The New Year Came and Went....

My last post in 2015 was in regards to moving day for us and moving forward. I am sure some of you followed along on my most painful and stressful journey on selling our home and moving. Thank you for all the encouragement and support, as I appreciate each and every comment, email, message of encouragement and sympathy on how I was struggling with all of it. Sometimes good decisions are hard and sometimes they are harder to move forward with.

We did get moved into our new home, a week later it was Christmas and then it was all over. It was a good holiday, the kids were here with their special friends and we had a wonderful holiday and then it was time to decide what was going to be my "word" for the new year. Twenty-fifteen was rapidly ending and the new year was just around the corner.

My words for 2015 were "letting go" and to be honest, I could have never imagined what those two words would actually mean and ultimately how they would impact my life as the year unfolded. Absolutely Never. Words have a power like no other when spoken aloud. I reread my post for January of 2015 and was astounded at how things changed and the turns some things took and in ways I never would have dreamed.

The major turn of events during 2015 which lead us on as journey of selling our home were certainly unexpected. The home for me, was one that love built in more ways than one and the only home I have lived in all of my "real" adult life. Thirty one years to be exact, and forty one for my husband. The roots run deep there and the memories embedded even more so. There were so many wonderful memories created inside those walls and also a lot of not so wonderful memories, which we as a family somehow managed to over come. There were memories that were really not significant but when they come to mind, they spark a feeling of fullness and home between the walls of that house. Yes, I know we take our memories with us and that is true enough, but it has been very hard to leave the place where all of those memories were born. I never would have dreamed this past year would lead us to letting go of all things precious to my heart and deciding it was time to move on and into a new house. It has been something that has sparked so many emotions. I still find myself pining for "home" and probably more than I should. I don't think I have ever in my life understood fully what it meant to be "homesick" and I am here to tell you, I have felt that feeling so profoundly and to the depths of my soul. As I type these words, the thought came to mind that my last letting go for last year surly must be these feelings of homesick and focus on looking forward to what all is to come and just hold all that has been so dear to me close to my heart.

I thought at the beginning of the year that "letting go" would apply to me downsizing many of my collections and possibly not buying more to bring into my home. Well, that surely did happen as I had to scale down in a big way before we moved. I sold, and re-homed so many of my treasures that if I think about it all now and the magnitude of what I let go of I find it hard to believe. We lived in a small house, but the house had been remodeled a couple of times in the past, and the house was made to hold all of my collections and treasures. The sheer magnitude of all that was inside the walls of that house was overwhelming when I had to really look at it all. I will say that the powers to be sent the right people to buy my beloved treasures and they all went to good homes. It was really amazing to hear the stories when I had a sale at my home as to how many people had the same affection for the things I have loved for so many years. I honestly thought I'd feel sad when I sold so much of my things, but it somehow was freeing to let a lot of those things go. They served a purpose at another time in my life, but it was time to let those things go and in doing so, things sure felt lighter.

I would have never thought that letting go in 2015 would take me to a place I never thought I would go. Due to many of the complications of selling our home and buying the new house I was forced to make a decision I never in my heart wanted to make. The people who purchased our house in the contract requested we leave "The Chicken Resort" with the sale of the house. I agreed and we signed the contract, never thinking for one minute that in doing so, that things would soon unfold in a way that it would create a hardship of not being able to move the birds with us. The reality of having to make a decision and make a good decision for my beloved flock and their welfare was one that broke my heart into tiny pieces. In the end, I gave them to the people that purchased our house. They were every bit as excited and happy as I was devastated and sad. However, in my mind, that was my chickens home and the only home they had known, and surly they would be happier there in their own home than any other temporary housing I could come up with for them. The having to let go of my chickens is such a sadness that I can hardly type the words. I miss Benny the rooster more than I care to admit and I spent the last two weeks leaving for work early and driving by my old house and parking in front, just so I could hear him crow. The very idea that I can't walk back into the coops and scoop them all up and hug them and sing to them still breaks my heart. I miss them, and of all the letting go I had to do in 2015, this very one is the hardest of all. I have to put on a happy front, but inside, my heart hurts each and every day when I think of my chickens and not having them here with me. I never knew how a flocks of birds could have such a hold on my heart.

