Motherhood Humor Quotes

“Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt.”
― S. K Tremayne

“Ellen sighs and looks over at Leo. "I did that, didn't I? No goddamn manners. Like a couple of little opossums. This is why they say women can't have it all.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue

“A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“If nursing were easy, there wouldn't be so many helpful products.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“If we wear our nursing covers backwards like capes, then everyone can see we're breastfeeding superheroes.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“People say the day your baby is born is the happiest day of your life. It certainly is for the dads. Call me crazy if you want, but the day I watched my doctor sew stitches into my torn vagina was not my favorite.”
― Teralyn Pilgrim, Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Every year when I take my girls in for their yearly checkup, the nurse hands me a questionnaire about their upbringing. It asks how many fruits and vegetables they eat, how much TV they watch, how much I read to them, how much physical exercise they get, etc.

Each time I see the questionnaire, I laugh and think, “Yeah. I’m not answering any of these questions honestly.”
― Teralyn Pilgrim, Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“WINE. Because...KIDS!”
― Tanya Masse

“Looking with his eyes? Seriously? What else would he look around with?”

Trish nonchalantly uses her middle finger to scratch her temple. “Toddlers learn by making connections between the body part and the action.”

Vince blinks. “Oh, so talking to a kid like that’s normal?”

“Someday I hope to have a conversation where I don’t sound like a character from Star Wars.”

“I can see how you’d look forward to that.”
― Jess Molly Brown, Moms on Missions

“I think I would scream too if someone violently jammed a big ass breast in my mouth.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“The physical relief of having fully drained boobs cannot be overstated.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“Heaven is the feeling of hand warmers on sore nipples.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“Go hug a nursing mom -- but not too hard. Her boobs may hurt.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“I can absolutely assure you that birth is nothing like holding an ice cube in your hand for a minute and breathing through the "pain.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“In case you haven't heard, let me tell you now, babies do not come out knowing how to breastfeed.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“Though breastfeeding is supposed to the most natural thing ever, it seems like a rich-people sport for all the stuff we buy to help.”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“Successful breastfeeding take courage, resilience, patience, and support and it always has. If your partner or support group hasn't piled on the accolades for your heroism, then let them know you will expect oohs and has when you make it through the first two to three months (no matter how you got there) and your baby is happy and healthy -- because you are awesome!”
― Cassi Clark, Breastfeeding Is a Bitch: But We Lovingly Do it Anyway

“Me: “Grace, what is that white stuff all over your face and arms?”
Grace: “I don’t know. It isn’t Daddy’s birthday cake.”
― Teralyn Pilgrim, Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Me: “Oh no, it looks like the TV is broken.”
Rose: “We need to move.”
― Teralyn Pilgrim, Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

“Look, girls, the Easter bunny is here at the mall," I said. "Do you want to go say hello?”

Rose peeked over the picket fence around the photo area. She cocked an eyebrow. “Mom,” she said, “Why is the Easter Bunny hiding inside that scary costume?”
― Teralyn Pilgrim, Don't Dance on the Toilet, and Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids