The Archers Monday 18th April 2011: Gardeners’ Question Time in Ambridge

click the title above, or the 'read more' link below the bullet points, to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Lynda and hunky Matthew Wilson
• Vicky and Eric Robson
• Lilian does the dishes
• The chosen ones
• Oh dear, what can the matter be? Poor old Vicky’s locked in the lavatory
• Vicky and Lilian bunking up
• And the answer to Vicky’s question?
• Bob liked Peggy’s cake
• Vicky’s smitten
• Vicky, foot, mouth

Lynda and hunky Matthew Wilson

[Joe] “I saw that Lynda Snell as I was coming put, dressing up to the nines”

[Vicky] “(Lynda’s with that) hunky Matthew Wilson to do a recording”

[Joe] “Why she’s getting all dressed up, it’s only on the wireless … and she was jumping up and down like a demented grasshopper. I don’t know what that’s all about”

Later on, Lynda reveals all:

[Lynda] “Matthew showed me how to aerate the lawn, which was potentially a little embarrassing. One has to put a wiggle into it”

Vicky and Eric Robson

While Lynda’s jumping on (and near) Matthew Wilson, Vicky gets to sell Eric Robson a chocolate bar.

Joe is most put out by Vicky’s fawning. When he wants to buy something, it’s all “self-service”

[Vicky] “What a nice man”

(Eric, not Joe)


Lilian does the dishes

Lilian’s duties at Gardeners’ Question Time have expanded from being the bouncer, to being the dish washer.

She’s not one to complain, thought.

[Lilian] “Don’t worry about me, darling. What I know about gardening, I could write on the back of a fag packet.”

Wonder if she had a bottle of gin stashed somewhere. She did sound very chirpy/


The chosen ones

The folks who get their questions picked, not only get their question read out and answered – they also get to sit at the front!

My goodness!

Joe was put out not to have his question chosen:

[Joe] “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be … they gone and picked that Sabrina Thwaite when all she does in the garden is sunbathe”

Jill and Neil also got their questions picked … as did Vicky’s. No wonder Joe is so put out. Vicky’s is about the propagation of mistletoe …

[Joe] “Well, people might get the wrong idea if they don’t agree with how I’ve been doing it”

So, Joe copes with potential embarrassment and financial ruin in a very mature and sensible manner …




Oh dear, what can the matter be? Poor old Vicky’s locked in the lavatory

Vicky pops out from the recording to the loo, when Joe is standing with Lilian having a natter (well, he’s eating all of the cakes).

Lilian has to nips away for a second, so Joe – quite calmly – locks Vicky in the toilet.

If Vicky can’t get out to ask her question, Joe won’t be proved wrong in his mistletoe promises.

Lilian finally hears Vicky, and unlocks the door (Joe is claiming it was stick), then nips off again to The Bull.

So Joe now won’t let Vicky into the recording.

Finding her way physically barred by an irrational Grundy, Vicky runs after Lilian to ‘tell’ and ‘make the big boy stop’ (my words), but is too late.

And even (even!) worse still, Joe now locks Vicky out of the entire building!

He then lies and says Vicky has turned ill, and has had to go home.

Ah, that Joe is a right rascal!


Vicky and Lilian bunking up

As Lilian returns from The Bull, she finds a rather desperate Vicky trying to get back
into the hall by climbing into a window.

[Vicky] “The kitchen window is the only way in … quick; will you give us a bunk up?”

Which Lilian does. Vicky gets in. And manages to ask her question.

Hurrah!



And the answer to Vicky’s question?

The panel reckoned Joe’s mistletoe was propagated too early.

[Joe] “I was only doing what my fore fathers did … must be that global warning”

But Joe knows when he’s been put to rights. He mumbles something, then runs away as Eric

Joe runs away from Eric Robson walks over.

[Jim] “Exit pursued by irate customers”

Ha!


Bob liked Peggy’s cake

So says Eric, and asks Jill to take him over to Peggy so that he can thank her.

Grand. All that subterfuge was worth it. Heady times indeed!



Vicky’s smitten

Lynda introduces Vicky to Matthew Wilson (after Matthew had sounded none too keen to “pop back” to Lynda’s when he was next passing).

