#559 - #560: Scraggy & Scrafty

Scrafty (right) being pissed with its young.

Okay, I think it's time for me to make a confession: I am a sagger. I don't wear my pants below my butt or crotch like you see a lot of people of color doing all the time, especially men, but I still sag my pants and I've done that ever since I was a teenager. Today's Pokémon seem to encapsulate stereotypes that stem from various urban youth subcultures of the past few decades (namely hip-hop and punk), like giant mohawks, ill-fitting hoodies, bad behavior and, indeed, sagging or baggy pants - although it has to be said that the latter isn't exclusively associated with hip-hop or punk culture anymore due to popularization by skaters and rappers as well as the manufacture of brand underwear and boxers/boxer briefs with bright colors or patterns. However, it leaves no doubt for what reason Scraggy and Scrafty are actually dark/fighting types; this type combination perfectly summarizes their tendency to cause mischief and get into fights and implies that they're partly based on juvenile delinquents or gangsters. To justify creating Pokémon based on teens with sagging pants, Game Freak gave Scraggy and Scrafty a lot of reptilian features. The yellow substance around Scraggy's legs resembles a pair of trousers but is actually a tough rubbery piece of skin that it has shed - like lizards regularly do - and subsequently put back on. This pelt can be pulled all the way up to the neck in order to reduce the damage from attacks, and the saggier Scraggy's skin is, the more respect it garners from it.

A whole gang of Scraggy fucking up a kitchen. 

Any foe that so much as meets Scraggy's gaze will immediately have an unpleasant encounter with its massively thick cranium, as Scraggy is extremely short-fused. You'll probably also remember Ash's highly incompetent Scraggy - at least initially - that Ash hatched from an egg, requiring him to train it from scratch. The Scraggy liked to show its toughness to any Pokémon it met before trying to Headbutt them, but its overconfidence often got it into trouble as it believed it was much stronger than it actually was. Scraggy's English name really suits it, then, because it is most likely a combination of 'scrappy' (referring to its tendency to start fights out of nowhere) and either 'saggy' or 'baggy' (in reference to the molted skin 'pants').

"Wassup, dawg?"

Scrafty looks a lot scarier than Scraggy, flashing a ridiculously trendy mohawk, some fabulous eye shadow and a baggy hoodie - or rather just the hood - made of the same skin as its 'pants', which look even saggier than Scraggy's. If anything, Scrafty looks like a punker, although I'm sure anyone above the age of 30 is more inclined to call it a punk instead - which wouldn't be all that surprising considering Scrafty's Pokédex classification as the 'Hoodlum Pokémon'. It is able to expel an acidic liquid from its mouth in order to taunt opponents, which is no doubt an analogy for all the bullcrap those rude punks spit out nowadays in order to insult or taunt innocent passersby. Scrafty is known to display gang activity, living in groups with members of its species and beating up any Pokémon or human being who dares enter its territory. Gangs determine hierarchy by the size of one's crest; the bigger the crest, the more respected a Scrafty is, and the Scrafty with the largest crest becomes the gang leader. However desperate their need to rebel against the system is, though, Scrafty is shown to take very good care of its family, friends and turf. They're just misunderstood! Perhaps there comes a day when society won't treat them like total outcasts, but with a name like Scrafty ('crafty' means being skilled at deceit to achieve one's goals), I don't think the people in the Pokémon world will easily come to terms with a bunch of mohawk-sporting thugs.

I'm sure the fight this Scrafty just got out of was a
matter of life and death.

The Pokédex mentions that Scrafty is powerful enough to smash concrete blocks with its kicking attacks, although its physical attack stat leaves a lot to be desired in that regard. I mean, base 90 attack is fairly decent, especially since Scrafty has amazing defenses to boot, but it's still nothing compared to the likes of Darmanitan and Excadrill, to name a few. However, Scrafty has a very unique and useful type combination (dark/fighting) and access to a few moves that can raise its attack. The first is Dragon Dance, which raises the attack and speed of the Pokémon that uses it by one stage each, although Bulk Up raises attack and defense and plays more into Scrafty's defensive capabilities. The ability Moxie, which raises Scrafty's attack stat every time it gets a knockout, ties in perfectly with the Dragon Dance tactic and requires a Jolly nature as well as a strength-enhancing item like a Life Orb or some kind of Z-Crystal, while getting rid of status ailments with Shed Skin or lowering the opponent's attack stat with Intimidate works best when taking on a defensive approach - a Careful or Impish nature in conjunction with Bulk Up is not uncommon, and the Leftovers really help extend its durability on the field. In any case, no moveset is complete without some actual attacks. High Jump Kick and Crunch are amazing moves, and very few Pokémon resist both of these (only fairy types and Heracross, if I'm not mistaken), but moves like Iron Head, Iron Tail and Poison Jab - all very useful against said fairy types, because Scrafty is four times weak to them - as well as Head Smash, Rock Slide, Stone Edge, Thunder Punch, Ice Punch, Fire Punch and Zen Headbutt provide some neat type coverage. There are still some STAB moves like Knock Off, Drain Punch, Power-Up Punch and Brick Break for you to choose from, especially since High Jump Kick has a chance to miss and cause crash damage equal to half of the user's maximum HP as a result.

This is still a better love story than Twilight.

I don't particularly feel a connection with Scrafty just because I'm a sagger. If anything, I should feel a disconnect with it because its official art and in-game sprite show it holding the waist of its 'pants' as if it's constantly pulling them up. I don't even have to do that - though I've been told to pull my pants up millions of times - and I'm not even wearing a fucking belt. Nevertheless, Scrafty is a cool and original Pokémon with fascinating origins, versatile competitive utility and an interesting design, albeit with some simplified facial features; Bogleech here suggests Scrafty looks like an awkward notebook doodle that has accidentally come to life one day, or that Game Freak designed it with the graffiti art style in mind. I wouldn't put it past them, but I feel like this Pokémon was a half-assed attempt by Game Freak to connect with a broader audience and draw more people to the franchise. Honestly, if I hadn't been a die-hard Pokémon fan already, this Pokémon wouldn't have brought me back to the franchise at all. Still, I like Scrafty well enough, and like all Gen. V additions, this Pokémon isn't getting a bad rating from me by any means.

Rating: 4/5

#556: Maractus

Maractus with a pair of maracas in its hand. Honestly, I think
this Pokémon is kinda cute.

