Why Is the NCA* Silent?

Joseph in IL sends in a cutting story...

Farming town disrupted by melee that included chain saw

The quiet of Big Sandy's block-long commercial district was disrupted one afternoon this week when two vehicles sped into town and their seven occupants got out and began fighting.

The brawl began when three men in a car pulled up in front of a coffee shop shortly after 2 p.m. Monday, and a pickup carrying two men and two women stopped behind them, Chouteau County Sheriff Vern Burdick said.

Considering that one person had "superficial" wounds and the remaining participants were unharmed, it's safe to bet that "Yakety Sax" should accompany any footage of this melee (thanks to Joseph for the mental image...) Fortunately, everyone involved was either completely inept in the ways of street fighting or perhaps too drunk to swing a fist properly. In any case, it seems like damage was minimal and no innocent bystanders were injured.

I've often joked that I'd like to include a chainsaw in my home defense plan, for one simple reason: If someone does break into my house, it's most likely going to be in the middle of the night, while I'm sleeping. Sure, showing up at the top of the stairs with an AR-15 or shotgun would be scary, but imagine a McCulloch with a 2' bar in full throttle, being wielded by a 6' tall shaved head biker looking guy in his tidy whiteys... I envision the home invaders leaving comical human silhouette prints in the door leaving...

Remember, when chainsaws are outlawed, only outlaws will have chainsaws...

That is all.

*Why, the National Chainsaw Association, of course!

I Weep for the Species

I just... I can't... Gah.

Officials: Teen accused in boy's death took selfie with body

Authorities say a western Pennsylvania teenager charged in the shooting death of another teen took a selfie with the body and sent it to a friend on social media.

The 16-year-old boy is charged with homicide and a firearms count in the death of 16-year-old Ryan Mangan, who was found Wednesday evening in his Jeannette home.

He shot another human to death, then took pictures of the body and sent them to his friends on social media. I'm guessing Facebook or Instagram or something of that ilk. Over. The. Damn. Internet. I mean, there's not even a pretense of discretion here. You've just committed a horrible, violent crime that in many states would earn you the death penalty. Let's broadcast our guilt!

There are so many facets to this story I don't even know where to begin. There's a 16 year old murderer - too young to buy a firearm in any state in the US, and certainly too young to legally carry a firearm - who is so proud of having committed the most heinous of violent crimes that he takes to social media.

There's something seriously wrong with both this kid and our society here. He wasn't afraid of getting caught, certainly; that's the biggest problem (after being completely willing to just murder a peer, of course). That some people think more gun laws will stop something like this is both infuriating and frightening. And what the hell does it say about us that he just *had* to post pictures of his crime?

Hell, handbasket, some assembly required...

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

It Must Be The Day For Dumb Crooks...

Because in addition to the flying Bandito, there's Captain Chewtoy...

Ohio man says dog got the best of would-be burglar

A family in northern Ohio says a man trying to break into their home left behind a trail of blood after meeting their dog at the front door.

The family in Port Clinton says they were home when their 11-year-old pit bull named Mamma heard something at the door and began growling.

Pit bulls get a lot of bad press, the vast majority of which comes from improper training or mistreatment. The breed is no different than any other breed of canine: treat it with respect and love, and that's what is returned. Sounds like this dog was well-loved, and looking to protect its home and family.

Good dog.

I had to leave this in, because it's such a wonderful graf:

Tony Byrd Jr. tells The Blade newspaper in Toledo he heard screaming coming from the front of the house Sunday night and came out to see the would-be burglar shutting the door and running to a car.

Heh. I'll pause to let you stop giggling like a tickled hermit.

If I were a betting man, I'd say the guy trying to gain access probably startled or scared someone in the house. Dogs can sense that sort of thing very well, and this one reacted accordingly to stop the threat.

Again, good dog.

Many many years ago, when I was quite literally a baby, we had a German Shepherd my dad adopted from the local K-9 officer. It was named "Guenther" (long story), and to hear my folks tell it, Guenther was as lovable as the day is long, and showed no signs of aggression whatsoever.

