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One Tough Bastard
Shane Moxie: a washed-up 80s action star who refuses to believe his best days are behind him… Duke: a hyper-intelligent chimpanzee and arguably the greatest animal actor of his generation…
Reunited for an anniversary movie screening, when Moxie and Duke are targeted by assassins, the feuding co-stars reluctantly join forces to smash an organized crime syndicate headed by an iconic German action star dealing death from his movie-themed fast food franchise.
One’s a big dumb animal. The other’s a chimpanzee. Shit just got real.
From Adam Howe, writer of Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet and Tijuana Donkey Showdown, and the winner of Stephen King’s On Writing contest, comes a ‘buddy’ comedy in the tradition of Lethal Weapon, 48 Hours, and Tango & Cash, and a love letter to the gory glory days of 80s/90s action cinema. One Tough Bastard will turn you into a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus… just like its author.
Reunited for an anniversary movie screening, when Moxie and Duke are targeted by assassins, the feuding co-stars reluctantly join forces to smash an organized crime syndicate headed by an iconic German action star dealing death from his movie-themed fast food franchise.
One’s a big dumb animal. The other’s a chimpanzee. Shit just got real.
From Adam Howe, writer of Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet and Tijuana Donkey Showdown, and the winner of Stephen King’s On Writing contest, comes a ‘buddy’ comedy in the tradition of Lethal Weapon, 48 Hours, and Tango & Cash, and a love letter to the gory glory days of 80s/90s action cinema. One Tough Bastard will turn you into a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus… just like its author.
300 pages, Kindle, TPB, Audible
Published March 1, 2021
About the author
Adam Howe
25 books181 followersAdam Howe writes the twisted fiction your mother warned you about. A British writer of fiction and screenplays, he lives in London with his partner, their daughter, and a hellhound named Gino. Writing as Garrett Addams, his short story Jumper was chosen by Stephen King as the winner of the international On Writing contest, and published in the paperback/Kindle editions of King’s memoir. His fiction has appeared in Nightmare Magazine, Thuglit, Mythic Delirium, Year’s Best Hardcore Horror, and other places. He is the author of One Tough Bastard, Scapegoat (with James Newman), Tijuana Donkey Showdown, Die Dog or Eat the Hatchet, and Black Cat Mojo, and the editor of the Wrestle Maniacs anthology. In the pipeline: The Polack, a gritty 1930s noir co-written with Joseph Hirsch. Stalk him at Facebook, Goodreads, and Twitter @Adam_G_Howe.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
June 14, 2022
Audiobook fans: listen up - if you live in the US or UK and you want to hear a Hilarious story, I might just be able to hook you up with some free codes! Drop me a line, a.s.a.p.
....
Full disclosure: The author of this book gave me this ARC for an honest review.
When Adam asked me if I would be willing to read this book, my first reply was: Where the fuck did you get my number? You know I have a restraining order against you, you son of a…oh, wait, I’m thinking of somebody else. Yeah, sure, why not?
Honestly, my actual reply was: Yes, yes, yes, please!
You see, I've read some of Adam’s work before and I liked it…almost as much as kissing a girl…
Add to that the reference to the 80’s and movies – well, damn, how could I say no? It was a bit of a gamble for the writer, since I was always going to be overly critical about the things that didn’t work for me. And then there’s poor Sly (Google the 80’s movie COBRA - if you’re not with me) whose poster was shamelessly ‘borrowed’ for this damn good cover. By the way, if you get to the end of the story, there are more posters to appreciate!
You see, I was once what you may call a cinephile – about 4 000 movies and counting – and I have fairly extensive knowledge of movies from the 80’s and 90’s. I used to be the guy whose brain held a lot of useless movie info. So, could Mr. Howe live up to expectations?
Jump into my DeLorean and buckle the fuck up…we’re going for a ride!
Think of a man. Not just any man. One with an orange sheen and a stupid haircut.
No, not the ex-president.
A man who has become a pathological liar, who is his own biggest fan and who refuses to hear any criticism.
Nope, still not.
This man, who was once one of the biggest action movie stars in the world.
Yes, we’re talking about Shane Fucking-Moxie!
While he’s not in the best of shape currently, and may be a little down on his luck with cash and work, he can still hold his head high and be proud of himself…at least, in his own mind.
You see, he shared the screen with a chimp in the hit movie COPSICLE, where ’48 HOURS meets ENCINO MAN’.
And, while Duke, the chimp, became an instant star and his career took off from there, Shane’s kind of imploded with the movie KKKpop - the most offensive movie any major studio ever released. In his defense, racism wasn’t to blame. It was sheer stupidity’s fault.
And this book begins where a PI tries to blackmail Klaus Kaiser – also once a successful movie icon, now a successful businessman – with (something). This has nothing to do with Shane Moxie – not yet, anyway – and he is trying to pull a scam on a promotion of the 20th anniversary of COPSICLE. Does it work out for him?
Well, the next chapter is called ‘The Midnight Movie-House Massacre’, so it’s anybody’s guess.
And from there, the real chaos will start when Duke comes to Moxie for help to get to the bottom of his wife’s death, which he believes wasn’t an accident. And, yes, he does sound like Kevin Spacey – it’s a long story, okay, so just read the damn book! – but that will not be the most offensive thing you will discover.
There are so many movie hints in this story, almost as much as there are jokes in the movie AIRPLANE.
The F.U.B.A.R. (a bar in this story) has its roots in the movie TANGO & CASH, starring Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell, and it actually means ‘Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition’.
The shark tank? Take your pick. Could it be James Bond? Or perhaps BAD BOYS? What about that one scene in LETHAL WEAPON II? I’m fairly certain, though, that it wasn’t DESPICABLE ME…
The German bad-guy? I couldn’t help picturing Jeremy Irons from DIE HARD 3…
Okay, enough of this. I try not to give much away in my reviews, so you will have to read this one yourself if something interested you.
At the end of the book, three things became very clear to me:
Adam Howe is also a cinephile – all those references comes from the love of the ‘game’. I would have loved to have been able to play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with him in the early 2000’s, when my movie knowledge had peaked.
Adam Howe is funny – if you allow him to entertain you without taking it too seriously, you will laugh a LOT!
This book was the most fun story I’ve read in 2020. And that says something, since I read a few Jeff Strands, Caihm MacDonall and Lee Goldberg stories.
Just go along for the ride and you will enjoy yourself.
I must thank Adam Howe for giving me this ARC – I loved every-damn-thing about it!!!
....
Full disclosure: The author of this book gave me this ARC for an honest review.
When Adam asked me if I would be willing to read this book, my first reply was: Where the fuck did you get my number? You know I have a restraining order against you, you son of a…oh, wait, I’m thinking of somebody else. Yeah, sure, why not?
Honestly, my actual reply was: Yes, yes, yes, please!
You see, I've read some of Adam’s work before and I liked it…almost as much as kissing a girl…
Add to that the reference to the 80’s and movies – well, damn, how could I say no? It was a bit of a gamble for the writer, since I was always going to be overly critical about the things that didn’t work for me. And then there’s poor Sly (Google the 80’s movie COBRA - if you’re not with me) whose poster was shamelessly ‘borrowed’ for this damn good cover. By the way, if you get to the end of the story, there are more posters to appreciate!
You see, I was once what you may call a cinephile – about 4 000 movies and counting – and I have fairly extensive knowledge of movies from the 80’s and 90’s. I used to be the guy whose brain held a lot of useless movie info. So, could Mr. Howe live up to expectations?
Jump into my DeLorean and buckle the fuck up…we’re going for a ride!
Think of a man. Not just any man. One with an orange sheen and a stupid haircut.
No, not the ex-president.
A man who has become a pathological liar, who is his own biggest fan and who refuses to hear any criticism.
Nope, still not.
This man, who was once one of the biggest action movie stars in the world.
Yes, we’re talking about Shane Fucking-Moxie!
While he’s not in the best of shape currently, and may be a little down on his luck with cash and work, he can still hold his head high and be proud of himself…at least, in his own mind.
