Black Seas

My Lords

I beg leave to report to you our engagements with the Enemy over the last period. Alas, I cannot report all is well. 

The first engagement happened off Flamborough Head when Captain Pellew of the Stallion - a nimble and fleet 32 gun  - came across a fifth rate Frenchman. We believe it to be L'Etoile out of Brest. The wind gauge was 'gainst Pellew but he tacked to bring himself about and launched a broadside against the Frenchman, damaging her rudder. Alas recovering from this brought him into the wind and his crew were unable to tack before L'Etoile came about and launched a broadside into the Stallion's stern causing a fire to break out. although the Jack Tars of Stallion fought the blaze valiantly, the flames reached the powder magazine and that gallant vessel exploded with the loss of almost all hands. 

The second engagement was Captain Aubrey of the Surprise, ordered to escort Hercules, an Indiaman, bringing much needed supplies. He was set upon by privateers in three brigs. The Surprise drove forward and presented herself between the buccaneers and their prize, delivering broadside after broadside. They swarmed her and she took heavy damage but purchased enough time for the Hercules to escape their clutches. 

I commend Captain Aubrey to you, my Lords, and warrant that our command shall do better in future. 

I remain your humble and faithful servant, 

Commodore Alfred Pennyworth. 

**************

Finally got Black Seas to the table and it is enormously good fun. Rum was drunk and stories were created. Highly recommended if you're after a fun game rather than a simulation. 

"A Rather Difficult Week"

Letter from Captain William 'Windy' West to Admiral 'Tufty' Thessinger, 21 October 1941

Dear Tufty,

Hope this finds you well, old chap, and that Mavis is keeping you fed. The official report will follow in the next bag, but I just wanted to let you know we've had rather a difficult week down here on the coast. Jerry has been frightfully uppity and, sad to say, our chaps have not really made the best showing of themselves. You'll be getting our requisitions for new boats and whatnot through the usual channels but I wanted you to know what had happened.

Tuesday

On Tuesday, two of our chaps (Roger and Lofty Harris) were coming back from a patrol when then ran into an E-Boat just off Maiden's Point. There was some exchange of fire and Lofty got the worst of it before everyone went on their way. Obviously I gave our chaps a damned good talking to as they should have sunk the blighter. Had I known how the rest of the week was going to go I should have likely given them a medal as at least they didn't have to swim home.

Thursday

Your intelligence officer (I've totally forgotten his name, wee man with glasses and the look of a feral weasel) told us that a tanker would be vulnerable so I dispatched 'Blackbeard' Barnes and Fingers along with Lofty to have a crack at it. Now lord knows, Tufty, I'm not one to complain, but I do think your weaselly chap could have let us know that the tanker had a damned big gun on it. As it was, Lofty and Fingers all got sunk. The tanker went on its merry way.

Friday

Barnes had managed to limp most of the way home but his engine finally gave up the ghost somewhere around Torquay. He sent an SOS so I sent out a rescue boat (captained by McGee) and another three Vospers ('Shagger' Troughton, Arkwright and Shorthouse) to try and bring his lads home. As best as I can establish, Jerry picked up the SOS as well and decided to bag themselves Barnes and his boat with three of those damned e-Boats. Shorthouse struck his colours in pretty short order after his hull was turned into something like Emmental. Shagger tried to flank Jerry but sank under sustained fire and Arkwright went down in much the same way after his ammunition cooked off and the boat caught fire.

McGee managed to get alongside Barnes but then the bloody Hun - and pardon my french but they really are a bunch of bastards, Tufty - opened fire on the rescue ship. At this point Barnes managed to get his 20mm to bear and fired back. Well, Jerry unleashed everything he had sinking both the rescue ship and Barnes' stricken vessel. And then - and I can hardly believe I'm writing this - the beastly germans opened fore on Shorthouse whose surrender they had already accepted.

It's just not cricket, Tufty. Anyhow, we'll be sending in a request in respect of 6 new Vospers tomorrow.

Here's hoping next week is better.

Yours,

Windy.

Telegram from Kapitan Fritz Leiber to Kreigmarine HQ

Die Briten sind Müll.

+++++++

We had our first game of Cruel Seas and played the first three scenarios. As you can see from the AAR above, it did not go well for Blighty. Although a large part of it did come down to my legendarily bad dice rolling I think it's definitely true that the Vospers were a little undergunned in comparison to the German Schnellboots. 

This was a fabulously fun game, and definitely one I will be playing more of - even if it did lead my good friend playing the Germans to commit an actual, bona fide War Crime - and what's worse, he didn't even care. Bloody rugby players. 

This is man who just shat all over the Articles of War.

As a final aside, anyone wondering why one of my Captains was called Shagger Troughton may be interested to know that Patrick Troughton, the Second Doctor in Doctor Who, captained MTBs from 1941 to 1945; he was decorated and mentioned in dispatches for sinking an eBoat by ramming it with his vosper which was on fire. All while wearing a tea cosy on his head to ward off the chill.

