Game of Thrones 80s VHS Intro

This video is too good not too share. Imagine if Game of Thrones had been made in the 80s. After a trip to the rental store, you open the box, pull out your clunky VHS tape and slot it into the machine. It's not been rewound of course from when the last person rented it, so after rewinding it yourself, you hit play.

Quite simply, I'd still watch the shit out of this!

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES Trailer: More Shredder, Splinter and Skrillex?

Well at least they are still mutants and not some alien race because as Megan Fox's character says... that would be stupid. The latest trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles offers much more footage from the film ranging from the Turtles in action to a Splinter/Shredder showdown and even Will Arnett (yay!) getting a couple of lines.

It's got the usual vibe of a big bloated Michael Bay film even if he is only the producer. Shredder seems to have been turned into a Transformer and to add to the 'hey kids we're still cool and relevant' factor, a Skrillex tune has been drafted in to make the trailer more fun and energetic.

I'm still upset with many things about this but they are petty grievances that should not ruin the movie if it is fast paced, funny and action packed (which this trailer is). Splinter is my biggest worry as though we have no good glimpse of him yet, I don't like what I am able to see. I'm also gutted that April isn't a redhead but then again, how important is hair colour really? The Turtles look quite cool on occasion, but I have the nagging suspicion that the film is just going to be crammed far too full of CGI enhanced action sequences that will ruin some of them.

Anyway, I have written a full preview of the film for Starburst Magazine which should be in the August issue 403 along with a new short story I have written called The Nurse and the Butcher.

Here's the trailer:



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Walking On Sunshine - Worst film ever?

This looks absolutely bloody awful and oh joy of joys, I'm going to have sit through it tonight! Yaaaaay! Then I'll probably get a good old double whammy of awfulness by catching England get their asses handed to them in another World Cup game. Sounds like a fun evening!

Does anyone want to see these songs murdered?

Who thought this movie was a good idea in the first place?

I want names... and addresses...



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My First 10 Years of Movies: The 80s

As I turned 30 last year year, here is the first of a three-part post.  Partly inspired by Cinematic Paradox’s 100 Film Facts About Me post and partly inspired by Front Room Cinema’s Born into Film series, I thought I’d try and give you a breakdown of my film loving life year by year.  As I was born in 1981, my first 10 years of the movies were mostly the glorious 1980s.  If you want to see my top 10 films of the 80s click here.  But for now, here's how the movies shaped, influenced and warped my impressionable young mind.

1981: I was born.  The top 5 rated films of the year according to IMDb are Raiders of the Lost Ark, Das Boot, The Evil Dead, Chariots of Fire and Escape from New York.  I do not recall going to the cinema or seeing any films yet (funnily enough!).  I still haven't seen the last two on that list.

1982: Rambo and E.T. first appeared on screens.  It would be a long time till I would see either.  My oldest sister was eight at the time and had a hard time at school with everyone calling her ET because they were her initials.

1983: The Star Wars saga should have ended this year with Return of the Jedi.  Unfortunately it didn’t.  The first Star Wars film I saw in the cinema was The Phantom Menace in 1999 at age 18.

1984: The Terminator, Ghostbusters and A Nightmare on Elm Street were released.  Fortunately at the age of three, I was not going anywhere near these films yet.  But soon, all three would scare the crap out of me and become three of my all-time favourites.

 1985: The Goonies was released.  I wasn’t old enough to catch this in the cinema but when I finally saw the film, it affected my imagination so much that whenever I was alone, I would pretend I was in the movie being chased by villains in an underground cave system.  I’ve always wanted to write a script as perfectly pitched at kids as this.  Back to the Future and Teen Wolf both also came out, resulting in my eventual Michael J Fox poster on my wall that I got from the magazine Smash Hits.

1986: Thanks to Chris in the comments below, I remember seeing An American Tail in the cinema.  Must have been age 5 so that's my excuse for crying a lot at the ending!   Aliens, Top Gun, Platoon and Labyrinth all released.  Didn’t see any in the cinema.  But the first CD I ever owned was the Top Gun soundtrack.  Still love that shit.  I remember thinking CD's were incredibly cool compared to crusty old cassette tapes.