You see, he shared the screen with a chimp in the hit movie COPSICLE, where ’48 HOURS meets ENCINO MAN’.
And, while Duke, the chimp, became an instant star and his career took off from there, Shane’s kind of imploded with the movie KKKpop - the most offensive movie any major studio ever released. In his defense, racism wasn’t to blame. It was sheer stupidity’s fault.
And this book begins where a PI tries to blackmail Klaus Kaiser – also once a successful movie icon, now a successful businessman – with (something). This has nothing to do with Shane Moxie – not yet, anyway – and he is trying to pull a scam on a promotion of the 20th anniversary of COPSICLE. Does it work out for him?
Well, the next chapter is called ‘The Midnight Movie-House Massacre’, so it’s anybody’s guess.
And from there, the real chaos will start when Duke comes to Moxie for help to get to the bottom of his wife’s death, which he believes wasn’t an accident. And, yes, he does sound like Kevin Spacey – it’s a long story, okay, so just read the damn book! – but that will not be the most offensive thing you will discover.
There are so many movie hints in this story, almost as much as there are jokes in the movie AIRPLANE.
The F.U.B.A.R. (a bar in this story) has its roots in the movie TANGO & CASH, starring Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell, and it actually means ‘Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition’.
The shark tank? Take your pick. Could it be James Bond? Or perhaps BAD BOYS? What about that one scene in LETHAL WEAPON II? I’m fairly certain, though, that it wasn’t DESPICABLE ME…
The German bad-guy? I couldn’t help picturing Jeremy Irons from DIE HARD 3…
Okay, enough of this. I try not to give much away in my reviews, so you will have to read this one yourself if something interested you.
At the end of the book, three things became very clear to me:
Adam Howe is also a cinephile – all those references comes from the love of the ‘game’. I would have loved to have been able to play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with him in the early 2000’s, when my movie knowledge had peaked.
Adam Howe is funny – if you allow him to entertain you without taking it too seriously, you will laugh a LOT!
This book was the most fun story I’ve read in 2020. And that says something, since I read a few Jeff Strands, Caihm MacDonall and Lee Goldberg stories.
Just go along for the ride and you will enjoy yourself.
I must thank Adam Howe for giving me this ARC – I loved every-damn-thing about it!!!
December 9, 2024
I never imagined that I'd see the cover of a book where a chimpanzee is imitating Stallone's Cobra, but here we are, lol. I knew exactly what I was getting into with this one, and wasn't disappointed. The story is filled with nonstop action, explosions, buddy cop antics, and is just an absolute blast. The writing is well done and I laughed many times at some of the just downright ridiculous situations and outcomes of the story (In a good way!). My only critique is that I felt that portions of the book got lost among the insane amount of classic action movie references and overly-detailed Shane Moxie film reviews. But again, the author did a great job building up a new, while fictional, action star in Shane Moxie, and Duke is a really fun character, too. You can tell that Adam Howe enjoyed himself a great deal putting this together, which really makes the story shine.
March 4, 2021
ONE TOUGH BASTARD described in two words: Fu**ing HILARIOUS! It's an homage to those buddy-buddy action movies we've all seen, from Tango and Cash to The Expendables. Kurt Russell & Stallone. Will Smith & Martin Lawrence. And now, Shane Moxie & Duke. The ape. Yep. An ape.
Shane Moxie has his head up his butt most of the time. His head is pretty big, but it does fit up there. His hey-day is long over, though you couldn't tell by looking at him, (except for maybe that flab on his chest that used to be muscle.) He's still sporting that rat-tail and a mullet, and his clothing isn't much better. He's obsessed with making a comeback and it's not looking good. He's had a falling out with Duke and never much cared for him anyway. Shane tries to kickstart his comeback by appearing with a different ape and passing him off as Duke. How will that go, do you think? Will Shane's comeback attempt be successful? You'll have to read this to find out!
I have never laughed so hard reading a book in my entire life. Shane Moxie is beyond full of himself and no one takes him seriously, least of all the reader. He calls the few female fans he still has "Moxettes," but of course, being Shane Moxie, he treats them like crap. He's claimed so often that he was in the military, he actually believes it himself.
Match up Moxie with Duke, the signing ape and it's a recipe for disaster. Duke hates Moxie...for reasons, but ends up having to work with the idiot anyway. (How bad does one need to be to look like an idiot, as compared to an ape?) Duke knows sign language and now, thanks to technology, he can actually talk. (In the voice of Kevin Spacey, but it's talking just the same.) The two try to work together, often with disastrous results and it's just...funny.
I'm not saying anything else about the plot because it should be related as the author intended. You can expect lots of action and laughs-enough so that this book flies by and you'll find yourself sorry that it's already over.
Any time Adam Howe asks if I would read and review something, I say yes. That's because I know it's going to be both funny and supremely entertaining. ONE TOUGH BASTARD is no exception and for that reason I highly recommend it!
Available March 1, 2021!
*Thank you to Adam Howe for the e-ARC in exchange for my honest feedback. This is it!*
Shane Moxie has his head up his butt most of the time. His head is pretty big, but it does fit up there. His hey-day is long over, though you couldn't tell by looking at him, (except for maybe that flab on his chest that used to be muscle.) He's still sporting that rat-tail and a mullet, and his clothing isn't much better. He's obsessed with making a comeback and it's not looking good. He's had a falling out with Duke and never much cared for him anyway. Shane tries to kickstart his comeback by appearing with a different ape and passing him off as Duke. How will that go, do you think? Will Shane's comeback attempt be successful? You'll have to read this to find out!
I have never laughed so hard reading a book in my entire life. Shane Moxie is beyond full of himself and no one takes him seriously, least of all the reader. He calls the few female fans he still has "Moxettes," but of course, being Shane Moxie, he treats them like crap. He's claimed so often that he was in the military, he actually believes it himself.
Match up Moxie with Duke, the signing ape and it's a recipe for disaster. Duke hates Moxie...for reasons, but ends up having to work with the idiot anyway. (How bad does one need to be to look like an idiot, as compared to an ape?) Duke knows sign language and now, thanks to technology, he can actually talk. (In the voice of Kevin Spacey, but it's talking just the same.) The two try to work together, often with disastrous results and it's just...funny.
I'm not saying anything else about the plot because it should be related as the author intended. You can expect lots of action and laughs-enough so that this book flies by and you'll find yourself sorry that it's already over.
Any time Adam Howe asks if I would read and review something, I say yes. That's because I know it's going to be both funny and supremely entertaining. ONE TOUGH BASTARD is no exception and for that reason I highly recommend it!
Available March 1, 2021!
*Thank you to Adam Howe for the e-ARC in exchange for my honest feedback. This is it!*
January 29, 2021
"This ain't no buddy movie, Duke. The only reason I'm here is 'cause you begged me for help"
"And because I'm paying you."
Shane Moxie is an insufferable, washed-up B-movie actor who thinks he's God's gift towomen, Hollywood, mankind. (Maybe it was the initials, OR the blonde mullet, but I kept picturing WWE superstar Shawn Michaels.)
Then.
Now.
Shane may claim to be a martial arts expert, and a Medal of Honor winner, but his real rep is more along the lines of "Walter Mitty with a black belt in bullshit." This obnoxious jerk bites off more than he can chew when he gets involved in a murder investigation. The case? Find out who offed his ex-partner's wife. His ex-partner? A chimpanzee with the voice of Kevin Spacey.
Booyah! Weren't expecting that, were ya? There's a whole lotta unexpected stuff happening in this hilarious, violent and raunchy romp which culminates in a spectacular, over-the-top finale featuring an arsenal of weaponry from popular action movies. This is, without doubt, the funniest book I've read in ages.
It can all be yours on March first.
Warning - some chimps AND Ryan Seacrest were harmed within the pages of this book.
"And because I'm paying you."