The 'Shagger' bit? Well.... he had an active social life. And died how he lived. 

The Haunting of Caliburn Fell

It was time for the Halloween Game again, and once more our chosen game was Trail of Cthulhu. Two of the same characters from our previous game were joined by two new characters: the Reverend Ephraim Pennyweather and Thomas Middleton, slightly dodgy scientist. 

This was not a published adventure - it was one I wrote myself. So I'll include all the various handouts and gubbins in case anyone wants to use it themselves. So, what was the set up? Here was the introduction. And the Reverend had some extra information....

Our brave heroes arrived on a cold November day in 1935 to met by the groundskeeper, Grady. Ignoring his dire warnings, they bravely enter the Mansion.

Running true to form, they brought no equipment. Nothing. Well, a torch and one set of batteries. And a camera. No weapons - apart from Thomas, who brought a colt .45. This will become important later. 

Investigating the squalid confines of the Fell, they discover evidence of debauchery and pain; their nerves are already on edge when Bernard discovers a painting which has a peculiar effect on him...

It is about this point that some of the more sensitive members of our intrepid adventurers begin to notice that things seem to be moving when others aren't looking. This includes the dustsheet they removed from the dining table being put back over it. 

It was around this point that they armed themselved with cutlery. Yes. Facing down the denizens of an uncaring universe with steak knives. Or a butter knife, in you're a man of God. 

The Library provides a treasure trove of information:

Photographs of the construction:

A sworn affidavit

Notes on the history of the house. 

By now the Intrepid Investigators is starting to develop a very definite idea of what is going on in the house... re-inforcing this are the notes they find in the bedrooms.... They also find some interesting tomes in the Library.

Bernard pockets the Necronomicon and Branston settles down to read the King in Yellow. This is a Bad Idea, as anyone familair with Lovecraft or Chambers could tell you. But this doesn't slow down the others, who are convinced they are dealing with a massive haunting...

Unfortunately, they are wrong. You see, the house is designed as a massive invocation. As their grasp on sanity slips, they open the way for the King in Yellow. As they decide to flee the house and burn it down, Grady - actually the reanimated corpse of Fisher, the psychic killed in the previous expedition - bursts in with a shotgun. 

It was at this point - as the sight outside of the house shifted from the hills of Vermont to the endless plains of Carcosa - that our Intrepid Investigators show that grit and determination and skill which marks them out as true heroes. Bernard legs it - followed by Thomas (the only one with a gun, if you recall) leaving the Reverend and the parapsychologist to fight the living ghoul. The reverend proved himself to be a dab hand at the old fisticuffs while Branston waded in with a steak knife and cleaver. Thomas - as the firearms guy - takes control of the shotgun. No-one makes any comment about this, even given what happened with the gun. 

The immediate danger over, they head down into the cellar and discover the Stadkrone like altar which is channelling all this energy and realise they must do something about it...

Well, most of them do. Thomas stays upstairs. With the shotgun. The Reverend is screaming that they need to destroy the unholy thing while Bernard starts singing a hymn to the Yellow King in the hopes this willl molify him or something? I don't know but there's certainly the undertone of the guy hearing a lion pulling on his running shoes. 

In a final ecstacy of terror, the Reverend throws his Bible at the altar which disrupts the flow of energy. The heroes escape from the Fell just as the mansion falls about them.

Well, Branston runs back in to take a photo of the floor. It obviously seemed like a good idea to him at the time. 

Another great little game. I've said it before but Trail of Cthulhu really is a fabulous little system and ideally suited to playing in an internet environment. I can't recommend it enough. 

"It's the screaming that makes it beautiful." - A Bloodbowl Match Report

 "Good afternoon, Sports Fans! Welcome to another League match of the beautiful bloody game, Bloodbowl."

"and it promises to be a scorching match , Jim."

"That's right, Bob - in more ways that one. It's a sweltering day here in the new stadium. So hot that I'll be surprised if we don't see a few players carried offwith heat exhaustion."

"especailly in those swanky new team kits, Jim."

"So what are the prospects for the match today, Bob?"

"Interesting, Jim; in the pub last night the eager fans were bombarding the coaching team of the Multiple Scoregasms with advice so I think they may have an edge there."

"But the Wissenland Wasps have the advantage of a home crowd, Bob, and that always helps out."

"And here we go for the kick off, Jim. The Scoregasms are receiving, and they've gone for a very conservative set up. They're keeping well back from that bruising lineup of the Wasps."

"And who can blame them, Bob? I wouldn't much fancy half a ton of engorged orc slamming into me this early in the game."

"Each to their own, Jim."

"And a tricky little kickoff from the Wasps there; the Scoregasms are going to have to come close to smacking range to pick up that ball!"

"If they're running true to form, the Scoregasms will waste no time at all in forming up a cage to try and roll that ball down the wide zone -- yes, there they go!"