And finally, in moving forward into the new year, I am reminded of all the things I had to let go of in order to propel me into making the decisions we made about our future. I had to let go of thoughts that had been responsible for some negative impacts of my life. Things that for years had me believing I'd never go back to the place where we would end up moving to. Things that if I allowed myself to think about, would cause panic attacks and dread and allowed me only to feel a total since of safety from it all, at our old home, my safe haven. It's funny how it has taken almost a lifetime to over come some of those feelings of fear and dread, and enough so that I moved back to a place I said I'd never return. It is also not so funny how on my very first day back, I was unexpectedly reminded of why I felt that way in the first place for all of my adult life. Some things I guess are never the same, but then again, they never change at all. I now know, I still have a bit of letting go to work on as this new year unfolds, remnants of 2015 if you will, are still around. But I know now, I am at a place in my life that I can do that, I just need a little more time with all of the emotions and newness of what all twenty-fifteen brought about in our lives.

So what are my words for the new year? Well, to be frank, I decided I'd not pick any words for this year. In all honestly, I was afraid to do so after discovering the power of those two words had in my life last year. No matter how hard the letting go was, it will all be for the best as this year unfolds, that I know, but forgive me if I say that I was a little afraid to chose words for this year.

So instead....I am working my way through twenty-sixteen a little differently. I read online about a gratitude/joy jar for each and every day of the new year and knew right away that was something that would benefit me in a huge way. You can see the facebook  post that inspired me HERE. I have added a new button on my sidebar as a reminder to keep adding to the jar, even on days I may find it hard to do so. I expect there to be lessons in this process to learn, and maybe, just maybe ease into this new year feeling a little more positive from all that I let go of in 2015.  Maybe, just maybe this will be a jumping board to eagerly anticipate all that is to come in twenty-sixteen and look forward to it all in a positive and joyful way. 

Happy New Year my friends, be kind to those you encounter either by chance or day to day. You truly never know what kind of inner battle someone may be fighting on the inside, no matter how happy they seem on the outside. Show gratitude and joy in all things....that is my mantra for the new year.

In One Day.............

I ask myself, how did we get to this day so quickly? The time went in a blink of an eye and then on the other hand, it took forever it seems as well. We sign the papers tomorrow and the little house on Winnie will belong to a new family. Not only will the little house on Winnie not be ours any more but my beloved Chicken Resort will belong to a new family as well. This is the post I waited to write, as it is the one that is breaking my heart into.

The new owners requested we leave the chicken resort when the presented the contract on our house. With the structure being permanently fixed to the property, we really did not have a choice. The new owners wanted to have chickens of their own and they loved loved loved the chicken coops on our property. Sure..I get that totally...I mean, how could they not love it! It was built with love. So we agreed to leave them and thus the journey of trying to figure out how to actually work it out to move the chickens with us.

Unfortunately, due to the time constraints on closing on these two houses and the lack of time we have to move from our home we are in now, the logistics of being able to have a place for them in the time frame was not going to work. I have a dear friend who agreed to house the chickens for me until I could get a coop built and moved to the property. I say this and know, this has been something I have struggled with for weeks on what was the right thing to do.

So many things came into leading me to the decision I have made in regards to my beloved feathered friends, and that being said, the chickens of my heart will be staying at the Chicken resort. The new home owners were delighted to keep them and be their care givers. I know that no matter how hard this decision is for me to make, it is the right thing to do for them. This is their home, and they will be most happiest here where they know home to be. Chickens are just like me, they don't like change and it stresses them out. Consequently most of them are in molt and they are already stressed out because of that and they have almost stopped laying eggs completely. Uprooting them from the home they know would only compound that stress and I don't want to do that. I am at peace with the decision I have made, but it still has just about broken my heart into pieces.

