Molly Harper Quotes

“I have ways of making extra money when I need it", he said, slightly offended. "When Gilbert needed money for graduate school, I sold a kidney on the black market for tuition."

We can grow those back?" I asked.

It wasn't my kidney.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men

“You can take the girl out of the library, but you can’t take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“There's an inverse relationship between my temper and my ability to control my accent. If you hear me say 'Fiddledeedee', run for the hills, because I'm getting ready to take out bystanders.”
― Molly Harper, How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf

“Note to self: Try to stop reacting to surprises like a cartoon character.”
Jane Jameson”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“He stroked a hand across my shoulders. "You know, I've never seen this agressively intellectual side of you before. It's rather disturbing and yet somehow a little sexy."

Which is pretty much how we define our relationship", I said.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men

“I was just turned last week. I'm a librarian."
He stilled, as if I'd just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. "I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by--"
I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. "If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“I fixed your car," he said, tossing the keys from a jade dish on the little maple end table.
I palmed them and eyed him speculatively. "You fixed my car?"
"I have walked the earth for more than a century. I managed to pick up some skills along the way," he said, before reluctantly adding, "and one of them is finding skilled mechanics."
I smirked, leaning against the wall. "You almost had me there."
"I supervised," he insisted.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“You are the night."
"I am the night," I repeated.
"You are the night."
I cocked my head, sending him a questioning look. "I am the night?"
"Jane!"
"Why is it that when you say my name, it sounds like a curse word?”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“If looks could kill...well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.
"See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Zeb was kindergarten teacher--a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Contrary to popular myth, werewolves myth, werewolves are born, not made. No matter how many times they bite someone, that person will not turn, though they will probably bleed profusely and will definitely be annoyed.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“The bottom line is: if you were a jerk in your original life, you're probably going to be a bigger undead jerk, If you were a decent person, say a juvenile-services librarian with a secret collection of unicorn figurines, you're probably going to be a kinder, gentler vampire.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“I always hoped for this spark of chemistry and compatibility, a flash of clarity to let me know that this was the guy, this was the time, so I should leg go and enjoy myself. But it never came. And by no small coincidence, neither did I.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair.
Without super hearing, I wouldn't have heard Zeb whisper, "This is the coolest thing I have ever seen."
"Maybe they'll get muddy," Dick said. "Please, Lord, let them get muddy.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Grandma Ruthie and her sister Jettie hadn't spoken a civil word in about fifteen years. Their last exchange was Ruthie's leaning over Jettie's coffin and whispering, "If you'd married and had children, there would be more people at your funeral." Of course, at the reading of Aunt Jettie's will, Grandma Ruthie was handed an enveloped containing a carefully folded high-resolution picture of a baboon's butt. That pretty much summed up their relationship.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“You want to stab me again, don't you?"
He didn't look at all ashamed. "Think of it as testing the limits of your new abilities."
I groaned. "I've created a monster."
"I don't think someone who recently crawled from the grave should be throwing around labels like 'monster,'" he said, making sarcastic little air-quotes fingers.
"It wasn't a grave," I sniffed. "It was a comfy four-poster.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Up until two years ago, I was one of the top-selling real estate agents in the tricounty area. I went to a convention in Boca Raton. I had one too many margaritas, met a tall, pale, and handsome man in the bar, and woke up a vampire."
"I was mistaken for a deer and got shot," I offered."
"Oh.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?"
"Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Why not? If you're not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends."
"You're a twisted little man."
"Come on, Stretch, share with the class."
"No!" I laughed.
"Prude."
"Perv."
"Schoolmarm."
"Some other word that essentially means perv.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Idiot," I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine.
"We need to pick new pet names for each other," he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone."
"If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.
Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast.
"What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this?
Too harsh?”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Jane Jameson."
He grinned. "Like the porn star."
I gaped at him. "What? No, Jane Jameson."
"Oh, not as fun," he said, making disappointed clucking noises.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth...Look, there they are.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs."
"I was curious!”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs

“Would you kick her ass already?" Dick said, shoving me back toward Missy. "Come on, Stretch, man up. You do better than this! Get mad."
I nodded, rolling a dislocated shoulder back into place with a grunt and staggering back toward my opponent.
Behind me, Zeb yelled, "She tried to hurt Fitz!" He turned to Gabriel and Dick. "That'll get her mad."
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "She's been framed for murder twice over, shot in the back, her arms were set on fire, and her parents are being held hostage. You think tampered dog water is what's going to make her angry?"
"You tried to hurt my dog!" I wheezed as I lurched toward a grinning Missy.”
― Molly Harper, Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs