How Football Broke My Heart

"I felt like we played the entire four quarters against Florida, but had a lot of poor coaching decisions, however yesterday was more on the plays I feel."

My dad looks at me with a look of mild surprise.

"whoa, look at you! You know some football!?"

Me, in resigned tones... yeah dad, I've only worked the games for the last six years.

True but you sound like you know what you're talking about?!

Its cause I do.

It's fall. Which in Tennessee only means one thing.

Football.

I'm not going to lie, prior to moving to Knoxville TN I could've cared less about about the world that was sports. Football? So some guys run around with a ball? Big deal. Basketball? Even worse. Forget actually trying to play anything.

Growing up as a shy kid, doesn't help in the sports arena. Fail? In front of people? That was my worst nightmare.

However that all changed once I permanently stepped foot onto Knoxvillian soil, but more importantly in Neyland Stadium on a game day. The air was crisp, the sun was shining and orange was everywhere you looked.

It was electrifying.

As the stadium filled up with people, the atmosphere started heating up, everyone had excited looks on their faces as they hurried to their seats, arms full of greasy stadium food. I couldn't help but fill a little bit of that excitement myself.

What exactly happened on that field that would cause 102,000+ people to brave the cold for three hours?

I was intrigued that first game, but as subsequent weeks went by, and I was forced time and time again to be in Neyland Stadium (I'm part of Neyland Security Team :)) I started drinking the Koolaid.

I found myself wanting to purchase orange clothing.
I found myself following sports teams on twitter.
I found myself wanting to watch the game when I wasn't in the stadium.
I found myself learning more about football and the lingo.

Passing Game, Rushing Yards, Field Goals, Touchdowns, Touchbacks, Plays, Drives, Screen Passes... all these terms started to make sense to me.

I'd fallen in love with Tennessee Football...and they have proceeded to shatter my heart on a yearly basis.

After the Florida game two weeks ago, I'm about ready to hang out my towel. I knew we wouldn't win it, but the Volunteers like to fake us out. We start off so well. We're scoring points, we're stopping drives, and then we come out for the third quarter and the wheels just fall off the wagon.

WHY CANT WE THROW A BALL?

— Erin (@ProjectErin) September 26, 2015

Guys, you have to understand we're just putting the "foot" back in football. You can't throw balls you're supposed to kick. #UFvsTenn

— Erin (@ProjectErin) September 26, 2015

The Florida game had a lot riding on it. We've been on a ten-year losing streak (and nearly every other team in the SEC except maybe Vanderbuilt) and everyone was hoping that this would be the day that the "curse" was broken.

Everyone was excited. We were up  27-7. WE.WERE.GOING.TO.WIN.THIS...

#TOUCHDOWN TENNESSEE

— Erin (@ProjectErin) September 26, 2015

I knew better. So I didn't hope. But its hard not too when the score looks so good.

5:29 ... Still enough time to lose #idontbelieve

— Erin (@ProjectErin) September 26, 2015

If you're not about to barf from nervousness, you're not American or a true #vfl

— Laura Halm (@WATELauraHalm) September 26, 2015

And a drop on 2nd down – wow. 3rd & 13 for Florida with 1:45 remaining from own 38.

— Rocky Top Insider (@rockytopinsider) September 26, 2015

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

— Erin (@ProjectErin) September 26, 2015

Unfortunately the coaches refused to throw the ball and we kept trying to run it down field. Since we did the same thing over and over, Florida knew what was coming each time and were able not only to stop us, but go on and beat us 28-27.

I'm not going to lie, even knowing they were going to break my heart, the crushing disappointment of losing this game was intense. I had planned to go downtown with some friends but went home instead. #VolTwitter was lit tho...

Being a Tennessee fan is like having 10 puppies and watching every single one of them get hit by a car in slow motion.

— KC (@kyliegoesham) September 26, 2015

UT fans have to learn to never expect a win or get their hopes up until there's zero seconds on the clock.