Not long after Basculin we get to take a look at another unloved Pokémon: Maractus. We've already come across a scarecrow cactus when visiting Hoenn, but it seems Game Freak thought it was a good idea to include a cactus based on percussion instruments called maracas seven years later. Because, y'know, apparently Maractus can dance; when it moves its body rhythmically, it emits sounds reminiscent of these so-called rumba shakers and creates up-tempo songs that should scare and drive away bird Pokémon that prey on its flower seeds. Maractus is obviously based on a flowering cactus (opuntia littoralis, commonly called the coastal prickly pear), but Game Freak decided to incorporate traditional Mexican dress styles and several Spanish dances into Maractus's design and flavour, specifically the Mexican version of a dance called son cubano. This perfectly ties in with Maractus's French name Maracachi, which is essentially the same as its Japanese name and contains a reference to a Mexican style of music called mariachi. Migrations from rural areas into Guadalajara and the Mexican government's cultural promotion in the 19th and 20th centuries caused this music style to be re-labeled as son jalisciense, with the 'urban' form being referred to as mariachi instead. Additionally, the German name of Maractus, which is Maracamba, refers to an exclamation used in the Spanish language to denote surprise, usually in a positive manner.

¡Ay, caramba!

A more realistic interpretation of Maractus in what seems to be
its natural habitat. Petal Dance away, Maractus!

Granted, Maractus has some interesting cultural origins, especially when you consider Unova is based on New York City and the USA is known for harboring millions of Latin American refugees (even though the current government under Donald Trump directly threatens their asylum status - DACA recipients in particular - and Maractus's origins could be explained as cultural appropriation), but it is a single-stage Pokémon that doesn't have anything that sets it apart from other Pokémon. To tie in with its design, two of Maractus's abilities revolve around how a real-world cactus stores water with great efficiency: Water Absorb absorbs direct damage from water-type moves to restore health from them as well as making it immune to them, while Storm Drain even draws in water-type moves directed at another target, raising its special attack by one stage while still granting it a water-type immunity. Unfortunately, Maractus is a grass type and really doesn't need an immunity to water; it would have been nice if Game Freak had given it an ability negating sandstorm damage, especially since Maractus is only found in the Desert Resort where a permanent sandstorm rages. Sand Rush would have been excellent, because that would raise Maractus's speed when a sandstorm is brewing on a battlefield and scare the shit out of rock and ground types coming its way (it does get Chlorophyll, but a bunch of grass types get that ability, so you'll be left wondering why you didn't just pick a better grass type in the first place). However, Maractus is still frail and slow and susceptible to sandstorm damage, so rock and ground types don't have to be scared of it all that much - neither do water types, for that matter, as a fast Ice Beam would blow Maractus out of the fucking water before you can say, ¡Caramba!

It's a mystery to me as to why Game Freak made Maractus's physical attack - sitting at a decent base 86 - its second best stat, because its special attack is far superior and it really needs these wasted base points in its speed and defenses. Sadly, Maractus only learns a couple of normal- and grass-type special moves and has no access to interesting or useful support moves other than maybe Spikes. Honestly, I don't know why you would use a mixed Maractus with Knock Off or Sucker Punch when there's a dark-type cactus available for you that can hit harder with both of those moves due to STAB and higher offensive stats - two traits that make Cacturne a much better Focus Sash-holding Spikes setter. Sure, Maractus gets Endeavor, but that's hardly a competitively viable move under normal circumstances and you won't knock the opposing Pokémon out with it, anyway.

Maractus in the anime, all three of them holding a pair of rumba shakers. They're
called - and I kid you not - Marra, Racca and Tussy. My God...

Maractus is nothing more than a dancing cactus making sounds similar to a pair of maracas. Honestly, there's not much to Maractus as a Pokémon other than its design and origins; even its in-game use leaves a lot to be desired, which can be attributed to its relative frailty and painfully lackluster movepool. Maractus is so obstinately cute and cheerful that it's drastically different from the sinister and predatory Cacturne, which is why I don't feel like we have a mere copy-paste situation on our hands - although there's no doubt that Game Freak deliberately made Maractus the exact opposite of what Cacturne's supposed to be. I actually like Maractus as a Pokémon; while not an overly useful addition to the Pokédex, it is definitely a very fun addition to the Pokédex, so yet again I'm giving this universally unpopular Pokémon a positive rating.

¡Ay, caramba!

Rating: 4/5

#550: Basculin

Official art of both Basculin forms, of course drawn by Ken
Sugimori.

I truly feel sorry for Basculin. It seems like this little fishie receives so much hate from everybody in the Pokémon community, and I honestly can't really blame those people. Basculin isn't overly strong, looks quite unremarkable, doesn't evolve into anything and was created as a last-minute addition to the Unova Pokédex when the developers realized there were very few new 'standard' fish Pokémon in Unova, as older Pokémon couldn't be caught until post-game. To make up for the small amount of fish in the region, Basculin was given two forms, but the problem most people have with this is that, in the end, the two forms don't differ all that much from each other to warrant the existence of both of them. The only differences between the Red-Striped and Blue-Striped Basculin are the color of their stripes and eyes and the shape of their fins; while it's fairly obvious which color both of the Basculin forms have, the Red-Striped Forme has round, red eyes and spiky fins and the Blue-Striped Form has blue, slit eyes and smooth fins. On the other hand, these two forms don't take up two separate spots in the Pokédex and do share the same Pokédex entries. Both Basculin are very and hostile and violent in general (when a school of Basculin appears in a lake, everything else except for Corphish and Crawdaunt disappears), but they appear to hate each other so much that they start fighting each other on sight, be it for territory or just for funsies. That's why their White, Y and Alpha Sapphire entries are so confusing; they state that sometimes members of one school of Basculin will mingle with the other's school, but if both forms get along so poorly, surely the members of the one school trying to blend in with the other will be recognized instantly and violently chased away. Right?

The Red-Striped Basculin in this piece of TCG art don't look all
that happy to see this lone Blue-Striped Basculin in their midst.

Fortunately, this angry striped bass is always nothing more than food to organisms stronger than itself, which is why the people in the Pokémon world know for a fact that this Pokémon is so incredibly delicious - one of the rare instances that hint at Pokémon being used for food. But while Basculin itself might be remarkably tasty, its stats are far from that. Its base 98 speed makes it pretty fast and its base 92 attack stat isn't all that terrible, but the base points that went into its special attack could've been put to better use if they had been distributed among its defenses. Basculin is kind of a pushover because it's so frail, even though it has access to a few amazing abilities. The hidden ability Mold Breaker may not be all that necessary on a Pokémon like Basculin, but both forms get Adaptability as their secondary ability, which gives an extra boost to all of their STAB moves and really helps making Waterfall and Aqua Jet hit much harder than they normally do on a water-type Pokémon. You could also opt for Rock Head, an ability that prevents recoil damage and only Blue-Striped Basculin has access to. Normal goes really well with water offensively, so a no-penalty Double-Edge really compliments a move like Waterfall or Liquidation, although Basculin also learns Crunch, Zen Headbutt, Superpower and Head Smash. Crunch is basically a must-have on Basculin, while Zen Headbutt, Superpower and Head Smash are merely optional; the latter is stronger than Double-Edge and gives Basculin some rock-type coverage, but it is also less accurate and deals more recoil damage than Double-Edge does. If you want to exchange durability for sheer power, I'd recommend a Red-Striped Basculin with the Reckless ability, anyway.

