Destination: Infestation

Having nothing better to do on a weekend afternoon, I thought I'd get a few laughs out of Destination: Infestation assuming that it would be cheesy and unintentionally funny. The first mistake I made was thinking I had nothing better to do. Starring at a blank wall for an hour and a half would have been more enjoyable. Secondly, the movie tried to be serious. If you're going to make "Ants on a Plane" or "Destination: Infestation" and it's going to be airing on the Lifetime Movie Network you have to realize that it's not going to be recognized for anything special. This movie is quite simply painful to watch. Some humor would have been a VERY good addition.

I'll sit through an Ed Wood marathon before even trying to muster the courage that is required to watch Destination: Infestation. Avoid this movie at ALL costs.

An ensemble cast of characters board a plane in Columbia and try to go the United States not realising that one of them is a host to bullets ants . " What are bullet ants " I hear you ask . Apparently they're ants that have a sting so painful it's like being hit by a bullet and the pain lasts for 24 hours . I looked them up on the Wikipedia and this is correct . So correct in fact that the line of dialogue explaining what they are has been culled from the wiki word for word . The ensemble characters are a nondescript bunch with all the depth of a dried up puddle . You know the characters , female doctor who is a single mom to a cute kid , a couple of drunken college boys , selfish cowardly male and black air stewardess . No reason for her to be black except to hint the producers really wanted to get Pam Grier or Halle Berry in the role . One black character that is missing is funky black dude played by Samuel L Jackson but that might make you think you're watching ANTS ON A PLANE and this is a totally original movie not influenced in anyway with a film that came out the previous year so we won't be getting any dialogue like " We got mother effing ants on this mother effing plane " . No siree , we won't get reminded of other films and we won't be getting the F word and we won't getting to hear the word " About " either because most the cast are Canadians because it's so cheap to film there . By the way it's interesting the way internal continuity is changed where it suits the story . Despite being told that these are according to Wikipedia " bullet ants " feared for their painful debilitating sting they're mutated bullet ants which means if a likable character gets attacked by swarming ants their stings have little effect while if they attack an unlikable character they suffer an agonising death . Since when did ants become a good judge of character ?

Everyone loves a good mutant bug movie, however this was not that. This was clearly a lifetime movie. The lead woman being all things to all people, trying to save humanity while never messing her hair, etc. I have to admit that it made me laugh though. Not because it was funny, but because it was ridiculous.

This movie is stupid in countless ways, but I'll focus on only one. The killer ant-infested plane was flying at 35,000 feet, where it is very cold. Insects are cold-blooded animals and cannot function effectively below room temperature. Whatever threat the ants presented could have been easily neutralized (at the penalty of some passenger discomfort) by turning off the heat in the aircraft and if necessary, ventilating in outside air. Evidently the basic physiology of insects never occurred to the writers, because early in the story the ants flee to the luggage hold, where they would instantly have been immobilized by the cold.

This may not matter to disaster movie fans who love stereotypical disaster movie plots and characters, but folks who desire a modicum of believability will be disappointed to say the least.

The first half of the movie was great. The second half seemed to be written by a feminist where men are idiots & deserve to be punished while women are good & brave. No wonder this movie was free.