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Beholder
"Beholder is a resplendent monster of power, secrets, wealth, and murderous interior design." - Andrew Joseph White, New York Times bestselling author of Hell Followed With Us
"A top-notch horror novel." - Publishers Weekly Starred Review
"Ryan La Sala is one of the most exciting, risk-taking authors working in YA. BEHOLDER is, like THE HONEYS, a high-wire act of brilliant invention.” - Melissa Albert, bestselling author of The Hazel Wood
"This berserk beauty is a joy to behold! - Adam Sass, award-winning author of Surrender Your Sons and Your Lonely Nights Are Over
From Ryan La Sala, author of the tantalizingly twisted The Honeys and riotously imaginative Reverie, comes a chilling new contemporary fable about art, aesthetic obsession, and the gaze that peers back at us from behind our reflections.
Athanasios “Athan” Bakirtzis hasn’t had an easy life. Orphaned by a fire at a young age, he’s had to rely on his charm, his under-the-table job as an art handler, and the generosity of family friends to care for his ailing Yiayia, his grandmother.
But Athan also has a secret: a hereditary power that allows him to rewind the reflection in any mirror, peering into its recent past. Superstitious Yiayia calls the family ability a curse, and has long warned him never to use it. For Athan, who’s survived this long by keeping to the realm of the real, this is a perfectly agreeable arrangement.
Until the night of the party. After being invited to a penthouse soiree for New York’s art elite, Athan breaks his grandmother’s rule during a trip to the bathroom, turning back his reflection for just a moment. Then he hears a slam against the bathroom door, followed by a scream. Athan peers outside, only to be pushed back in by a boy his age. The boy gravely tells him not to open the door, then closes Athan in.
Before Athan can process what’s happening, more screams follow, and the party descends into chaos. When he finally emerges, he discovers a massacre where the victims appear to have arranged themselves into a disturbingly elegant sculpture—and Athan's mysterious savior is nowhere to be found.
Something evil is compelling people to destructive acts, a presence that’s been hiding behind Athan’s reflection his whole life, watching and biding its time. Soon, he’s swept up in a supernatural conspiracy that spans New York, of occult high societies and deadly eldritch designs. If beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, what can it do to us once it’s inside?
"A top-notch horror novel." - Publishers Weekly Starred Review
"Ryan La Sala is one of the most exciting, risk-taking authors working in YA. BEHOLDER is, like THE HONEYS, a high-wire act of brilliant invention.” - Melissa Albert, bestselling author of The Hazel Wood
"This berserk beauty is a joy to behold! - Adam Sass, award-winning author of Surrender Your Sons and Your Lonely Nights Are Over
From Ryan La Sala, author of the tantalizingly twisted The Honeys and riotously imaginative Reverie, comes a chilling new contemporary fable about art, aesthetic obsession, and the gaze that peers back at us from behind our reflections.
Athanasios “Athan” Bakirtzis hasn’t had an easy life. Orphaned by a fire at a young age, he’s had to rely on his charm, his under-the-table job as an art handler, and the generosity of family friends to care for his ailing Yiayia, his grandmother.
But Athan also has a secret: a hereditary power that allows him to rewind the reflection in any mirror, peering into its recent past. Superstitious Yiayia calls the family ability a curse, and has long warned him never to use it. For Athan, who’s survived this long by keeping to the realm of the real, this is a perfectly agreeable arrangement.
Until the night of the party. After being invited to a penthouse soiree for New York’s art elite, Athan breaks his grandmother’s rule during a trip to the bathroom, turning back his reflection for just a moment. Then he hears a slam against the bathroom door, followed by a scream. Athan peers outside, only to be pushed back in by a boy his age. The boy gravely tells him not to open the door, then closes Athan in.
Before Athan can process what’s happening, more screams follow, and the party descends into chaos. When he finally emerges, he discovers a massacre where the victims appear to have arranged themselves into a disturbingly elegant sculpture—and Athan's mysterious savior is nowhere to be found.
Something evil is compelling people to destructive acts, a presence that’s been hiding behind Athan’s reflection his whole life, watching and biding its time. Soon, he’s swept up in a supernatural conspiracy that spans New York, of occult high societies and deadly eldritch designs. If beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, what can it do to us once it’s inside?
343 pages, Hardcover
First published October 3, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 607 reviews
August 13, 2023
4.5 stars rounded up!!!
4.5 cus I wrote this book in a 24-day-delerium and there are still moments in these pages that I, the author, distrust! A healthy skepticism, you might say!! The idea for this book has been hiding somewhere in my head for years, plucking small bits of inspiration out of my eyes, drawing them up into its web, crafting something in my subconscious that took me very much by surprise when it suddenly SPRANG FORTH and scared the dandelions out of me. I love this book, I'm proud of it, but do I trust it? No! I did my best to lock down a monster in all these words, but as you'll see it takes just a single trailing strand for a creature like this to slowly rebuild its web. Be vigilant, dear reader, and don't look TOO long. You never know what will look back!!!
