LOST ANYBODY LATELY?

     All of us have had experience with losing someone. Someone who isn't where they are supposed to be. 

    I had such an  experience this week and by last evening we were frantic.

    I had emailed my son and daughter about my medical situation. I do this when I want them to get exactly the same message.

   My son replied in a couple of hours. Nothing from my daughter. Next day , nothing from my daughter but more from son and daughter- in- law. So I started emailing and messaging my daughter but no reply. 

  Third day no reply from daughter. I began to get very worried and stressed. My daughter lives in Chicago. I live in Alberta, Canada which is a long way from Chicago. 

   So last night we were super frantic. We could imagine all kinds of dreadful things that could have happened. About 9:30 last night when I was checking messenger after many times that day, I noticed that she was on line. Relief! 

   I was able to talk to her. Since her husband was off this week they more or less went off line so she had never seen all my emails. They both like gardening so had been outside. Of course,  she was surprised that we were that worried and made many apologies. 

  Usually we think of children being lost. In this case  a person wasn't really lost. We just couldn't make contact.

   We did have a good sleep last night.  

BAD LUCK

      Well, I ran into a little bad luck this week. I only had two issues of bad luck so I'm waiting for the third bad luck happening.

       I decide to change the ceru disks on my hearing aids. These disks are meant to trap the ear wax before it gets in the hearing aid. I've always had trouble with this procedure. You are given a device which is to take out the old disk and put in a new one. I tried and I couldn't get it and finally gave up. When I put the hearing aids back on the right one didn't work! The stress level went out the roof. Hearing aids are costly and I was much afraid that I had broken something. 

      The next morning I was looking in a drawer and found something that I was not familiar with. At first I couldn't even open it. When I did get it open I was surprised to find a different gismo to change the disks. I tried it and it worked like a charm. So the stress evaporated instantly. I forgot that I had been given this device as it would be better than the old one.

      Yesterday was a fine day so I decided to walk and take some photos. When I tried to take the first photo the camera didn't work. Lights came on and an image was in the view finder but the camera would not click and take the photo. This blew my stress level up as I thought the camera was finished. 

      When I got home I decided to check the batteries. What had happened was not like dead batteries. For dead batteries the camera turns off no warning. 

     Well, I changed the batteries and guess what? Problem solved. 

    Stress is over. So I didn't get photos for this post.

    So I'm anxious again. Isn't bad like supposed to come in threes?

A CONFUSING DAY

       Around here, I get the groceries. The micro Manager does the shopping. In other words, the Micro Manager decides what to buy. Her shopping depends entirely on fliers and specials. She doesn't make a menu for the week and then buy groceries to fit the menu. She matches to the max. Unfortunately the Micro Manager is not physically able to run around stores and pick things up. 

      This morning I started out with a list for 5 stores. My plan was to only go to two stores. With these restrictions in finding groceries to fit the list it can get confusing. Grocery stores don't make it easy. There's a hot price but it's for one item only. I got caught an that one this morning. 

     So there I was trying to find out which store had cookies on sale and whether this store would match or not. They didn't match. Same with the crackers. Oh yes pick up my frozen stuff last. Just remember , I was 80 when I first bought groceries. 

     So needless to say I was a bit stressed by the time I finished the groceries.

     As I was at customer service they asked me if my wife was in the store . Well no,  but there was an Asian lady who fell and cut her leg.  As I was leaving customer service another employee rushed up to me and asked if my wife was in the store. I just got out the door and another employee rushed up. I wondered , what have I stolen now? She also wanted to know if I had a wife in the store.

     Just then another staff member rushed up to say that the problem had been solved. An elderly couple had got separated. The wife was waiting after paying for groceries. The husband was looking for his wife. Why were they chasing me? I had a red shirt and the guy they were looking for had a red shirt. 

   It may sound silly and funny but I thought how stressed these two elderly people had to be. I felt sorry for them.

    I had seen the man with the red shirt. He looked confused. I almost asked him if I could help him. If I had asked it would have saved a lot of upset. 

    So with the challenge to find my groceries and being incorrectly identified, it was a stressful day.