Well, one day, my mom was home alone and one of Dad's friends stopped over. Being a cop family, right down the street from my grandfather (a town cop) in a small town where everyone knows everyone, Mom had left the front door open. Dad's friend knocked on the door, but Mom didn't hear him, so he walked on in.

My mom, not expecting to see someone in the house, gasped and jumped back a little. Guenther, who had been curled up fast asleep on the other side of the kitchen, hit the guy in less than a second, knocking him to the ground with his teeth firmly hovering over the man's neck. Guenther never broke the skin, but had Dad's friend so much as sneezed he would have needed reconstructive surgery.

It was immediately sorted out, and as soon as Mom introduced Dad's friend to Guenther, he was back to happy, lovable mode. I think Dad's friend needed a change of shorts...

Back to our story, good dog.

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

If They Were Smart, They Wouldn't Be Crooks...

Joseph in IL sends in a story of a stupid *and* unlucky criminal. Let's all take a moment to laugh at him, shall we?

Suspected burglar falls through ceiling, lands near police

Authorities say a man's plans to break into a Houston store fell through, after he crashed through the ceiling and landed in front of police.

Houston police say the man climbed a tree and onto the roof of a Family Dollar store early Sunday morning, then managed to break a hole in the roof and enter the building.

Again, I find myself trying to understand this person's "thinking". Why on earth would you think it's a *good* idea to break into a building via the roof? Are you unaware of gravity? What, precisely, was the plan *after* gaining entrance? Magically float down to the ground?

I guess it's a good thing that these criminals are so dumb. I'd hate to face intelligent criminals, because they might try to gain unauthorized access to our credit cards and bank statements. I guess it's better they hatch ill-conceived plots that involved the willing suspension of gravity rather than shoving a gun in someone's face.

You know, maybe we're better off with Guido the Amazing Flying Criminal...

That is all.

If The Shoe Fits...

Sent in on the BLNN is this charming story.

Police: Baby Jesus taken, replaced with pig's head

A mayor in Massachusetts is outraged that someone stole a baby Jesus statue from a church’s Nativity scene and replaced it with a pig’s head.

The parish priest noticed the statue had been taken from the creche at Sacred Hearts Roman Catholic Church on Christmas morning.

Police say the pig’s head left in its place appears to have been recently severed, and investigators are seeking help from butcher shops and pig farms. Police say the perpetrator could face animal cruelty charges.

Now, this is Massachusetts, where the Catholic Church is a favored whipping boy. Which is why this next part surprised me somewhat:

Haverhill Mayor James Fiorentini says the desecration has ‘‘all the elements of a hate crime.’’

That they might even dare to utter the "H" word in regards to something that happened to a Catholic Church in Massachusetts tells me that people have gone positively apeshit over this in Haverhill. It's a pretty Italian town, and there are lots of Catholics there.

Oh, and that's the church I used to go to when I lived in MA.

Locals are blaming "atheists," which I'm pretty sure is a crock of s**t.This is either bored teens who have never gone to church, or else activists looking to piss people off without putting themselves in any danger. Like I said, that was my church. The only time it was ever full was Easter; the remainder of the year you'd be lucky to get it half-filled, and this is in a city of some 70K people, a good percentage of which are Catholic.

If I were a betting man, I'd chalk this up to bored teenagers who thought it would be good for a laugh, something everyone would talk about but at the worst would get them a slap on the wrist if they got caught. Apparently you can buy pig heads at butcher shops; I suspect that's where it came from - if they did, in fact, behead a pig that didn't belong to them their lives are going to get pretty damn miserable. MA has pretty strict cruelty laws and isn't reluctant to use them.

I just hope they *are* in fact charged with a hate crime. Burn a cross on a lawn, spraypaint a swastika on a synagogue, you better believe that'll get hate crime charges and civil rights violations aplenty. But take a poke at the Catholic Church? Yawn.

Although doing it in a city with a strong Italian population - a fair percentage of which are on the police force - might not work out the way the perps thought...

That is all.

Not. Helping.

Heard this on the radio on the drive home yesterday. I still don't know what to make of it.

Berkeley protesters briefly block Oakland freeway

Hundreds of people marched from Berkeley to Oakland Sunday for the second night of demonstrations against a grand jury's decision not to indict a police officer in the chokehold death of Eric Garner.