-ryan
4.5 cus I wrote this book in a 24-day-delerium and there are still moments in these pages that I, the author, distrust! A healthy skepticism, you might say!! The idea for this book has been hiding somewhere in my head for years, plucking small bits of inspiration out of my eyes, drawing them up into its web, crafting something in my subconscious that took me very much by surprise when it suddenly SPRANG FORTH and scared the dandelions out of me. I love this book, I'm proud of it, but do I trust it? No! I did my best to lock down a monster in all these words, but as you'll see it takes just a single trailing strand for a creature like this to slowly rebuild its web. Be vigilant, dear reader, and don't look TOO long. You never know what will look back!!!
-ryan
September 13, 2023
Ryan La Sala just lured me into their web, suffocating me with their mesmerizing prose, and I didn’t mind at all. What do I say about a story so intriguing and frightening but simultaneously so beautiful, spinning its threads around me so tight that it became difficult to breathe?
We cannot run from what reflects us. The farther you run from a mirror, the deeper your reflection vanishes into it.
I just don’t have words to describe my feelings. My mind is empty and full at the same time. Ryan La Sala is simply a genius. Chills already crawled over my skin while reading the author’s note. And that beginning! Starting the first chapter with some kind of second-person writing without letting the reader know if it’s Athan, our main character talking, or someone else? It’s daring and incredibly ingenious.
Startling, Thrilling. Breathtaking. Eerie. Those are the words I used to describe The Honeys, and I’m using them again for Beholder. The Honeys was about bees, and this one is about mirrors. What happens to you when you look in a mirror? Do you like the reflection? Do you like to shine? Or do you hate what you see? Do you look away? And what do you see when you watch yourself from others’ eyes?
Gasps left my mouth, smiles danced on my face, and tears clouded my eyes more than once, especially at the end. This story is fantastic! It’s about how we show ourselves to the world, about how our perspectives let us see. It’s about fear, about trauma and guilt we carry with us. I strongly suggest reading Beholder without knowing more. Like Ryan says in their author’s note:
What you can see can see you. But what hurts you can also be hurt back. Mirrors work both ways, after all.
I received an ARC from Push and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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We cannot run from what reflects us. The farther you run from a mirror, the deeper your reflection vanishes into it.
I just don’t have words to describe my feelings. My mind is empty and full at the same time. Ryan La Sala is simply a genius. Chills already crawled over my skin while reading the author’s note. And that beginning! Starting the first chapter with some kind of second-person writing without letting the reader know if it’s Athan, our main character talking, or someone else? It’s daring and incredibly ingenious.
Startling, Thrilling. Breathtaking. Eerie. Those are the words I used to describe The Honeys, and I’m using them again for Beholder. The Honeys was about bees, and this one is about mirrors. What happens to you when you look in a mirror? Do you like the reflection? Do you like to shine? Or do you hate what you see? Do you look away? And what do you see when you watch yourself from others’ eyes?
Gasps left my mouth, smiles danced on my face, and tears clouded my eyes more than once, especially at the end. This story is fantastic! It’s about how we show ourselves to the world, about how our perspectives let us see. It’s about fear, about trauma and guilt we carry with us. I strongly suggest reading Beholder without knowing more. Like Ryan says in their author’s note:
What you can see can see you. But what hurts you can also be hurt back. Mirrors work both ways, after all.
I received an ARC from Push and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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October 3, 2023
Happy release day to this bizzare but brilliant YA horror! If you haven't already, please go ahead and support the release of this book by purchasing it at your local bookstore/borrowing it at your local library!
E-ARC generously provided by Scholastic via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review, thank you so much
4 star. Arthouse horror meets La Sala's signature prose in Beholder, a prismatic horror about what happens when you look into a mirror and something terrible and beautiful looks back.
E-ARC generously provided by Scholastic via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review, thank you so much
4 star. Arthouse horror meets La Sala's signature prose in Beholder, a prismatic horror about what happens when you look into a mirror and something terrible and beautiful looks back.
October 16, 2023
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it’s true. And so it’s also true that beauty must then be beheld.
This story is so unique and interesting. The writing is gorgeous and lyrical.
Our world is an artful illusion—of light, color, and sound. It feels spontaneous when you’re in it, but it isn’t. Beneath it all, or above it all, there’s something both significant and unknowable. A design. A sequence that can be maneuvered within, but never escaped.
This book takes you on a journey of family, love and discovering one's self. All the while reflecting these images back at you. What do you see in your own reflection?
People look into mirrors with such unguarded curiosity, never thinking that someone else is looking back.
It is quite difficult to describe this book without spoiling it, so just go read it. I was left pondering this story for quite some time after I finished it.
What you can see can see you. But what hurts you can also be hurt back. Mirrors work both ways, after all.
*** I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley and this is my honest opinion. ***
This story is so unique and interesting. The writing is gorgeous and lyrical.
Our world is an artful illusion—of light, color, and sound. It feels spontaneous when you’re in it, but it isn’t. Beneath it all, or above it all, there’s something both significant and unknowable. A design. A sequence that can be maneuvered within, but never escaped.
This book takes you on a journey of family, love and discovering one's self. All the while reflecting these images back at you. What do you see in your own reflection?
People look into mirrors with such unguarded curiosity, never thinking that someone else is looking back.