Shane Moxie is an insufferable, washed-up B-movie actor who thinks he's God's gift to
Shane may claim to be a martial arts expert, and a Medal of Honor winner, but his real rep is more along the lines of "Walter Mitty with a black belt in bullshit." This obnoxious jerk bites off more than he can chew when he gets involved in a murder investigation. The case? Find out who offed his ex-partner's wife. His ex-partner? A chimpanzee with the voice of Kevin Spacey.
Booyah! Weren't expecting that, were ya? There's a whole lotta unexpected stuff happening in this hilarious, violent and raunchy romp which culminates in a spectacular, over-the-top finale featuring an arsenal of weaponry from popular action movies. This is, without doubt, the funniest book I've read in ages.
It can all be yours on March first.
Warning - some chimps AND Ryan Seacrest were harmed within the pages of this book.
Want to read
May 25, 2021I mean, there's a book on my TBR about woman wanting to fuck a fishman, why shouldn't I add a chimpanzee with a gun?
November 23, 2020
2020 is a disease. Meet the cure... The literary (not like that) equivalent of a T-shirt with a silkscreen print of three wolves howling at a full moon (fuckin' slammin'), this book will turn you into a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus... just like me.
June 19, 2021
What books do I fondly remember because they made me laugh so hard I couldn't help farting? Let's see what comes to mind...
1. Joe Lansdale's "Mister Weed-Eater" & "The Events Concerning a Nude Fold-Out Found in a Harlequin Romance" (tbh, these two are actually short stories but whatever),
2. Edward Lee's The Pig And The House, The Bighead & The Minotauress,
3. John Ringo's Ghost(*).
Please, do yourself a favour and read Adam Howe's latest offering, even though you think it might not be your cup of tea. It's a masterpiece, seriously, it is. This book is a tribute to every single action hero from the golden age of the eighties and the nineties...only shaped as a massive piss-taking session, that is. I'll tell you what? I'm one of the sparse bastards who absolutely adored John McTiernan's "Last Action Hero", a criminally underrated action-comedy flick that'll never cease to entertain me & stamp a retarded grin on my face. Right, in case you watched that gem featuring Arnold at the top of his game, "One Though Bastard" smells like a two gallon deluxe bottle of "Jack Slater's Armpit" essence with a touch of bizarro flavour to it (Duke).
Also...
Come on, you know you want to read this book.
(*) There are a few people out there who don't seem to be getting the joke, hence are absolutely convinced Ringo's book ought to be taken seriously & hellbent on cancelling it. I shit you not. That's why a couple of years ago or so, I had a bit of an Internet argument with one of said intellectual do-gooders in love with words such as "oxymoron", "dialectic", "subsume", "axiom", etc. I remember trying to reason him, but ended up calling him a "gestapo inbred piece of Fahrenheit 451 dung." Turned out he was one of the mods and proceeded to ban my sorry arse. That pissed me off bigtime...at first. I chuckled afterwards.
PS = https://youtu.be/7qDgCmzh5ao The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
1. Joe Lansdale's "Mister Weed-Eater" & "The Events Concerning a Nude Fold-Out Found in a Harlequin Romance" (tbh, these two are actually short stories but whatever),
2. Edward Lee's The Pig And The House, The Bighead & The Minotauress,
3. John Ringo's Ghost(*).
Please, do yourself a favour and read Adam Howe's latest offering, even though you think it might not be your cup of tea. It's a masterpiece, seriously, it is. This book is a tribute to every single action hero from the golden age of the eighties and the nineties...only shaped as a massive piss-taking session, that is. I'll tell you what? I'm one of the sparse bastards who absolutely adored John McTiernan's "Last Action Hero", a criminally underrated action-comedy flick that'll never cease to entertain me & stamp a retarded grin on my face. Right, in case you watched that gem featuring Arnold at the top of his game, "One Though Bastard" smells like a two gallon deluxe bottle of "Jack Slater's Armpit" essence with a touch of bizarro flavour to it (Duke).
Also...
Come on, you know you want to read this book.
(*) There are a few people out there who don't seem to be getting the joke, hence are absolutely convinced Ringo's book ought to be taken seriously & hellbent on cancelling it. I shit you not. That's why a couple of years ago or so, I had a bit of an Internet argument with one of said intellectual do-gooders in love with words such as "oxymoron", "dialectic", "subsume", "axiom", etc. I remember trying to reason him, but ended up calling him a "gestapo inbred piece of Fahrenheit 451 dung." Turned out he was one of the mods and proceeded to ban my sorry arse. That pissed me off bigtime...at first. I chuckled afterwards.
PS = https://youtu.be/7qDgCmzh5ao The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
October 23, 2021
A delirious fever dream of 80/90s action movie references, tasteless humor, and visceral carnage. An ode to unbridled masculine narcissism and a very funny book.
December 14, 2022
Remember the OTT action movies of the 80s and 90s, where Arnold, JCVD and others quip one liners after some manly feat? A homage and parody of these films, One Tough Bastard reads like a Carl Hiaasen novel regarding the humor and plot, but make no mistake-- Howe has a voice of his own. This features a washed up action hero, Shane Moxie, and his one time acting partner, a chimp named Duke. Shane, or 'the Mox', featured in some low budget action thrillers, primarily knock offs of flicks like Rambo or Rocky, but his biggest hit was Copsicle, where he and Duke, prehistoric cops if you will, are thawed out to find their old nemesis, who was also thawed out and now runs a mega-drug empire. This flick was the big breakthrough for Duke, who went on to feature in many movies, becoming an icon and even winning an Oscar. The Mox? He hated working with the chimp, declined the role in the sequel, and featured in an amazingly racist flick, KKKop, that induced riots and was banned; even the negatives were eventually burned.
Now, twenty years after Copsicle graced the silver screen, the Mox decides to have a 'reunion' of sorts, with the film being played in an old grindhouse theater in L.A. with him and Duke as speakers. Duke wants nothing to do with the Mox, however, but it turns out, the Mob and many others want Duke dead. The screening turns into a massacre as mob goons machine gun the place, but the Mox lives and now he is pissed!
Shane Moxie is a great character-- super macho, drug-addled intellect that was never very strong to begin with, and living in his glory days. The humor here is first rate, involving not just the film industry and action flicks, but qua Hiaasen, involving politics and society at large. There is nothing sacred here, and so much the better. This is a super fun romp that has to reference just about every action film and actor of the era one way or another. And when 'shit gets real', the action sequences are top notch! Also included here are lovingly created posters from many of Shane's films and something like an IMDB reference on the Mox. 4.5 monkey stars!!
Now, twenty years after Copsicle graced the silver screen, the Mox decides to have a 'reunion' of sorts, with the film being played in an old grindhouse theater in L.A. with him and Duke as speakers. Duke wants nothing to do with the Mox, however, but it turns out, the Mob and many others want Duke dead. The screening turns into a massacre as mob goons machine gun the place, but the Mox lives and now he is pissed!
Shane Moxie is a great character-- super macho, drug-addled intellect that was never very strong to begin with, and living in his glory days. The humor here is first rate, involving not just the film industry and action flicks, but qua Hiaasen, involving politics and society at large. There is nothing sacred here, and so much the better. This is a super fun romp that has to reference just about every action film and actor of the era one way or another. And when 'shit gets real', the action sequences are top notch! Also included here are lovingly created posters from many of Shane's films and something like an IMDB reference on the Mox. 4.5 monkey stars!!
December 27, 2020
From easily one of the most demented, off-kilter minds writing today comes an unabashedly over-the-top homage to all things great and gross about 80s steroidal action films—a tour de force parody that form fits the genre better than Kurt Russell’s jeans. With all the fun of an out-of-bubblegum Piper, enough one-liners to fill a decade of Schwarzenegger roles, and all the low brow humor, highly skilled writing, and epically awesome storytelling I’ve come to expect from this author, One Tough Bastard is raunchy comedic greatness - Flesh Gordon if Flesh Gordon were good (and no, I do not mean “Flash”). In the immortal words of Macho Man Randy Savage: “Need a little excitement? Snap into it!” Or read it, anyway... probably not a good idea to snap into your e-reader.