There were reports of some demonstrators throwing explosives at officers and assaulting each other. A group of demonstrators blocked all eastbound lanes of Highway 24 near 52nd Street at 8:45 p.m. in Oakland.

If this had been all there was to the story, I wouldn't have thought twice about it, except perhaps to comment on the spectre of societal unrest, a volatile political climate for the current party in the White House, and historical precedent (although, for all his faults, Mitt Romney is no Richard Nixon...).

No. Then there was this:

Protesters tonight could be heard yelling, "Fist up, Fight back," and "Turn it up, don't turn it down. Shut it down for Michael Brown."

(Emphasis mine).

That brought me to a full stop. For the older readers, imagine the sound a record needle makes when pulled off the record. For the younger readers, ask your parents. Just think about that line for a second, will you? These people are protesting what they feel are instances where the police have overstepped their bounds. In both cases, we have people resisting officers with physical force and refusing to follow the officers' directions.

Raising your fists? Fighting back? Isn't that what got Mike Brown killed? Even if you believe 100% that Brown was shot in the back by a racist cop, is showing overt menace to someone that potentially might do you harm going to help things? If they honestly believe that cops are just looking for an excuse to kill black people, is inciting them to raise their fists going to help things?

This just struck me as the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Let's whip this crowd into a frenzy, telling them to attack police officers. Then, when they do attack the police officers - the ones we believe are terrible racists, what exactly is going to happen? Cops are, despite what anyone might tell you, still human. They do have the right to defend themselves. When they do defend against attack - and they will - more people are going to get hurt and/or killed.

Great. You've just agitated for a vicious circle of violence. Wonderful. This can't possibly end poorly, can it?

There are so many thoughts slamming together in my brain over this whole scenario. I can't help but wonder, with a bitter laugh, what the position was of some of these agitators some 20 years ago, when they were staking out Randy Weaver's house on Ruby Ridge. Did they think Weaver was asking for it? Did they think Weaver should have surrendered to the authorities? Or did they buy the ATF's claim that David Koresh started the fire inside the Waco compound? Fast forward - did Erik Scott really have his hand on his gun, like Las Vegas cops claimed?

Not to mention, I have to ask, how many of the professionally offended have personally donated camera time at events where gun control played some part. How many of them might have hinted, intimated, or even outright stated that only the police should own guns? It's the same side of the ideological coin.

The pro-gun control people are watching this go down with bemusement - we're told, over and over, that police are better, smarter, better trained. Ordinary people have no business owning guns; that's for professionals like police officers. "I'm the only one professional enough" and all that. We point out that only police can own new machine guns; that police are allowed to carry guns in all 50 states; that police are exempted from the draconian laws the rest of the population labors under. New York cops don't have to only load 7 rounds; Massachusetts cops can own Glocks; Maryland cops are issued "assault weapons."

I'm certain that those agitating for greater oversight on police will remember all this the next time, right?

Right?

I hope the police remember this, too. I hope they remember which side was hanging them out to dry, using them as the boogeyman. The next time some anti-gun politician wants a "Fraternal Order of Police" seal of approval on their latest gun-grabbing scheme, I hope the cops present said politician with video of "Fists up, fight back" and "Shut it down for Michael Brown." I hope they're tired of being used as props by people that would happily throw them under the bus.

And the agitators. Do they really believe that now is the time for violence? Because things are going to get really ugly for a LOT of people if that's the case. As much as the media is studiously ignoring it, we're seeing racial violence in many of these places - against folks with melanin deficiencies. A Bosnian man was beaten to death after attempting to stop teenagers from destroying his car. A Bosnian woman was pulled from her car and beaten unconscious. Both times the races of the attackers and the attackees did not match.

It doesn't take a political science major nor a student of history to see what's going to happen if this keeps going. There's no good end to any of this. Just lots more dead and broken people. What scares the living hell out of me, though, is what kind of monsters we might reanimate with renewed racial tension.

Let's not lose sight that all civil rights can and will be under attack. More demonstrations turn into riots, things get ugly, people get hurt. People get hurt, people start demanding that Something Must Be Done. That "something" is almost never the right thing. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to hear some nimrod claim we need more gun control so that there won't be more Michael Browns. Oh, wait. Someone already did.