It is quite difficult to describe this book without spoiling it, so just go read it. I was left pondering this story for quite some time after I finished it.
What you can see can see you. But what hurts you can also be hurt back. Mirrors work both ways, after all.
*** I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley and this is my honest opinion. ***
Want to read
February 9, 2023October 1, 2023
Beholder tells the story of Athanasios "Athan" Bakirtzis. Athan hasn’t had the easiest life, after a tragic fire he was orphaned at a young age. He’s made his way through life as an art handler and has had to depend on the kindness of family friends to care for his aging grandmother he calls Yiayia.
Athan also has a secret. He has the power that to rewind the reflection in any mirror, peering into its recent past. Superstitious Yiayia calls the family ability a curse, and has warned him not to use it.
Athan is invited to a party by New York’s elite art society. When he arrives, he decides to take a quick trip to the bath room to turn his reflection and soon hears a scream. only to be pushed back in by a boy his age. The boy gravely tells him not to open the door, then closes Athan in. Before Athan can process what's happening, more screams follow, and the party descends into chaos. When he finally emerges, he discovers a massacre where the victims appear to have arranged themselves into a disturbingly elegant sculpture and Athan's rescuer is nowhere to be found. Something evil is moving people to commit destructive acts, a presence that's been hiding behind Athan's reflection his whole life, watching and waiting. Soon, he's swept up in a supernatural conspiracy that spans New York, of occult high societies and sinister setups.
First off, I have a couple of questions.
How is this labeled as young adult? As a middle aged woman, Beholder absolutely terrified me. Also, why isn't this book talked about more? It deserves all the hype and then some!
Just like in The Honeys, La Sala’s vivid imagery speaks to all of the reader's senses making them feel as if they are in the story with Athan. Not only is this story a bone chilling horror tale but it also has psychological thriller elements. The story is unforgettable, it's been a few days since I finished this one and it's still on my mind. This book is the perfect book to kick off the spooky season and I highly recommend it to all horror fans!
Also if you haven't already read it, while you are grabbing a copy of Beholder, grab a copy of one of my all-time favorites, The Honeys!!!!
Beholder by Ryan LaSala will be available on October 3. Many thanks to Push/Scholastic and NetGalley for the gifted copy!
Athan also has a secret. He has the power that to rewind the reflection in any mirror, peering into its recent past. Superstitious Yiayia calls the family ability a curse, and has warned him not to use it.
Athan is invited to a party by New York’s elite art society. When he arrives, he decides to take a quick trip to the bath room to turn his reflection and soon hears a scream. only to be pushed back in by a boy his age. The boy gravely tells him not to open the door, then closes Athan in. Before Athan can process what's happening, more screams follow, and the party descends into chaos. When he finally emerges, he discovers a massacre where the victims appear to have arranged themselves into a disturbingly elegant sculpture and Athan's rescuer is nowhere to be found. Something evil is moving people to commit destructive acts, a presence that's been hiding behind Athan's reflection his whole life, watching and waiting. Soon, he's swept up in a supernatural conspiracy that spans New York, of occult high societies and sinister setups.
First off, I have a couple of questions.
How is this labeled as young adult? As a middle aged woman, Beholder absolutely terrified me. Also, why isn't this book talked about more? It deserves all the hype and then some!
Just like in The Honeys, La Sala’s vivid imagery speaks to all of the reader's senses making them feel as if they are in the story with Athan. Not only is this story a bone chilling horror tale but it also has psychological thriller elements. The story is unforgettable, it's been a few days since I finished this one and it's still on my mind. This book is the perfect book to kick off the spooky season and I highly recommend it to all horror fans!
Also if you haven't already read it, while you are grabbing a copy of Beholder, grab a copy of one of my all-time favorites, The Honeys!!!!
Beholder by Ryan LaSala will be available on October 3. Many thanks to Push/Scholastic and NetGalley for the gifted copy!
September 4, 2024
“We cannot run from what reflects us. The farther you run from a mirror, the deeper your reflection vanishes into it.”
1 Sentence Summary: Athan can rewind the reflection in any mirror and see into its past, but his Yiayia has always told him it’s a curse and never to use his power; however, when Athan starts witnessing horrible deaths and then Yiayia goes missing, he is determined to figure out what is going on, but there’s something strange in his reflection, and it’s trying to get out.
My Thoughts: ALL I HEARD WAS THAT THIS WAS INSPIRED BY CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN’S THE YELLOW WALLPAPER AND I WAS IN!!!
This was sooo creepy and well written, and you never quite know what’s going on (in a good way). It was also so interesting, with the wallpaper and the mirror stuff and your reflection not actually being your reflection. What happens when you look into a mirror and something looks back?
“Once you start seeing patterns in the mayhem of the world, it's harder to accept that anything is meaningless. In a strange way, it's a relief to think the universe has selected you—specifically you—to suffer.”
The characters were well developed but I’m not sure how I felt about the romance subplot. The story itself was very unique and strange and thrilling.
Don’t read this if you are deathly afraid of spiders, though.