December 14, 2020
THE BASTARD, MULLETTED LOVE CHILD OF ELMORE LEONARD, CARL HIAASEN, AND TANGO & CASH
Holy fucking flaming shitballs of glory. This book is EXACTLY what I wanted. At once crime fiction, scathing satire of pop culture (80's and now), and a buddy cop story straight out of Satan's wet dreams. I would give it 69 stars if I could.
(Get it? 69? Like sex stuff? Get it? Yeah you do.)
Holy fucking flaming shitballs of glory. This book is EXACTLY what I wanted. At once crime fiction, scathing satire of pop culture (80's and now), and a buddy cop story straight out of Satan's wet dreams. I would give it 69 stars if I could.
(Get it? 69? Like sex stuff? Get it? Yeah you do.)
March 8, 2021
Following the death of his wife, Duke (a talking chimpanzee) and Shane Moxie, former big-screen action heroes and co-stars of the hit Copsicle, are inadvertently reunited as they become embroiled in, and targeted by, a murderous criminal conspiracy.
Fans of '80s buddy-cop action-comedy classics will immediately find One Tough Bastard welcomingly familiar, with its reverential love and heartfelt references for flicks like Lethal Weapon, Tango & Cash, and Every Which Way But Loose, as well as Howe's endless comedic chops that showcase his snappy dialogue and a penchant for gross-out gags.
Much of One Tough Bastard is viewed the perspective of Shane fucking Moxie, the sexiest, manliest, toughest action hero to ever grace the silver screen -- at least in his own mind. In reality, Moxie is little more than a washed-up, ignorant, repulsive, clueless, idiotic sad-sack forever stuck in a dead era of Hollywood, hopelessly clinging to past, and largely embellished, successes. He's a brash, dense, mulletted dimwit with a fashion sense that makes Dog the Bounty Hunter look like a cutting-edge, understated fashionista. Duke, on the other hand, is an erudite ape raised to be human and possesses the benefits of an Ivy League education. Where Moxie's career crash and burned, Duke went on to win an Oscar and developed technology that turns his sign language to speech. They're the classic mismatched pair who have the odds stacked against them, but only an idiot would ever count them out, even as they're forced to run from the law, LA gangs, and organized crime.
While Adam Howe embellishes on the '80s run-and-gun action-hero aesthetic, he also captures an awful lot of the overlooked heart within the testosterone-fueled machismo. Despite being an awful slimeball, Moxie - whose last film, KKKop, sparked riots and was ultimately banned - is oddly endearing and strangely sympathetic. He exists in the Jack Burton mold of action hero, whose delusions of grandeur render him too clueless to realize he's little more than the dimwitted sidekick, at best. He's a bully, sexist and racist, but never (in his eyes) intentionally malicious, if only because he lacks the brainpower to be deliberately cruel. And yet, somehow, Howe actually made me kinda like the guy.
It helps, I suppose, that the threats Moxie and Duke face are so over-the-top, with the threats constantly increasing as each successive action beat constantly one-ups what came previously, before finally reaching a glamorously cinematic, and massively bombastic and fiery, grand finale. Howe keeps the pages turning with well-timed comedic beats, wonderfully executed action scenes, and hilariously bloody carnage.
One Tough Bastard is a Shane Black script with a Joel Silver budget that Warner Brothers was too damn cowardly to produce back in '85 or '87, put to print. It's a love letter to those brainless and brawny comfort flicks, and a bit of a sad reminder that Hollywood just doesn't make movies like this anymore. Every note of this particular ode is pitch perfect, and left me wanting me more. One Tough Bastard may not warrant a sequel, but it sure as hell makes me want to grab a bucket of popcorn drenched in whey protein powder and cue up some classic Schwarzenegger, Seagal, and Stallone flicks, and then mainline all the Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop movies while pumping iron and spouting pithy Bruce Willis one-liners.
Fans of '80s buddy-cop action-comedy classics will immediately find One Tough Bastard welcomingly familiar, with its reverential love and heartfelt references for flicks like Lethal Weapon, Tango & Cash, and Every Which Way But Loose, as well as Howe's endless comedic chops that showcase his snappy dialogue and a penchant for gross-out gags.
Much of One Tough Bastard is viewed the perspective of Shane fucking Moxie, the sexiest, manliest, toughest action hero to ever grace the silver screen -- at least in his own mind. In reality, Moxie is little more than a washed-up, ignorant, repulsive, clueless, idiotic sad-sack forever stuck in a dead era of Hollywood, hopelessly clinging to past, and largely embellished, successes. He's a brash, dense, mulletted dimwit with a fashion sense that makes Dog the Bounty Hunter look like a cutting-edge, understated fashionista. Duke, on the other hand, is an erudite ape raised to be human and possesses the benefits of an Ivy League education. Where Moxie's career crash and burned, Duke went on to win an Oscar and developed technology that turns his sign language to speech. They're the classic mismatched pair who have the odds stacked against them, but only an idiot would ever count them out, even as they're forced to run from the law, LA gangs, and organized crime.
While Adam Howe embellishes on the '80s run-and-gun action-hero aesthetic, he also captures an awful lot of the overlooked heart within the testosterone-fueled machismo. Despite being an awful slimeball, Moxie - whose last film, KKKop, sparked riots and was ultimately banned - is oddly endearing and strangely sympathetic. He exists in the Jack Burton mold of action hero, whose delusions of grandeur render him too clueless to realize he's little more than the dimwitted sidekick, at best. He's a bully, sexist and racist, but never (in his eyes) intentionally malicious, if only because he lacks the brainpower to be deliberately cruel. And yet, somehow, Howe actually made me kinda like the guy.
It helps, I suppose, that the threats Moxie and Duke face are so over-the-top, with the threats constantly increasing as each successive action beat constantly one-ups what came previously, before finally reaching a glamorously cinematic, and massively bombastic and fiery, grand finale. Howe keeps the pages turning with well-timed comedic beats, wonderfully executed action scenes, and hilariously bloody carnage.
One Tough Bastard is a Shane Black script with a Joel Silver budget that Warner Brothers was too damn cowardly to produce back in '85 or '87, put to print. It's a love letter to those brainless and brawny comfort flicks, and a bit of a sad reminder that Hollywood just doesn't make movies like this anymore. Every note of this particular ode is pitch perfect, and left me wanting me more. One Tough Bastard may not warrant a sequel, but it sure as hell makes me want to grab a bucket of popcorn drenched in whey protein powder and cue up some classic Schwarzenegger, Seagal, and Stallone flicks, and then mainline all the Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop movies while pumping iron and spouting pithy Bruce Willis one-liners.
December 1, 2020
I just wrote a very long review for this one, and then the damn thing just disappeared, much like old Shane Moxie’s career after the VHS heyday. So, I’ll give it another shot. But I’ll keep it brief:
Arnold, Sly, Van Damme, Seagal, Bosworth: Shane Moxie could kick all of their asses. The Mox fought his way out of Arkansas, and onto the big screen, and you are going to believe that this musky hunk of mulleted meat might truly have existed back during the 80s action film explosion.
The filmography Howe created for Moxie is tremendous, and I’m genuinely disappointed that I can’t rent these things for real. Copsicle is probably my favorite nonexistent film of all time now. Who wouldn’t want to watch a film about a caveman cop, and his chimpanzee partner being thawed out to fight crime in the modern era? Hell, I want a Blu-ray of the thing right now with all of the special feature trimmings!
One Tough Bastard pits a washed up action star and his ultra intelligent chimpanzee former costar against a Klaus Kinski level super villain who runs a chain of Planet Hollywood-like restaurants. It’s filled with nonstop action, and, like everything else Adam Howe has put out, it will have you laughing on every page. Adam really puts the Mox through the ringer in this one. That’s not to say that old Shane doesn’t deserve some of the mistreatment. I mean, the guy did make a Soul Man level fuck up when he made the movie called KKKop. But he’s a good dude at heart, and you’re going to love reading this highly cinematic action/comedy masterpiece.