You might want to watch out with that, Iris; that thing can be pretty vicious.

Is it sensible to use Basculin in a competitive setting, though? You could go for a Life Orb or Waterium Z set with Adaptability and a Jolly nature, taking advantage of Basculin's strong STAB moves with a revenge-killer tactic involving Aqua Jet, but Basculin is merely a decent Pokémon to use in-game. Because, let's be honest here, Basculin isn't a terribly original Pokémon to begin with. The whole feud thing has been done before with Seviper and Zangoose, and that was executed much better through flavor and game mechanics than they did with Basculin. I actually like this thing a lot, because I used one in an Ultra Moon Wonderlocke and it served me well up until the raid on Aether Paradise, but even I have to admit that Game Freak's attempt to create another blood feud in the Pokémon world is just a bit lame: the two forms of Basculin just look too much alike to take it seriously. However, I do have to say that I've got a slight preference towards the Blue-Striped Forme, design-wise as well as mechanically.

P.S.: Is it me, or is it just weird that Basculin's English name and most of its foreign names contain something along the lines of 'masculine', 'macho' or 'manly'? I know it has a bold and volatile nature, but come the fuck on; by far not all men are aggressive or violent, and besides that, Basculin has a 50/50 gender ratio.

Rating: 4/5

#546 - #547: Cottonee & Whimsicott

Cottonee drifting on water.

Cottonee and Whimsicott are curious Pokémon. While these Pokémon don't look like any living being in particular, their designs and flavor revolve entirely around cotton. Being a little ball of such lightweight fluff, Cottonee is easily blown around by the wind, and the only instance in which it stays grounded is when it is soaked by rain, which weighs it down and makes it soggy. This Pokémon gathers in large groups during mating season, and when enough of them have collected, the mass resembles a cumulonimbus cloud - and let's be honest, the fact that it travels around wherever the wind carries it is more similar to clouds and dandelion seeds than cotton. But Cottonee wouldn't be as interesting as Jumpluff - or differ as much as it does from Jumpluff in the first place - if its cotton didn't have some useful applications. When attacked, Cottonee shoots cotton from its body to distract the attacker and uses the diversion to escape the dire situation it is in. However, the most useful application of its cotton can be found entirely in its Pokémon Moon Pokédex entry: "Pillows and beds stuffed with cotton exhaled by Cottonee are soft and puffy, light and airy - altogether top quality." Yeah, I can just imagine the fluffy cotton automatically causing the pillow to take on its original shape after each night it's used, which would definitely help me get rid of the annoyance I have with my own fucking pillows sometimes. I wonder if that's the reason why Cottonee and its evolution Whimsicott are apparently based on sheep, although it is not hard to combine sheep with cotton: both are fluffy, both are used to produce garments, both have origins in a legend I will elaborate on when discussing Whimsicott, and both are commonly associated with the concept of sleep (cotton that is used in pillows, counting sheep to help you falling asleep... you name it).

The shiny Whimsicott seems to be confused about why it's here.

The two leaves on the side of Cottonee's body do give it the appearance of a lamb, but Whimsicott (evolves from Cottonee by use of a Sun Stone) obviously has more physical features that make it resemble a whole-ass sheep, even though the woolly coat and ram's horns are only the beginning. Whimsicott's association with sheep is reinforced by its inclusion in the Unova horoscope, in which it represents the zodiac sign of Aries, a.k.a. the ram.* Moreover, Whimsicott may draw inspiration from the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary, a mythical plant that was believed to grow sheep as its fruit. Aside from the fact that this legendary zoophyte - an animal that visually resembles a plant - was used to explain the production of cotton in the Middle Ages, as the plant was unknown in Northern Europe before the Norman conquest of Sicily and travelers who saw it thought wool was growing from it, it also shows that people from 1000 years ago really were blithering morons. Goddamn. Anyway, that's roughly where the comparisons to sheep come to a halt. Whimsicott likes to sneak into houses through the tiniest cracks and cause all sorts of mischief, such as moving furniture and leaving fluffy white puffs in its wake. To quote its Pokémon Sun Pokédex entry: "After it has turned a room into a cotton-filled mess, it giggles to itself and takes off." Very mature. By any means, Whimsicott's fey appearance, trickster personality and ability to ride on whirlwinds are akin to the characteristics of an impish creature from Brazilian folklore called Saci, a one-legged, brown-skinned youngster that lives in forests, rides on the winds and is considered an annoying and incorrigible prankster in most parts of Brazil - there is literally no little harm that he won't do.

*(Personally I'm a Gemini and the corresponding Pokémon in the Unova horoscope is a Klink, which only confirms and invigorates my love for steel types, despite the fact that I really don't believe in this horoscope shit in the first place.)

Wipe that mischievous grin off your face, Whimsicott.

This trickster thing is exactly Whimsicott's shtick in competitive play as well. It's an utter pain the fucking ass if you don't have an answer for it, because its Prankster ability (how fitting!) allows it to move first when it's using any kind of status move. This means that even when your Pokémon is holding a Choice Scarf and should move before most other Pokémon, Whimsicott outspeeds your Pokémon and could paralyze it with Stun Spore (which is a bit inaccurate) in order to prevent it from moving at all. Or Whimsicott could bait your Pokémon with Taunt to prevent it from setting up on its own, use Encore to lock your Pokémon into an unfavorable move, create a Tailwind to increase its entire team's speed by 50% for a couple of turns, or use Defog to remove all entry hazards before it is hit. More uncommon is the use of Leech Seed to get a bit of health back every turn, although it's a status move and allows you catch your opponent by surprise, especially in combination with Substitute. Whimsicott is hit. Of course, Whimsicott needs an offensive move so that it isn't entirely passive, and Moonblast is the best move it gets that provides it STAB. Giga Drain could be preferred over Moonblast because of its effect to drain some of the opponent's HP while still dealing considerable damage, but Moonblast is generally better because grass-type moves aren't that great offensively. To go along with its trickster tactic, people often use a Timid-natured Whimsicott, and its fragility is oftentimes an incentive to give it a Focus Sash in order for it to live a hit at full HP.

Smogon also suggests an offensive moveset consisting of Moonblast, Energy Ball, Psychic and either U-Turn or Defog, along with the Choice Specs to bolster Whimsicott's firepower on the special side of the spectrum or a Life Orb to give a boost to its attacks in general. It's just suggested because Whimsicott has the Infiltrator ability to bypass Substitute and screens and could therefore do 'normal' damage - if you don't count the Choice Specs boost - but its base 77 special attack doesn't make it much of an offensive Pokémon, anyway. And when it comes to its hidden ability... well, Chlorophyll doubles its speed in sunny weather, but Whimsicott is pretty speedy in and of itself and it doesn't really need the boost. Just ignore Chlorophyll (and Infiltrator, while you're at it) and go with the Prankster tactic; it's what Whimsicott is made for.