Vicky reckoned Matthew was gorgeous and rather charming, especially as he bid them farewell with:

[Matthew] “And as Eric would say, happy gardening!”

Christine Walkden asked Vicky if she was all right (which Vicky too as just Christine being nice, rather than registering that she looked a fright after clamouring through the kitchen window)

So all in all, it’s been rather magical for our Vicky.

While is why she gets over excited, and says something she shouldn’t …


Vicky, foot, mouth

You wouldn’t be forgiven for thinking that Vicky is a tad mad at time (gettit?), but she just has a case of having no tact, diplomacy or an ability to keep a secret.

She says to Lynda:

[Vicky] “It’s been such a great few days. What with this, and with Roy’s news …”

Doh!

She proceeds to tell Lynda that Roy has accepted a job at Lower Loxley, which everyone else had been trying to keep quiet for the while.

Lynda was very interested.

Very interested indeed.

So, can we now expect Lynda to vie for a job that doesn’t even exist – and to then be crushed when she finds out that there is no chance of promotion?

The Archers Friday 15th April 2011: Ted and Peggy?

click the 'read more' link below the bullet points to read the full post on this eavesdropping episode

• Lilian’s so smoking!
• Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa
• Cakes at twenty paces
• Questions, questions …
• Lilian’s new career as a bouncer
• Brenda’s back on the leaflets!
• “If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”
• Clarrie stands up for George
• George & Keira like Will and Ed?
• Does Ed love Keira more?
• When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

Lilian’s so smoking!

And she has the occasional cigarette as well.

Wonder how long it will take for Jolene to have to nip round to Lilian’s for a cigarette late at night, after the shop has shut, when she’s desperate but has none in …



Jennifer is indeed still in South Africa

Peggy has confirmed it, so that one’s cleared up (what was Alice thinking?).

Ruairi is in Ireland, and having a lovely time as well.

[Vicky] “It’s nice for him to have a little holiday too”

[Peggy] “Nice for Brian!”

Cakes at twenty paces

Looks like there might be a showdown between Jill and Peggy over cakes.

Jill has been stressing that she has too many folks involved in the catering for Gardeners’’ Question Time – but Peggy has seemingly decided to make a “special” cake for the presenters.

Without telling Jill.

This could turn quite nasty.


Questions, questions …

Vicky is also excited about Gardeners’ Question Time, though she’s not sure if her question is ‘”appropriate”.

Unlike Jill, who won’t share what her question is, Peggy is more than happy to tell hers to Vicky to help her understand what might be a good enough one.

Peggy’s question is about her gladiolus.

[Peggy] “ .. . the corns I lifted in the Autumn are covered with little tiny corns. I want to know if I should brush them off before planting … could be potted up … how long to flower”

[Vicky] “That’s really good. So clever and interesting. Mine’s nothing like that …It’s about these mistletoe propagation Joe Grundy’s been selling. I wanna ask the panel if they think they can actually work!”

[Peggy] “I think that a very good question … but I’d keep it to myself if I were you”

Oh-ho! Joe’s ploy to be lambasted on national radio?

Just wait until Sabrina hears the truth.



Lilian’s new career as a bouncer

Lilian reckons she has a:

[Lilian] “very important part in the proceedings … only person in the village who doesn’t want to ask a question ..”

As Lilian really isn’t that bothered about Gardeners’ Question Time, she’s become the bouncer … well, doorkeeper, in Ambridge terms.

Matt persuaded her that it’d be a good way to impress voters during the Parish elections – so, as per, as Matt says to do, Lilian does.

But Peggy reckons she can’t have any cake! Presenters only.


Brenda’s back on the leaflets!

It’s been a while – so about time Brenda let her true talent out again.

As Brenda’s doing Lilian’s election leaflets, Lilian reckons they’ll look superb.

[Peggy] “But will it actually say anything?”

Meow!

And not sure if that was directed at Lilian (for being a bit blonde sometimes), or Brenda (for design over substance).



“If it was up to Lynda Snell, we’d all be plunged into darkness at midnight”

So reckons Lilian.

She also reckons it was her who got the streetlamps sorted, despite Lynda’s protestations.

(I’m with Lynda on that one. I’d love our village to be dark at night).