You’re going to love it. Now, get to preordering!
Arnold, Sly, Van Damme, Seagal, Bosworth: Shane Moxie could kick all of their asses. The Mox fought his way out of Arkansas, and onto the big screen, and you are going to believe that this musky hunk of mulleted meat might truly have existed back during the 80s action film explosion.
The filmography Howe created for Moxie is tremendous, and I’m genuinely disappointed that I can’t rent these things for real. Copsicle is probably my favorite nonexistent film of all time now. Who wouldn’t want to watch a film about a caveman cop, and his chimpanzee partner being thawed out to fight crime in the modern era? Hell, I want a Blu-ray of the thing right now with all of the special feature trimmings!
One Tough Bastard pits a washed up action star and his ultra intelligent chimpanzee former costar against a Klaus Kinski level super villain who runs a chain of Planet Hollywood-like restaurants. It’s filled with nonstop action, and, like everything else Adam Howe has put out, it will have you laughing on every page. Adam really puts the Mox through the ringer in this one. That’s not to say that old Shane doesn’t deserve some of the mistreatment. I mean, the guy did make a Soul Man level fuck up when he made the movie called KKKop. But he’s a good dude at heart, and you’re going to love reading this highly cinematic action/comedy masterpiece.
You’re going to love it. Now, get to preordering!
June 29, 2021
Duke: “What’s wrong? Are you shot?”
Moxie: “Its’s the adrenaline, I’ll be fine, I just need to find somewhere to jack off.”
I’m not worthy of writing a review for this masterpiece.
Toad Suck Strong!
Moxie: “Its’s the adrenaline, I’ll be fine, I just need to find somewhere to jack off.”
I’m not worthy of writing a review for this masterpiece.
Toad Suck Strong!
November 27, 2020
This book is a cinephile's wet dream! If you love 80's action flicks, then this is a must read.
Shane Moxie is a washed-up movie star who is wanted by the LAPD, marked for death by an organized crime kingpin, and an underworld cabal including the Mafia, the Cartel, the Yakuza, and the Russian Bratva. All of this and a talking monkey too! This gives you an idea of just how glorious this book is.
This book drips with hysterical sarcasm, and with movie titles like One Tough Hombre (a redneck Rocky rip-off), Armed & Dangerous, Unarmed & Deadlier (wait until you read the synopsis on these films), Gung Ho-Ho-Ho, Lambadass, Copsicle, and Captain FGM (a hilarious acronym), this book is laugh-out-loud funny!
In lieu of Howe's normal Story Notes at the end of each book, this time we are treated to Mox's Filmography with full descriptions and cover art.
Highly recommended!
Shane Moxie is a washed-up movie star who is wanted by the LAPD, marked for death by an organized crime kingpin, and an underworld cabal including the Mafia, the Cartel, the Yakuza, and the Russian Bratva. All of this and a talking monkey too! This gives you an idea of just how glorious this book is.
This book drips with hysterical sarcasm, and with movie titles like One Tough Hombre (a redneck Rocky rip-off), Armed & Dangerous, Unarmed & Deadlier (wait until you read the synopsis on these films), Gung Ho-Ho-Ho, Lambadass, Copsicle, and Captain FGM (a hilarious acronym), this book is laugh-out-loud funny!
In lieu of Howe's normal Story Notes at the end of each book, this time we are treated to Mox's Filmography with full descriptions and cover art.
Highly recommended!
January 7, 2021
As soon as I saw the cover, I thought of Planet of the Apes. Then, as I began reading, I thought of Clint Eastwood in Any Which Way of Loose…but so much more twisted.
Adam Howe does write some in your face, way out there stories and I love spending time in his dark, wacky, perverted worlds.
Shane Moxie is a despicable person, but he does have his moments.
At times, I couldn’t keep myself from laughing out loud.
For all you cinephobes out there, One Tough Bastard by Adam Howe is full of movie and actor references.
I always have difficulty describing Adam Howe’s work. The characters are unique, original, crass, and even seem totally off the wall, at times, but when the ‘chimps’ are down, they are there, dodging bullets and knives.
One Tough Bastard by Adam Howe was not one of my favorite stories by him, but I did enjoy my visit.
I voluntarily reviewed a free copy of One Tough Bastard by Adam Howe.
See more at fundinmental
Adam Howe does write some in your face, way out there stories and I love spending time in his dark, wacky, perverted worlds.
Shane Moxie is a despicable person, but he does have his moments.
At times, I couldn’t keep myself from laughing out loud.
For all you cinephobes out there, One Tough Bastard by Adam Howe is full of movie and actor references.
I always have difficulty describing Adam Howe’s work. The characters are unique, original, crass, and even seem totally off the wall, at times, but when the ‘chimps’ are down, they are there, dodging bullets and knives.
One Tough Bastard by Adam Howe was not one of my favorite stories by him, but I did enjoy my visit.
I voluntarily reviewed a free copy of One Tough Bastard by Adam Howe.
See more at fundinmental
June 30, 2022
An absolutely fantastic lampooning of 80’s and early 90’s testosterone-fuelled action films. The Mox is the perfect blend of Jack Burton’s inept try-hard machismo and Seagal’s insufferable and delusional douche-nozzlery. Tolerating this walking embarrassment is Duke, the noble and sci-fi smart simian. Together they make a fantastic odd couple as authentic and enjoyable as any era-appropriate buddy-cop movie. What’s more, for all of the fun Adam Howe pokes at the subject matter of chest-thumping U-S-A! action cinema, he clearly has a great fondness for it too.
The writing flows, the gags had me frequently laughing out loud, and the story is suitably OTT, with a villainous plot (and rogues gallery) so authentically bombastic you could easily believe it was mandated by a coke-crazed Hollywood producer over the course of one wild night/morning.
I don’t know if Howe is planning on doing more with Duke and The Mox, but I’d love to see a sequel.
The writing flows, the gags had me frequently laughing out loud, and the story is suitably OTT, with a villainous plot (and rogues gallery) so authentically bombastic you could easily believe it was mandated by a coke-crazed Hollywood producer over the course of one wild night/morning.
I don’t know if Howe is planning on doing more with Duke and The Mox, but I’d love to see a sequel.
April 24, 2021
A stunning achievement. OTB is at once a hilarious send-up of '80s/'90s action comedies and an incredibly fun example of such. Howe does a fantastic job of balancing the humor, action, and heart, as evidenced most strongly by his leading man, noxious jerkwad Shane Moxie, who's got kind of a heart of gold, but it's totally enlarged from years of steroid abuse. At times the prose gets a little dense, but there are so many laugh-out-loud moments and jaw-dropping action sequences (plus the bonus material in the back--the fake Moxie filmography is worth the price of admission alone) I still zipped through the book.
Here's hoping there's a sequel, because these kind of stories always need one!
Here's hoping there's a sequel, because these kind of stories always need one!
April 28, 2021
In Adam Howe’s One Tough Bastard, the most legendary buddy team-up in cinematic history has flung itself from the 80’s silver screen to plummet onto the written page. Maybe not the traditional vector for this sort of blockbuster, but given the lack of time machines, it’s not like modern humanity is able to return the favour. If Adam ever got a film made from this book, the universe would probably explode, Ouroboros being what it is.
Worth the risk of course, and until then we have this exquisite… historical document about Moxie and Duke and their wild-ass testosterone drenched misadventures. As a child of the 80’s (acid wash notwithstanding) this book is a love letter. To me. Hell, I owned pastel blue parachute pants (made from a real parachute) and a jean vest and cowboy boots. And a sick mullet. I’d post a picture, but the twenties don’t appreciate style and I’d get arrested for being nostalgically awesome (a real thing, look it up).
Anyways, I digress. Actually, no I don’t, the 80’s ARE the best. Maybe you had to be there, maybe you had to be the right age, but nothing beats the pure unfettered blend of action and humour and music and style. Peak movie insanity. Peak wrestling. Peak cheap booze. Peak stripper bars. A higher percentage of enbiggening oxygen in the atmosphere (also a real thing).