— Jasmine Johnson ☺ (@__jassssssssss) September 26, 2015

Tennessee: (adj) refers to someone who makes promises and instills hope, only to not follow through. Ex: Wow, Jessica that was so Tennessee

— Trev Jeans (@TREVVYYJ) September 26, 2015

Since that time I've had a hard time mustering up any support for the team. This week's game was just another repeat. We started on on fire. Returned a punt for a touchdown within a minute of kick-off. We scored another touchdown very soon afterward, but Arkansas was having none of it, and we left the first half Tied.

Some had hope.

We're going into the third as the underdog, perhaps we could pull off a miracle?

But nope.

Nope.

So now we're at a cross roads. We still have quite a few games left this season. I'm not going to lie. I'm tired of supporting the Vols. Sigh.

26

Writing about your life without revealing your life is difficult.

I turnt 26 two weeks ago. These last two weeks have been two of the most emotionally charged weeks that I've experienced in a while. I can't even say anything on here because *I* care.

But let's just say I lost a lot of sleep unnecessarily over a situation that didn't have to happen if some people had thought with their heads and ...

That's starting to go down a bitter vein, which honestly I'm not, but the situation still kind of boggles my mind. Like Why?

But I digress. My life since the summer has taken a turn for the worst, namely in the aspect of managing my money. Namely in the aspect of being lazy. Namely because I keep eating out instead of eating in. And of course just when I think it couldn't get worse, my bank lets me know that I have $6 in my checking, and PayPal calls to tell me that I owe them $60 NOW.

I suck at Adulting.

Wut.

Two blog posts in one day? I know, I know, take a seat and breathe for a second. I can't believe it either, but I have so much in ma brain at the moment!

Fall 2015 starts tomorrow. Its hard to believe I have sucessfullyish (real word) completed four semesters here at the University of Tennessee. Its actually still hard to believe that I'm a student here honestly, I never wanted to attend a University so this is still a bit surreal for me.

This semester I'm only taking one class.

Yep. One.

Math 119

Again.

The third time's the charm right?
I wanted to take this during the summer semester, to give me more of an intense experience with it, if you will, but things just didn't work out in that vein. As it is, that probably worked out in my favor.

With any luck I'll be able to locate a foreign language class that I can take either during my lunch break or after work on TR so I don't wind up adding time to my graduation date.

Speaking of summer, I am happy to report I did successfully pass both Philosophy 252 and Economics 256 with C+'s. So I'm happy.

Its funny, years ago I would have been embarrassed with that grade.
But years ago I wasn't also only working part time and taking 12 credits worth of classes at at time.
So there's that.


Fall Goals: 

Now that summer is winding down, I find my desire to go and just be "wild and free" if you will is draining a bit and I find myself wanting to once again join the productive members of society. IF (and only if!) I only wind up taking one class this semester I have some things I want to accomplish this fall:

• Save Money 
• Purchase Another Car! Hyundai Elantra 
• Toccata and Fugue in D Minor (ALL 13 PAGES) 
• For those of you who don't know me, I play the piano. Its my stress relief its 
• Continue de-cluttering my house of furniture! 

I suck at blogging and other tales

Hello Dear Reader,

Thank you for taking a moment to stop by this lonely little blog of mine. As I have stated in the title, blogging has not been my forte of late, and I have struggled with keeping this web page open. But here we are!

Again.

So life lately has been busy. I've failed at doing monthly updates (I did start them! But didn't complete them so.) so here's a synopsis of the remaining summer months:

VolleyBall (lots and lots of volleyball):

Rock Climbing:

I'm like a "regular" at the climbing wall!

Bike Rides:

Cades Cove 8.15.15

Live Music Events:

House Parties + Cookouts:

Friends:

The Fur Kids:

Lots of MeetUps:

Its been a fun one! 

May Recap

Oh May. 

