HotToastyRag

Zane Grey, the massively popular western writer, sold a bunch of his novels during the silver screen and entertained millions with his stories acted out by A-tiers, B-tiers, and C-tiers. If you watch westerns, you probably know who Zane Grey is. You might know this story, To the Last Man, a thinly veiled Hatfields and McCoys family feud. One man is killed by another, and his children go to the authorities, antagonizing their children, and setting a feud in motion for decades. When Noah Beery Sr. Gets out of jail after fifteen years, he wants his honor avenged. What's the fly in the ointment? Romance across the fence, of course! Randolph Scott sees a beautiful naked woman swimming in a little lake and falls in love, not knowing she's the daughter of his father's mortal enemy. Esther Ralston falls for Scottie, too, once she sees him without his clothes. As a side note, it's cute to see Scottie act with Noah Beery Sr., since he was in countless (literally) films with Noah Beery Jr.

You might know Shirley Temple has a bit part in this movie, before she started tap dancing - and she's so cute! She has her little curly mop and her spunky dimples, and she doesn't even seem like a real person. She looks like a doll, which is why it's pretty traumatizing to see her playing in the backyard and become the target of the opposing family's rifle. Who thought it was okay to fire a gun at a child? That's not all.

Those who read my reviews regularly know I'm a stickler on one point: violence against animals. Very, very rarely does it serve a purpose in the story (one big exception is the beginning of Born Free), and it is never entertaining or inspiring - which I argue are the two goals of motion pictures. Ten minutes before the end of To the Last Man, there's a big shoot out and in the hail of gunfire, the family dog catches a bullet. Of course, a little boy sees it and weeps. Is this necessary? Of course not. Could the bad guys have been bad without it? Yes. Are family feuds shown to be damaging without this collateral damage? Yes. I'm very disappointed by this, and so, even if you love Randolph Scott, I would think twice before watching it.

Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, due to violence against an animal and upsetting scenes involving a child, I wouldn't let my kids watch it.

This pre-Code drama is nasty! When Theodore Van Eltz hits on a common salesgirl, Merna Kennedy, he's very clear he has dishonorable intentions. He buys her a bottle of perfume to get her to go out with him in the first place, and over dinner, he suggests she work for him without telling her anything about the job. He merely wants her to look nice, dress well, be at his beck and call day or night, and know how to keep her mouth shut. For this, he'll pay her rent on a nice apartment, a wardrobe budget, and a healthy weekly stipend. She gives a little smirk and agrees.

We all know what she's going to be paid for, right? Wrong! It turns out, she's being hired to be his alibi, so he can be seen at nightclubs, etc., and then commit crimes. When the cops ask Merna, she'll agree that Theodore was with her all night. This is probably one of those films that created the Production Code, since it completely glorifies crime and sin. Merna is not a good girl. She's sly and looks after herself, and she doesn't mind that she's tied up with a criminal.

Some of you might be wondering where Shirley Temple fits in, since the only reason anyone even knows about this movie is because it features an early (and brief) performance. Later in the film, Merna gets a new job as a nanny to Shirley, and she's so cute and little! However, she doesn't have her trademark "sparkle". She doesn't once smile, and in between her lines, she looks unsurely off camera at her mother (undoubtedly). She doesn't want to be there! But she's a very, very beautiful child. Still, I feel sorry that her mother pushed her into show business when she clearly didn't enjoy it.

If there weren't a couple of tearful scenes where Shirley is ripped away from her beloved guardian (she has a lot of those scenes, doesn't she?), Captain January would probably be my favorite of her movies. As it is, that award goes to Poor Little Rich Girl because nothing bad happens in it. This one is pretty light and fluffy, but there is an iconic Shirley-squirting-tears scene that rips out my heart.

Shirley is a waif who was washed up at sea and adopted by the lovable, but not too bright, Captain January (Guy Kibbee). Guy and his best friend, Slim Summerville, have an affable rivalry where they compare tattoos (a big deal back then) and insult each other's intelligence, even though they have each other's backs when the going gets tough. Shirley is adored in their small seaside village, but when a nasty truant officer finds out she isn't enrolled in public school, Guy has to make sure she studies up or else he'll lose custody. Not fair!

I love the songs in Captain January. Shirley wakes up and sings the adorable "Early Bird" while she shows the audience her morning routine, including skipping around in her jammies and reluctantly brushing her teeth with her finger. She also has an opera trio with Guy and Slim, as well as a funny dream sequence where she's the Mama to her two guardians in high chairs and diapers! Last but certainly not least, she and Buddy Epsom sing and dance to the showstopper "At the Codfish Ball". Shirley looks effortlessly sweet when she's wearing a frou-frou dress, but wearing a sailor suit might be her cutest costume ever. With Buddy's long legs and Shirley's petiteness, they make an adorable dance couple - and I can't make up my mind as to what's cuter, when Shirley stands on a platform or when Buddy crouches down to her level.

It's not as famous as Curly Top, but it's guaranteed to hold a place in your heart. It's funny, heartwarming, and sweet. And I don't know about you, but I would fight tooth and nail to keep custody of Shirley if she'd washed up on my shore! She's such a darling.