Recommend to: Fans of YA horror involving mirrors, deadly wallpaper, the Greek evil eye, secret societies, strange conspiracies, and family curses.
(Warnings: swearing; blood/gore; death; suicidal ideation)
“Grief is love for a past that is over, a present that has changed, and a future that will never arrive.”
December 3, 2023
this fell SO flat, I was expecting so much more
Such a stunning cover
I LOVE Ryan la Salas writing 💯💯💯
Very cool audiobook!!!! Many interesting sound effects
Very cinematic
Goddddd the romance is too cheesy 🧀
This book is pretty hard to follow it. Kind of reminds me of Megan golden's stay awake where you are. Literally blocked right into the middle of a story, and even the narrator doesn't know what's going on. So you don't know what's going on. And it's kind of confusing but I will say I am interested. I am really enjoying the audiobook. Because there are sound effects, so it is very immersive. I'm like it.
Some of the dialogue is a little rough. I'm at 18% in and it just abruptly. Shifted in tone from the main dude. Being all serious and scared and try to figure it out to really awkwardly flirting with the other guy.
So it's just a little bit cheesy at times with the dialogue.
The more I get to this, the more I'm starting to get annoyed. Because it's just really, really cheesy insta love. Kind of a mess too honestly. Just feels really all over the place.
The concept behind this is really interesting but I would have liked to awe the concepts refined a bit more like in the Honeys which I felt was really successful.
This book also dosnt have the same poetic prose the Honeys had either. It's falling flat.
71% I should have dnf'd this and didn't because it was one of my highly anticipated releases so I didn't want to give up but what a disappointment
This feels WAYYYY Too long as well for what is actually happening.
I do think Ryan la sala is good at doing body horror 👌
Such a stunning cover
I LOVE Ryan la Salas writing 💯💯💯
Very cool audiobook!!!! Many interesting sound effects
Very cinematic
Goddddd the romance is too cheesy 🧀
This book is pretty hard to follow it. Kind of reminds me of Megan golden's stay awake where you are. Literally blocked right into the middle of a story, and even the narrator doesn't know what's going on. So you don't know what's going on. And it's kind of confusing but I will say I am interested. I am really enjoying the audiobook. Because there are sound effects, so it is very immersive. I'm like it.
Some of the dialogue is a little rough. I'm at 18% in and it just abruptly. Shifted in tone from the main dude. Being all serious and scared and try to figure it out to really awkwardly flirting with the other guy.
So it's just a little bit cheesy at times with the dialogue.
The more I get to this, the more I'm starting to get annoyed. Because it's just really, really cheesy insta love. Kind of a mess too honestly. Just feels really all over the place.
The concept behind this is really interesting but I would have liked to awe the concepts refined a bit more like in the Honeys which I felt was really successful.
This book also dosnt have the same poetic prose the Honeys had either. It's falling flat.
71% I should have dnf'd this and didn't because it was one of my highly anticipated releases so I didn't want to give up but what a disappointment
This feels WAYYYY Too long as well for what is actually happening.
I do think Ryan la sala is good at doing body horror 👌
April 16, 2023
WOW. Okay, this was great, and ooky-spooky, and I’ll be avoiding mirrors for a long time!!
September 15, 2023
Moja arachnofobia dostała arachnofobii lol
October 27, 2023
I received an ARC from Edelweiss
TW: intrusive thoughts/compulsions, self harm & suicide, fatal fire, impalment, body horror, strangulation, eye based horror
4.5
This book has a concept that makes me go nuts just thinking about. If The Yellow Wallpaper crawled into your subconscious the way it did mine, this is the exact horror novel you need. The way wallpaper is used in this book fundamentally changed the way I see it, and the use of mirrors and compulsion through the evil eye really got under my skin.
This book really manages to be really freaky with vivid images that stay with you, but it maintains the emotional weight throughout. The end of this book feels like the end of a journey, which makes it feel so emotionally satisfying to see it through to the close.
The romance in this, too, was surprisingly well balanced. It easily could’ve become too much and thrown off the tension, but it didn’t. Athan and Dom had good chemistry and made sense together, so their flirting and the moments of humor meshes with the rest of the high adrenaline situation they’re in perfectly, it’s never out of place.
However, while I love the big picture, and it starts with one of the best openings I’ve ever seen in my life, I didn’t ever fully understand the smaller picture of the setting itself, or even the actual stakes. The mystery of the patrons and the market is intriguing and yet never really explained. Not knowing exactly what these things are, what they do, or why they matter means the drastic actions taken feel weak. The targeting of Dom also could’ve been explained instead of just being an assumption.
I really enjoyed this book, I just wish the actual details were more fleshed out beyond tension and a super cool concept.
TW: intrusive thoughts/compulsions, self harm & suicide, fatal fire, impalment, body horror, strangulation, eye based horror
4.5
This book has a concept that makes me go nuts just thinking about. If The Yellow Wallpaper crawled into your subconscious the way it did mine, this is the exact horror novel you need. The way wallpaper is used in this book fundamentally changed the way I see it, and the use of mirrors and compulsion through the evil eye really got under my skin.