1987: This was the year of getting to go on my first film set.  I was cast as Tom the Vicar’s son in a film called The Girl in a Swing and was on set for about three days.  I’ve still never seen the film the whole way through but my parents said I didn’t make it into the final cut and that the film is full of filthy sex scenes and nudity.  Bad start to my acting career but it opened my eyes to the wonder of filmmaking.  Predator and Robocop were released.  

1988: Die Hard released.  I vividly remember being with my Mum in a shopping centre and walking along behind a couple of guys and one guy was telling the other about the scene where John McClane wraps the fire hose around his waist and jumps off the top of the exploding building.  I was seven years old and I couldn’t wait to see it.

1989: My Dad took me to see Back to the Future Part 2 this year and I bloody loved it.  My Dad fell asleep and said he found it too confusing.  I also remember seeing Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and Ghostbusters 2 in cinemas so my love of film was definitely kicking in.  I was too young for Batman apparently.  And on a cruise ship to Denmark, my older sisters got to see The War of the Roses (which I only wanted to see because it was rated 15) while I was stuck with seeing All Dogs Go to Heaven with my Mum.

1990: The year of Home Alone.  This film instantly became my new favourite.  I saw it at least twice in the cinema.  I desperately wanted to be Macaulay Culkin.  I also saw Edward Scissorhands and rfememver having to pull myself together before the lights came on at the end so my sister wouldn’t see I’d been crying.  At nine years old, I was also dribbling over everything Ninja Turtles (or Hero Turtles as they were called here in the UK) so the movie was a must-see in the cinema.  Still love it.  The Witches and Arachnophobia also warped my fragile little mind, giving me a fear of old women and spiders that, certainly in the latter case, has still not gone away.  This year I saw my first 18 rated films: Robocop (the scene where Murphy is tortured and repeatedly shot was too much for me to watch), The Terminator (loved every second) and somebody gave me a copy of A Nightmare on Elm Street that was taped off the TV.  My first proper horror scared me into having regular nightmares but again, I absolutely loved it.  Also Moonwalker was released on VHS this year and I think this is probably the first film my Mum ever bought for me.  She got sick of me wanting to rent it from the video store every week.

1991: I clearly remember people telling me about the film Silence of the Lambs that had a lampshade made out of skin in it.  I’m not sure there actually is but I remember being told that.  As my babysitter had rented Terminator for me, I was beyond desperate to see Terminator 2 in the cinema but it was a 15 so I couldn’t.  I had to wait for my older sister and her friend to buy the video because they were both besotted with Edward Furlong.  I was jealous of Macaulay Culkin for getting to be in My Girl where he had to do 17 takes of the kiss with Anna Chlumsky apparently.  Bryan Adams was dominating the UK music charts with Everything I Do (I Do it For You) from the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves sound track.  I contributed to both the film and the single’s success by seeing the film in cinemas twice and buying the single on cassette tape.  I also saw Rocketeer and TMNT2: The Secret of the Ooze in cinemas.

So that’s my movie life from birth to the age of ten.  Coming soon: 1992-2001 the next 10 years of my movie life.  If you like the idea, I hope you will all feel free to nick it and try it for yourself but please leave a link to little old I Love That Film!  

And while you're here, what were your first experiences of the cinema?

Best films of the 1980s

The films of the 80s should have dated worse than any other decades.  The hair, the clothes, the synthesiser music.  But for those of us born and raised in the decade of filthy excess, nothing could be further from the truth.  This decade means a lot to me.  These are the films that got me into films. 

If my favourite films of the 70s held little surprises, this list may hold even less.  Some of these films were the first 18 rated films I ever saw.  One was the film that shaped my every waking day dream until I was about 14.  All of them are classics.  From the Vietnam war to a Vietnam war allegory, from the past to the future and from skscrapers to underground caves, these are the films I've probably seen more times in my life than any others. 

I love the 80s and I love the cinema of the 80s but these are the films that, mostly taped onto VHS tapes from the TV, held my attention and have kept my affection for over 20 years.  Chuck on some Huey Lewis or Simple Minds and check out my top 10.