Whimsicott and its counterpart Lilligant.

Whimsicott is an interesting Pokémon combat- and flavor-wise, and the sheep origins make total sense, but I'm not particularly a fan of its design. It could have been executed a lot better than it was, and if I could redesign it I'd get rid of the old-fashioned hairdo for sure - though with the tale of the Vegetable Lamb of Tartary in mind, the hairdo is not illogical. My light disappointment of it mainly came with the one time I did a fairy mono-type playthrough (with Clefable, Azumarill, Mega Mawile, Togekiss, Whimsicott and Aromatisse), in which it was by far the least offensive Pokémon on my team and fell behind in every aspect except speed. Please note that I don't hate Whimsicott for it; it's just a specific Pokémon to use competitively and it should only be considered if you know exactly what you're doing, while it is just an average Pokémon to use in a normal playthrough. Whimsicott receives some points for its cuteness, as well as for its flavor and origins, and the end result is a decent rating of 4 stars.

Rating: 4/5

#538: Throh

Two male-only fighting-type counterparts with their own specific martial art specialty... Hmmm, does anybody have any idea where I've seen that before?

All jokes aside, though, Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan share their pre-evolution Tyrogue with each other and so they're technically both part of an evolution line, which means I reviewed them simultaneously (along with their third counterpart Hitmontop). Such a thing won't be happening with Throh and Sawk, especially since they will receive different ratings as well.

Throh as seen in TCG. This drawing is actually pretty accurate
as well: one of Throh's Pokédex entries states that this Pokémon
always travels in packs of five.

Even though they have a lot of things in common aesthetically, Throh - red-skinned and beefy and apparently specializes in judo - is unequivocally the opposite of Sawk, who is blue and thin and seems to specialize in the more offense-oriented martial art karate. First and foremost, though, both Pokémon are based on oni, some kind of ogre or troll creatures in Japanese folklore that are usually red or blue and are typically portrayed as hulking fugures with one or more horns growing out of their heads. In fact, according to interviews with Ken Sugimori in Nintendo Dream, Sawk and Throh both had horns when they were still in development. Game Freak did this to make these Pokémon look more like oni, but the horns were ultimately omitted in their final designs and replaced with eyebrows so as not to clash with Thundurus and Tornadus, who were both originally designed to be red and blue. To tie in with the fact that oni are often portrayed wearing something, usually loinclothes, Throh looks like a judoka wearing a white judogi with a black belt, the latter of which it actually weaves from vines and ties around its waist to increase its own power. Throh is driven by an irresistable urge to throw larger opponents, probably trying to prove itself compared to Sawk, who is taller and physically stronger.

Sawk (left) and Throh (right).

However, Sawk is also as breakable as a toothpick, while Throh has above-average defenses and a massive base 120 HP stat, allowing to live a hit from anything that isn't super-effective on it - and sometimes even when a move is super-effective. It takes on the role of Hitmonchan substitute in that regard, as that Pokémon is also a bit more defensive than Hitmonlee, although the latter is just slightly faster and more aggressive and has the same special defense stat as Hitmonchan. Throh, on the other hand, has a significantly better HP stat than Sawk and is much less offensive-oriented than its counterpart as well. The problem with that is that Throh doesn't learn a whole lot of support moves to go with its defensive disposition. Sure, there's Rest and Sleep Talk, but that usually means that Sleep Talk will select Rest when Throh is asleep because of Rest. I'm not a huge fan of this combination - except on a Pokémon that can actually pull it off quite well, like Suicune - and I'd recommend you go for an offensive set. Nothing crazy, mind you, but at least Throh learns a few nifty moves that are available to only a handful of other Pokémon: Storm Throw has a base power of 60 but always results in a critical hit, while Circle Throw has decreased priority but forces the opposing Pokémon to retreat to its Poké Ball. Throh doesn't mind the decreased priority anyway, because it's slow as hell to begin with. In fact, a moveset consisting of Bulk Up, Circle Throw/Storm Throw, Rest and Knock Off isn't that bad, as long as you give Throh a Careful nature to give its special defense a small boost and let it hold the Leftovers so that it can heal up a bit of its HP every turn. Throh also has access to a few great coverage moves if you need them. Poison Jab comes in handy against fairy types; Stone Edge, Rock Slide, Ice Punch or Thunder Punch are perfect against flying types; and Fire Punch, Earthquake and Zen Headbutt are overall handy moves against Pokémon that Throh can't touch with its STAB moves, like bug and poison types.

The trickiest is determining Throh's ability, though. Guts increases Throh's defense by 50% when it suffers from a non-volatile status condition and is amazing when it gets burned or paralyzed (poison is more annoying and takes more HP from Throh every turn than a burn does). As this Pokémon is slow, it is very susceptible to flinching, and Inner Focus prevents that altogether. Finally, Mold Breaker ignores the effects of abilities that could potentially affect the damage or effects of a move that Throh executes, meaning, for example, that Throh can bypass Levitate and use Earthquake as it goddamn well pleases.

A Throh figurine, with its counterpart Sawk standing in the background.

Design-wise, I like Throh a lot more than Sawk: in this case, red looks better than blue, beefy looks better than skinny, and the T-shaped unibrow (which probably wasn't intentional... right?) isn't as stupid-looking on Throh as the reversed S on Sawk. While I like Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan - and even Hitmontop - more or less equally, this isn't the case with Throh and Sawk at all. I even did a Pokémon Y Wonderlocke once, in which I got a Throh that pulled me and the rest of my team through pretty much 95% of the game, until I was so stupid not to heal it when it was facing a fucking Crustle with Rock Wrecker. I have to say I got a bit attached to this bulky bruiser, and for all of the reasons I mentioned I'm giving it a solid 4-star rating.

Rating: 4/5

#535 - #537: Tympole, Palpitoad & Seismitoad

The Machop and Poliwag families almost sit back to back in the Kanto Pokédex, with the Abra line spoiling the fun for them; in Unova we actually get to discuss Tympole, Palpitoad and Seismitoad right after we're done with the Timburr line.

Official art of Tymple, drawn by Ken Sugimori.

To be honest with you, I've always been a little underwhelmed by Tympole and its evolutions, as there doesn't seem to be anything that makes them distinctive enough from the Poliwag family to warrant their very existence. I mean, they even have the same color scheme! Sure, they have supersonic abilities, but I can name a few other Pokémon that have the exact same powers; and when it comes to Seismitoad's typing (water/ground), it is heavily outclassed by the likes of Swampert and Gastrodon, and perhaps even Quagsire. That is not to say that Tympole isn't interesting at all design-wise, as its face looks as flat as a drum, the half-spheres on the side of its head make it look like it's wearing headphones and its eyebrows look like little musical notes. The aforementioned 'headphones' - or 'loudspeakers', rather - are actually rhythmically vibrated by Tympole to create a sound so high-pitched that it is imperceptible to humans, in order to communicate with others of its kind and warn them of danger. They also look like a toad's 'warts' or poison glands, although Tympole's name and Pokédex entries point to them being based on a tympanum, an external hearing structure in animals such as mammals, birds, some reptiles, some amphibians and even some insects. In frogs and toads, the organ is large and oval-shaped and is visibly located behind the eye, while it is simply used to transmit sound waves to the inner parts of the amphibian's ear. Heck, I already said Tympole's face looks like a drum, so its name might very well be derived from big Italian percussion instruments called timpani - also known as kettledrums.