I hope cooler heads will prevail; sadly, I fear that it may be only a hope and not reality.

That is all.

Doing The Jobs Americans Won't Do...

You know, like ambushing police officers for no reason whatsoever...

Suspect in killing of deputies was twice deported

A man suspected of killing two deputies during a shooting rampage in Northern California was deported twice to Mexico and had a drug conviction, federal authorities said Saturday.

The suspected shooter told Sacramento County Sheriff's investigators that he was 34-year-old Marcelo Marquez of Salt Lake City. However, his fingerprints match the biometric records of a Luis Enrique Monroy-Bracamonte in a federal database, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement spokeswoman Virginia Kice said.

Yep. Remember, "it's not illegal to be illegal". Except when you're a twice-convicted drug dealer, petty criminal, traffic scofflaw, and all around piece of sh*t. Then we just do some sort of perverted "catch and release" because we're sure as hell not serious about border security. Twice we caught this bastard breaking our laws (not counting coming into the country illegally, which the bleeding hearts tell us isn't a crime anyways, but don't you DARE own a semi-automatic rifle, hater), twice he was kicked out, twice he just waltzed right back in.

And now two cops are dead because we have no security at our border. You know, the ONE DAMN THING the Federal government SHOULD be doing? Keeping us safe from enemies foreign (like this guy) not just domestic (in the form of Tea Party, as shown who the President unleashes the IRS upon...) Rather than throw this SOB in jail when he was caught on US soil the second time (like, you know, the Mexicans did with one of our Marines), we just sent him on his way, dum dee dum, nothing to see here.

I wonder if he'll see any jail time for this?

That is all.

Another dispatch from...

(image courtesy of Robb Allen)

The Softer Side of Prison

Wow. Seems like some folks really do reach for the stars. Of course, sometimes it's just to steal them. Talk about aiming high, though...

Sears clerk arrested for swiping nearly $4 million in items

New Jersey police charged one lone Sears clerk for stealing —and then trying to sell —$3.7 million worth of goods from a warehouse, The Daily Mail reported on Monday.

The publication said Kim Watson, 32, was arrested on Friday and allegedly sold high-end merchandise from the Sears Distribution Center in Logan Township, New Jersey. An investigation found items from bedding to kitchen appliances missing from the warehouse.

I'm trying to wrap my head around this. I mean, Sears sells appliances, but I find it hard to believe she was moving dozens of ranges out of the warehouse every week. Now, granted, there's no time period listed - this could have been over the past decade - but I have to believe that even if it was over a period of 10 years, Sears would notice more than a third of a million dollars a year going missing.

Now, police are pretty sure she had accomplices and a distribution network, so it's likely there's a lot more to the story. It never ceases to amaze me just how cheaply some people will sell out their good names and their vocations. At least in this case, it's in the millions. I do have to laugh, though - this woman absconded with millions of dollars of merchandise, sold it for cash, and her bail was $50K...

I wonder if she'll try to use some variation of wealth-redistribution as her defense?

That is all.

I Wish This Shocked Me...

But given that it's MA, it doesn't.

Hopkinton School Bus Driver Arrested For OUI With Students On Board

A school bus driver has been charged with operating under the influence — his third offense — while driving a bus full of high school students, police say.

On Saturday, 25 Hopkinton High School cross country athletes were returning from a meet at about 10:30 p.m., when the coach on the bus called police and reported concerns that the bus driver might be intoxicated, according to a Hopkinton police statement. Police met the bus as it turned into the high school’s parking lot and let students off safely.

I honestly don't know which upsets me more: On the one hand, we have a guy tasked with driving high school kids to and from an athletic meet that decided to tie one on to the point where other adults on the bus had to call the police. That's bad. However, is it as bad as the fact that he had twice previously been found under the influence while behind the wheel and was still not only driving on a valid license but driving a school bus?

I mean, still having your driver's license is bad enough, but being eligible to drive a school bus? *TWO* previous OUI convictions isn't enough to permanently bar you from driving a school bus? Are we really that hard up for drivers that we let the worst of the worst drive?