Clarrie stands up for George

As promised to Will, Clarrie pops round to see Ed to tackle the problem of George feeling very left out because of baby Girl Grundy Keira. – which Clarrie and Will reckon Ed and Emma aren’t dealing with very well.

[Ed] “You’ve got the wrong end of the stick. You don’t understand what Emma’s trying to do”

Ed reckons Emma is trying to involve George with Keira by asking him to help look after her. George sees it as him having to do stuff he doesn’t want to do because of the baby.

I can see his point – that’s its better George helps, than Emma having to send him to his room so she can concentrate on Keira. But he had a bit of a cheek also saying that it was better than him being ‘stuck’ in front of the telly. Wasn’t that exactly what Ed did with him just a few weeks ago?

Clarrie’s point about the Fun Run (Emma choosing to put George elsewhere while she took Keira, as George had been playing up and she couldn’t cope with the two of them:

[Clarrie] “Of course it were better for Emma, I don’t blame her. But from George’s point of view, he were being punished”

And Clarrie also tells Ed that George has said he wants to baby to go back, and for him to stay with Will.

Ed doesn’t entirely believe Clarrie at first – because it came via Will. He reckons Will is just jealous.

Which Clarrie uses to ram home her point that Ed and Emma have to do something better with George asap.


George & Keira like Will and Ed?

[Clarrie] “Is that what you want Keira and George to end up like? Like you and Will”

Seemingly, Clarrie has some regrets about how she brought up Will and Ed – if she’d done something different, maybe they wouldn’t hate each other as much.

[Ed] “You can’t blame yourself because he’s an idiot … it’s nothing to do with our childhood”

Does Ed love Keira more?

George doesn’t think so. Neither does Clarrie. But interesting that it was Ed who brought it up:

[Ed] “So you’re not hinting that I love Keira more because she’s biologically mine?”

I wouldn’t have though Ed would think like that, but one can’t help one’s feelings sometimes.

Clarrie makes a very good suggestion that it’s Ed who should be making more time for George, while Emma deals with the Keira.

[Clarrie] “You can make a fuss of George. Make it a good thing that he’s older”

[Ed] “He can help me out with the cows. It’d be much better than Will’s boring old birds … “

(Ed reckons it’s only Will who is the idiot?!?)



When was Peggy friendly with Ted?

I do remember Peggy being friendly with Ted when she first met him (back in the day when Jack has first gone into the home), but also then she was just as fast to step back from being friendly.

I thought she realised that friendship could lead to something more, so took herself away from Ted to avoid it happening. Even though Jack is muchly ‘fond’ of Ted’s wife (who is in the home with him).

But, seemingly Peggy and Ted have been chatting recently. However – she’s now back to being a bit cold with him.

She wasn’t very warm when he came over to say help, refused to go for a walk with him, Jack and his wife (she reckoned Jack would become confused with too many people), AND wouldn’t even have cake and coffee with Ted.

Ted’s worried that Peggy doesn’t like him – that’s he’s the problem.

But Elona is a canny lass, who can see potential in Peggy and Ted:

[Peggy] “Don’t give up trying Ted. Not yet”

Come on Peggy. You have a right to a life, you know.

The Archers Tues 18th Jan 2011: Clarrie’s free!

• Brian’s a helpful chap
• The League of Friends are indeed always nice
• Clarrie’s looking forward to washing a mug
• This Ambridge eavesdropping is brought to you by Skype …
• Mart plans are at the Council
• “Some economist from Felpersham”
• Joe’s made some mistletoe sales
• Clarrie lets slip to Jim
• Nigel was idiosyncratic at organising

Brian’s a helpful chap

It looks like Brian’s offer to help at Brookfield wasn’t just a one off – and seems to come with no strings.

Helping out this time with the strawing down (which I think has something to do with the cows being inside), he also volunteers to take over Bert’s silage duties.

Though still struggling into work, Bert’s back is too sore to let him be of much use.

So it's Brian to the rescue, again.

I'd almost be suspicious, if it was just Ruth that was the female offering at Brookfield.

Though I suppose there is Pip ... surely not!?!


The League of Friends are indeed always nice

Preferring to get going to Clarrie’s hospital appointment rather than have a cup of tea at home, Nic was quite right that the League of Friends are nice people.