Oh, how I will miss my Benny boy...he is the one that started it all for me and my love for keeping chickens. Me and that rooster have come a long way together. In falling in love with him, started my journey on keeping chickens and learning how to care for them. He was the first and the most special in my heart. He still does not like to be handled, but he likes to play games with me and tease me with the fact that he just might let me touch him....he likes to inch close to me where he is just stops beyond my fingertips and then when I reach for him, he just moves away. He always makes me smile and he is a sweet boy and I will miss him so much.

Each of the hens are special and unique in their own way as well, one of them, Goldie one of the chicks that hatched last spring just about breaks the door down to get to me when I open the door, she loves me and if I don't pick her up and pay her the attention she thinks she deserves, she pecks me until I do. America and Cinnamon are the other two chicks that hatched in the spring and they love to be held and loved on.

Shirley and Rosie are still skiddish but they have come a long way as well, as they were so wild when I first got them. They are top hens in the whole bunch, and they stay pretty much by Benny's side most of the time.

Penny is most likely the sweetest of them all, she is Nugget's best buddy and she is so sweet and loving. And lastly, Nugget...that little speck of bird is so full of character and personality, she may be the tiniest of them all, but she rules her side of the coop. I will miss Nugget's protest and squawking when she decides she wants to set on eggs and I don't let her. She is the baby and the smallest and she is very special to my heart as well. Each one is unique in their own way, and each one holds a very special place in my heart.

I know Steve is probably right, the chickens love me because to them, I bring the food and they see me and they know food is on the way...but maybe just maybe they love me for who I am just a little. I hope they don't feel abandoned, and hope they will learn to love the new care givers. We will meet the new owners on our last day of our move out and I will have the opportunity to tell them how to care for the chickens and what I did for them. It is my hope that they will open up the back part of the yard and the chickens will have free range of that area and the chicken resort will not be a coop and run any longer but just the coop. They will be happy to have the whole yard to explore in and that large space to free range in. I am sure that is their plan because they were so excited about the chickens in the first place. We could not do that as the area housed our large dogs as well as the coops, so in the long run, I think they will be happier with the new situation and owners. It is so hard when making the right decisions and they are the ones that break your heart.

One thing I do know, I have poured my heart and soul into the love and care for my feathered friends, and if I did not think this was the best thing for them in the long run, I would have never made that decision. Does that mean I have not cried enough tears to fill a swimming pool? No....I have and still am. I don't know how I will make it when I have to say goodbye in a few days, I hope I can keep it together when I explain to the new home owners how I have cared for them and what I think they need to continue doing. These chickens have had the BEST of what I could offer them. I have always put their comfort and needs before any thing else. I expect nothing less for them in the future.....and if I get the vibe that the new owners might not provide that....well, if your in the area, you may see a car driving down the road loaded up with chickens and a rooster and I may change my mind. I don't expect that to happen as the Realtor has assured me they are beyond happy and excited to keep them and have promised they would be well cared for.

 
In one day....my beloved Chicken resort and my sweet birds will belong to the new owners. The days of coming home and collecting blue, green and tan eggs will be over as well. The days of coming home from a bad day and sitting in the coops and being comforted and soothed by my feathered friends will be no more. In one day it will be officially not mine any more and only a couple of days away from walking away from the lights in my heart. I feel this day, my heart will break into when that time comes. This is by far the hardest part of this journey......and it all takes place in one day.

In Seven Days.........

Selling a house is hard work.....selling a house when you have never sold one before is even harder. This journey has been one that I could have never believed possible. The ups and downs, the excitement and disappointment has been paramount to any thing I have experienced in my life thus far. I had no idea this journey would take the paths that it did. That being said, we have finally made it to the point we are almost to closing day.....in seven days.

