GLO Friends Save Christmas

GLO Friends Save Christmas

United States - 1986

Children's Video Library, 1985, VHS

Run Time - 30 minutes

Messenger of Death

Messenger of Death

United States - 1988

Director J. Lee Thompson

Media Home Entertainment, 1990, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 32 minutes

Dinosaurs!

Dinosaurs!

United States - 1994

Diamond Entertainment, 1994, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 38 minutes

Master Yamashita Bo Techniques

Master Yamashita Bo Techniques

Tape # 5 of a continuing series

United States - 198?

Panther Home Video, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour

The Lord of the Rings

The Lord of the Rings

United States - 1978

Director - Ralph Bakshi

Republic Pictures, 1993, VHS

Run Time - 2 hours,  10 minutes

Dracula vs. Frankenstein

Dracula vs. Frankenstein

United States - 1969/71

Director - Al Adamson

VidAmerica, 1990, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 30 minutes

Marty Stouffer's Wild America: Fantastic Follies

Marty Stouffer's Wild America: Fantastic Follies

United States - 1996

Director - Mark Stouffer

King World Direct, 1996, VHS

Run Time - 58 minutes

9 1/2 Ninjas

9 1/2 Ninjas

United States - 1990

Director - Aaron Barsky

Republic Pictures Home Video, 1990, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 28 minutes

This low budget ninja parody film neatly secures a place among the most irritating films of all time with a spectacularly grating performance from, everyone in the film. Granted, there are a number of brilliant double entendres and visual puns sprinkled throughout, the script is actually quite good, it's just the execution that's lacking. Not in the enthusiasm category mind you, but the subtlety category. I realize that subtlety is not the stock in trade of physical comedy, quite the opposite, but when all is said and done with a film like this, one almost feels emotionally abused rather than entertained. I'm not stupid, you don't need to punch me in the face with ham, just humiliate yourself and everything will be fine. Perhaps that's the problem. When the characters are so annoying that you can't empathize or identify with 'em, even when you're laughing, it's no longer funny.

Future Tense

 

Future Tense

United States - 1991

Director - Fred Carpenter

 Mars Hill Productions, 1991, VHS

Run Time - 30 minutes

I realize that its the sort of thing that lots of people can relate to, but I'm not sure that comparing the Rapture to missing or catching an airline flight is really a good idea. I mean, I don't think I know anybody who likes to fly, and it suggests that being a Christian might just be like waiting in the concourse your whole life. Such terrible food, and the booze is way overpriced.

That Lucky Touch

That Lucky Touch

United Kingdon - 1975

Director - Christopher Miles

Video Treasures, 1987, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 33 minutes

Flying Down to Rio

Flying Down to Rio

United States - 1933

Director - Thornton Freeland

Turner Home Entertainment, 1990, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 29 minutes

Last Chance Detectives

Last Chance Detectives: Mystery Lights of Navajo Mesa

United States -  1994

Director - Steven Styles

Leucadia Family Films, 1994, VHS

Run Time - 50 minutes

Great cover art by "Rodriguez". It looks like s/he did the art for several of the other videos or books though I can't confirm it with any of the images I found.

Half of the Action

Half of the Action

a.k.a. - Last Man Standing

Canada - 1987

Director - Damian Lee

VCII Home Entertainment, 1988, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 36 minutes

We recently heard from Canadian producer/director Damian Lee with another boxing movie, 1986's Busted Up. This entry came the following year and followed the same generic plot outline. I wish I could say more but the tape I have is dysfunctional. About a third of the way through the picture and audio disappear completely. The tape keeps on playing, but there's no content.

I have however noticed the distributor is one VCII, my favorite vintage VHS company. The logo is different though and so is the full name. Instead of VCII Incorporated we have "Home Video." My guess is that the VCX parent company had dropped VCII by this time and someone else picked it up under a slightly different name. Clearly VCX didn't get rid of their licenses. Now some 30 years later they're re-releasing them on DVD under the Code Red label.

Lethal Weapon

Lethal Weapon

United States - 1987

Director - Richard Donner

Warner Home Video, 1987, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 50 minutes

I've been working on an essay about buddy cops and watching a lot of movies that fit the mold. I decided to post this because it's the first VHS release of this iconic entry in the genre, and it also features another movie trope I'm interested in exploring, the 'Nam Vet.

McGee and Me!: Skate Expectations

McGee and Me!: Skate Expectations

United States - 1990

Director - Chuck Bowman

Focus on the Family, 1990, VHS

Run Time - 30 minutes

Mary Kate & Ashley's Sleepover Party

You're Invited to Mary Kate and Ashley's Sleepover Party

United States - 1995

Dualstar Video (Warner), 1995, VHS

Run Time - 30 minutes

To those who have not experienced it, the 90's had a flavor the protected will never know.

The Barbarian

El Barbaro (The Barbarian)
a.k.a. Conquest

Italy, 1982

Director - Lucio Fulci

Platino Video, 1995, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 28 minutes

Here's an interesting one as far as distribution goes. Video Treasures circulated this tape although under the above Platino Video name, ( think "Latino") which also bears Mexican Home Video label in the bottom right corner. Funny though, the last is written in English...
In any case, Conquest, or "The Barbarian" as it is titled here, was filmed in Mexico, presaging Deathstalker 3 by 5 years or so.

Apocalypse

Apocalypse

Canada - 1998

Director - Peter Gerretsen

PPI Films, 1998, VHS

Run Time - 1 hour, 34 Minutes

Harking back to the fine Evangelical video prostheltization of films like my personal favorite, Years of the Beast, Apocalypse offers up Canadian flavored Tribulation. This early entry in the episodic Christploitation empire slowly accumulating like spent shell-casing around the feet of French-Canadian producer Peter Lalonde "deserves capital punishment" according to one reviewer. Later films started accumulating washed-up (read "born-again") stars like plaque, but Apocalypse features awesomely named lead character "Bronson Pearl" easily making it the "must see Christian movie of the nineties!"

Windrunner

Windrunner

United States - 1996

Director - William Clark

Leucadia Home Video, 1996, VHS

Run Time -1 hour, 38 minutes

We briefly visited this film back when we were discussing cultural imperialism in the guise of the Medicine Man trope...
This screener tape has an amazing string of ads at the beginning which pitch the film as a surefire family hit because it was screened on airplanes. A bunch of fakey air passengers are subjected to " impromptu interviews" in the concourse, and all approvingly endorse Windrunner. They're all white folks of course.

Ultra Warrior

Ultra Warrior

United States - 1992

Director - Augusto Tamayo and Kevin Tent

New Horizons Home Video, 1992, VHS

Run Time - Ah shit, well, probably around an hour and 20 minutes.

Not really an original movie, but a frankenfilm cobbled together from a number of other film scenes and stitched with a little extra footage.