So, what to say about One Tough Bastard that hasn’t already been politically incorrectly uttered in every cool bar in every cool corner of every cool city and town and backwater cesspool? It’s just plain, unapologetic fun. In a world that seems to think everything has to be have a deep, underlying theme about loss and grief, it’s fabulous to read a story that’s pure fun romp. Sure, there are integral themes about friendship and self-confidence and being unable to understand how much of an idiot you are. And sure, even a nod to grief, of course as fuel for revenge, but all heaped with a giggling lemon spread of fun. Which is exactly what 2021 needs. Beyond the 80’s buddy movie dynamic, Adam has created a mythology around the characters and story squeezed from the best this genre have to offer. Shane Moxie is a hero. Possibly flawed, sure, but who wouldn’t be with that much awesomeness warping reality? If his movies were available, bootleg or not, I’d have Amishing in Action, Gung Ho-Ho-Ho, and especially Copscicle, splashed across a 108” 8K screen every chance I could.
Worth the risk of course, and until then we have this exquisite… historical document about Moxie and Duke and their wild-ass testosterone drenched misadventures. As a child of the 80’s (acid wash notwithstanding) this book is a love letter. To me. Hell, I owned pastel blue parachute pants (made from a real parachute) and a jean vest and cowboy boots. And a sick mullet. I’d post a picture, but the twenties don’t appreciate style and I’d get arrested for being nostalgically awesome (a real thing, look it up).
Anyways, I digress. Actually, no I don’t, the 80’s ARE the best. Maybe you had to be there, maybe you had to be the right age, but nothing beats the pure unfettered blend of action and humour and music and style. Peak movie insanity. Peak wrestling. Peak cheap booze. Peak stripper bars. A higher percentage of enbiggening oxygen in the atmosphere (also a real thing).
So, what to say about One Tough Bastard that hasn’t already been politically incorrectly uttered in every cool bar in every cool corner of every cool city and town and backwater cesspool? It’s just plain, unapologetic fun. In a world that seems to think everything has to be have a deep, underlying theme about loss and grief, it’s fabulous to read a story that’s pure fun romp. Sure, there are integral themes about friendship and self-confidence and being unable to understand how much of an idiot you are. And sure, even a nod to grief, of course as fuel for revenge, but all heaped with a giggling lemon spread of fun. Which is exactly what 2021 needs. Beyond the 80’s buddy movie dynamic, Adam has created a mythology around the characters and story squeezed from the best this genre have to offer. Shane Moxie is a hero. Possibly flawed, sure, but who wouldn’t be with that much awesomeness warping reality? If his movies were available, bootleg or not, I’d have Amishing in Action, Gung Ho-Ho-Ho, and especially Copscicle, splashed across a 108” 8K screen every chance I could.
February 22, 2021
Just what the doctor ordered. Adam Howe is a sick puppy of the first magnitude. And I dig that about him. I can absolutely count on him for a twisted and f'd up rollicking good time. Just the right amount of wtf, as per the Howe usual.
May 24, 2021
Adam Howe is an writer I've been digging for years. Unfortunately, this one didn't hit the usual high mark I've seen before. Enjoyable and entertaining, but not my favorite work.
May 21, 2021
A fun and easy to read throwback tale. A definite must or fans of 80s movies.
February 1, 2021
I’ve never said this about a book before, but it was fun! So much going on and the writing is very descriptive, throw in the references to almost every action movie ever made and it’s hard to not read this more like a screenplay and see it as a film in your head.
Starts out with a noir vibe and then leads into the rise and fall of “Mox” and his former co-star, a chimp named Duke, which is where things get interesting. If you can, picture Dog the Bounty Hunter playing Mel Gibson’s role in Lethal Weapon and then substitute him for Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way But Lose and that’s how this story plays out.
Years after their film together Duke’s wife dies and he feels there is more to the story so he seeks out his old burden of existence, Shane Moxie. Mox agrees to help dig up some dirt, if any exists, for a small fee of course, since his acting career has gone down the crapper and he and Duke, now equipped with a device that translates his sign language into a celebrity voice, set off for some hard truth!
It’s not deep, but it’s fast-paced and fun and entertaining and sad in spots...and it’s hard to properly describe it without ruining some of the magic, but if you’re a fan of cheesy buddy movies...give this a read!
Starts out with a noir vibe and then leads into the rise and fall of “Mox” and his former co-star, a chimp named Duke, which is where things get interesting. If you can, picture Dog the Bounty Hunter playing Mel Gibson’s role in Lethal Weapon and then substitute him for Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way But Lose and that’s how this story plays out.
Years after their film together Duke’s wife dies and he feels there is more to the story so he seeks out his old burden of existence, Shane Moxie. Mox agrees to help dig up some dirt, if any exists, for a small fee of course, since his acting career has gone down the crapper and he and Duke, now equipped with a device that translates his sign language into a celebrity voice, set off for some hard truth!
It’s not deep, but it’s fast-paced and fun and entertaining and sad in spots...and it’s hard to properly describe it without ruining some of the magic, but if you’re a fan of cheesy buddy movies...give this a read!
February 1, 2021
4.5 bloody stars.
After reading this I kind of wish Shane Moxie was real. He's everything society doesn't want these days, but there is something dumb and innocent to him too. He was one of the horde of action stars to make it big in the 90s, but he remains on the comeback trail.
He has set up a 20th anniversary screening of his biggest hit Copsicle vowing that his co-star, ape Duke, will be attending the screening. The pair haven't spoke since the filming of Copsicle and Shane brings in a wild ape to take his place. A couple of assassins soon come gunning for who they think is Duke and drag Shane into a giant sordid mess.
If Howe's previous books were B-movies, this is him moving into blockbuster territory giving us a big story and big characters to match. The trademark humour is there eliciting many a scoff-laugh at the wild and wonderful analogies and situations. The writing as always hooks you in immediately and has you staying up later than you ever intended.
Howe's latest deserves to be a smash hit at the box office with an unforgettable cast, explosive (in several ways) set pieces and a barrage of laugh out loud moments.
After reading this I kind of wish Shane Moxie was real. He's everything society doesn't want these days, but there is something dumb and innocent to him too. He was one of the horde of action stars to make it big in the 90s, but he remains on the comeback trail.
He has set up a 20th anniversary screening of his biggest hit Copsicle vowing that his co-star, ape Duke, will be attending the screening. The pair haven't spoke since the filming of Copsicle and Shane brings in a wild ape to take his place. A couple of assassins soon come gunning for who they think is Duke and drag Shane into a giant sordid mess.
If Howe's previous books were B-movies, this is him moving into blockbuster territory giving us a big story and big characters to match. The trademark humour is there eliciting many a scoff-laugh at the wild and wonderful analogies and situations. The writing as always hooks you in immediately and has you staying up later than you ever intended.
Howe's latest deserves to be a smash hit at the box office with an unforgettable cast, explosive (in several ways) set pieces and a barrage of laugh out loud moments.
March 30, 2021
A crazy 80s-90s buddy-movie overflowing with film quotes, action, black humor and memorable characters. The erotic dream of any action movie fan. I burst out laughing at every single page.
July 14, 2024
So here's the thing.
As much as I love contemplative, thematic stories that explore ideas and concepts, sometimes I just wanna crack open a book that is the literary equivalent of a big bucket of buttered popcorn. Something with bombastic fight scenes and ridiculous characters and a roller-coaster plot that leaves me clenching my buttcheeks because I'm trying not to bounce up and down on my seat like a ten year old.
So when I started the audiobook for One Tough Bastard and it opened with an opening intro like the preview for an 80's action flick, complete with shotguns, explosions and the narrator attempting to sneer through his teeth like Dirty Harry, I knew I was in for a good time.