So, how many months before he gets his fourth offense?

That is all.

Scary Stuff...

Seeing Stretch Saturday reminded me of this story he sent along. While I may disagree with pretty much everything the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue does, this still scares the heck out of me...

Breach Prompts Review of White House Security

The director of the Secret Service ordered an internal review of its security procedures around the White House after a man armed with a knife who jumped the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Friday night managed to make his way through the front door of President Obama’s home before being stopped, officials said Saturday.

Omar J. Gonzalez, 42, of Copperas Cove, Tex., jumped the black iron fence that surrounds the White House around 7:20 p.m. on Friday and ran straight to the North Portico door, the grand entrance that is flanked by white marble columns and faces Pennsylvania Avenue. He made it through the unlocked doors and was tackled immediately, said Ed Donovan, a Secret Service spokesman. Mr. Gonzalez was carrying a folding knife with a 3 ½-inch serrated blade, according to a criminal complaint filed in Federal District Court.

Made his way INTO THE DAMN WHITE HOUSE. Again, I don't care what your thoughts are on President Obama, this should frighten the living hell out of anyone with half-a brain (obviously Vice President Biden slept well after hearing the news...). Someone was able to scale the fence around the grounds, run across the White House lawn, and actually gain entrance to the building that is home to the President of the United States before he was stopped.

I find it hard to believe, bordering on impossible, that this wouldn't have been pretty much the textbook case for "shoot on sight." We've had people run up to the White House before, but all previous attempts had been stopped pretty much at the gate itself or on the lawn. I would hope that someone getting that close to the building itself would earn a .308-caliber hole or two, but either it was Mr. Gonzalez's lucky day, or someone is about to get fired.

Unless there's some odd rules of engagement that are unlike, well, pretty much any other for a secure building guarded by marksmen, we can only theorize why the interloper was not ventilated. In my mind, it's either that the guard(s) were asleep or otherwise occupied (any Colombian hookers in town?) or else they thought it was funny and let him pass. Neither is a comforting thought.

The words "President Joe Biden" ought to make you break out in a cold sweat...

That is all.

If They Weren't Stupid They Wouldn't Be Criminals...

Joseph in IL sends in this story of one dumb criminal... This is rich.

Suspected cell phone thief calls 911 to report that victim won't leave her alone

A suspected cell phone thief in Washington may want to re-evaluate things the next time she feels inclined to call 911 for emergency assistance.

The female suspect reportedly called 911 to get in touch with the Seattle Police Department because the man she allegedly stole a cell phone from wouldn't leave her alone.

There's stupid, and then there's "why doesn't she drown in the shower?" stupid. I mean, this woman steals the dude's phone, then when he confronts her about it, first off her boyfriend assaults him, then she calls the cops on him? Really? I wonder how that call went...

[911 Operator] "911, what is your emergency?"

[Stupid bint] "Yeah, well, this guy whose phone I stole won't leave me alone. He's like, stalking me or something.

[911 Operator] ...

[Stupid bint] "I mean, I even had my boyfriend rough him up, but he still wants his phone back. Can I file a restraining order or something?"

[911 Operator] ...

I guess it's a good thing they're so dumb...

That is all.

I See... Dumb People...

Joseph in IL was kind enough to send in this story as an antidote to all the bad news out there. Go ahead. Just try and read this one with a straight face...

Cops: Drunk got in police car with officers inside

Pittsburgh police say a drunken woman tried to drive away in an unmarked police car — with two officers still inside.

According to a criminal complaint, 32-year-old Ria Buford got into the car at about 2:15 a.m. Saturday outside a nightclub that was hosting a party after the Wiz Khalifa concert.

Now, the officers were in the back seat of the car and it was unmarked. That's something, I guess. It's about the only thing this person got right, though. I guess it's a good thing she chose a police car - imagine what could have happened had that been a young couple "parking" when this drunk lout tried to steal their car?

How messed up do you have to be to get in someone else's car while they're inside it and announce you're going to drive it? I mean, what did she think was going to happen? (Don't answer that; it's rhetorical as obviously she didn't think at all). Grand theft auto. Kidnapping. DUI. If a determined prosecutor decided to make an example out of her, they could *really* make her life a living hell.

