Muck up day
Muck Up Day is the last day of school when graduating students or “schoolies” form a small gang and attempt to destroy as much school property as they can over 24 hours. It involves the pulling of pranks, plastic explosives and the inhumation of smaller children. Currently it is practised in Australia and the UK.
History[edit]
The first Muck Up day occurred in 1876, when Oscar Wilde finished his education at Springfield Elementary. Oscar and his best friend Rasputin filled the school with gasoline and set off several fireworks.
There were no survivors.
Since then Muck-Up Day has become an annual tradition participated in by graduating students everywhere and is in no way connected to Scientology.
Adolf Hitler celebrated his own graduation by invading Poland and starting World War II in 1939. This prank was later surpassed by his arch enemy, Joseph Stalin who sent every peasant family a bottle of cyanide disguised as vodka. However both agree that their favourite practical joke would have to be genocide.
The Banning of Muck Up Day[edit]
Many principles of both modern and past times have attempted to ban Muck-Up Day. In fact Seymour Skinner had it banned after Oscar Wilde and Rasputin left school but it was brought back several years later when Genghis Khan graduated. The havoc that ensued was dubbed "Kristallnacht II: The Snake Emporer", for obvious reasons, it also included the hilarious yet infamous prank set up by Genghis' right-hand-man Franklin D. Roosevelt, involving a rattle-snake and a baby's pram. It was documented by the herald of all that is right in the world, Michael Moore, in a DVD that was later released under the name of Schindler's List. Names were changed to protect the identitys of Genghis Khan and Franklin D. Roosevelt who by the time of release were running a succesful shopping chain in Britain known as, Netto. The third and final ban was put in place by Skinner until he was succeeded by his heir Nicolas Sarkozy, who upon gaining the throne lifted the ban.
Once a ban has been put in place, the chances of said ban being lifted are extrememly slim, the case above is only an example of one of the most famous Muck Up Days. Muck Up Day bans are, in any form either for sexual or scientific reasons, comparable to Segregation or Apartheid, however should not be dealt with in the same manner, a better example of this would be the system Barbarossa used when his Muck Up Day was banned, write an extremely curt letter to the headmaster explaining your displeasure at the Day being banned, in which you question his/his (women can't place bans, they aren't upheld) judgement and/or his sexual/political orientation.
Just remember, it’s never too late. If you missed out on Muck Up Day as a kid, wallow in your sadness, one thing you could do is go to the local chemist or pharmacist, spend all the money you have on your person on paracetamol, go home, take just enough that it won't kill you, leave a suicide note beside yourself, ring the police, and then suffer the humiliating agony that comes with a failed suiced attempt. Then you may forget about your missing out on Muck Up Day.
Getting “busted”[edit]
If you are one of the many students that are apprehended in the act of defecating upon school property there are actions you can take to remove any blame.
Step One[edit]
Explain that the defecation is in fact part of a festival that comes with the religion you are practicing, if you are not, be damned hethanistic clown.
Step Two[edit]
Man up, show your manhood, and quote
“ Now we know, now we know.”
Step Three[edit]
Glue yourself to the floor, one should always carry a tube of gorilla glue upon their person. Tried and tested, works a charm.
Step Four[edit]
Bedazzle them with your skill in the art of Oratory until they give in and admit that you are, in fact, the superiour human being.
E.g.
“ I beg to differ...”