They’re to be found volunteering in hospitals – information, cups of tea and often raising money for equipment.

Well done folks!


Clarrie’s looking forward to washing a mug

Concerned about her job:

[Clarrie] “Vicky’s already got her feet too far under the table for my liking … I don't want her getting no ideas about that job for the long term”

And getting increasingly frustrated about not being able to do the housework and cooking (though it has to be said that Joe managed not to poison anyone), Clarrie can’t wait to get her arm out of plaster.

She’s especially looking forward to washing up her coffee mug properly.

As much as I can understand the mug symbolising Clarrie being able to get her world back under control … there’s also a part of me that thinks Clarrie does actually sees being able to wash her own mug is a genuine treat.

[Clarrie] “There’s a mug there that’s going to be washed with an inch of its life”

Will that woman ever get a proper break? (excuse the pun)


This Ambridge eavesdropping is brought to you by Skype …

Is it just me, or is the Aldridge family being sponsored by Skype?

That was yet another mention because of Nollie’s birthday tomorrow.

Maybe the extra income is why Brian is happy to give his time for free to Brookfield.


Mart plans are at the Council

All seems to be going well with Borchester Land and Amside’s Mart plans.

Though Brian reckons Matt’s still pulling Lilian’s strings, she is “putting up a good fight” at the Board table.

The plans for the mart are finished, and are now in front of the Council’s planning department.

Surely that’s where the trouble really starts?!?


“Some economist from Felpersham”

Wowzer – those farmers sure know how to book a scintillating key note speaker for their conference!

Seemingly Adam’s going to translate (he studied Agricultural economics), and the economist’s topic, “Global Soft Commodity prospects”, Brian reckoned would be:

“food for thought”

(and he said that with, again, no pun intended)

Each to their own, I suppose.



Joe’s made some mistletoe sales

But Clarrie reckons:

[Clarrie] “anyone that’s lived here a while isn’t so keen … mainly the townies that’s taking it … Joe could be up to a lot worse”

True.

But does Clarrie realise that he’s been using one of her sheets?

Clarrie lets slip to Jim

Whoops!

Clarrie does seem to have a tendency of telling folks things they would probably be better off not knowing.

Though it seems to be entirely innocent on her part. Unlike when Susan tells her home truths …

Anyway, expect Jim to give Joe a telling any day now. His reaction to being told that he’d “inspired” Joe to go round the village, charging folks for his Druid services, didn’t sound entirely positive.

[Clarrie] “he’s a funny old stick”

Nigel was idiosyncratic at organising

David’s having a struggle trying to work out Nigel’s way of working.

He’s not sure what Nigel meant when he ticked something (as it would seem Nigel also used crosses for when he’d completed some tasks); Nigel had a bit of an eccentric filing system (Royal’s Rink hire was under I for Ice rink); and David is a tad concerned that all of this will mean he and Lewis will miss something important.

Lewis is a very calm chap to have around, but David seems to be edging onto panic (on top of his guilt, and sheer exhaustion).

That David can’t find a trace of the ice sculpture is his biggest problem at the moment (maybe the sculpture goes the same way as the ice? … sorry …).

Spotting that David is about to potentially self-combust, Lewis tries to suggest that David really doesn’t need to do all of this work.

After all, Elizabeth didn’t ask him to – and probably should start looking for a professional manager for Lower Loxley.

That the Lower Loxely trustees are meeting in 3 weeks sounds a bit ominous.

Maybe David should relax a bit now, in case Elizabeth will need him more in a few weeks time …

The Archers Sun 16th Jan 2011: When Vicky met Henry

• It’s Pip’s driving tests in 2 weeks
• Henry’s in transition
• “Dressed like that bloke out of Asterix”
• Tom stands up for Brenda
• Miracle of science?
• Yikes! A broody Vicky
• Chips and supermarket quiche
• “There’s a great gap where Nigel should be”

It’s Pip’s driving tests in 2 weeks

Banned for speeding within a matter of weeks? Car crash? An additional door put into the Barn?!?


Henry’s in transition

Cripes, that was fast. I didn’t think wee ones could make those sort of decisions …

(sorry!)