Chances are she'll left off with a warning, a fine, and traffic school, though, so it's unlikely the lesson will really take...

That is all.

Scumbag.

Let's give this a little more air, shall we?

Leicester Restaurant Owner Shames Plant Thief On Facebook

A restaurant owner is using Facebook to try to shame a thief into returning what he stole.

The owner of Eller’s Restaurant in Leicester posted surveillance photos of a man stealing a planter on Saturday morning.

He gave the guy 24 hours to return the plant with no consequences. That's a pretty good deal right there, certainly better than the POS deserved. Well, the deadline came and went, and no planter, so the restaurant owner did what he promised and posted the picture online.

Here's the picture, BTW:

What a f**king scumbag. He's driving a BMW, meaning he's got plenty of disposable income to blow if he can afford a fancy German car. Of course, that means he's something special and doesn't have to play by the rules, I guess; he feels plain ol' entitled to other people's property. I hope that he gets a felony conviction for this (yes, this is a deliberate nod towards the story last week, for the irony-impaired...).

If you know this guy, feel free to kick him square in the taint.

That is all.

*BTW: a million bonus points to whoever can correctly pronounce the name of the town...

His Karma Ran Over ... Him.

Several people sent this one in. Yes, I giggled...

Florida man run over by own truck during road rage incident

A man in Florida apparently got a dose of road rage karma when police say he was run over by his own pickup truck after getting out to bang on another driver's window.
...
The Gainesville Sun reports 48-year-old Joseph Carl had been drinking and drove into a vehicle stopped at a red light. He got out of his truck without putting it in park and began banging on the window of a woman's car. When the frightened woman drove away, there was nothing holding his truck in place.

The truck rolled into Carl. A police report says he was taken to the hospital where he was treated for fractures in his hand and foot.

So, let's recap. Idiot drives drunk. Drunk Idiot fails to see that traffic has stopped for a red light and plows into a car stopped at the red light. Drunk Idiot then gets out of his truck and attempts to assault the person he hit. Person he hit very wisely elects to GTFO. Since Drunk Idiot failed to put his vehicle in Park, it runs his drunk ass over.

I can't tell if it was the hand of G-d that put his truck in gear, or if the truck had simply had too much of its idiot owner and took things into its own gears. It's also hard to qualify this as a "road rage" incident, too - it's possible he was just trying to exchange papers and, given his inebriated state, unable to properly modulate his attempt. I know a bunch of folks who can't control their volume when under the influence, that sort of thing.

With that said, getting run over by your own vehicle because you're too drunk to put it in park is just priceless...

That is all.

Crime Does Pay...

If you're a thieving public employee in Jersey, as this story sent in by Joseph in IL tells us...

Probation for official who stole $460K in quarters

The former public works inspector for a northern New Jersey town who admitted stealing $460,000 in quarters over two years has been spared a prison term.

A judge instead sentenced Thomas Rica on Wednesday to five years of probation.

Rica had worked in Ridgewood for 10 years before his arrest in January 2013. He pleaded guilty in March to four counts of theft as part of a plea deal that called for probation and restitution.

Okay, now first, a little math. Assuming that this guy split the take pretty evenly, he was bringing home $4600 a week in stolen money. In stolen quarters. That's 18,400 quarters a week. According to the US Mint, a quarter weighs 5.67 grams, or 0.035 ounces. That's 649 ounces of quarters a week, or over 40 pounds of quarters every week.

That's a lot of work, stealing that money...

Here's the best part, though. He doesn't go to jail, and he doesn't have to pay all the money back. He's on the hook for $250K, meaning that he cleared over $200K from out-and-out theft. Wonderful, isn't it? Personally, I'd have offered him a deal: pay the money back, with interest and damages, or we send you away for the maximum amount of time allowed by law.

Break the public trust and you *make* $200K. Then again, how much do congresscritters make? At least this guy had to lug 8 pounds of quarters every single day. Congresscritters take "fact-finding" junkets to the Carribean. He did also give up his $30K/year pension, so assuming he lives more than 7 years, the remaining money will be made up.

I still think he should at least be put in the stocks so the townspeople can pelt him with rotten fruit.