May has been a busy month, a little traumatic, a little hectic, but a lot of fun. 

Life Events 

• We have babies! Lots of fuzzy, crying babies. May 6th my cat Katniss gave birth to five bouncy baby boys. Yes all boys. They are adorable, but I can't wait for them to be old enough to re-home. I've enjoyed my "baby-less" life for the past year! They make my ovaries shrivel even more than they already have. 
• Did several meet ups this month, including trivia night, Dinner & "billiards", rock climbing and a scavenger hunt. Going hiking this weekend as well. I like to keep busy, what can I say. :) 
• Montana - I could go on and on about this trip, so it will need to be a completely separate post. Stay Tuned!

Books 

I actually read two books this month! I'm kind of proud of myself, granted I was stuck on a plane with no wifi or data, so I didn't have much of a choice, but its a start! It was good to just be able to read again. 

Shows /Movies 

So last month I cancelled my Netflix account because I wasn't really using it, and why pay for something you aren't using? That's my theory. Anyways while in Montana I got hooked on The 100, The Office and Family Guy... which I'm not really "hooked" on but find it tolerably funny... occasionally. I've wanted to watch The 100 for a while now, but just haven't had time to sit down and watch it. Brittany and I Marathoned through i my first night in Montana and were disappointment to learn that there is only one season on Netflix.  

Movies

I've been anticipating Age of Ultron for months now, and it didn't disappointment. It was full of action, love, angst, humor... I don't know what more you could ask for! (I may have seen it three times at this point). I went with a friend to see Chappie and was completely weirded out by this movie. It was just weird; and finally Age of Adeline: I was disappointed in this, it was predictable and just not that interesting. The actress was beautiful, but I ... it was just ... meh. 

Outfits / Outfit Purchases 

I actually did really well this month, as far as buying clothes go. And by "really well" i haven't spent $200 yet. 

School

Classes ended April 28th, with my final finale on the 5th of May. I failed math as I knew I would, but passed the GPA impacting classes. However banner is not allowing me to "re-sign up" for Math 119 without contacting the Math department... so I'm not sure what to do about that. Summer classes start on the first, so I'll need to make a decision. Part of me wants to just delay it for a while, especially since I found out my online economics class lasts the entire summer session instead of "just June" as I originally thought, but I'm pretty sure its going to hinder my progress down the road.. I just didn't want to take it in addition to another class. Ugh. 

Coming in June 2015 

• The return of school. Yes. I'm taking summer classes and probably will regret life during the month of June, but at least July is class free.. for now. 
• Comic Con! 
• New puppy visitor! 
• More random meetups! 

Roomating.

Its been almost three years since I had a roommate.
Three amazing years.
But now that time is over.
And for a month I will have another human being living with me.

I spent the weekend rearranging my house.
Since I live by myself, there hasn't been a need to use all my bedrooms as "Bed" rooms. So I moved the additional mattress into my bedroom and utilized the extra room as a closet.

Cause I have that many clothes.

Yesterday I took a couple of hours (4) and washed and hung my clothes up. Put away as many pairs of shoes as I could, and moved the mattresses back into the newly opened space. Surprisingly enough my clothes can all fit in the closet. Then I had to condense all the tubs from the closet in my bedroom, to the closet in the "pet" room. so that she could also have some closet space.

So its was productive to say the least.

I'm just not really sure what to do with another human being in my house.

No more walking around in my undies.
No more blasting music first thing in the morning.
I'll have to share my bathroom too...
Which means I'll actually have to clean it on a regular basis.

You guys. Living with me during the school year, is like living with a teenage boy.

I suppose its a good thing she's moving in during the summer! 

And now you know..

"So tell me about you!" 

Between online dating and meeting new people through meetup, I get this question a lot. 

I've come to hate this question. 

For some people it may be simple. 

For me, its complicated. 

What exactly about me do they want to know? 