Henry’s been moved to the transition unit, which Tom reckons is far nicer. There’s no tubes, “and stuff”.

As Helen changes Henry’s nappy:

[Tom] “Very undignified, being a baby isn’t it? … wait until I take him from his first pint and tell him I’ve seen him like this!”

And we’ll all remember it too, as Henry grows up. That’s part of the joy of eavesdropping into The Archers for years, upon years, upon years …




“Dressed like that bloke out of Asterix”

Is what Tom reckons Joe looks like.

Sounds like Joe has been having some success with his new Druid approach to selling mistletoe.

Well, whatever floats Joe’s (and his customers) boat.



Tom stands up for Brenda

As Tom’s organising the hotel for their trip to Berlin (4 nights from the 25th of Feb), he’s also doing his best to dissuade Vicky from making Brenda’s 30th birthday party a living hell.

(well, it would just be a tad rubbish to most of us, but we all know how Brenda loves an excuse to go a bit overboard about anything Vicky related)

As Vicky starts to tick off the games she wants to play at Brenda’s party (Murder in the Dark or Sardines), Tom manages to get a word in:

[Tom] “Perhaps I didn’t really make it clear. I really don’t think Brenda would like games at her party … when it’s mainly people of our age, all we want is a few drinks and a bit of music and the party will look after itself … believe me, Brenda wouldn’t want that sort if party, not for her 30th”

[Vicky, slightly deflated but not entirely giving up] “But I’m still going to do that memory thing”

Hmmm. As Tom tried to tell Vicky previously, Brenda might also not be that enamoured of having her baby pictures, and other embarrassing images, plastered all over her party.

[Helen] “You know the first thing that shot into my mind. Her being sacked from radio Borchester …”

Yup. There’s a definite flaw somewhere in Vicky’s plan there, methinks.



Miracle of science?

As Vicky’s in seeing Henry, while Helen and Tom are also visiting him, she reckons he’s:

[Vicky] “Your miracle baby”

[Helen] “It’s just good, medical science. That’s all”

I reckon Henry’s a bit of both. A wee miracle, helped by science.

And that he can fall asleep while being held, and yattered over, by Vicky … well, that just shows how very special he is indeed.


Yikes! A broody Vicky

Mike had better watch out …

She’s also adamant that Brenda with also get broody, what with a new baby in the family. Despite Tom’s protestations.

[Tom] “Not really”

[Vicky] “You’ll have to get a move on you know, both knocking on 30”

Cheeky mare!

[Tom] “You know what’s even worse … suppose Vicky goes onto Brenda about having babies. You know how she feels about that. She’ll hit the roof!”

So Vicky is going to ruin Brenda’s 30th party by not accepting that she just needs a few cans of special brew, a bowl of nuts and a few pals – AND Vicky’s going to top that off with annoying her with talk of babies.

Oh dear.

My question – when did Brenda get so anti-baby?

That surely must mean an unplanned pregnancy anytime now.



Chips and supermarket quiche

Yup – Ruth’s cooking again.

Both David and Pip seem quietly disappointed that it’s not “one of gran’s”.

Better than pizza, folks!


“There’s a great gap where Nigel should be”

Quite agree with Ruth – “it’s heart-breaking”

[David] “We’ve got a long road ahead”

And one which is going to takes years and years to fully play out.

Aw. I still miss Nigel.

The Archers Wed 12th Jan 2010: Jill at seven

• Poor Kenton
• Joe in vestments?
• The simple pleasures
• Guilt’s not attractive on David
• Those early hurts are the deepest

Poor Kenton

[Kenton] “I wished she’d asked me … well, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to bother her now that it’s sorted … she knows that (David’s) the reliable one”

[Shula] “Well, he clearly didn’t want to do it which is why I offered … why, what did you want to say?”

[Kenton] “Well, just what fun he was”

It’s not nice being Kenton sometimes.

The black sheep of the family, to the point where he believes that he no-one else will trust him to say the right thing at his best friend’s funeral.

It’s a shame that neither Shula nor David thought of Kenton. Elizabeth is hardly best placed to think of anything …



Joe in vestments?

*shudder*

Still, at least Joe is providing some light relief to the Archer clan.

