Eight Legged Freaks

The only way I gave this a look was that someone loaned it to me for free. I now own it! This looked like it would be a stupid movie, and it some scenes it certainly was, but it was so entertaining that I know I will watch this a number of times.

This is a 1950s-type sci-fi flick with modern-day special effects. In fact, if you liked "Them!" you'll get a big kick of out of this film. The difference is the much- better special-effects but some low-grade attitudes and some profanity. The characters are dumb but they were dumb in the '50s, too.

The story starts off a bit slow but once the overgrown spiders emerge, the film goes full bore and gets extremely entertaining. It's almost too much action. One needs a break! By the end, you're glad it's over. Thus, if they had chopped 5-10 minutes off this, it would have been much better. Nonetheless, it's a fun ride with some genuinely scary parts and some humor, too. Since "entertainment" is the name of the game, this gets 8 stars even though it's lower-grade material.

It flat-out entertains.

You could either be really harsh and say the film is a stupid and completely unnecessary CGI-playground or….you could sit back, relax and search for all the adorable references towards the delightful monster-movies like they could only make them in the 50's. In fact, that's all Eight Legged Freaks represents! A spoof slash tribute, updated with the latest and most expensive computer techniques. All the typical cliché aspects are there: the isolated little town with the ironic sounding name, the unfortunate hero and all the charming (slightly retarded) redneck town-inhabitants. And of course the giant, mutated spiders complete with ludicrous ‘yummy-noises. The ways these spiders are hunting they preys is funny instead of scary with complete over-the-top situations. You should already be warned…a film that stars David Arquette as the heroic savior can't be taken too seriously. Present in Eight Legged Freaks as well: two generations of stunningly beautiful actresses. Kari Wuhrer and Scarlet Johanssen. The latter is working her way up to the highest regions of Hollywood these days through starring in Oscar-favorites like ‘Lost in Translation' and ‘The Girl with the Pearl Earring', whereas Wuhrer is fixing her career as a B-movie queen. After Eight Legged Freaks, she starred in (mediocre) films such as King of the Ants, The Hitcher II and another Hellraiser sequel.

I shamelessly admit I had a great time while watching Eight Legged Freaks. It reminded me of ‘Tremors' a bit…even though that one is better. Nonetheless, it's fun and a nice change from all those irrelevant and dull teen-slashers. If you're looking for a real tribute to the 50's monsters, check out the short film `Larger than Life' by the same director. That little film really breathes the monster atmosphere and formed the inspiration (and budget) to shoot Eight Legged Freaks.

This is going to date me. "Eight Legged Freaks" is the first time I can remember being excited about a movie no one else cared about. It was my first year of high school, I think. I was just far enough into my teens that my love of black and white creature features were confirmed. Someone was attempting to revive the big bug picture in 2002? Hell yeah, I was up for me. No one else was. It bombed domestically (though broke even internationally) and reviews were middling. The movie isn't quite old or endearing enough to have a cult following. If the "Eight Legged Freaks" fandom has to start somewhere, let it start with me.

The story is basically "Gremlins" by way of "Tarantula." This is most obvious in how the film treats its threats. The giant spiders of "Eight Legged Freaks" are arachnid goof balls. The CGI is clearly dated but the animators and special effect guys made sure the spiders had personality. They mumble, shriek, and grumble like Killer Tomatoes. Their vocalizations are intentionally exaggerated and cartoonish. On two separate occasions, giant spiders get dragged behind moving cars. One grumbles in frustration after taking a bite out of a stuffed moose. Another jumps flat into a closed window. One spider out-boxes a boxer. Another cheers on his brothers as they rush the mall. One slides down on a rope, screaming the whole way. A shot spider swings on a thread, dousing his pals with green spider goop. One of the best spider gags involves a sneaky tent. Even a die-hard arachnophobe is more likely to laugh then scream. "Eight Legged Freaks" is less a modern reinvention of the classic big bug flick then a Mel Brooks parody on the subgenre. I guess some might find that to be a one-note joke but, I don't know guys, wacky giant spiders? Count me in.