This book really manages to be really freaky with vivid images that stay with you, but it maintains the emotional weight throughout. The end of this book feels like the end of a journey, which makes it feel so emotionally satisfying to see it through to the close.
The romance in this, too, was surprisingly well balanced. It easily could’ve become too much and thrown off the tension, but it didn’t. Athan and Dom had good chemistry and made sense together, so their flirting and the moments of humor meshes with the rest of the high adrenaline situation they’re in perfectly, it’s never out of place.
However, while I love the big picture, and it starts with one of the best openings I’ve ever seen in my life, I didn’t ever fully understand the smaller picture of the setting itself, or even the actual stakes. The mystery of the patrons and the market is intriguing and yet never really explained. Not knowing exactly what these things are, what they do, or why they matter means the drastic actions taken feel weak. The targeting of Dom also could’ve been explained instead of just being an assumption.
I really enjoyed this book, I just wish the actual details were more fleshed out beyond tension and a super cool concept.
October 13, 2023
Beholder is an interesting, twisty story of spiders in mirrors and really weird wallpaper, and if you're willing to go along with it, you're in for a wild ride. This did have the Midsommer fault of having it's scariest moment right at the start, but at least has a few scary moments scattered throughout to keep the tension up.
I really liked the relationship between Athan and Dom throughout the story, they acknowledged their attraction to each other, but were too caught up in the wild ride the story was taking them on, trying to piece together clues to stop what was happening to people and find Yia Yia, to really pursue it, which felt realistic.
While this is YA, a few people were surprised that this wasn't an adult horror, and I think aside from the horror elements there's an overall maturity to this story that really elevates it above other YA horror stories, which often feel generic. This is a book I could easily recommend to any horror fan.
I really liked the relationship between Athan and Dom throughout the story, they acknowledged their attraction to each other, but were too caught up in the wild ride the story was taking them on, trying to piece together clues to stop what was happening to people and find Yia Yia, to really pursue it, which felt realistic.
While this is YA, a few people were surprised that this wasn't an adult horror, and I think aside from the horror elements there's an overall maturity to this story that really elevates it above other YA horror stories, which often feel generic. This is a book I could easily recommend to any horror fan.
Want to read
February 9, 2023I love everything about this cover except for the giant spider. Ew.
January 14, 2024
this was supposed to creep me out not make me cry
November 5, 2023
When you start a book with a quote from The Yellow Wallpaper, you better be ready to deliver a deeply unsettling story. Ryan La Sala certainly delivered with Beholder, and then some.
Beholder opens with a brief backstory of Athan and his family's gift -- but all isn't what it seems to be at first glance. What follows is a harrowing tale of terror, grief, loss, and existential dread.
Beyond the compelling story, Beholder is filled with gorgeous writing and notable quotables. This is one of my favorites: "Grief is love for a past that is over, a present that has changed, and a future that will never arrive."
This was another 5-star La Sala read for me. Highly recommended, but do take the author's content warning seriously.
Beholder opens with a brief backstory of Athan and his family's gift -- but all isn't what it seems to be at first glance. What follows is a harrowing tale of terror, grief, loss, and existential dread.
Beyond the compelling story, Beholder is filled with gorgeous writing and notable quotables. This is one of my favorites: "Grief is love for a past that is over, a present that has changed, and a future that will never arrive."
This was another 5-star La Sala read for me. Highly recommended, but do take the author's content warning seriously.
Shelved as 'dnf'
November 4, 2023dnf @36% cause i don't really care enough to continue and it doesn't even hold my attention enough to satisfy my just-background-noise-audiobook requirements
November 4, 2023
When I read the synopsis to Beholder, my impression was that this would be a meaningful examination of art, wealth, and conceit woven into an unusual horror setup.
I don’t want to mislead you. I do think it encompasses those things. It just left me feeling hungry for something more substantial.
The horror aspect was fresh, and I think it takes a great deal of talent and inventiveness to pull off what La Sala did here. It was absolutely entertaining, although, for me, not completely immersive. That’s largely because it hadn’t been the profound tale I’d been craving.
It’s not completely superficial, though, as there are some insightful moments, but I would say it was more on the fun fiction side of things, which is totally fine. I just wanted something meatier from it. It was equivalent to a frozen dinner with promising packaging, but only two chunks of beef buried underneath less filling content on the inside.
I'm not the best scale for measuring creepiness, as fiction rarely succeeds in sending chills down my spine. I did not find this unsettling, though, and I really thought that aspect was a sure thing before I started.
It was a bizarre story, and I liked that about it, but my socks are still firmly in place so maybe the next book will knock them off.
I don’t want to mislead you. I do think it encompasses those things. It just left me feeling hungry for something more substantial.
The horror aspect was fresh, and I think it takes a great deal of talent and inventiveness to pull off what La Sala did here. It was absolutely entertaining, although, for me, not completely immersive. That’s largely because it hadn’t been the profound tale I’d been craving.
It’s not completely superficial, though, as there are some insightful moments, but I would say it was more on the fun fiction side of things, which is totally fine. I just wanted something meatier from it. It was equivalent to a frozen dinner with promising packaging, but only two chunks of beef buried underneath less filling content on the inside.