Kenton and Shula are guffawing away at the fact that Jim hasn’t as yet spotted that Joe’s more interested in a few extra £ than ancient history.

And, at the idea of Joe trying to make more money by becoming a Druid priest:

[Kenton] “ …a priest in white vestments climbs an oak tree and cuts down the mistletoe with a golden sycle”

[Shula] “Sounds quite beautiful”

[Kenton] “Well, not when the priest is Joe Grundy”

While Shula is tempted to get Joe in to do his new found magic on her trees, Kenton's more in the mood for a sing song.

Quite bizarrely, Shula joins in:

“Hey down (Ho down) Derry derry down
Among the leaves so green-o”

Odd, as that was quite a prominent song in the last run of Lark Rise to Candleford.

Maybe Kenton and Shula watch it (Shula, I can imagine, but Kenton? Is he that ,lonely?)

And even more bizarre yet, Helen walks in as Shula and Kenton are singing, making them both behave like naughty school children caught misbehaving.

Still, any laughs right now must be welcomed.



The simple pleasures

At first a bit perturbed to find Shula and Kenton singing in a house of mourning.

[Helen] “They seemed in an …odd … mood”

Helen soon settles down to both comfort Elizabeth, and also make much of her wee boy Henry.

Not that Helen went overboard, or Elizabeth was not welcoming a happy diversion.

All Helen wants to do it to be able to care for Henry, but that’s difficult when he’s still in hospital.

She just wants to be able to give him a bath.

[Elizabeth] “Nigel said it was lucky we had twins as we both had one to bath”

It’s the simple moments that stay with us.


Guilt’s not attractive on David

I’ll admit I reckon David’s quite right to feel a bit of guilt (why else where they both up on the roof?), but he’s going to drive himself insane if he keep being so down on himself.

Despite putting his entire life on hold to run Lowe Loxley with Lewis (including a big society wedding which sounds a bit tricky – likely more of that to follow), David can’t give himself a break for not wanting to speak at Nigel’s funeral.

Would anybody actually expect him to?



Those early hurts are the deepest

[Jill] “You know I was brought up by my mother’s cousin …”

[Elizabeth] “Yes, aunt Daphne, because your father died when you were a baby”

[Jill] “Yes, and then my mother .. she struggled to keep out little family together, but it was too much for her”

“I’ve never talked about how I felt .. .what it did to me .. .it went too deep”

Jill’s talking to Elizabeth about her own experiences of death as a young child.

Her father died when she was a baby. Her mother when she was but knee high. And her Aunt, in trying to protect her from the pain of her mother’s death, decided to keep Jill away from the funeral.

[Jill] “I know what it’s like to not say goodbye … it made me think people could disappear without any explanation .. people you loved, people you thought loved you … you couldn’t trust them ..

“I used to be a very wary person Elizabeth, I didn’t want to be hurt again …but then I met your father, and he showed me I was wrong. He ;loved me, and I know he’d never leave ,me.

“He taught me to love again, so I could start to forgive my mother .. .for abandoning me, for leaving me without a word and never coming back …”

[Elizabeth] “But she couldn’t, you must have known that, she was dead”

[Jill] “I was seven, Elizabeth”

[Elizabeth] “Oh mum, I wish you’d told me before.”

[Jill] “But I had to tell you how important it is – give Lilt and Freddie that chance. Let them say goodbye to their father, please …”

All of which was a bit of a teary moment for me.

Jill was crying at her own pain, and at the thought of her grandchildren having to feel the same.,

Elizabeth was crying as her mum crying.

But, as sad as it all was, at least Kenton managed to both help Elizabeth out, while also being able to find his proper place at Nigel’s funeral.

Lily and Freddie are now going to the funeral. Which means Elizabeth doesn’t want to speak (in case she breaks down).

Which means Kenton will have his chance to pay homage to his mate, properly.

Good.

The Archers Thurs 6th Jan 2011: Mistletoe Kits

• Pondering The Archers: One whole year
• Does Bridge Farm do sick pay?
• “Babies can bring a family together, if you’re lucky
• “She’s still so grateful …”
• “He was such a nice man”
• Dioecious
• Tony’s a man obsessed
• Not the bloomin’ yard tractor!
• Who does Henry look like?
• Shula reveals herself to Jim!
• Jim jumps off to the Druids

Pondering The Archers: One whole year

 I wrote a blog about the episode of The Archers which went out on the 6th of January, 2010.