(That isn't on my profile....yeah I wrote all those words for a reason!) 

They already know my age, my marital status, my skin color, height, body type, religious views, political views, how many pets I have, what movies, music and books I like. AND a brief synopsis of my personality. 

What more do you need? 

So as I sneak my way back into the online dating world... (not particularly fast or at all really) 

I've come up with a list of responses to that question. These are designed not only to inform them, but to me as to what type of person they are... and if they can not only handle, but GET my humor. 

That's a huge one for me. 

• I am a really old undergrad
• Yes I'm still working on my Bachelors 
• I'm going for a piece of paper that will get me a better job. 
• Oh you want specifics? Something business. Advertising or Management. 
• I video blog a  lot. Mostly on Snapchat (ProjectErin) 
• I was 25 before I drank alcohol (This one shocks people) 
• I can cook but don't do it much. 
• I have two dogs and three cats 
• I moved out of my parents home when I was 18 
• I moved to Knoxville to stay in the same town as my family. 
• I am super close to my family 
• I am the oldest of said family 
• My family is large and kind of a big part of my life.
• I play the piano 
• I have a lot of random hobbies including: painting, home projects, jigsaw puzzles, baking, photography, scrapbook(ing), dog training, hiking, running, indoor rock climbing... (most recent). 
• I enjoy simply being with people I like. 
• I dislike my hair 90% of the time. 
• I have a shopping problem 
• Food Addiction: 
• Chick-fil-a
• Pizza
• Dr, Pepper 
• Ice Cream 
• Speaking of food I am a picky :( 
• I've got a sense of humor, you'll see me giggle at a funeral 
• I have a bad habit of quoting song lyrics for many different situations 
• You're never going to see me cry
• I am lazy (I like to use the word "procrastinator") 
• I love road trips 
• I've only been to 20 states. 
• The furthest north I've been in New York 
• The furthest south I've been in Florida 
• The furthest west I've been will be Montana in May 
• And you can't get more "east" than North Carolina (aka my home state) 
• I hate roller-coasters, but will ride some 
• I am dramatic. Drama adds more flair to life. SO yes half the stuff I say is exaggerated. Get used to it. 
• I like playing video games 
• I am reserved until you get to know me. 
• I randomly burst into song (according to my co-workers this happens more when I'm stressed or we're busy... which could also equal stress) 
• I like to write. 
• I hate mornings
• I love the outdoors ... in the summer 
• I love heat in general. Its never too hot for this girl. 
• I run some, but dislike it greatly. 
• Huge college football fan (GO VOLS!) 
• There is nothing stereo typical about me. "Breaking stereo types since 1989"
• I am loyal to a fault
• And sarcastic to a fault
• I have a slight addiction to word games... 
• ...and i have officially run out of things to write about me. 

... if there is anything else you wanna know... just ask! 

What about you? What do you normally tell people you first meet? 

Weekend Recap

This has been a no good very bad week.
That's a slight understatement.

Let's just say life through PLOT TWIST at me last week, and now we're trying to figure out the script with this newest turn. That was nice and vague wasn't it?

So, in an attempt to distract myself from pesky things such as emotions, pain, feelings.... I kind of went all out this weekend.

Indoor Rock Climbing? Check
Shopping Trip with my Sisters? Check.
Ultimate Frisbee? Cheeeeeck.
Spend hours working on Homework? Check.
Catch up on NewGirl + Walking Dead? Check. Check.

Obsessively think and re-think, and justify, then verify the situation? Check, Check. Check. Check.

All in all, It was a great weekend.
Rock climbing will be a permanent thing in my life I'm pretty sure.

TGIF

TGIF. TGIF.

Coming up with five good things this week was a difficult task. Spring break was amazing, but I knew Monday was going to start the downward slope that is the end of the semester. IF you followed me on Twitter this week, then you got to the minute updates on how my homework was playing out.

I was stressed. And I deal with stress by ... stressing more.