I tend to jot my feelings down when my heart is heavy or not settled, and as you can imagine that is what brought me here today. Almost thirty two years ago, I fell in love with a man who owned a rather sparsely decorated bachelor pad on the east side of Ft. Worth. A small two bedroom house, built in the 1940's which had no updates, just the basics. The stand out decor included red carpet, bark-cloth curtains (which were dubs "thanksgiving day" curtains) a set of old salon style swing doors that separated the kitchen from the dining room and yellow Formica counter tops in the kitchen. It had a great size yard, with lots of trees but not much grass and not a flower one. It needed a little help, but once we were married, the little house on the east side of Ft. Worth transformed and grew to accommodate our family. It has always been home, a safe landing place from the world.

I think about the renovations we have done on this house over the years. When I step back and see every thing we have done here, I can't help but see a little bit of ourselves in all the renovations. It has been a evolution over time to get that little house where it is today. I hope the new owners love it as much as I do. It was a process and one that included a lot of love and attention over the years.

I decided to count down the last seven days of this journey, and remind myself of all the things I love the most about the house we are leaving. As I think about the things I will miss the most, it is a reminder of all the things I have loved about our house over the years. Recollections, reminders, memories. Today I am reminded that a house is really just the shelter for a family. The family is the home of that shelter. However, there have been times in my life that this very house was my safe place in the world. In the big scheme of things, and only briefly, the darkest days of my life happened while living here, and this little house on the east side of Fort Worth was my safe haven from the world. When things were hard to handle and deal with, I was always felt safe and secure inside the walls of this house. Even now, when things are so good in this life, it is behind that front door and inside the walls that bring me the most piece and comfort on a day to day basis. This house has been the shelter from all storms life as bestowed upon me. It is the memories that sustain us and we will carry as we leave.

A lady made the statement to me that I have not detached myself from the house and I am still very emotionally attached. No truer words have been spoken. It is so bittersweet to be looking forward to what is to come, but knowing how hard it will be to let all I have loved for so long slip away and ready my heart to grasp the next chapter of our lives.

In seven days....the little house on the east side of Fort Worth won't have my our names on it any more......the shelter that has weathered the storms of life and provided a safe place to land will be that same thing for a new family. I will miss my safe haven from the world, the walls that have held me close and kept me from feeling so lost when things were hard. I will miss all the projects we worked on over the years that make our home a place we enjoyed as our lived happened year after year.

We are almost to the door that will open to the next chapter of our lives, a new chapter and a new home we can put our stamp on. It too will be a safe haven from the world, even if it is hard to imagine how that will be, just yet. I find it difficult to imagine grasping the door handle to the new house when my hand is tightly holding on to the old one still in my heart....thankfully...I still have seven days!

Watching Your Treasures Leave Your House By The Car Loads........

This past weekend was the weekend for my huge sale. I spent several weeks sorting, discarding, repacking stuff in the anticipation of moving in a couple of months. Many of you have followed me here for a long time, and you know I have lots of stuff...lots of treasures...lots of favorite things. So the task of paring down for a move was a bit daunting to say the least.

Our yearly yard sales back about twenty years ago were huge money makers, always in the upwards of about 1100.00 and that was really without a lot of big ticket items. People used to line the street forty-five minutes before starting time. Luckily, for us we had a huge gate across the side of your house and I could close that and open it when the sale started, and it always was great for crowd control.

In the last five years, the sales we had were not very successful. We would spend a week getting ready and the people just did not come. Friday is always the best day and if you leave it open on Saturday, we might have had one or two come. It was just different than it was all those years ago.

As I was working myself to death trying to get all this ready for a sale, I had kept the memory of not so successful sales in the back of my mind. I surely needed the folks to come and would you believe it, they came and the came to buy.

It was as if I had ordered it all up myself to the powers to be. They did come! There were some that left like this photo...their cars were stuffed full, one lady had stuff hanging out her trunk. 

For twenty-five years, there has been a lady that is in the antique business who always comes to my sales and she gathers up all the stuff she wants and then offers maybe $20.00 for all she has managed to scoop up. I would image any one who has ever had a sale, has had someone like this stop and try to get something for a small price. Like in the past, she was there this time as well. Only difference was she filled three six foot tables full of stuff, I kid you not.  She was at my sale for almost two hours toting her cat which was on a leash. Truth. When I tallied up her total, she paid full price for what I was asking and did not haggle me at all. Never in the history of our sales has that happened.