One year on – I’ve now posted my ponderings on each and every recording of The Archers, from Jan 6th 2010 to Jan 6th 2011.

I often tell folks that I started the blog to save my partner from having to hear me prattle on about the events in Ambridge. Which I think that was the reason, but I also think that this has been a lot of effort, when I could have just phoned one of my friends (who are Ambridge eavesdroppers). Or, I could have just tweeted about it. Gone onto Facebook. Or the BBC’s message board.

(No – scratch that last one. Even now, I still think the folks on those message boards are a bit too angry)

Maybe it’s been more about The Archers than it has been about me.

Maybe the reason I started blogging is the same reason why millions of us tune in to hear the secret recordings of Ambridge.

It’s probably the same reason why I can’t explain why I like The Archers so much.

Why I spend time after each episode blogging (often with a glass of cider – hence the spelling mistakes …).

Why I want to go to The Bull for a G&T with Lillian, and out on the proper Raz with Jazzer.

Why I wanted to take a contract out on Jude.

Why I fumed at Kenton and Kathy for continually shouting.

Why I was delighted with Alice and Chris for marrying (hurrah to Susan Vs Jennifer!)

Why I adore Ian so much, and loathe Tom ...

....

Why I had to sit quietly for a while as Jill realised Phil had died …

.....

Why I actually bellowed as Nigel screamed in terror as he fell off Lower Loxley’s roof …

(and I could go on and on).

Why?

I think, therefore I Ambridge*

Cheers for reading!


Does Bridge Farm do sick pay?

Clarrie’s over for a cup of tea and a chatter with Pat.

We haven’t heard from Clarrie since before Christmas, but her hand is a lot better (though not totally mended), and she sounds keen to get back to work.

I wonder if that is out of concern for Pat’s workloads, or whether it’s because Bridge Farm doesn’t do sick pay?


“Babies can bring a family together, if you’re lucky”

[Pat] “Turned out for the best … where’s Tony’s concerned, certainly … you know he had his doubts … but now he could be happier. And he’s completed besotted by the baby … he and Helen are getting on so well”

[Clarrie] “Babies can bring a family together, if you’re lucky”

Oh dear. Sounds like there’s disquiet in the Grundy household.

It seems Clarrie’s hardly seen anything of Emma in the last wee while.

Despite Clarrie being one hand down. And despite Emma being pregnant with Ed’s child.

Clarrie may be a nice lady, but I really wouldn’t annoy her again if I was Emma. She can be quite protective of her grandkids, as well as her sons, I reckon.



“She’s still so grateful …”

Did anyone else hear anything odd in Pat saying about Helen:

[Pat] “She’s still so grateful he’s here and safe and healthy”

Note the word ‘still’.

Does that mean, anytime now, Helen will get over the sheer relief of Henry being okay, and revert back to Hellin?

I hope not. I’ve spent the last few days telling everyone ‘I told you Helen wasn’t that bad’.

Don’t let me down now!


“He was such a nice man”

Well said Clarrie.

Pat’s feeling as much guilt as Helen does – over feeling so happy when there’s also a huge sadness in Ambridge.

I don’t think that can be helped.

Still, at least Eddie’s in Clarrie’s good books for taking the time to chat to Freddie especially, as Clarrie said, when so many people avoid the kids as they don’t know how to handle the situation.

A friendship formed as rats. Lovely.


Dioecious

You just know that when Joe Grundy starts using big words, Jim’s been involved in one way or another.

Joe’s out with (a very reluctant) Eddie, trying to fell ‘grow your own mistletoe’ kits.

Eddie doesn’t buy it. He can’t think of why anyone would want to grow their own. And if they did – it’d then cut into his own mistletoe supply business.

[Joe] “Oh, it’ll take years before that happens, I’ll be long gone”

[Eddie] “Oh thanks, ruin my business from beyond the grave, why don’t you!”

Joe then went onto explain the snazzy part of this scam.

Mistletoe is a Dioecious plant, which means (I have just found out), a plant which has separate male and female plants.

Which means it’s incredibly hard to grow.

