Episode list

Simon makes sure "by the way" that everybody knows about a TV special, "Where Are they Now?" about teen boy band "Cross My Heart" (he was "Simon Sez"). After airhead sister Maddy, who dumps Lance so she can study, gives his romantic Valentine's Day routine away to Liz at the last moment, Bobby must top it immediately, but he can only book a paint-gun session. Mace makes a third run against Frankie Sacco to be elected president of the merchant association. When their children benefit winter carnival's musical act cancels, Mace offers Cross My Heart, although he shamelessly laughed at Simon to his face, which leaves only two days to prepare the reunion. Philip gets jealous when he hears that studly gay band member Rad Brad still has a crush on Simon.

When Simon asks Audrey to make costumes for a small musical theater production benefiting gun control, Mace is furious to find out that she is involved with the show at all. But when both of the leads have to be replaced at the last minute, Audrey and Philip can only hope for the support of their own leading men.

Amazed that Liz's dad actually hires a party organizer, Joffrey, for Halloween--the theme being "favorite Cole Porter song characters"--Bobby sweetly volunteers to be a free barman, and to his helpless horror he discovers that he's required to wear an "authentic" harlequin costume. Simon refuses to wear matching costumes, then regrets changing his mind further. Mace won't go to their doctor to heal his ulcer, so they hide Dr. Moretti's preference--then meet him as a cross-dressing party guest. Then, Joffrey's own secret is revealed.

Bobby is furious to learn that Liz has discussed their sex life with her dads. While Mace and Philip are pleased that the relationship could be in trouble, Simon and Audrey conspire to keep the couple together.

The happy couple goes to register for wedding presents--to Bobby's disappointment, nothing he'll ever appreciate and barely use. The groom gets dumped with other husbands, but plans a common rebellion. He soon gets distracted with "Baywatch" on the big-screen TV. Simon couldn't come because someone had to assemble a baby crib for lesbian friends' shower. Mace helps him just to escape the household store. Philip goes and bonds with salesman Lewis, but goes to excessive lengths (heights) to get from the display the "no longer sold" gravy boat to complete the perfect matching dinner set. So TV shrink Dr. Bob, for whose book signing session Audrey left Maddy at the fitting, is summoned.

Bobby and Liz break the news of their secret engagement to their families and each gets a less than warm response. In fact, Bobby's conversation with his folks ends with him moving into Liz's parents' guest house. Naturally, this doesn't thrill Philip and Simon, but at the risk of losing Liz completely, they agree to the situation temporarily until Bobby can work things out with his parents.

Bobby and Liz's families are trying their best to blend their very different styles of celebrating Christmas when a Christmas Eve delivery to Philip and Simon's house injures "Santa" Mace;Bobby feels pressure to compete with the lavish Christmas gifts that Philip and Simon have planned for Liz.

It's time for the happy couple's bachelor parties, but the O'Neils have rather unattractive traditions. Liz accepts an invitation to join a hen night where Maddy gets a female stripper to teach everybody to do it themselves--the major talent is none other then Audrey. The stag night is traditionally camping in the woods, but to Bobby's delight Mace treats his family to a comfortable log cabin, but they fail to tell Simon and Philip, who accepted their novel challenge to put up their own tent. As the park-ranger-clad stripper wasn't informed, she arrives with them, which gives the dirty O'Neil game away and calls for revenge, especially because Philip recently made a last-ditch attempt to reunite Liz with her more-"acceptable" ex Shane.

When Simon brings his teaching assistant Lance to the bar, he decides to encourage Maddy and Lance's obvious spontaneous attraction. The O'Neils feel that an academic is out of her league--Bobby recognizes the "look". Philip remembers that Simon's matchmaking invariably ends in disaster. Philip turns up in class where Simon asked the pair to help his kids with their artistic expression, while his perfectionism antagonizes all except Nathan. Meanwhile, in the pub Mace's rivalry with Dan escalates and they get to the punching root of the problem.

Philip's plans to view the Oscars are spoiled when Mace accidentally breaks the remote control. Their desperate attempt to fix it lands them in the emergency room with a nurse who would win absolutely no awards for her bedside manner. Meanwhile, Simon teaches Audrey the fine art of "dissing celebrities" on the red carpet; to her own amazement she unleashes a hidden talent.