Honestly, Palpitoad is a weird-looking Pokémon in every way
possible: limbless, warty, kinda plump... not Game Freak's best
effort to date. 

Unfortunately, the musical theme is dropped when Tympole evolves into Palpitoad, and the only thing that Palpitoad does that Tympole doesn't is using its ability to vibrate to create giant waves when it's underwater or earthquakes when it's on land - even though it cannot learn Earthquake in any way, shape or form. Palpitoad is a ground type and therefore it's capable to live on land just fine, which means it is based on a toad rather than a frog, but like Poliwhirl it is still a water type - and yes, I do still hold on to my belief that Poliwhirl and Poliwrath are grown-ass frogs, not tadpoles. Also, the bumps on Palpitoad's back, its more toad-like appearance and its ability to create vibrations underwater are derivative of the common Suriname toad, an aquatic amphibian whose back is covered in pockets that hold its eggs - although strangely, Palpitoad's Japanese name Gamagaru (ガマガル) is a corruption of gamagaeru and suggests that it is based on the Japanese common toad instead. Hell, its German name Mebrana even includes rana, a genus of frogs, which is... ahem, NOT what Palpitoad is based on at all. Come the fuck on, Game Freak. You're not gonna tell me you can't be at least a little bit consistent, are you?

"Come at me, bro!"

But then there's big, bad Seismitoad, and I have to say it has grown on me quite a bit. It is good design-wise, at least as far as toads go, and characteristically it has found many more ways to make use of the 'warts' found all over its body. Seismitoad can make all of its lumps vibrate at will, obviously, but it uses this function to make tormenting sounds and catch opponents off guard (unironically, the two bumps right above its eyes may be based on the bells of a traditional alarm clock, an invention that has been tormenting people ever since it came into existence). Some lumps have specific capabilities: the ones on Seismitoad's head can be used to spray a paralyzing liquid - which in my opinion is simply masked language for some kind of poison - and the ones on its fists can be vibrated to give more power to its punches, allowing it to turn a big boulder into rubble within seconds. Seismitoad's punching ability can actually be really dangerous if not controlled, because its hands will vibrate with the resonant frequency of the object about to be hit (in physics, resonance is a phenomenon in which a vibrating system drives another system to oscillate with greater amplitude at specific frequencies), causing extra, devastating damage to said object. Buildings can sway or collapse entirely, while for living creatures it could cause internal organ damage to the extent of possibly rupturing them. Sounds quite lethal, doesn't it?

Seismitoad being protective of its young.

Yeah, well, the problem with that is that Seismitoad isn't very good at punching things when it comes to competitive. Focus Punch is generally not recommended on any Pokémon and Ice Punch should be used on a Pokémon with more offensive presence (Mega Swampert, anyone?), which leaves Drain Punch as the only viable option for Seismitoad to use. And even then Seismitoad can be put to better use by giving it a support moveset of some sort, which should consist of Scald, Stealth Rock and the classic Toxic/Protect combo - or perhaps you could ditch Protect and give it Knock Off instead, so you can get rid of opposing Pokémon's held items. Combine this moveset with the Leftovers, the ability Water Absorb and a Bold nature (lowers its physical attack, but even though that stat is ten base points higher than its special attack, its only offensive move - which is Scald - is special-based), and you'll have a tanky water/ground type that isn't that easy to take down. And yes, alright, Seismitoad's defensive stats aren't very good in and of themselves, but its excellent HP more than makes up for that. There is one offensive set that could actually work, though: a Swift Swim set with a Life Orb and a Modest nature. Swift Swim doubles Seismitoad's average speed when it's raining on the battlefield, so if you somehow manage to let another teammate set up the rain for Seismitoad, you've got a very decent sweeper on your hands. There are exactly four good special moves of different types that Seismitoad can learn, too: Hydro Pump, Earth Power, Focus Blast and Sludge Wave, although you could opt to slap Surf on Seismitoad for more accuracy (100%, against the 80% of Hydro Pump). Seismitoad has access to a lot more physical moves than special moves, so a physical moveset is possible, but keep in mind that Seismitoad cannot learn a single physical-based water-type move, which kind of defeats the purpose of a rain set in the first place.

Seismitoad and its little babies.

I like Seismitoad. It may look hideous, but toads aren't pretty creatures to begin with and Game Freak can't make all Pokémon look aesthetically pleasing. This Pokémon is fine for what it is. Technically, there was no need for it, especially since all other water/ground dual-type Pokémon (Quagsire, Swampert, Whiscash and Gastrodon) serve as bulky support Pokémon, but it is obvious that Game Freak were aiming for at last some Kanto rip-offs during the production of Black and White. This time I'll forgive them for being such lazy asses, because if anything, Seismitoad is just a well-designed Pokémon. The only thing that could have been different aesthetically is Seismitoad's color palette, which should have been green/brown - or something along those lines - to make it at least a little bit more distinctive from Poliwrath design-wise. Then again, if that had been the case, people probably would have thought that it was a Politoed rip-off or something.

Rating: 4/5

#527 - #528: Woobat & Swoobat

As you can see, Woobat is kind of an oddball, having only a
mouth and a nose, and no eyes whatsoever. Or would they be
hidden beneath those tufts of fur?

A new region and a new Pokédex also meant a new bat species for us to make fun of and be annoyed by, so instead of Zubat and Golbat we got Woobat and Swoobat.

Goddamn, even their names sound similar...

However, whereas Zubat and Golbat are malicious and annoying little shits looking to poison and/or confuse every Pokémon the player character decides to send out, Woobat and its evolution Swoobat seem to be all about the power of love. It's not difficult to see why 'woo' (a synonym for ' to court') and 'swoon' (to be overcome by admiration or adoration) are the key words to form their names, because they have such a strong connotation with this love thing these Pokémon are apparently all about. Like the fluffy Honduran white bat it is based on, Woobat has a piggish nose, but Game Freak gave a little twist to it by making its nostril heart-shaped - a literal interpretation of the heart-nosed bat, even though Woobat doesn't seem to resemble this species aesthetically. Woobat's nostril is used to produce ultrasonic waves for echolocation and also enables it to stick to cave walls when asleep, leaving a heart-shaped mark behind. If Woobat has been attached to a person's body, this mark is said to bring good fortune.

Swoobat and its kin chillin' at a graveyard, which isn't such a loving thing to do, in
my opinion. In fact, them smiling while hovering over people's graves is actually
pretty creepy. I guess they're not better than Zubat and Golbat after all. 