(For some reason, Eddie finds the discussion about the male and female reproductive organs disgusting. Not prudish, are we Eddie?)

But, Eddie thinks that if no-one really has a chance of growing their own, he and Joe will have even less chance of selling them in the first place.

So, Joe reckons they admit it’s a “gamble” to prospective buyers, cut the price accordingly (to £5)

[Joe] “If there’s one thing that people like is as bargain, almost as much as a gamble … don’t you think are plenty of gullible idiots in grange spinney, as I do!”

But alas, dear Joe – he was wrong.

While blaming Eddie for not selling hard enough:

[Joe] “Folks could tell you got no faith in the product”

Joe also accepts that folks were put off by the fact that these kits were not a very exciting opportunity.

I blame Jim entirely. It was Jim that helped Joe check the internet for mistletoe information, so him that put Dioecious in Joe’s head in the first place.

And if it hadn’t been in Joe’s head, he wouldn’t have mentioned it to Eddie.

Which would have avoided them basically trying to sell something which they were also admitting probably would work.

And really – would it have mattered if they’d sold all those “gullible idiots” a dud product? Or are Joe and Eddie now taking Customer Relationship Management seriously …


Tony’s a man obsessed

We all think would happen when Tony first saw Helen’s baby – and right enough, the wee blighter has melted Tony.

But it does sound like Tony is now taking it too far:

[Tony] “I am a bit obsessed .. he is the most beautiful baby in the world”

Of course, he loves his first grandson, but his over-exuberance is also in-part due to guilt.

[Tony] “Pat, I’m sorry. What I put you through when Helen was pregnant”

[Pat] “You were entitled to you own opinion”

[Tony]

“I can’t think why made such a fuss about it now …

“When we were driving here on Sunday when I thought I might lose her and the baby, when I thought her dying memoires of me might be the arguments, and the coldness and my stupid stupid pride …

“what did it matter whether I was right or not?

“ How could I let things get so bad between me and my own daughter. I loved her. That was all that mattered”

[Pat] “The look on your face when you saw Henry … that was enough for her”

So, it would seem all’s well that ends well, with that side of the Archer clan.

Oh, wait a minute.

Was that a mention of a tractor …




Not the bloomin’ yard tractor!

I was about to throw something at my radio when Tony mentioned that the yard tractor was broken again … but it’s okay:

[Tony] “Oh, bother the yard tractor. Let it rust!”

Phew!


Who does Henry look like?

[Tony to Clarrie] “You think he looks like anyone?”

[Pat] “The right answer to that is - yes Tony, he’s got your nose “

I wonder.

Will we have the modern day equivalent of the search for Adam’s father – by folks trying to work out who he looked like?

That’ll be a job and a half. Surely it could be at least a few hundred local men?

We might just have to wait until Henry turns 18.


Shula reveals herself to Jim!

Well, not quite. But sort of:

[Jim] “Shula’s been a revelation to me … so strong for everyone else … I can see why Alistair married her now”

[Clarrie] “She is being brave … perhaps you don’t this, but she used to go out with Nigel”

[Jim] “Did She? Good heavens. All the more credit to her. They are quite a remarkable family”

As much as Jim can be a pompous irritant, he also often comes out with the most generous of statements.



Jim jumps off to the Druids

Back off to Jim and his “net” after his first failed attempt at selling Mistletoe kits, Joe’s at first perplexed to be getting a lecture about Druids

Seemingly, Mistletoe was important to Druids.

The Romans had problems when confronted with the magic and mystery of Druids.

[Jim] “It was said the chief Druid could fly”

[Joe] “They the ones that dresses up in white and dances round Stonehenge, is it?”

[Jim] “Oh Joe, there’s so much more to them than that. They have much to teach us”

[Joe] “Like how to fly?”

(*snort!*)

Just as Joe was about to lose the will to live, he’s perked up by Jim’s mention that Druid’s has rituals to make mistletoe grow, because it was sacred to them.

So we can now expect Joe to be outside in the freezing cold, dressed in one of Clarrie’s old frocks, chanting to his mistletoe kits.

Ah well. At least it get’s him out the house.



*which I am happy to admit is the quote from an Archers Addict mug, still available to purchase from them online.