This week I made a conscious decision to do something about my stressors instead of just just trying to sleep them away. Its a MURICLE what you can get accomplished when you are pressured. A MURICLE I TELL YOU.

Twitter will tell the rest of this very dramatic tale.

.. @UTKnoxville Y'all going make me lose my mind! #stress #endofthesemestor
— Erin (@ProjectErin) March 25, 2015

Current Homework Stats: 620 Words for English Paper, 11 Sources to document, 4 Math Problems, 1 Chapter, 2 Homework 2 Quizzes Nutrition.
— Erin (@ProjectErin) March 23, 2015

Current Homework Stats: 412w English, 11 Sources, 30 Math Problems, 1 Chapter, 4 Homework, 4 Quizzes, 2 Lectures, Nutrition
— Erin (@ProjectErin) March 24, 2015

Current Homework Stats: 93 Words|ENG, 21 Math Problems, 1 Exam Nutrition. #destressing #gsd
— Erin (@ProjectErin) March 25, 2015

GUYS. So apparently when you go to bed early you have ENERGY the next morning. WHAT IS THIS? Its like I'm ON CAFFEINE WITHOUT THE CAFFEINE.
— Erin (@ProjectErin) March 24, 2015

Y'all I feel goooood! don't I look stupendous, my shine is so endless ain't 'nothing you can do to end this... #examacccced. #edited
— Erin (@ProjectErin) March 26, 2015

And yes, they are out of order date wise, but it makes more sense like this don'tcha think? Basically I had all of my homework completed by 11:00PM last night. There is nothing quite like knowing I can come into work without having to stress about turning a journal assignment in, or finishing up last minute things that are due tonight.

These sorts of things happen every semesters, near the end everything falls into place, classes start making sense, and you wondering what the heck you've been doing the past three months.

Better late than never I suppose?

Story Time: Stranger Danger

This is a story about that one time I went out with a bunch of people I didn't know and not only didn't die, pass out from anxiety or look stupid AND had a good time doing it.

Introverting Socially. 

I would like to clarify something here. I'm a very outgoing friendly person. I can talk the ear off of a stranger. As long as I'm comfortable in the situation.

A work? No problem
At Walmart? No Big deal.

But things like walking into a classroom of strangers? Anxiety up the wahzoo.

Signing up for a Meetup group and RSVPing for a movie with a bunch of strangers? Cue mild panic attack.

I still get anxious thinking about it and its over and done.

A friend of mine suggested I join this meet up group back in February, but the semester had just started and I really couldn't entertain the idea of adding something ELSE to my already busy schedule.

Now that the semester is drawing to a close, and all my peoples are taking off for the Wild Wild West (Literally: Texas, Utah, Arizona, Colorado... apparently the Gold Rush is back!) and I've realized how much time I have without a guide dog puppy... I started looking for things to do that don't involve shopping for clothes. After all, what's the point of having clothes if you don't have anywhere to wear them?

So I went back to Meetup.com and joined five groups.

*gulp*

I've been to a couple meets up prior, and had a good time, so it wasn't that I thought it was going to be "bad" per se.. but anxiety.

I guess I have this fear of reverting to my former shy self, and just stand against the wall holding my arm, looking pathetic.

What if no one talks to me? What if they think I'm weird? What if I can't find them? What if I got the wrong time? What if the world ends?? Will I have to watch the movie by myself? I already paid for my ticket so, yes Erin, you WILL not get your ticket refunded. Breaaaaathe girl friend. 

Mind you this is all days before.

The day of I was fine, for the most part. I did regret booking my Friday night, when staying home and vegging out sounded like so much more fun. I don't need more friends! But I'd made a commitment, and I needed to do this. So I went out and found the group, and had fun!

Just like my non-anxious self knew I would be.

And yes I did go home and go right to bed because the stress!

Have you pushed yourself outside of your comfort zone lately? How did you cope?