Masters. What Posh and all the rest of them conveniently chose to ignore, however, is that there is a pretty obvious inbuilt exploitative angle to this one, although this also ensures that it is a very distinctive kung fu movie overall which I'm sure Sporty in particular enjoyed, being the one most likely to appreciate the martial arts element in this movie seeing as she regularly wore trainers and tracky bottoms. While Baby may have found the story a little formulaic, she would no doubt have weighed that up with the consolation that the action is elevated a lot by the tricks the crippled masters pull off in their fights, which are highly impressive and comedic at times also. I get the feeling going by the exuberance of their song that the Spice Girls not only found this way above par for a 70's Hong Kong-Taiwanese martial arts co-production but that they also used it as inspiration to go on and conquer the pop world in a general sense.

Crippled Masters? Who get the ideas for these flicks? I can barely imagine the sick person who was looking for a story to make a good flick and all he come up with is "I know! I'll make a movie about two crippled guys who do kung fu!". Anyway, the guy who thaught of this get high points for originality, as watching an armless guy and a legless one beat up people is highly entertaining. Just don't expect anything more than cheesy, campy fun.

About the story, it goes a little like this: A man gets both arm chopped off(producing a low amount of blood for this kind of flick) by an evil warlord(who has a weird drawing thingie under the eye). He then stumble around with both arm chopped off, eating pig food and such. He then meet a follow handicapable(hehe) who had his leg melted with a very low quantity of acid by the same warlord. Fast running on hands and stump hits ensue.

First of all, you gotta respect the two actors' ability to cope with their handicap and do kung fu. And they're quite good at it too(for crippled guys, I mean).

Next thing that make this movie fun is the very low production value, causing bizarre and often funny mistakes. This film also got the loud punching sound that goes along with kung fu flicks.

In the end, I'd recommend renting this flick if you feel like watching two crippled kung fu masters fight again an evil warlord who can block with his back can be entertaining, or just for the novelty factor, because there isn't much else to it...

After antagonising Lin Chang Cao (Chen Mu Chuan), the local crime-boss and deadly master of kung-fu, a couple of gang members are mutilated (one by having his arms chopped off, the other by having his legs eaten away with acid) and left to die. But, through their indomitable wills and with the assistance of an incredibly flexible yoga/kung-fu master, they become deadly fighters, both alone and as a pair. The film is typical low-budget chop-socky with a ridiculous story, a terrible script and/or dubbing, ludicrous over-the-top fight scenes, and (most notably) ridiculous sound-effects. For fans of 70s kung-fu movies, this is all part of the fun but what separates this outing from its peers, and perhaps elevates it to a classic of exploitation cinema, is its cast: Frankie Shum, who was born with only a partial left arm (due to in utero thalidomide exposure) is the armless Lee Ho, and Jackie Conn, whose legs were congenitally atrophied and non-functional, plays the 'leg-less' Tang. The pair are remarkable athletes and, although their fighting prowess seems a bit unlikely under the circumstances, make great heroes as they methodically dispatch Lin Chang Cao's various henchmen before the inevitable final confrontation. Whether the film (like 'Freaks' or 'Terror in Tiny Town' before it) is exploitation or empowerment (or both) can be discussed, but in the end it gave some exposure (and presumably some cash) to a couple of artists who likely found their options limited. Although the film belongs Shum and Conn, the 'Old Man' who can fit himself into a basket (played by Yoga-master Ho Chiu) is also incredible to watch. Oddly, the film opens with a stagey demonstration of the three stars' athletic abilities before cutting to the story proper. Shown as part of TCM's recent focus on 'people with disabilities in film' and probably not what most people would expect at such a retrospective. Recommended as a one-of-a-kind WTF movie to anyone would still tune in after reading a synopsis.

Let's see, what do we have: Old recluse teacher type, check. Bizarre training regimine, check. Tea house scene, check. Evil bad guy with secret problem, check. Bolo Yeung, hmmm missed on this point, but there is at least one wannabe. Actor with face painted a weird shade of white/green, check.

Unusual items that make this one different? Never seen the butt used with such force before! The use of too handicapped individuals was very different, one with a limited stump of an arm instead of two and one with two fairly useless legs.

All in all very typical of the genre. Fight scenes abound linked together with a bit of a plot. The most interesting part was watching the two heroes work their way around doing daily tasks.