Swoobat, on the other hand, takes this whole courting thing - it is known as the 'Courting Pokémon' after all - a little bit too far. Not only its nostril is heart-shaped, the nose itself has the shape of a heart as well, and it can be used by courting male Swoobat to produce ultrasonic waves that can make people experience a positive mood shift. Its German name Fletiamo even contains the Italian phrase ti amo, meaning 'I love you'. In contrast, all Swoobat are able to emit multi-frequency sound waves that can become powerful enough to reduce rocks and even concrete to rubble. Swoobat's tail shakes vigorously when it produces these kinds of waves, so they're easy to see coming.

Another instance of a Trainer copying their Pokémon. This type
of art seems to be very popular around the web. 

You know what's also easy to see coming? Swoobat's strategy in competitive battles. Not that I'd recommend using it, because its best stat after its base 114 speed is its base 77 special attack, which is... very, very mediocre. Yikes. Fortunately, Swoobat isn't a complete letdown, as it has access to the amazing ability Simple - which doubles its stat changes - as well as the eloquent Calm Mind. This moves usually raises the special attack and special defense stats by one stage each every time it is used, but Simple allows Swoobat to raise these stats by two stages after every use. A moveset consisting of Calm Mind, Roost, Air Slash and Psychic isn't uncommon, and Psychic could even be replaced by Stored Power, a move that starts at a power of 20 and adds another 20 for every positive stat change on Swoobat. After just one Calm Mind, Stored Power has a power of 100, which is better than Psychic's base power of 90, although the latter is inarguably better when Swoobat doesn't have any stat changes on it. It literally comes down to preference, really, especially since one of Swoobat's STAB moves (preferably Air Slash) could easily be replaced by one of many neat coverage moves it has access to, including Shadow Ball, Giga Drain, Energy Ball, Heat Wave, Hidden Power, Signal Beam and even Shock Wave. As for natures, a Timid nature raises the speed stat and makes Swoobat a bit faster, while a Modest nature raises its special attack and makes it hit a little bit harder. You'd probably want the former, so that you don't get surprised by a certain Pokémon outspeeding your Swoobat. I do advise you to have Swoobat hold a Focus Sash in order to provent it from being OHKOed by any type of physical move, although Smogon strangely recommends a Salac Berry set, to make its speed stat increase in a pinch. To each their own, I guess.

GIF of Swoobat in the anime, emitting heart-shaped sound waves in order to
'woo' a Deerling.

At least it's a quick way to create a set-up sweeper, although you should ask yourself whether it's really worth it. Even after a Calm Mind, Swoobat doesn't hit awfully hard, and there are much better Pokémon that can make use of Calm Mind, even without this move being boosted by Simple. I like Swoobat well enough, though, and I'd even dare say it's cute to some extent, which can probably be attributed to it being inspired by fruit bats rather than the more daunting vampire bats Zubat and its evolutions seem to be based on. If only the Simple ability was available normally in-game, I'd definitely use it, but Simple is Swoobat's hidden ability and I absolutely refuse to run through the game with a Swoobat that has Klutz. It won't be affected by any of the opponent's positive stat changes if it has Unaware, which seems nice, but I really want my Pokémon to hit a little bit harder, and Simple provides just that. Alas, Swoobat has fallen into the realm of forgetfulness and it won't get out of there for the life of it.

But it's a fluffy bat; what more do you want?

Rating: 4/5

#515 - #516: Panpour & Simipour

I could've been done with this review already if I hadn't decided to post my top 7 favorite Pokémon generations instead. Let's get this over with, shall we?

See no evil.

Panpour follows the same pattern as Pansage and Pansear in the sense that it is based on the same concept of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", a Japanese proverb used to describe people that turn a blind eye - as well as a closed mouth and a deaf ear, while we're at it - to things that are considered even slightly inappropriate. Panpour and its evolution Simipour represent the 'see no evil' part of this proverb, which is kind of obvious considering they're continuously depicted with closed eyes. However, Simipour also continues the premise that the evolved forms of the elemental monkeys are based on Japanese delinquents and failed their assigned roles as wise monkeys. While Simisage's design contains aspects of the yankii culture and Simisear's is based on bōsōzoku, Simipour derives certain elements of its design from 'kogal', the anglicized form of kogyaru, which involves school girls wearing an outfit based on their uniform - only with shortened skirts, loose socks, dyed hair and a ton of make-up. Kogyaru are assumed to care only about their looks (hence why Simipour failed to see no evil) and are considered vain and shallow, while the modern school girls' uniform has come to be percived as the dress code for promiscuity, easiness, greed and stupidity. Lastly, Simipour's chest fur resembles a volcano - much like the fur on Simisear's shoulders resembles smoke or steam and its entire design indicates that it is based on an active volcano - and may have possibly been based on geysers, the froth of a gushing waterfall, subaqueous volcanoes and cryovolcanoes, the latter of which erupts volatiles such as water, ammonia or methane instead of molten rock.

Unfortunately, Panpour and Simipour's flavor text doesn't seem to be all that exciting: Panpour's only mention that its geyser-shaped tuft contains water that is full of nutrients, while Simipour's mention that it replenishes its tuft by siphoning up water with its tail, which can shoot powerful pressurized blasts of water that can demolish a concrete wall.

3D art of Simipour.

Also, when you look at the foreign names of the elemental monkeys, Game Freak don't seem to be able to settle on which monkey these Pokémon are based on. Their Japanese names keep it fairly general and just contain the words 'ape' and 'monkey', but the French names of the basic forms - being Pansage, Pansear and Panpour - all contain the word sapajou ('capuchin monkey'), while their evolutions are apparently based on orangutans. The German names of the pre-evos are derived from Makak, which means 'macaque', the type of monkey that the wise monkeys from the Japanese proverb are usually depicted as. The prefix pan- from their English names is based on the genus name for chimpanzees, however, which the German names for the fully evolved forms seem to back: Cheeta, sometimes billed as Chita, is a chimp character who appeared in numerous Tarzan movies from the 1930s to the 1960s as the ape sidekick of Tarzan himself. This whole name origin thing is thoroughly confusing, and I wish Game Freak had paid a little more attention when naming the elemental monkeys. It is literally not that difficult to have them based on the one and the same kind of monkey/ape, especially since they don't look like hybrids in the first place.

Despite being fully evolved, these elemental monkeys don't seem
to have matured much. 