One Tough Bastard is both a love letter and a piss-take of action movies from the 80s/90s. The main character - Shane Moxie, arse-kicker extraordinaire - is cut from the same cloth as Steven Seagal; an arrogant, swaggering tosspot who thinks too highly of himself and his skills. The plot could be a film script in itself in how bonkers it is. The violence is visceral and gratuitous. The comedy is lowbrow and crosses so many lines it might be on some sort of list for literary war atrocities. It is GLORIOUS and I fucking loved every second of it.
The main characters are all fun and engaging each in their own ways. Shane for all his many, many faults is surprisingly easy to empathize with, if only because he is such a colossal fuckup that it's a wonder he manages to get by without some form of special needs assistant. It also helps that he shows quite a bit of character development over time and becomes just a little less of an arsehole. Duke, our resident talking chimp, is surprisingly human and probably has some of the best moments in the book, when it comes to sheer badassery. It helps too, that he plays the straight man to Shane's unintentional comedy. Klaus Kaiser - our resident bad-guy - is every bit as menacing as he is scary. He's basically Schwarzenegger if Arnie was a Bond Villain; ruthless, vicious, uncompromising and calculating.
This is Shane Moxie. He's gonna kick your arse.
The tone of the book is solid throughout. Howe clearly has a deep love for the action movies of old as the style of the writing, the style/behaviour of the characters and the pacing all feel like they come straight from those movies. Hell, even Moxie's movies feel like the type of bargain basement movies Cannon Films put out on a regular basis.
Coming soon to Netflix....
But Howe also shows more than a surface level understanding of those movies. I wasn't kidding when I said the story was a piss-take on those movies. A lot of the comedy comes from how much Moxie embodies the best and worst qualities of movies from that time. He's crude, sexist, incompetent and so swaggeringly dumb, its a miracle he can tie his shoes. But at the same time, none of this comes from a hateful place. He's basically the teenage boy who idolized action stars and became one. He just forgot to grow up. Never mind the fact that his movies are genuine trashy shit.
Put this on Amazon Prime now!
So are there any flaws? A couple, enough that it did affect my enjoyment. For starters, while Howe's love of action movies is on full display throughout the book, sometimes it gets a bit excessive, to the point where it feels like he's just rattling off things for nerd cred. For example, about half-way through the book, Moxie and Duke go the Kaiser's HollyWorld restaurant to scout out the place. What follows as they enter, is roughly two and a half pages of non-stop paraphernalia from various action movies littered around the place. Conan's sword, Cobra's pistol, the bus from Speed (I kid you not) etc, etc, etc. And it goes ON AND ON. It doesn't stop. It got to a point where I was checking the time to see how much longer it would go.
He's looking to SLEIGH some terrorists.
The second problem requires me to spoil Kaiser's big villain motive so if you don't want to know, basically it feels a little hamfisted and crude for a man who's spent the entire novel carefully planning things.
So at this point, would I recommend One Tough Bastard?
Yes. Fuck yes.
FUCKING YES.
I clenched my arse with excitement!
I pissed myself laughing!
I cried with passion!
I vomited with glee!
...maybe not that last one....
Honestly, if you have ever enjoyed eating some popcorn and putting on a trashy 80s/90s action flick - something from Cannon or even just from the B-roll catalogue of schlock - you owe to yourself to get this one. It's not perfect, but it does so many more things right than wrong and it's a cracking good time.
Dudikoff is a pussy....
As much as I love contemplative, thematic stories that explore ideas and concepts, sometimes I just wanna crack open a book that is the literary equivalent of a big bucket of buttered popcorn. Something with bombastic fight scenes and ridiculous characters and a roller-coaster plot that leaves me clenching my buttcheeks because I'm trying not to bounce up and down on my seat like a ten year old.
So when I started the audiobook for One Tough Bastard and it opened with an opening intro like the preview for an 80's action flick, complete with shotguns, explosions and the narrator attempting to sneer through his teeth like Dirty Harry, I knew I was in for a good time.
One Tough Bastard is both a love letter and a piss-take of action movies from the 80s/90s. The main character - Shane Moxie, arse-kicker extraordinaire - is cut from the same cloth as Steven Seagal; an arrogant, swaggering tosspot who thinks too highly of himself and his skills. The plot could be a film script in itself in how bonkers it is. The violence is visceral and gratuitous. The comedy is lowbrow and crosses so many lines it might be on some sort of list for literary war atrocities. It is GLORIOUS and I fucking loved every second of it.
The main characters are all fun and engaging each in their own ways. Shane for all his many, many faults is surprisingly easy to empathize with, if only because he is such a colossal fuckup that it's a wonder he manages to get by without some form of special needs assistant. It also helps that he shows quite a bit of character development over time and becomes just a little less of an arsehole. Duke, our resident talking chimp, is surprisingly human and probably has some of the best moments in the book, when it comes to sheer badassery. It helps too, that he plays the straight man to Shane's unintentional comedy. Klaus Kaiser - our resident bad-guy - is every bit as menacing as he is scary. He's basically Schwarzenegger if Arnie was a Bond Villain; ruthless, vicious, uncompromising and calculating.
This is Shane Moxie. He's gonna kick your arse.
The tone of the book is solid throughout. Howe clearly has a deep love for the action movies of old as the style of the writing, the style/behaviour of the characters and the pacing all feel like they come straight from those movies. Hell, even Moxie's movies feel like the type of bargain basement movies Cannon Films put out on a regular basis.
Coming soon to Netflix....
But Howe also shows more than a surface level understanding of those movies. I wasn't kidding when I said the story was a piss-take on those movies. A lot of the comedy comes from how much Moxie embodies the best and worst qualities of movies from that time. He's crude, sexist, incompetent and so swaggeringly dumb, its a miracle he can tie his shoes. But at the same time, none of this comes from a hateful place. He's basically the teenage boy who idolized action stars and became one. He just forgot to grow up. Never mind the fact that his movies are genuine trashy shit.
Put this on Amazon Prime now!
So are there any flaws? A couple, enough that it did affect my enjoyment. For starters, while Howe's love of action movies is on full display throughout the book, sometimes it gets a bit excessive, to the point where it feels like he's just rattling off things for nerd cred. For example, about half-way through the book, Moxie and Duke go the Kaiser's HollyWorld restaurant to scout out the place. What follows as they enter, is roughly two and a half pages of non-stop paraphernalia from various action movies littered around the place. Conan's sword, Cobra's pistol, the bus from Speed (I kid you not) etc, etc, etc. And it goes ON AND ON. It doesn't stop. It got to a point where I was checking the time to see how much longer it would go.
He's looking to SLEIGH some terrorists.
The second problem requires me to spoil Kaiser's big villain motive so if you don't want to know, basically it feels a little hamfisted and crude for a man who's spent the entire novel carefully planning things.
So at this point, would I recommend One Tough Bastard?
Yes. Fuck yes.
FUCKING YES.
I clenched my arse with excitement!
I pissed myself laughing!
I cried with passion!
I vomited with glee!
...maybe not that last one....
Honestly, if you have ever enjoyed eating some popcorn and putting on a trashy 80s/90s action flick - something from Cannon or even just from the B-roll catalogue of schlock - you owe to yourself to get this one. It's not perfect, but it does so many more things right than wrong and it's a cracking good time.
Dudikoff is a pussy....
July 26, 2021
A story about a 80's action movie actor who is still stuck in the 80's with his co-actor, a talking chimp.
This had so many bad puns from the 80's. So over the top with supposedly slap stick humor. It really was just too much for me.
This had so many bad puns from the 80's. So over the top with supposedly slap stick humor. It really was just too much for me.
February 27, 2021
Adam Howe enjoys taking an oddball assortment of characters and placing them in different levels of strange and often humorous situations. Readers of his other stories featuring down-on-his-luck boxer turned strip-club bouncer Reggie Levine, or Scapegoat (co-authored with indie press heavyweight James Newman) in which a trip to Wrestlemania III takes a demonic turn for the worse, will have some idea of what to expect. But no amount of preparation will adequately equip you for the force of nature that is Shane Moxie.