I'm not the best scale for measuring creepiness, as fiction rarely succeeds in sending chills down my spine. I did not find this unsettling, though, and I really thought that aspect was a sure thing before I started.
It was a bizarre story, and I liked that about it, but my socks are still firmly in place so maybe the next book will knock them off.
September 14, 2023
Fiancé got an arc for blurbing purposes
Okay so my fiancé told me this was “weird as fuck” but I didn’t know it was gonna make me cry??? It ends up in such a different place than it starts and it’s such a weird ride getting there but it’s an emotional rollercoaster with one hell of a message about choosing the future for yourself.
Made me miss my nana though :(
Okay so my fiancé told me this was “weird as fuck” but I didn’t know it was gonna make me cry??? It ends up in such a different place than it starts and it’s such a weird ride getting there but it’s an emotional rollercoaster with one hell of a message about choosing the future for yourself.
Made me miss my nana though :(
October 3, 2023
A breath of fresh air! Queer horror, meets fantasy, meets dark academia, meets fever dream. This is a super unique read and should definitely be on your radar!
August 30, 2024
CW: body horror, gore, violence, blood, self-harm, suicide, death, death of a parent, murder, fire/fire injury, PTSD, injury description, psychosis, sexual assault, (minor) vomit, (minor) child death
Actual rating: 4.5 stars
Y'all Magnus Archives fans are SLEEPING on this book!!!! Everyone who keeps liking my season 2 review needs to read this book ASAP.
Actual rating: 4.5 stars
Y'all Magnus Archives fans are SLEEPING on this book!!!! Everyone who keeps liking my season 2 review needs to read this book ASAP.
September 5, 2023
I received an ARC from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
This was an interesting and compelling read. It was my first time reading Ryan La Sala's work, though I'd heard of him before via TikTok. The premise was fascinating, and you're thrown into a whirlwind from the get go. After the opening scene at the party, the first 15-20% of feel like a lot of trying to get the characters and the reader on board and started to drag. Okay, Dom is mysterious and has a plan but won't tell Athan. Athan wants to find his yiayia. Cool, we get it.
From there, it was a page turner. The whole thing feels very cinematic. I rarely cast characters in my head, but I did while reading this. Uhler is 100% Rainn Wilson. If you read this book, please picture Rainn Wilson in the Uhler role. 10/10 do recommend doing that. I haven't seen Inception in over a decade, but it also gave me Inception vibes. In the sense that you're like "woah... is this deep? This is SO deep. No, it's just unnecessarily confusing. Or is it deep?"
I really appreciated the author's note at the beginning discussing the pandemic, feeling trapped, and dealing with OCD. It was helpful for framing the story itself. At times the story felt a bit heavy handed in how it dwelled on those themes of can we trust ourselves, are we inherently good, look away from the void that's calling to you, etc. I almost wish it had engaged with those themes more deeply instead of repeating them and then focusing on plot so much.
One big issue I had with this book was the choice to write sections in the second person. It's SO rare to encounter a "you" voice in a novel, and for good reason. It's really difficult to pull off! Every time I got to the second person voice, I was like "huh???" I don't think it was effectively used here--I found it created more confusion instead of a powerful effect.
Similarly, while the spider-beauty-beast thing was a cool concept, it really did feel more like a concept than anything else. It was so vague and abstract that it was hard to picture it, especially in the climactic scene at the end. I felt more confusion trying to keep up with what was going on than horror or surprise at how things played out.
I loved the relationship between Dom and Athan and enjoyed watching them banter, get to know each other, and start to fall for each other. It was delightful. So of course (spoiler time), I loathed the ending. I hate when a main character sacrifices themself for seemingly no good reason. And the epilogue scene in the mirror of the bar bathroom was too cheesy for my taste.
I'm intrigued by La Sala's work and would be curious to read more in the future. This was a high 3 for me, I'm giving it 3.75 on StoryGraph. Folks who love YA, cult-y stuff, art world things, fantasy/surrealism, and queer lit would likely love this one!
This was an interesting and compelling read. It was my first time reading Ryan La Sala's work, though I'd heard of him before via TikTok. The premise was fascinating, and you're thrown into a whirlwind from the get go. After the opening scene at the party, the first 15-20% of feel like a lot of trying to get the characters and the reader on board and started to drag. Okay, Dom is mysterious and has a plan but won't tell Athan. Athan wants to find his yiayia. Cool, we get it.
From there, it was a page turner. The whole thing feels very cinematic. I rarely cast characters in my head, but I did while reading this. Uhler is 100% Rainn Wilson. If you read this book, please picture Rainn Wilson in the Uhler role. 10/10 do recommend doing that. I haven't seen Inception in over a decade, but it also gave me Inception vibes. In the sense that you're like "woah... is this deep? This is SO deep. No, it's just unnecessarily confusing. Or is it deep?"
I really appreciated the author's note at the beginning discussing the pandemic, feeling trapped, and dealing with OCD. It was helpful for framing the story itself. At times the story felt a bit heavy handed in how it dwelled on those themes of can we trust ourselves, are we inherently good, look away from the void that's calling to you, etc. I almost wish it had engaged with those themes more deeply instead of repeating them and then focusing on plot so much.
