Hellbreeder

While watching "Hellbreeder" on DVD, I was really trying to understand what was happening on the screen. I decided to stop the movie for a moment and read the cover of the DVD seeking a hint. However, the only thing that I could notice is that the directors and writer apparently were under effect of acid or LSD when they wrote and shot the film, and the images are probably based on a bad trip. This movie is simply awful, among the worst I have ever seen. There are very few lines, and the plot is a complete mess. Further, I can not understand why this flick is tagged "horror" - actually "Hellbreeder" is horrible and dreadful, a waste of time. My vote is one (awful).

Title (Brazil): "Labirinto do Inferno" ("Labyrinth of the Hell")

This awful film fell into the hands of my friend recently and I was unfortunate enough to be there that night as he watched it. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a huge horror movie fan. I love both A and B horror but this was the first film in years that actually had me screaming in agony in my head. "God let it end!! Let it end now!!!" kept echoing through my skull as I shifted uncomfortably while cringing. I could think of no other movie that had made me feel so anxious for the ending. The plot was disjointed and shoddy and some of the FX was shady. I normally can overlook those while watching B-movie horror but in this case it all worked for the worse. Steer clear of Hellbreeder.

A woman must put her life back together while chasing after a homicidal killer clown murders her son in this excruciatingly bad exercise in tedium masquerading as a horror film.

Those of you who hoping for a nice 'killer clown' horror flick will be sadly disappointed as the writing/directing team of James Eaves and Johannes Roberts have vastly different plans for those foolish enough to dare watch this film. Plans that involve artsy camera shots, an undeserved aura of pretentiousness, incomprehensible story-line, and other 'art school film project'-type pitfalls. No suspense, no scares, characters that are hard to give a toss about, & a soundtrack that rips-off Halloween (and does so badly) are just a few more reasons to skip this film. I saw this on Instant Netflix and i STILL feel ripped off.

My Grade: F

Eye Candy: Lyndie Uphill gets topless, but it's NOT enough to suffer through this travesty.

AMAZING that anyone thought 70's crooner Darren Day would make a scary bad guy by slapping a bit of clown make up on him and forcing him to say the F word.

AMAZING that out of all the lead actresses they could have picked for the part, they chose one that can't act for toffee, and doesn't even look good with her clothes off (with or without the big, fake chest scar which incidentally, brings me to...)

AMAZING that the make-up effects can actually be worse than every cheapo 50's horror I've seen, and considering how many late nights I've had in front of my old VCR, that's some achievement.

AMAZING that the financiers didn't take one look at the script for this ridiculous thing (I dare not denigrate the word film) and didn't run for the hills.

And AMAZING that anyone can give it more than 1 out of 10. Unless you IMDb voters are practical jokers. VERY FUNNY, DUDES!

About the only use for it is as a tool in the government drive against teens taking LSD. You show this in a school campaign, I guarantee 95% of the audience will never touch the stuff. The other 5% will probably take the DVD home, and watch it repeatedly as a way of getting their fix without going to the nightclub. At least it's cheaper. But it could be infinitely more damaging to their health... 0/10

How the hell did Darren Day get any acting part - when I realised he was in it I was totally put off (if you are English you will know all that he has ever done or is famous for is poor seaside style singing and dumping girlfriends at the altar), but I still gave it a chance... And it was abysmal.. French Poirot style detective in England? Not checking up on person at murder scene on the spot and going for a drink with them instead etc... It's abysmal.. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID.. Avoid this film or anything Darren Day has attached to!! Bad, rubbish, worst British film ever.. I paid £3.30 for it which was £3.29 too much. If you have to watch this film (for example as a punishment in a prison or something) shut your eyes and close your ears!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!