That is all.

Lovely...

Stay classy, MA...

Cops: Woman found drunk, asleep, with two kids in the car

An East Wareham woman was found drunk and asleep at the wheel with her engine running, her headlights on, and two kids asleep in the back seat, Carver police said.

Around 9:10 Saturday night, Carver police were called to Tremont Street where they said the woman, identified as Jennifer Bangs, 40, of east Wareham, had been seen driving her 2002 Mercury Sable in and out of a residential driveway in Carver.

If you are so drunk that you can't negotiate a driveway, maybe it's time to admit you have a problem. What's infuriating is that this woman thought nothing of drinking to the point of passing out behind the wheel - with her kids in the car. She got so stinking drunk that she lost consciousness with the engine running, while her kids were still in the car.

Mother of the year right there, folks.

I don't understand that mentality, I really don't. My kids are the most important thing in the world to me. The idea that I would deliberately put them in unnecessary danger is so foreign to me. I'm also trying to figure out what happened - I'm sure she didn't take the kids to a bar, and I would like to think that a restaurant wouldn't serve a woman with two kids in tow enough alcohol to make her pass out in her car.

In any case, it will be interesting to see how light a slap on the wrist she gets - this is MA, after all...

That is all.

Some Days, I Really Hate People.

And it's especially because of people like this alleged human:

Cops: Drunk Mom Drove with 6 Kids on Car’s Roof, Trunk

What should have been a quick drive home from a neighborhood pool turned into a much longer ordeal after a mother of four was arrested for allegedly driving drunk while her children and two others rode on top of her car.

The reason? Mom didn’t want the wet kids to damage the car’s upholstery.

You want to hear the kicker? The pool is less than half a mile from this stupid bint's house. She drove drunk *and* needlessly endangered the lives of not only her four kids, but two other children as well. Because she didn't want to damage her car's upholstery, four kids had to go to the hospital - one via MedFlight. Here's a crazy idea. If you've had too much to drink, and the kids are all in wet bathing suits, why not walk back to the house?

I mean, why is that so hard? You've had a couple adult beverages while the kids played in the pool. I totally get that. It's summer, you're relaxing, it happens. You're within easy walking distance of your house, though - why on G-d's Green Earth didn't you round up the troops and walk home? Alright kids, you're soaked, there's no way you're getting in my car, let's walk. They don't even have to know you had one too many.

And then there's the mindset that her car is more important than these six kids. Even if she had been stone-cold sober, putting six kids on the OUTSIDE of a car and driving ANY distance is about the dumbest idea in the world. I'd feel different if it had been a pickup, mind you - I can't tell you the number of times I rode in the back of my grandfather's Chevy or my buddy Cliff's dad's Ranchero. But on the roof and trunk?

Lady, I'd say you're as dumb as a box of rocks, but that would be insulting to a box of rocks...

That is all.

Just One More Law...

That's what the Left tells us will stop the horror of mass shootings, right? Pass more gun control and the shootings magically go away, right? It's only through the stonewalling of the Right (and certain civil rights groups) that we still have these horrible incidents. Common sense gun controls like magazine restrictions and one-gun-a-month laws will stop all firearms crime, right?

So, then, explain this story sent in by Joseph in IL. Seriously.

Florida inmates accused in foiled shoot-and-sue scheme

Authorities in Florida charged two prison inmates on Tuesday with shooting themselves with a smuggled pistol in a foiled scheme to sue the state for their injuries in hopes of reducing their sentences.

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement said in a statement that five others - the mother of one wounded convict and the sister of the other, along with their girlfriends and a fellow convict - were accused of assisting in the scheme. Two women charged in the case were still at large, authorities said.

They were IN PRISON, and STILL managed to get a firearm. Cogitate on that.The gun-free-est of gun-free-zones, and yet still hardened criminals were able to get their hands on a firearm. Puts things in perspective, no? Even if the gun-grabbers were to get their wildest gun control dreams passed, we're still going to see violent acts committed with guns.

We just won't have effective tools with which to fight back.

Recent events ("Teach men not to rape") have really left me doubting the flipping sanity of a good chunk of the human race. When someone says something sensible like "women should learn to fight back" and is pilloried as excusing rape? That's insanity, folks. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to fight back, because no one would do bad things.