One big issue I had with this book was the choice to write sections in the second person. It's SO rare to encounter a "you" voice in a novel, and for good reason. It's really difficult to pull off! Every time I got to the second person voice, I was like "huh???" I don't think it was effectively used here--I found it created more confusion instead of a powerful effect.
Similarly, while the spider-beauty-beast thing was a cool concept, it really did feel more like a concept than anything else. It was so vague and abstract that it was hard to picture it, especially in the climactic scene at the end. I felt more confusion trying to keep up with what was going on than horror or surprise at how things played out.
I loved the relationship between Dom and Athan and enjoyed watching them banter, get to know each other, and start to fall for each other. It was delightful. So of course (spoiler time), I loathed the ending. I hate when a main character sacrifices themself for seemingly no good reason. And the epilogue scene in the mirror of the bar bathroom was too cheesy for my taste.
I'm intrigued by La Sala's work and would be curious to read more in the future. This was a high 3 for me, I'm giving it 3.75 on StoryGraph. Folks who love YA, cult-y stuff, art world things, fantasy/surrealism, and queer lit would likely love this one!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 19, 2023
The first half of the book hooked me, but I grew somewhat weary of the second half. Great idea nonetheless, great writing...and Dom was beautifully composed.
January 28, 2024
2024 reads: 19/250
2024 tbr: 14/120
athan has long been warned by his yiayia that his power of using a reflection to see the past is a curse. however, when he accidentally uses this power at a party, he’s swept up in a conspiracy that may just lead to him using his power to save his own life and others’.
this is my first book by ryan la sala, though his books have been on my radar for a long time. at first, some of the language used (“sun un-rises” and “unalive,” for example) made me wary, but this became a chilling and enticing read quickly enough. i thought that athan’s power was really cool and unique, and i liked how he came to terms with something he was taught was a curse. overall, this was an interesting book, and i will be picking up more from the author in the future.
2024 tbr: 14/120
athan has long been warned by his yiayia that his power of using a reflection to see the past is a curse. however, when he accidentally uses this power at a party, he’s swept up in a conspiracy that may just lead to him using his power to save his own life and others’.
this is my first book by ryan la sala, though his books have been on my radar for a long time. at first, some of the language used (“sun un-rises” and “unalive,” for example) made me wary, but this became a chilling and enticing read quickly enough. i thought that athan’s power was really cool and unique, and i liked how he came to terms with something he was taught was a curse. overall, this was an interesting book, and i will be picking up more from the author in the future.
May 11, 2023
The really lovely thing about Ryan La Sala is that each of his books is better than the last. Don't get me wrong - I've loved them all. But truly you can see how their writing has expanded and where they've put themselves into the dark corners of the stories. The Honeys was fantastic for its brightness that covered up something dark and horrible, and Beholder is fantastic for the darkness that threatens to smother any light at all.
I'm loathe to give too much away here - I went in knowing nothing about this book other than the cover looks deliciously creepy and it was a horror. I think that worked in my favor.
Athen avoids looking at himself too closely in any mirrors, and while that's due to many horror-filled reasons, it also speaks so closely to what a lot of people really fear. Who are we anyway? We see ourselves backward in a mirror, so our mirror selves see us as we are. They look back at us. But what about what reflects on other people? Sometimes we cover ourselves in a shroud of personality that we don't even like. Sometimes (especially if we're queer) we're sunny and happy and fun because we want people to think 'Safe'! 'Normal'! 'One of the good ones!' Sometimes we cover ourselves in armor as a way to keep people at bay. But it's for the same reason - so they don't really see what the mirror sees. In Athen's head we're on a journey of grief and guilt and listlessness, and it's only in the eyes of Dom that he's able to actually stop and let someone see what the mirror sees too. And it's the same with Dom. I read both boys as ND and felt Dom's frustration with conversation and working on solutions in an almost manic way, and I felt the way Athen saw this and through it, saw Dom, too.
The imagery here is psychological horror gold. There's some brutality and death and blood, but honestly, those aren't even the most horrible scenes. Again I really don't want to give anything away. But eyes and dripping gloves and spiders...someone make this a movie I can watch for the imagery alone, honestly.
Add this to your October TBR pls and thank you.
I'm loathe to give too much away here - I went in knowing nothing about this book other than the cover looks deliciously creepy and it was a horror. I think that worked in my favor.
Athen avoids looking at himself too closely in any mirrors, and while that's due to many horror-filled reasons, it also speaks so closely to what a lot of people really fear. Who are we anyway? We see ourselves backward in a mirror, so our mirror selves see us as we are. They look back at us. But what about what reflects on other people? Sometimes we cover ourselves in a shroud of personality that we don't even like. Sometimes (especially if we're queer) we're sunny and happy and fun because we want people to think 'Safe'! 'Normal'! 'One of the good ones!' Sometimes we cover ourselves in armor as a way to keep people at bay. But it's for the same reason - so they don't really see what the mirror sees. In Athen's head we're on a journey of grief and guilt and listlessness, and it's only in the eyes of Dom that he's able to actually stop and let someone see what the mirror sees too. And it's the same with Dom. I read both boys as ND and felt Dom's frustration with conversation and working on solutions in an almost manic way, and I felt the way Athen saw this and through it, saw Dom, too.