The film also nails the small town setting. Prosperity, Arizona is nicely isolated at times. The ensemble cast quickly gives you a sense of community. You believe that this small time is fighting for their mutual survival. The crusty old barber and near-sided janitor are equally amusing, each assign simple, entertaining personalities. Doug E. Doug finds a great home for his overtaxed comedic style as the local conspiracy radio host. His beleaguered shouts of frustration prove consistently funny. Rick Overton is also great as Deputy Pete. His reactions to the spiders are, at first, shocked confusion, later transitioning to dead-pan fear. Leon Rippy's talents are also well-suited to the conniving town mayor. Tom Noonan, uncredited and with minutes of screen time, makes an impression too. The strong character actor cast is another reason to love "Eight Legged Freaks." The supporting cast proves far more memorable then the leads. I'm willing to give David Arquette more slack then others. But there's no mistaking the guy for leading man material. His attempts at one-liners are especially groan-inducing. His performance works best when playing up his nervous qualities. Kari Wuhrer is never convincing as a mom or action heroine. Yeah, she looks fantastic in tight jeans and t-shirts but can hardly carry the film. She has zero chemistry with Arquette. Even Scarlett Johansson, hardly a great actress in her right, outshines the leads. (And also looks fantastic in tight t-shirts and jeans.) You can actually see elements of a more serious horror film under "Eight Legged Freaks" goofy exterior. A mouthful of spiders, regardless of size, is likely to make some squirm. The trapdoor spiders snatching people running across a parking lot could have been mined for real scares. Probably the biggest action set-piece in the film is the jumping spiders going after the kids on dirt bikes. This is the closest the film comes to real tension and, even then, it's awash in silly special effects. I'm not complaining, simply noting. It wouldn't surprise me if this started life as a more serious screenplay.

The script is decently constructed. You can tell that the cigarettes, stun gun, and underground gas veins will be important later. I still appreciate the effort to set them up. I also appreciate the horror in-jokes, "Them" on TV, the mall invasion finale, the Hockey Mask/Chainsaw combo. The Micky-Mousing score is probably the only thing about the movie I don't like. That's the only overly jokey element. Even then, incorporating a low-pitched version of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" was clever. An early scene where a spider and a cat wrestle inside a wall probably goes on too long and reaches too hard for the kind of silly laughs the rest of the movie has no problem with. "Eight Legged Freaks" is still underrated and underseen. This surprises me. I can think of many horror fans who would love its goofy charms.

Giant spiders attack a sleepy Arizona mining town. Zany hijinks ensue.

This movie is a nod--or a series of nods, really--to the classic B-movie "giant insect run amok" genre in the spirit of "Them!", "The Praying Mantis", and especially "Tarantula". A mixture of weird science gone wrong and shady double-dealing turns a local exotic spider collection into rampaging, man-eating monsters.

Is it scientifically accurate? Hell, no. Is it great drama? Afraid not. Is it Academy Award material? I don't think so. Is it *fun*? You bet! Part of the fun of this movie is that it *isn't* trying to educate anybody about the environment, the ozone layer, global warming, or terrorist attacks. It's beautifully brainless entertainment and if you like to laugh--a *lot*--you'll love this movie. Rent it! Now!

If the movie "Arachnophobia" made you jump, gave you nightmares, or disturbed you enough that you are afraid to feel for a lightswitch in a dark,don't see "Eight Legged Freaks". This one has the feel of late 50's -early 60's horror/sci-fi movies without the phony looking monsters. These spiders looked REAL and their movements were orchestrated in such a way that you felt like you were really watching giant spiders on the screen. I can't say any of the human actors had really stand-out performances, because the spiders were the stars of this one. I will say that this movie and "Spider-Man" have the potential to interest young budding arachnophiles to take a serious look at the scientific side of spiders. Each of these movies gives the scientific names and characteristics of the different spiders involved(before the radiation takes effect),and does a super job of presenting their habits and idiosyncrasies. The only thing that might be questioned in either movie is the aggressiveness of the arachnids portrayed(perhaps this is the fault of the radiation as well). I give this movie "eight digits up" for sheer entertainment value.