10. Ghostbusters (Ivan Reitman, 1984) A giant marsh mallow man, a creepy opening in a deserted library, a classic theme tune and casting chemistry rarely bettered.  Bill Murray wise cracks while chasing woman of the decade Sigourney Weaver.  But its the mix of scares (to a young kid!) and comedy that get this on the list.  Some scenes are pretty terrifying and had to be watched from behind the sofa, while the special effects were great for the time but may make this a more dated entry on the list.  Not Murray's best comedy of the decade but the rest of the cast supply enough laughs and memorable characters to edge out Caddyshack from this list.

9. A Nightmare on Elm Street (Wes Craven, 1984) Also featured in my top 10 horrors, this is a film that, like the more recent Paranormal Activity plays on the fear of switching the light out and going to sleep.  However, unlike that more recent entry in the genre, Nightmare has a knife-gloved psycho who can invade the dreams of teens and slash them up for the 'sins' of their parents.  Taking the slasher template from Halloween and Friday the 13th, Freddy Krueger had more personality, more inventive killings and (in this first entry at least) was a truly terrifying and iconic boogeyman.  Who needs a mask with a face like Freddy?

8. Airplane (Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker, 1980)  Hugely influential spoof that has probably been responsible for spawning more awful films than any other (yes I'm looking at you Disaster/Date/Superhero/Epic Movies).  Also responsible for giving us Leslie Nielsen's half classic, half rubbish career in comedy.  But this film cannot be praised highly enough.  Working closely from the script of a straight disaster film, Airplane is full of so many hilarious lines, sight gags and performances, it's become overly quoted but never bettered.  Lloyd Bridges and the dodgy pilot are the standouts in a film full of outrageous comedy.

7. Platoon (Oliver Stone, 1986)  War is hell.  Charlie (winning) Sheen shows why he was the go-to-guy for Stone in two of the directors greatest films.  Subtle as a sledgehammer, the film sees the battle for a young grunts soul as he veers between Dafoe's Christ figure and Berenger's angel of death.  Like The Deer Hunter, Platoon shows the horror of war, this time showing just why the Vietnamese were likely to want to make American soldiers play russian roulette for their amusement.  Stone and Sheen are at the top of their game and to top it all off, brilliant music and early roles for John C. McGinley, Johnny Depp and Forest Whitaker.

6. The Goonies (Richard Donner, 1985) Corey Feldman had to be on this list somewhere and it's in the company of Sean Astin, Josh Brolin and friends as they take on criminals underground in the best Spielberg film he never directed.  Forget E.T., Super 8 and all the other pretenders, this is the ultimate kids adventure.  Pirates before Depp made them cool again, water slides, booby traps, first kisses and Short Round (from Temple of Doom) all add up to make this the sweetest, funniest kids versus bad adults film there is ever likely to be.

5. Aliens (James Cameron, 1986)  Cameron's second best film of the decade and one of the greatest sequels ever made.  Upping the number of xenomorphs, the guns, the testosterone and the body count and giving Ripley a little girl that needs protecting all take this second entry in the franchise to a whole new level.  This is a war movie with a group of marines outclassed by the ultimate killing machines.  Ripley may take a back seat at the start but comes to the fore as the grunts drop like flies and the Alien Queen needs a smackdown in the mother of all movie fights.

4. The Breakfast Club (John Hughes, 1985)  The coolest character in teen films is delivered in an angsty, funny and damaged performance by Judd Nelson.  The Brat Pack get Saturday detention in the best of Hughes' films with the stereotypes peeling away to reveal the sad, lonely individuals on the inside.  With drug-fuelled dancing, a nasty piece of work for a principal and a classic 80s soundtrack, this is probably the film I fear the most being remade.  The characters were pretty much ripped off for The Faculty so I beg Hollywood to leave this one alone now.