The only thing left to discuss is Simipours competitive viability, and I have to say that... well, its as bad as its contemporaries. As water is a great offensive typing mainly specializing in special moves, I wouldn't even recommend using Simipour as a physical attacker; I'd go with Scald, Focus Blast, Ice Beam and Nasty Plot instead. Perhaps you could get rid of the unreliable Focus Blast and give it Grass Knot or Substitute, but that's about it, basically. A physical set is possible, as Simipour learns Aqua Tail and Waterfall - as well as quite a few coverage moves such as Crunch, Brick Break, Throat Chop, Gunk Shot, Rock Slide, Ice Punch, Acrobatics, Superpower, Knock Off and Iron Tail - and hits hard whenever it's holding a Choice Band, but a special set is generally better because Ice Beam is considered one of the best coverage moves in the game and Scald has a chance to burn the foe. Of course, you should give it a Timid nature rather than a Jolly nature when going with a special set, but that's a given by now. Simipour should be holding a Life Orb at all times (remember: the Choice Specs don't work in combination with Nasty Plot), as this item has proved to be more than effective in the competitive scene... but personally, I wouldn't waste it on any of the elemental monkeys. I'd give it to a more useful water-type Pokémon; there are plenty of them to be found in the games, anyway.

Panpour (left), Pansage (middle) and Pansear (right), holding what seem to be
little figurines or dolls of themselves. I'm including this because I think it's cute.

That doesn't mean you can't use Simisage, Simisear or Simipour in a playthrough, however. I've used them all at least once, and they're fast and strong and get the job done perfectly. Design-wise, Simisage is my favorite and Simisear my least favorite, so I'll rank Simipour somwhere in the middle. All of the elemental monkeys have something charming about them, and I really don't understand why so many people seem to despise them. Unova is great, y'all.

Rating: 4/5

#498 - #500: Tepig, Pignite & Emboar

Left: cute little Tepig seems to be a bit surprised by the flames
coming out of its snout. Right: what's a better way to show how
awkward Pignite really is than posting an image of its fucking
official art? Seriously though, who the hell came up with this?

My initial reaction to the red-hot Unova fire-type starters was... lukewarm. By the time Pokémon Black and White were released, I was as sick and tired of fire/fighting starters as everybody else in the fandom, and so I almost always ended up picking either Snivy or Oshawott when playing these games - or their sequels, for that matter. It's not Tepig's fault, really. This cute little British Saddleback piggy deftly dodges its foe's attacks while shooting fireballs from its nose, although the fire becomes pitch-black smoke when it catches a cold. Adorable. Nothing wrong with this thing... until it evolves into Pignite, that is. Whereas I would rather keep Tepig as a pet, I want to slaughter Pignite and make bacon out of it; it's that ugly. It's fat, which wouldn't have been a problem if this thing wasn't bipedal, and the brownish black fur makes it seem like it's wearing a wrestling singlet. This may sound weird coming from a gay man, but I don't think two sweaty men fighting it out in ugly bodysuits is particularly sexy, and a cartoon pig with fur that reminds me of such a suit is just plain weird. Pignite's flavor doesn't really help its cause, either: it has a fire in its stomach that it fuels with food, and the more fuel is added, the swifter and sharper its movements become. Every time it fires off a Flamethrower at your Pokémon, it's getting hit by burned-up gastric acids; think about that for a second when fighting this thing. Gross. By the way, there's nothing in the games that makes Pignite faster other than the move Flame Charge, which almost all fire-type Pokémon can learn.

Emboar being a badass in promotional TCG art.

But maybe I'm just so negative about Pignite because I really hate its design. Emboar, by contrast, is quite okay design-wise; while retaining the main feature of the British Saddleback (the 'striped' fur), it also adopts traits from wild boars and wrestlers - although arguably less awkwardly so than Pignite - as well as a couple of references to Chinese fairytales. First off, Emboar seems to be based on a soldier described in Romance of the Three Kingdoms, a critically acclaimed 14th-century historical novel attributed to Luo Guanzhong that is regarded as one of the Four Great Classical Novels in Chinese literature, just like Journey to the West. Much like Infernape is based on Sun Wukong from this classical novel, Emboar may be based on the pig demon Zhu Bajie, especially since Ken Sugimori stated that the entire evolution line were designed in a Chinese style. In fact, the swirl pattern around Emboar's abdomen resembles the patterns on ding, prehistoric and ancient Chinese cauldrons used for cooking, storage and ritual offerings to the gods or ancestors. The fact that Emboar is literally the only fire-type Pokémon that can learn Scald aside from Volcanion (who is also a water type) proves that it derives heavily from ding. Flavor-wise, Emboar has the most interesting Pokédex entries when compared to its pre-evolutions: the perenially flaring beard of fire is proof that it is fired up, and it uses this wreath of flames on its chin to ignite its fists and throw fiery punches our way. Holy shit, this thing has inflammable fists and it is not afraid to use them. That is awesome.

Awesome realistic art of Emboar. This is very well done.

Too bad Emboar isn't about using its fists in the competitive metagame, then. Sure, it learns Fire Punch just fine... by means of a Move Tutor. I'm literally laughing out loud right now; sometimes I think a Pokémon is so well-thought-out that I think the people at Game Freak are geniuses, and at moments like these I tend to believe those motherfuckers absolutely don't know what the heck they're doing. Anyway, Emboar's stat distribution seems to be kind of odd in a way, with excellent HP and attack, very good special attack and mediocre everything else. That means it won't outspeed a lot of things and won't take hits as well as you'd wish it to. Fortunately, there is a Choice Scarf set that can make this Pokémon potentially dangerous for any opposing team, and it involves a Jolly nature and Emboar's hidden ability Reckless. This ability increases the base power of moves that cause recoil damage by 20%, and let me tell you that Emboar learns quite a few of these. Flare Blitz will be its main source of power, as it's a fire-type move and thus provides some excellent STAB. Head Smash is, strangely, a level-up move that Emboar has access to and it can do some serious damage if you don't watch out (it already has a base power of 150, which will increase to 180 when applying Reckless), while Wild Charge through TM provides amazing type coverage against water and flying types, both of which Emboar is weak to. The last recoil-dealing move Emboar has access to is Take Down, but that is not a good move at all and should be avoided at all costs. Instead, go with a fighting-type move that matches up with Emboar's secondary typing, like Brick Break, Hammer Arm or Superpower, or - better yet - give it Scald. It may not be the best Pokémon to make use of that move, but at least you'll have an increased chance of burning a foe that relies on physical moves, which means Emboar can take a couple of hits in turn. On top of that, it hits rock types super-effectively and perhaps even more effectively than a STAB fighting-type move.

Emboar standing in the arena, ready to kick some ass. 

I actually think Emboar isn't that bad of a Pokémon. I like it more than Infernape, whom I'm currently using in an Ultra Moon playthrough with all starters, especially because it looks far more intimidating than and doesn't have quite as busy a design as the Sinnoh fire/fighting starter. I'm glad Game Freak hasn't made any more of those, mind you, and I hope they'll continue that trend, but Emboar is here now and it's fine for what it is.

Rating: 4/5

#489 - #490: Phione & Manaphy

Cute little Manaphy frolicking around in the water.

