The Contest

Not a single wasting scene.

Brillant writing by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld.

Elaine should have had to have put up $1000 though, way easier for women.

George's mother is forced to hospital after she throws her back out when she falls down after catching him doing "you know." When George says he'll never do it again, Jerry challenges him to a contest of being "master of your domains", when he accepts, Elaine and Kramer want in on the action, or rather the lack of it.

Things get worse when Kramer discovers that the women across the street is walking around with nothing on. Jerry is in the contest and dating a virgin leads him to say the hilarious rant,,, 'I can't take it anymore! She's driving me crazy! I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I' here, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest - something's gotta give'

'The contest' is comedy at it's finest

Are you 'master of your domain'.

Whenever there's a poll for the greatest Seinfeld episode, The Contest - which happens to be the show's fiftieth, not counting the original pilot - usually comes on top, and for good reason: it perfectly embodies the creative boldness the series is known for, and uses all four of the main characters - plus a couple of guest stars - in the best possible way. Even now, years after Seinfeld went off the air, its brilliance is unmatched.

Premise: having been caught masturbating (!) by his mother (Estelle Harris), George vows never to do it again. When Jerry suggests he could last longer, all four decide to make a bet to see who can refrain from their impulses the longest. Naturally, problems arise almost immediately: Kramer is tempted when he sees a naked woman in the building across the street, George fantasizes about the nurses in the hospital where he goes to visit his mom, Elaine has a run-in with John Kennedy Jr. and Jerry is nervous because Marla still hasn't agreed to sleep with him. The contest can begin...

Based on a real incident involving, among others, Larry David (who won a deserved Emmy for the script), the concept is still incredibly brave from a conceptual standpoint, at least for network television: even more than a decade later, few producers would green-light an episode that's entirely focused on masturbation. That they did is purely down to the ingenious writing: by replacing the "dirty" word with the now classic euphemism "master of his domain", David draws huge laughs from a subject few mainstream comedians had contemplated joking about, and the self-censorship is part of the episode's appeal: if the word had been used even once, it wouldn't be as funny.

Alongside the snappy dialogue, the other source of comedy gold is the cast. As expected, Richards (who won his second Emmy thanks to this episode) and Alexander make the most of it, with the former delivering the single funniest line of the entire season and the latter enjoying his first on-screen pairing with Harris, a TV mom to be reckoned with. As for the other leads, Dreyfus brings a welcome feminine view on the matter, while Seinfeld himself has to carry an excruciating payoff scene with Jane Leeves that plays out like a cringe-worthy Curb Your Enthusiasm with an added studio audience.

Proving once again, and perhaps in the strongest fashion, that no subject is taboo in American sitcoms, The Contest is the definitive Seinfeld episode, and a milestone in US television. How many other shows can boast an Oustanding Comedy Series Emmy on the grounds of a script about masturbation?

This is, without a doubt, one of the sweetest shows ever on TV. George is caught polishing his bayonet by his mother. She is so shocked that she falls and hurts her back. When George explains what happened to the gang, they make a bet that none of them can resist this action. What ensues are women, naked in the apartment across the street, JFK Junior and Elaine, and baths being given by a knockout nurse to a knockout patient. Kramer is the smart one. Each is put through torture as they try to win the bet. Jerry has a real opportunity to get it on with the girl from Frazier, but he has to shoot his mouth off. What a phenomenal episode.

Title says it all. Cleverly crude and accurate. Favourite episode, followed by the sponge.