I was so busy the first day, I hardly had time to really think about my stuff leaving my home by the box loads. I guess that was a good thing, because for a split second, I stopped and thought about it and felt my nose sting a bit, and had to quickly put the thought out of my mind. Even when someone bought something that stirred a precious memory I just let the anguish I felt pass. I know in my heart I have done the right thing, I don't need all of this stuff any more. Like one of my friends said, the stuff is just stuff, no one can take your memories from you.

I wanted the people to come and they did. Not only did I want people come and buy, but I also wanted people to come who would love my stuff as much as I have. It happened y'all, it really did. A lady came and bought almost all my restaurant ware. She collects it and uses it for church functions and family reunions. She told me she had storage buildings with all her collections stored and displayed. My heart almost burst with joy that she took the time to tell me of her love for the things I loved too and assured me they would be cared for and used and cherished. 

At the end of the two day sale, I had sold well over the top selling dollar sale I had ever had, so I was pleased with the results. My house is going on the market today, and it is empty, staged and spotless. It feels good and I feel a whole lot lighter. I'm not sure how I will feel when this chapter of our lives is closed, but I know I have to deal with whatever comes and keep looking forward.

Keep your fingers crossed for us, as I truly need the right family to come and buy my house for my own peace of mind. The family who will love my home in the same way I have loved it. A family that will take care of my beautiful yard and gardens. A family who will adore the things that make this house special. A family who will look forward to the summer months and provide fresh water for the little owls that come each night. And a family who is eager to make memories that will last a lifetime in this little house. That family is out there, I know they are and they just need to find their way to my house. *sniffle*

The words I thought I'd never hear.......

" Well, just get rid of what you can, if you can. If you can't, well, we will move it and you can get rid of it later if need be"......those were the words my husband spoke softly to me this evening. The same husband who has spend years complaining about my habit of bringing mismatched dishes, do-dads, vintage finds, linens, and so forth just looked at me and spoke those words. And the most heart warming part of it all, I know that he meant what he said.

We are going to put our house up on the market and I am trying to clear this house out and do so quickly so we can get it listed with a Realtor. We have found a house we want to buy, and I need to sell our house. The main problem is, there are 30 plus years of stuff to sort through and purged and ready for a sale. Then, the stuff I want to keep needs to be packed to be moved. It's really nothing new to the world of moving, it is just very new to me. We have lived in the same house since before we were married, so you can imagine the daunting task of it all...and as most of you all know....I have lots of stuff that I love.

This evening I sat on the floor of our living room sorting boxes of dishes. I'd have a plate in hand and move it to the toss pile and before I could sit it on the top of the box, I'd swing my hand to the keep pile. I seriously found myself remembering when I purchased certain pieces and I could actually recall specific details from when they were purchased. This went on for several minutes and I began to sweat and feel an anxiety attack coming on. My husband glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and I just burst into tears. The look on his face said it all, I am sure he knew I had truly lost it after all these years.

I really could not get a grip on what I was feeling. I tried explaining to him, I knew I wanted to let go of this stuff and not take it with me. I knew I had no plans to use it, or need for it. I knew all of these things, but the thing that stirred me the most was the fact that all of this stuff that I have acquired was more than just stuff in a box. So much of all these vintage treasures were things that filled my life with a little happiness during a very dark time in my life. So in a way, it might be like saying goodbye to a therapist once you were able to let the things go that had a hold of your life. The good news in all of this is I am no longer in that dark place and have moved past it for a good while now. It was confusing as to why this was bothering me as I sat in the floor surrounded by so many things I really did not need or want.....but I did not want to let them go either.