3. Die Hard (John McTiernan, 1988)  Simply the best action film of all time.  Bruce Willis is effortlessly cool.  The story spawned a whole sub-genre of one man vs a group of terrorists flicks that were often pretty good (e.g. Under Seige= Die Hard on a boat, Passenger 57= Die Hard on a plane etc.).  John Mclane took the steroids out of action cinema forever, putting an end to the reign of Schwarzenegger and Stallone.  Great stunts, genius plot elements (bare feet!), Alan Rickman in a classic piece of Euro-villain bastardry and Willis's delivery of one-liners make this the most funny, thrilling and tense actioner ever.

2. The Terminator (James Cameron, 1984)  The best James Cameron film of the decade is his first step into science fiction.  A brilliant story delivered in an incredibly fast paced movie that like it's titular character never stops to allow you time to take a breath.  Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton are both excellent as the villain and damsel in distress but Michael Biehn must also be praised for making the most of a hero character who mostly spills reams of exposition while running, driving and fighting an unstoppable machine from the future.  Cameron displays his ample talent for action, storytelling and working on a low budget.  It's a wonder why some of his lesser films have cost so damn much when you see what he did here with so much less.

1. Back to the Future (Robert Zemeckis, 1985)  Another science fiction that, like The Terminator, goes easy on the science and instead crosses genres to create something much more fun, less cerebral and exciting.  With one of the greatest buddy pairings in film, Fox and Lloyd nail the roles of high school teen and eccentric inventor in a tightly crafted narrative that climaxes in that brilliant clocktower set-piece.  The Libyan terrorists are laughable stereotypes but the Oedipus fuelled drama with Marty and his Mum make this icky but endearing.  Biff is also up there with the Terminator and Hans Gruber as one of the 80s greatest villains!  Huey Lewis on the soundtrack, a killer ending that leaves you gasping for the sequel and iconic characters add up to the greatest film of the 80s.

What no Raiders????  No Empire?  Or is it Raging Bull or Blade Runner missing from this list?  Don't be shy... let me know how you feel!

Footloose (Craig Brewer, 2011) Review

I admit I went into this rehash expecting to hate it. I watched the trailer and cringed. I watched the 1984 original trailer and my heart went out to all the fans of Kevin Bacon and his classic 80s rendition of the film. I thought of how I would feel if some hack director for hire dared to remake 1985’s The Breakfast Club or The Goonies or Back to the Future.

Just think… if 1984’s Footloose can be remade in 2011, all these classics could be despoiled for 2012 audiences. That’s next freaking year! So if you want to avoid this (and the unleashing of Armageddon with it), don’t, whatever you do, pay to see this remake in the cinema. It will only encourage Hollywood to keep sacrificing originality at the altar of making a quick and (relatively) easy buck.

That said, I have a few admissions to make:

1. I’ve never seen the original Footloose. Kevin Bacon is great but dancing movies just aren’t my thing so it was never really on my list of missed classics that I had to watch.
2. Like I said I don’t particularly like dancing films or even musicals or teen romances. So I’ve never seen Save the Last Dance, Honey, Stomp the Yard, You Got Served or even West Side Story.
3. I actually thoroughly enjoyed the Footloose remake.

Why? Well I’m sure most of these reasons extend to the original. The dancing’s great. The story (though a little ridiculous) is involving and the characters engaging. The forces of religion and the law versus the kids of the small town make for a compelling and righteous battle between order and chaos. In this age of the curtailing of civil liberties under the guise of protecting us from evil, perhaps this remake is actually rather relevant.

Dennis Quaid is always very good value, no matter how poor the script but his character here is well-rounded and sympathetic even when banning dancing and public gatherings.

The two leads look pretty and dance like pros and while Julianne Hough (how’s that pronounced???) spends much of the film looking like she’s on a modeling shoot, emotions run high in climactic conflicts with her father (Quaid).

Comparing the two trailers, it looks like the remake has slavishly stuck to the original’s template in terms of characters, narrative and even specific shots so this is probably another ridiculously pointless remake along the lines of Gus Van Sant’s Psycho. However audiences like me who have never seen the original will no doubt be sucked in by the good story, great dancing and even better music.

If your toes aren’t tapping by the finale, you’re either a fuming fan of the original or your feet must be nailed to the floor. It’s out October 14^th and is definitely worth a watch. But before you shell out… please heed my warning. The Breakfast Club could be next.