Howe’s monstrous leading man, evoking less sympathy than Frankenstein’s creature, is a poster-child for the excess of 80s and 90s Hollywood action cinema. He wields toxic masculinity like some kind of contemptible superpower and, if his ego were any larger, his head would be orbited by its very own moon. This cosmic metaphor doesn’t do him justice; he’d be the star at the centre of his very own galaxy. He lists Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Van Damme et al. as his contemporaries, and not always in a positive way, often badmouthing the “Muscles from Brussels”. He views women purely as objects of desire, thinks very little of minority groups (in his case, anyone who identifies as anything other than straight white male) and thinks highly of Trump’s presidential capacity, if not of the man himself. It would take a monumentally villainous antagonist to paint Moxie in a favourable light.
Enter Moxie’s boyhood hero Klaus Kaiser. Styled in appearance on Arnold Schwarzenegger and boasting a similar rise to fame (with an impressive bodybuilding career followed by starring roles in movies like Krone the Berserker and The Obliterator), Kaiser’s career may mirror Arnie’s – including political aspirations for the highest office in the land – but he is far more sinister. With Brigitte Nielsen-lookalike Malina Kaminski at his side, his dark shadow engulfs Moxie and propels the story of One Tough Bastard. While the story begins with Moxie and an ill-prepared publicity stunt, he soon finds himself thrown together with his co-star from Copsicle, his greatest box office success. In that movie, Moxie played a caveman detective who is defrosted in late 80’s America to take down his nemesis with the aid of his ape partner, played by phenomenal ape thespian Duke.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Duke is an ape of higher-than-normal intelligence (even higher-than-Moxie intelligence) who captured the hearts of America’s moviegoers with his comedic timing and dramatic flair. When his human lover Lorna uncovers a nefarious criminal network and pays the ultimate price, he finds himself targeted, along with the hapless Moxie, leading to an 80s-style buddy comedy movie story that pays homage while simultaneously taking well-aimed pot-shots at the absurd situations. Explosive action sequences that would make Hollywood financiers hide their wallets, over-the-top villainy and bloody good deaths (emphasis on the “bloody”) are all present, and fair game for Howe’s wonderful propensity for humorous set-pieces and one-liners. The list of Moxie’s admirable qualities maybe easily counted on one hand, but the man is really just a buffoon, a clown whose sole function is crash test dummy for the preposterous ideas that swirl around in the gonzo imagination of this incredibly talented author.
Which brings me to the one warning I will offer for potential readers; Moxie is a man culturally hung up on the 80s. The movie Copsicle makes for a fitting metaphor for One Tough Bastard; a caveman struggling to fit in in 20th century America, not unlike Moxie, who actually thinks much like a stereotypical caveman. He is a man stuck in the past, and it often comes out in offensive jokes or comments. But these are merely there to offer insight into the mind of a buffoon, as previously stated. The way Howe pokes fun at such a character, while pitting him against a truly evil villain, requires a certain sense of humour. Fans of Tijuana Donkey Showdown or his novella Damn Dirty Apes will be thrilled with this latest offering, as will fans of quick-witted dialogue and sharp-tongued one-liners. Many are often at the expense of Moxie, and there is an argument to be made that Duke is the true star of the story (just look at that incredible cover by master of graphic art Matthew Revert), the ape who almost manages to rub off some of that charm on big, dumb animal Moxie.
For those readers of a certain age who grew up on a diet of action-comedy videos like Lethal Weapon, 48 Hours, and Tango & Cash, sat too close to their “massive” 32-inch CRT television sets (I’m carbon-dating myself, kids. Look it up), this book will provide a rip-roaring reading experience full of awesome action and laugh-out-loud banter delivered in Howe’s unique and masterful style. However, the jury is still out on the guarantee of becoming a sexual tyrannosaurus.
Howe’s monstrous leading man, evoking less sympathy than Frankenstein’s creature, is a poster-child for the excess of 80s and 90s Hollywood action cinema. He wields toxic masculinity like some kind of contemptible superpower and, if his ego were any larger, his head would be orbited by its very own moon. This cosmic metaphor doesn’t do him justice; he’d be the star at the centre of his very own galaxy. He lists Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Van Damme et al. as his contemporaries, and not always in a positive way, often badmouthing the “Muscles from Brussels”. He views women purely as objects of desire, thinks very little of minority groups (in his case, anyone who identifies as anything other than straight white male) and thinks highly of Trump’s presidential capacity, if not of the man himself. It would take a monumentally villainous antagonist to paint Moxie in a favourable light.
Enter Moxie’s boyhood hero Klaus Kaiser. Styled in appearance on Arnold Schwarzenegger and boasting a similar rise to fame (with an impressive bodybuilding career followed by starring roles in movies like Krone the Berserker and The Obliterator), Kaiser’s career may mirror Arnie’s – including political aspirations for the highest office in the land – but he is far more sinister. With Brigitte Nielsen-lookalike Malina Kaminski at his side, his dark shadow engulfs Moxie and propels the story of One Tough Bastard. While the story begins with Moxie and an ill-prepared publicity stunt, he soon finds himself thrown together with his co-star from Copsicle, his greatest box office success. In that movie, Moxie played a caveman detective who is defrosted in late 80’s America to take down his nemesis with the aid of his ape partner, played by phenomenal ape thespian Duke.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Duke is an ape of higher-than-normal intelligence (even higher-than-Moxie intelligence) who captured the hearts of America’s moviegoers with his comedic timing and dramatic flair. When his human lover Lorna uncovers a nefarious criminal network and pays the ultimate price, he finds himself targeted, along with the hapless Moxie, leading to an 80s-style buddy comedy movie story that pays homage while simultaneously taking well-aimed pot-shots at the absurd situations. Explosive action sequences that would make Hollywood financiers hide their wallets, over-the-top villainy and bloody good deaths (emphasis on the “bloody”) are all present, and fair game for Howe’s wonderful propensity for humorous set-pieces and one-liners. The list of Moxie’s admirable qualities maybe easily counted on one hand, but the man is really just a buffoon, a clown whose sole function is crash test dummy for the preposterous ideas that swirl around in the gonzo imagination of this incredibly talented author.
Which brings me to the one warning I will offer for potential readers; Moxie is a man culturally hung up on the 80s. The movie Copsicle makes for a fitting metaphor for One Tough Bastard; a caveman struggling to fit in in 20th century America, not unlike Moxie, who actually thinks much like a stereotypical caveman. He is a man stuck in the past, and it often comes out in offensive jokes or comments. But these are merely there to offer insight into the mind of a buffoon, as previously stated. The way Howe pokes fun at such a character, while pitting him against a truly evil villain, requires a certain sense of humour. Fans of Tijuana Donkey Showdown or his novella Damn Dirty Apes will be thrilled with this latest offering, as will fans of quick-witted dialogue and sharp-tongued one-liners. Many are often at the expense of Moxie, and there is an argument to be made that Duke is the true star of the story (just look at that incredible cover by master of graphic art Matthew Revert), the ape who almost manages to rub off some of that charm on big, dumb animal Moxie.
For those readers of a certain age who grew up on a diet of action-comedy videos like Lethal Weapon, 48 Hours, and Tango & Cash, sat too close to their “massive” 32-inch CRT television sets (I’m carbon-dating myself, kids. Look it up), this book will provide a rip-roaring reading experience full of awesome action and laugh-out-loud banter delivered in Howe’s unique and masterful style. However, the jury is still out on the guarantee of becoming a sexual tyrannosaurus.
March 4, 2021
Hilarious tribute to 80s/90s action movies and personalities...the author covers an amazing array of movies, characters and tropes. The spoofs and riffs are so well done that it was sometimes hard to discern fiction from reality and I had to Google it to be sure (hint: all the quotes at the beginning of each chapter are real...)
I hope this isnt the last we see of Shane F'in Moxie - he really deserves another comeback in Expendables 5!
I hope this isnt the last we see of Shane F'in Moxie - he really deserves another comeback in Expendables 5!
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