Alan Harper: [Jake and Eldridge's second stunt in their "Dumbass" project goes a bit wrong] Do you realize how lucky you are? You could have broken your necks!
Jake Harper: We took precautions.
Alan Harper: [almost too angry to speak] You flew off the roof! In a shopping cart! What precautions?
Eldridge Mackelroy: We were planning to land in the ocean.
Alan Harper: You missed it! By a *hundred yards*!
Jake Harper: It's not an exact science, Dad.
Alan Harper: Okay. Okay. Let's not dicker over the details.
Eldridge Mackelroy: [giggling] He said "dicker".
Jake Harper: I know!
Alan Harper: Okay! Okay! I am serious, okay? This "Dumbass" thing stops right now!
Jake Harper: You're the one who told me I should follow my dreams!
Alan Harper: I meant dreams like doctor, or lawyer. Not crash test dummy!
Jake Harper: [musing] Doctor Jacob Harper. I like the sound of that.
Eldridge Mackelroy: [continuing the parody] Hey, Doc! What's this on my nutsack? Is it infected?
Jake Harper: Yes. It seems we'll have to perform a nutsack-ectomy.
Alan Harper: [reaching a new state of outrage] Will... you... two... quit with the cockamamie babble, and focus on what I am trying to tell you?
Jake Harper: [giggling anew] He said "cockamamie"!
Eldridge Mackelroy: He said "foke-us"!