MORE ON WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHILDREN

     In the last post I got off on a tangent and veered off my idea. So that raised some questions and I thought I would give some background.

     My daughter commented that I was wrong that both of them were picked up on the same day two years apart.  So she is right but neither one of knows the exact date which is in files.  We agree that they were two or three days apart. 

     There was much more behind the last post that would explain some things.

     I mentioned that the application process was long and detailed. We also had a long interview. We were also told that it may be two years before a placement might be made. Okay if that's the situation we'll live with it. I told the Micro Manager not to buy any baby stuff because if for some reason we were turned down she would be extremely  disappointed .

     This was September. Life went merrily on. I was teaching and she was nursing. 

     So Dec. 21 the Micro Manager received a call at 2:30 PM to say that we had been accepted into the program but that they couldn't say when a placement would be made. At 3:30 PM , one hour later she received a call to say that a pending placement had been made. They wanted us to come up the next day and pick up the baby.  This was a Thursday afternoon and Friday would be the last day of school. Remember now we had absolutely no baby stuff! So the Micro Manager is pretty fast so told them of the situation and asked for a delay until the Monday. 

     So Friday and Saturday the Micro Manager did what she is good at...shop. She had a list and madly dashed around to pick stuff up. Every once in a while I would get a phone call to come down town and pick up a load of stuff. By Saturday closing time we had everything we needed. 

    So it was a big surprise and very exciting. Basically it took one hour for us to become parents. 

   Monday when we picked our son up was a very exciting and stressful day. We went through more interviews. We were given backgrounds and asked many times if we still wanted to adopt. Finally our son was brought in to us. They left us alone with him and than came back and asked us if we still wanted to adopt. The answer was a quick yes . Then the paper started flying. 

    You are on probation for 6 months. If you mess up the child will be taken back. It is STRESSFUL.

    So off on the two hour drive to home. It was late but we were ready to feed and look after our son and put him to bed.

    What I remember about both kids is that when we first held them they were stiff and tense. They knew that something was going on. They were not relaxed like most babies. In a couple of days with us they relaxed. 

    This whole  procedure was a shock to us but it was also a big surprise for our family and friends.

How Much Pain Does One Have to Endure?

     I have a friend that I meet about twice a month. Albert is a spunky, feisty, with it, little 88 year old. Albert spent all his adult life in upper management and was very successful in his field. Albert was active socially and with his five children.

    Around age 50 the roof began falling in on Albert. Albert's wife developed what they thought was Alzheimer's. She deteriorated rapidly and passed away in her mid fifties. After Nellie's illness began Albert took her to see her sister in California. The first time, they flew and Nellie refused to walk down the stairs from the aircraft. The second time, they drove and Nellie became hysterical when she couldn't see over a hill on the road. They persuaded her to lie in the back seat so she couldn't see the road and this worked. Needless to say, there were many more challenges

    An autopsy showed the condition was fronto temporal lobar degeneration. This condition is not Alzheimer's. This had only been diagnosed  recently at that time.

    Now Albert was told that the condition is hereditary. Albert began to worry about his children. Sure enough, his eldest daughter developed the condition in her late forties. It was first noticed when she was staying temporarily with her Dad and went to the wrong house on her way home for dinner. She had gone to the house her Dad had previously lived in. She had no idea were she was to go. Albert got a phone call from the people who he had sold the house  to, saying that he should come and get his daughter. She continued working for a while. Her husband had her tested for the condition and when it came back positive, he quickly left her. She went into a relationship with another guy and he fleeced her. Albert tried to get custody but it was difficult. By the time he got custody of his daughter, her assets had disappeared.

    When  Albert got  custody he  had to put her in a nursing home and watch her deteriorate. She has lived 17 years with the condition. The usual life with this condition is five to six years. Now her muscles have contracted and become rigid so that she is malformed. She has been fed for several years.

     Genetic testing can be done to show if you have the gene for this condition. His son was tested and does not have the flawed gene. His daughters chose not to be tested.