"And there go the Wasps, smashing into that cage like an enraged elephant hopped up on Goblin shrooms!"

"Possibly a drunken elephant, Jim. That's a clumsy fall there!"

"And it's left a hole the size of a giant's nostril for the human catcher to skip out and dart down the outside! This is a classic Scoregasms run that we've seen them use time and time again to score. The only chance the Wasps have got is if they can somehow shut down that run!"

"Which they've done with the brutality of a Dwarf mine-chief shutting down an unprofitable pit!"

"And the ball has scattered down into the Wasp's endzone!"*

"Oh, Jim -- look at that; the Wasps have gone on the offensive. They're battering through the Scoregasms line, ripping it open for their Blitzer who has grabbed that ball and is legging it down the pitch like an elf with a firework between his cheeks."

"what kind of books have you been reading, Bob?"

"Books that are significantly cleaner than the tactics being used by the Wasps here, Jim. The crackling of codpieces out there sounds like the patter of summer rain."

"More like a monsoon, Bob! Look at the state of the Scoregasm's line."

"Ooooh, that's got to hurt!"

"Death will do that all right, Bob."

"And look at the state of that field as the Wasps run home for a touchdown!"

"And right we were, Bob - there's three from each team laid low by the blistering heat out there."

"The blistering heat of the Wasp's brutality is the real story here, Jim."

"There's not a lot of players left on the pitch as the Wasps receive and pile right back on in there."

"But it gets nowhere as the whistle blows for the end of the first half."

"I don't think we've seen a run twice down the pitch like that in many a year."

"By Nuffle's leathery balls, this could go anywhere; the Wasps are up one touchdown but that's not much of a margin."

"True, Bob, but the Scoregasms are going to have trouble standing up to the punishment the Wasps are putting out. It's certainly going to be an interesting second half."

 "They're both setting up aggressively, Jim."

"And the Wasps are stright in with a brutal play."

"Oh my word, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The human defensive line is going down like wheat bowing in a summer breeze."

"But with more screaming, Bob."

"That's what makes it beautiful, Jim."

"The Wasps are slamming it down the outside-- but oh, look at the size of that tackle!"

"It is a big one."

"But he's up and he's going to try and recover the ball--"

"Nuffle says 'no', Jim."

 "And that's all the break the Scoregasms need as they pelt down to the line of scrimmage and -- are they going for a pass? They are - and it's a loooooong one."

"But it's a good one - and that's a TOUCHDOWN!"

"It's all to play for - but not everyone will be on the pitch as another few players have been struck down by the heat."

"If only they'd had a cool refreshing glass of Bloodweiser to keep them chilled, Jim."

"Have you got another sponsorship deal, Bob?"

"Let's not get bogged down in that right now, Jim. They're getting set up for the next play, and this is going to be a key--"

"--hand on there, Bob - there's a riot in the stands. The Ref has put the clock back!"

"Well now, with more time on the clock this gives more chance for either team to break the tie. And the Wasps are kicking off - and another nasty little play there as they force the depleted little team to come right up close."

"But they're through and they're hammering down like an Elf on the way to a Barack Man'Ilow concert!"

"This could be the tiebreaker, Jim -- but no, look, there goes the Wasp Blitzers. They've not got a chance of blitzing him."

"But they have got a tackle zone on him and -- YES! over he goes!"

"And the Wasps have picked the ball up... surely they can't do it again?"

"Anything is possible by the grace of Nuffle, Bob!"

"They're slamming the remaining Scoregasms out of the way like cheap garden furniture in a hurricane. A last ditch attempt by the humans to knock him down... But oh dear, that's not the way to do it."

"And the way is clear for the Wasps to score a touchdown."

"But it looks like the Scoregasms aren't going to go down without a fight; they're doing the classic. The beauty of this game. They're performing the honourable and ancient rite of Putting The Boot In."

"And they're really going for it with a foul--"

"But oh dear! The ref's seen it! He's been sent off!"

"And the Wasps have sauntered over the line - just as the final whistle goes. That's a win for the Wasps, 2 touchdowns to 1!"

"What a fabulous nailbiter of a game. You know how you can tell it's a good game, Jim? There's practically no-one left on the pitch."

"A full casualty dugout is the sign of a good game, Bob."

"You know what else is the sign of a good game, Jim? That you've worked up a good thirst. A thirst that can only be quenched by a cool, refreshing Bloodweiser - available from this Stadium."

"You're shameless, Bob."

"Shameless and rich, Bob. Shameless and rich."

********                               *******

Another good game of Bloodbowl. I say again - it's impossible to have any other kind. But  - inexpressible joy! - this time I won. I may have to change the name of this blog if this keeps up!

The new pitch and players look rather nice, I think. 

*Yes, we screwed up the rules and rolled a d6 for that scatter. Bugger it; it made for a much better game and more entertaining story.