But we don't live in a perfect world. We live in the kind of world where violent criminals can get firearms inside a gorram prison. A place where you are searched constantly, where you have no right to privacy whatsoever, where the state controls, literally, your ever moment. And yet these two Einsteins still managed to not only get ahold of a firearm, but to use it.

Fortunately, they elected to use it on themselves in a plan that not even Wile E. Coyote would have signed off on, but still. This seemed like a reasonable course of action. Not only that, but they were able to get a firearm INTO A DAMN PRISON. There are people out there that think you can stop rape by teaching men not to rape (as though there are no female rapists). I would wager the Venn diagram with "People who think that you can educate criminals to not commit crimes" and "People who think gun control will stop criminals from doing bad things with guns" is a single circle.

But yeah, passing a "one gun a month" law or a "certain arbitrary number magazine capacity" law is going to stop horrific crimes. People known for smuggling items into prison still got a deadly weapon into what should be the most secure of secure facilities, and yet there are people out there thinking that "just one more law" will stop criminals from doing bad things.

And there's one more thing. The sheer incompetence of the officials that allowed this to happen. Reading the story, it seems like these geniuses had someone mail the gun to them. Um, what? No one opens packages to prisoners? X-rays them? Now, the gun was a .25 ACP, which means it was more than likely pretty small, but still, it should have been damn heavy for a package going to an inmate. If it wasn't GROSS incompetence, it was collusion. Neither instance covers the jail in glory here...

I don't want to live on their planet, folks - heck, I don't even want to visit.

That is all.

A Crime Punishable By, Well, Something Really Severe...

It physically causes me pain to bring you this story. It really does. Blame Stretch. He's the one that sent it in.

Lamborghini crashed, abandoned in New Jersey

Police are looking for the person who crashed a high-performance sports car and left it burning near the George Washington Bridge.

Port Authority Police spokesman Joe Pentangelo says the Lamborghini was found on fire and unoccupied in the westbound lanes near the bridge toll plaza in Fort Lee early Monday.

Now, there's only two reasons I can think of why someone would abandon a quarter of a million dollar sports car. The first is that they stole it - in which case, you think there'd be a police report on a stolen Lambo. The second is that the driver was under the influence of some sort of mind-altering substance and didn't want to get caught. In either case, they deserve a good public flogging for causing damage to such a fine automobile.

UPDATE: Case #2 just got a lot stronger - the driver has been identified. I wonder if leaving the scene of the accident will give his insurance company a reason to deny the claim? It would serve him right for trying to evade arrest for driving under the influence. I don't think anyone buys that you would wreck a $200K+ car and leave the scene if you just happened to hit the wrong pedal or something...


Wrecking a work of art like a Diablo should be punishable by scourging...

That is all.

Narcolepsy Can Really Hurt Your Career...

Joseph in IL sends in this rather humorous story about a criminal who might want to switch from decaf to high test...

Alleged mugger falls asleep in the middle of his crime

Early Saturday morning, a 60-year-old man in New Orleans, Louisiana found himself on the wrong end of a pointed gun. He was led, by the gunman, to an ATM to withdraw money. However, as WDSU News reports, the alleged mugger, 17-year-old Meyagi Baker, didn’t get away with the crime. It wasn’t because the 60-year-old man overpowered him. It wasn’t because police spotted the crime in process. It wasn’t because a Good Samaritan jumped in to save the day. It was because Mr. Baker fell asleep, mid-crime.

Fell asleep in the middle of armed robbery. That's a new one on me. That's got to be the luckiest guy in the world right there, the one that got robbed. Not only did he get his money back, but he didn't even have to break a sweat getting away.

Now, this is a 17-year old kid. With a gun. To the best of my knowledge, a 17-year old cannot even own a handgun in LA. He certainly can't carry it legally. Yet, here we have it happening. The story mentions a mandatory sentence of at least 10 years for armed robbery. I'd like to take bets on how long he'll actually serve, but I suspect no matter how short we guess, it would be too conservative.


At least he'll get a ration of crap from the other crooks...

That is all.