    When you hear a story like this you first wonder how somebody can be so strong to carry on and then how much pain can one person endure? I enjoy my visits with Albert as he has a zest for life and loves a good conversation. It's difficult talking about his daughter as the tears flow many times. I have learned much from Albert as he's demonstrated tremendous strength to carry on with his life and look after those around him.

Communication with Children

    Since all the years of my career were spent with children , communication with children is extremely important. There's no one right or wrong way to talk to children...there are many ways. Each child is different as each adult is unique and so there will automatically be variations. 

    Basically all we have to do is focus attention on the child and make sure that we are speaking to the individual. We are talking to a human being so just because the person happens to be a child doesn't mean we have to change from our normal pattern of speech. Sometimes we see people using exaggerated baby talk to communicate with little kids . It may be cute and fun but the kid doesn't learn much when things are dumbed down.

    One of my favorite short stories was about a boy who went to the store with his Dad to buy a pair of shoes. The clerk talked to the Dad and the Dad relayed the clerk's message to the kid. When the kid answered he spoke to his Dad and his Dad relayed the message to the clerk. It's a well told story and is a good illustration of what not to do. If anybody knows this story , tell me the author and a title as I can not remember them. 

    We don't have to over simplify our speech. Speak to the kid's level. Kids know when we're dumbing things down and we lose some credibility 

     Sometimes we have to catch a kid's attention. Most people yell and they do get the kid's attention but the yelling raises the stress level so, you have the kid's attention but have increased the stress. A stressed conversation usually doesn't go well. Patience helps. Take a deep breath. Lower your voice an octave. It usually catches their attention and doesn't cause any side effects. 

    Talking to kids is sometimes a challenge that increases our stress and things can get complicated in a hurry. I know. I've been there. I just know that if you can discipline yourself the conversation can be beneficial and fun. I like talking to kids on our street. It's always a pleasant part of my day and I usually learn something in a very interesting way.

Don't Freak Around Me!

      I can completely get thrown off my game when someone around me loses it and melts down and in some way lays blame on me. I don't have much time for some one who gets bent out of shape for everyday events. I can accept somebody being greatly upset when the time calls for it. Accidents, frights, threats, extreme events. One I'll never forget is when we were called back from the lake because our basement had flooded. I remember my wife coming in the house and standing at the top of the stairs and being completely overwhelmed and devastated. She was inconsolable. For these things our normal instinct is to show some strong emotions.

     What bothers me most is when people  purposely lose control or are not in control of emotions as they should be. Exaggerated reactions are just not pleasant. Yes, I can listen all day to some one who has great stress. Yes, I will make an effort to assist someone who has been put in a stressful situation. How much of the melt down incident is to influence those in the area?

     I would expect that the proper and right thing to do is exert self control so that those around can respond appropriately. This is where I come in. I do not function well at all when scenes are made. They throw me right off my game and I am not at my best. I am able to recognize an extreme situation. Very rarely do I have to be told. In that situation I can be of some assistance. Now some of this may be explained as when I encounter my own stress, I'm more apt to withdraw. I've been known to go to sleep. I have also heard of other people following this routine. I find that if I take some quiet time and think about the stressful situation I am ready to come up with a more suitable solution for the cause of the stress.

    I found that as a teacher it was much easier for students to perform if they had a calm, quiet atmosphere to work in. I sometimes think of the horse or dog whisperer and how this could be used with children. I rarely yelled art kids. When I did yell, they would look at each other and say, "I guess we better smarten up because he never yells." When a child was upset it always worked much better if you could use a quiet approach.  Getting angry or excited did not help the kid when they were upset. I remember one boy becoming extremely upset one day so much so that he was going to leave the classroom. This was fine by me as he could go out and calm down and he wouldn't lose face in front of his classmates. He accidentally tripped on the overhead projector cord and it bounced up to the ceiling and broke one of the light bulbs. Then things changed to the safety mode for the  kids covered with glass.

     So if possible I would prefer that we deal with stress so that it allows people around us to respond in their best form. Maybe we''ll all have a better day when all of us have a better chance to solve a situation.

    What do you think? How do you deal with over the top situations? How do you deal with your own stress?