But during my total meltdown, my husband spoke those words and something in the way he said them, changed my feelings. It was the tone in his voice that spoke volumes to me and turned my melt down into determination to finish what I set out to do this evening. He even offered his own advice when I asked him if we should keep this or that...and we have a huge pile to sell, and only a couple of boxes to keep. Out of all the china plates I sorted tonight, I kept only one pattern of small plates because I truly love that pattern and only five large plates. I put over fifty in a pile to get rid of.....and I have boxes upon boxes to sort still.

My family has teased me for years that my collecting is a sickness and we have joked about it more times than I can count. They may well have been truly right in that statement, but for the first time, I think I am on my way to getting over that sickness...and I have the boxes piled high full of treasures to sell to prove it.

~ this is going to be a journey like none other!

Happy New Year......Welcome Twenty-fifteen

Happy New Year!! The first day of a brand new year.......what will be different? What will be the same? How do you feel about that? What can you do to make things in your life better? Lots of questions spinning in my head the dawn of this day.


I find myself with lots of questions about these things on the beginning of a whole new year. It occurred to me that many years I have faced the prospect of a new year and hopeful some things will be different. However, when it is time to see the year out, I discover that as so many times before, things are still the same. Nothing has changed at all. Then, I play the blame game...and the only one responsible for that was myself.

Twenty-fourteen was not one of the best years in the record books, but it certainly was not the worst one either. There was lots of sadness and a huge share of unrest during the past year. That is normal on the grand scheme of things, but when looking back over the year and there are stand out moments that pierce your soul....sometimes, like it or not, there has to be a common factor for those types of stand out memories, good or bad.

Twenty-fourteen did however, have some wonderful, joyful and totally unexpected stand out moments for me as well. It's the little things that surprisingly enough make the largest impact on your day. I found that very thing this past year when a young rooster wandered into the field behind my house. A rooster of all things. I never liked birds, never wanted chickens, never had an interest in them at all, and never, and I mean never had a desire for fresh eggs. That one little rooster wrapped his feathers around my heart and I found myself to be a backyard chicken keeper. I have never looked back." The Chicken Resort" was born....I have shared a lot of this journey on facebook, but will share more here on my blog this next year. The lesson for me was don't over look the little things, because those are the things that become big things. I can attest to that..joy was surely found in my back yard and I would never have imagined it to be so. The Chicken Resort is really a stand out moment and was certainly unexpected.

Twenty-fifteen is here.....the dawn of a new year. This year I have adopted two words that I will most definitely apply to my life throughout the year. The last part of twenty-fourteen opened my eyes to a lot of things and one of them was the fact I can not keep holding on to things that do not bring happiness or make my life better.  I have held on to many things for far too many years in the hopes of all of this will make my life happier, better, or complete. I have learned finally, that just is not the case. It is now time to let go of it all. It is time to focus on what I need to do to get where I want to end up. It may very well mean changing how I think, feel or react to things things, but letting go of all the negativity that surrounds an unrealistic way of thinking should be a positive start in the right direction.

"Letting go" will certainly be the running anthem for the new year in every aspect of my life. I have decided that by doing that....I will be freeing myself from facing a new year with the same unrealistic hope that things will just change on their own. If change is to come, I have to make the changes. It will be like a breath of fresh air. Hanging on to things...and I have lots of things is first and foremost in the letting go part of my new year. Hanging on to unrealistic ideals and opinions of people in my life will go as well. If they don't bring joy or appreciate the joy I try to bring to the relationships, then they will be let go of as well or the very least scaled down.


I am hopeful for a new year that the right changes will have the most impact  in my life. For me, I get stuck in a rut and wait for someone, something to make it better. I have not lived up to my potential for several years and for the first time in my life, I see what has, or what I have allowed to hold me back. I am going to "Let Go" of all of those things, and I am looking ahead at Twenty-fifteen with a heart wide open for what is to come.

Blogging friends...I am back! Thank you one and all who certainly impacted my life during December in a huge way. You truly, TRULY have no idea of the impact you made on my heart and thoughts in the last couple of weeks. I am forever thankful for my wonderful friends from afar! My heart sisters!!

Now....stop and think about what your words will be for the New Year....no resolutions...just actions!!   Letting Go!!