The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary

[Howard and Bernadette are out on their first date]

Howard Wolowitz: [Howard's cell phone rings with 'She Blinded Me With Science'] Damn, it's my mother.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Are you going to answer it?

Howard Wolowitz: Well, I'm torn. She might be dying; you know, wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.

Howard Wolowitz: [laughs it off] Not as crazy as my mother makes me.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?

Howard Wolowitz: My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Okay, well does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning, like you're nine years old?

Howard Wolowitz: You live with your mother?

Bernadette Rostenkowski: No. That's the sad part.

Howard Wolowitz: Oh. Okay, check this out. My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's nothing. I couldn't ride a bicycle 'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.

Howard Wolowitz: Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.

Howard Wolowitz: Corolla! More wine?

Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'd love some.

Howard Wolowitz: Listen, you have to come to shabbos dinner at my house sometime.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why?

Howard Wolowitz: Well, a Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.

Howard Wolowitz: It's a date.

[they laugh and clink wine glasses]

Penny: Am I a matchmaker or what?