The imagery here is psychological horror gold. There's some brutality and death and blood, but honestly, those aren't even the most horrible scenes. Again I really don't want to give anything away. But eyes and dripping gloves and spiders...someone make this a movie I can watch for the imagery alone, honestly.
Add this to your October TBR pls and thank you.
September 8, 2023
THIS BLEW MY MIND. We got the ARC into the Barnes and Noble where I worked, and I was in a horror mood, so I picked it up on a whim. From the very first chapter I was hooked—it was terrifying!! The entire book was stellar, even on the sentence level. Ryan La Sala is a genius and I need 80 more books just like this from him. By far the scariest YA horror I’ve ever read. I AM OBSESSED
October 30, 2024
I knew I would love this book even before I started reading it. Ryan La Sala does not disappoint!! Especially when it comes to horror!
Beholder was an intense, bizarre, action-packed and QUEEEEER (which I always need) story, that had me shocked from the very beginning.
Our MC, Athan, is pushed by a family friend to go to a party and have fun, but at some point the fun turns to screams and a mysterious boy pushes him into the bathroom, telling him to lock the door and not come out. When he does exit the next morning, it’s to find that the party guests have all been slaughtered and their bodies arranged in the living room. As the only survivor, he runs when the police arrive, knowing he’ll be their #1 suspect.
Now if that’s how you begin a book, you know the rest is going to be a wild ride. And that it was. Not only is there some kind of killer out there, but it looks like all of the cards are stacked up against him. He becomes an unreliable narrator and then I don’t know what to think. Of course, that’s when our mysterious boy (Dom) shows back up (who is also the love interest, as he should be!).
I LOVED the incorporation of the supernatural abilities (I’ll let you find out about that yourself!!) and a secret society (It gave me a little dark academia vibe). Think the Hellfire Club in X-Men… Atleast that’s how I imagined them. 😂
I also just really loved Athan. He’s described as very large and muscular, which gave me Cavill Daddy vibes, if he was like 20 years younger. So I would have probably swooned if he hit on me… if I was YOUNGER, you weirdo! He was a wounded bird that I wanted to save. I love how much he cared about his Yaya and how the whole book was centered around trying to save her (and stop the baddies).
Beholder was an intense, bizarre, action-packed and QUEEEEER (which I always need) story, that had me shocked from the very beginning.
Our MC, Athan, is pushed by a family friend to go to a party and have fun, but at some point the fun turns to screams and a mysterious boy pushes him into the bathroom, telling him to lock the door and not come out. When he does exit the next morning, it’s to find that the party guests have all been slaughtered and their bodies arranged in the living room. As the only survivor, he runs when the police arrive, knowing he’ll be their #1 suspect.
Now if that’s how you begin a book, you know the rest is going to be a wild ride. And that it was. Not only is there some kind of killer out there, but it looks like all of the cards are stacked up against him. He becomes an unreliable narrator and then I don’t know what to think. Of course, that’s when our mysterious boy (Dom) shows back up (who is also the love interest, as he should be!).
I LOVED the incorporation of the supernatural abilities (I’ll let you find out about that yourself!!) and a secret society (It gave me a little dark academia vibe). Think the Hellfire Club in X-Men… Atleast that’s how I imagined them. 😂
I also just really loved Athan. He’s described as very large and muscular, which gave me Cavill Daddy vibes, if he was like 20 years younger. So I would have probably swooned if he hit on me… if I was YOUNGER, you weirdo! He was a wounded bird that I wanted to save. I love how much he cared about his Yaya and how the whole book was centered around trying to save her (and stop the baddies).
December 15, 2023
A fantastical mirror maze of horrors, human and other worldly. La Sala shows once again why he is one of best and brightest queer horror/fantasy authors in the business today. A powerful and terrifying story of how we see the world and how the world sees us. A mystery that slowly
Unravels into a story of traumas, insecurities, loss, vengeance and salvation with characters that are jumping off the page. The writing here is top notch and your mind will be blown by La Sala’s creative genius. One of the those stories where you ask yourself “how did he even think of this?”
Unravels into a story of traumas, insecurities, loss, vengeance and salvation with characters that are jumping off the page. The writing here is top notch and your mind will be blown by La Sala’s creative genius. One of the those stories where you ask yourself “how did he even think of this?”
July 8, 2023
Something is inherently off about the story of Beholder by Ryan La Sala. Visually striking imagery. The mirror aspect is intriguing. To me, there’s a disconnect and some part is lacking depth. I loved The Honeys, his previous book, so maybe I went in with high expectations. The cover art is beautiful. The premise is superb. No one looks into a mirror and sees the same thing. Definitely a case of perception versus perspective. 3.5 stars. Thanks to Scholastic/PUSH and NetGalley for the ARC.
September 30, 2023
Sitting here crying and wondering how I could write a review that does this book justice
October 6, 2023
I am never looking into a mirror ever again this was incredible
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