Manaphy used to be one of those Pokémon you could only get through a fairly ridiculous method prior to being distributed through online events regularly along with a whole bunch of other mythical Pokémon. In the fourth generation, however, a special egg containing Manaphy had to be inserted into some stupid Pokémon Ranger game by code before it could be transferred to Diamond or Pearl. In fact, you had to struggle your way through some unnecessary story first, in which a character called Murph picks up the Manaphy egg that had washed ashore on a beach and brings it to Professor Hastings, only for some villains to steal it. The player character is then required to retrieve it safely from the villains, after which Hastings reveals that the egg can only hatch if it is given to 'a Trainer in a faraway region', which is quite a roundabout way to say that the egg will only hatch if you transfer it to Diamond or Pearl. (Not sure if Platinum was in on the joke as well, but I can't see it being left out, being a carbon copy of Diamond and Pearl and all.) Aside from playing a minor role in quite a few Pokémon games, Manaphy had its own movie in Pokémon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea, in which it was first seen as an egg being stolen by Pokémon Ranger Jackie from a villain named Phantom. Phantom needs Manaphy in order to find the Sea Crown kept in Samiya, an underwater temple created by the People of the Water, but Ash and his friends arrive just in time to ruin his day and manage to keep Phantom from stealing back the egg again. Ultimately, a chase ensues and after performing some dangerous acrobatics in order to keep the egg from falling on the ground multiple times, the egg hatches in May's hands. May and Manaphy bond - much like Misty and Togepi did way back when - and Ash and his friends help the mythical Pokémon to find its home base Samiya.

Manaphy (left) and Phione (right).

The whole egg-hatching thing doesn't make any sense to me in the first place, because if you let Manaphy breed with a Ditto, you'll actually be able to obtain eggs containing Phione. You'd think that Pokémon is Manaphy's pre-evolution then, but nothing could be any further from the truth: Phione is Phione and will always stay a Phione no matter what, which means you'll forever be stuck with what is basically a weaker version of Manaphy, as all of its stats are a base 80 across the board compared to Manaphy's base 100 stats. It's a mystery to me as to why Phione exists in the first place, but I guess Game Freak had to fill up a vacant spot in the National Pokédex or something. As such, Phione's status as a mythical Pokémon is often disputed, with several pieces off evidence and even official statements contradicting each other, but I'm leaning towards the 'no' camp. Admittedly, strategy guides and handbooks have - somewhat inconsistently - listed Phione as a mythical Pokémon simply for being Manaphy's offspring; people seeking Phione on the Global Trade System will not be displayed if the player chooses to exclude people seeking mythical or legendary Pokémon; Phione is banned from most online competitions and online battles; and it is not needed to obtain certain in-game certifications for completing a regional or the National Pokédex, a trait otherwise exclusive to mythical Pokémon. At the end of the day, though, there is one thing that makes me question Phione's status as a mythical Pokémon: it is far too easy to obtain once you actually possess a Manaphy, and you could potentially end up with a hundred Phione coming from one Manaphy and a Ditto. Also, Phione is significantly weaker than other mythical Pokémon, lacking at least 90 base points in its base stat total to even just be considered a legendary Pokémon.

Mommy Ditto and Daddy Manaphy taking care of their young. Aren't they the most
adorable family you have ever seen? 

It's not that I hate Phione or its design or anything; I just can't see the use of a Pokémon like this if it can't evolve anyway and doesn't give a single fuck about making itself at least somewhat distinctive from its parent Pokémon. Both Phione and Manaphy are based on sea angels, a large group of small, transparent-looking swimming sea slugs often known as clione, which is a misleading term because the family clionidae is just one of the six families within this clade. As Phione's name suggests, this Pokémon is definitely based on clione, and it is entirely possible that Manaphy continues this trend despite there being no evidence for this 'theory' in its name. Clione are remarkably popular in Japan for some reason, especially in Hokkaido, the area that Sinnoh is based on, so it shouldn't be a surprise that Manaphy and its useless kin showed up in the fourth generation.

Phione and Manaphy's Pokédex entries are also pretty much the same, as Manaphy's state it will swim great distances to return to the cold seafloor on which it was born and Phione's mention a similar activity: it inflates the flotation sac on its head to languidly drift in warm seas and search for food, which it does in packs (another indication that there are more Phione than Manaphy), but it will always return to its birth place no matter how far it drifts away. While Manaphy is born with a wondrous power that lets it bond with any kind of Pokémon and is easily affected by its environment as 80% of its body consists of water, there is absolutely nothing more to say about Phione, which only makes me wish that Game Freak hadn't created this thing in the first place.

Manaphy playing with Pikachu. How kawaii is this???

Luckily we still have Manaphy to fall back on for competitive purposes. As it has base 100 stats across the board and a fantastic set-up move in Tail Glow, Manaphy is a force to be reckoned with in Smogon's OU tier, as it can boost its special attack to incredible levels and absolutely annihilate everything in its path while still having some natural bulk behind it. After just one Tail Glow, which raises its special attack by a whopping three stages, Manaphy can just use a STAB move like Surf or Scald and do massive damage, although it has access to some amazing coverage moves like Ice Beam, Psychic, Shadow Ball, Energy Ball, Signal Beam and Dazzling Gleam. There are so many good options to choose from, in fact, that it significantly suffers from four-moveslot syndrome. As Manaphy's special attack is going to be raised drastically anyway, you might want to give it a Timid nature and the Leftovers as a hold item, although a Life Orb or a Waterium Z are splendid options as well. Just make sure to steer away from Choice items, as they make Tail Glow ineffective all of a sudden. As for its ability, Manaphy only has Hydration, which will cure it of any non-volatile status conditions (burn, sleep, freeze, paralysis and poison) when it is raining. It's the reason why people often run Rain Dance on it, but I think that's a waste of Manaphy's potential and only worsens its four-moveslot syndrome, so I guess it's better just to let another one of your Pokémon set up the rain for it.

Happiny, what the actual fuck are you doing with that Manaphy egg? Step the hell
away from it; you ain't worthy to take care of that thing.

Although Tail Glow Manaphy is incredibly overpowered, there is one Pokémon that benefits from it even more than Manaphy does: Xurkitree. With a base 173 special attack stat, just one Tail Glow boost would be absolutely destructive. Still, Manaphy is very much worth your time and it can be an asset to any competitive team with some investment in finding a competitively viable one. I am mainly a collector and I don't really care all that much about the competitive scene (even though I can sometimes have a blast on Pokémon Showdown), but at least I know how viable it can be. This thing isn't one of my favorite Pokémon by any means, but I acknowledge its cuteness, strength and popularity and therefore I am giving it 4 stars.

P.S.: Did you know the Manaphy egg is actually based on a real-life sea creature? Pokémon eggs are normally beige with green spots, but Manaphy's is a transparent blue with a red core and a ring of yellowish spots above it. These traits give it resemblances to turritopsis dohrnii, also called the immortal jellyfish, which is found in the Mediterranean Sea and in the waters of Japan. The more you know...

Rating: 4/5