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Quotes tagged as "golf"
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“I just…have this pretty intense need to make sure everyone knows you’re very fucking important. Okay? Could you kindly just go along with it?”
― Fangirl Down
― Fangirl Down
“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting. I splatter my shots all over the place—and then I act like I just produced a masterpiece.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“A cigarette is just rolled up leaves, which makes it a smokable salad burrito. That makes the golfer John Daly a health advocate.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I shimmy so much before teeing off, people are probably thinking, "Are you going to golf—or dance?” Well, why not both?”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“They say koala bears have tiny brains and eat grass. I say to be good at golf you must go full koala bear, and forget about all the greens you've chewed up and focus only on this hole and this swing.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“John Daly is from Arkansas, but now lives in Florida. I'm from Florida, but now I live in Arkansas. I am the inverse John Daly, and I think my golf game proves it.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Golf is probably a CIA psyop. Think about it. Golf is the only thing that tames the wild FloridaMan. It turns even the hilariously hostile into the docile.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Zebras are piano horses. I think about that when I’m swinging a golf club, and it brings a musical cowboy element to my game that another player might not be able to buy in a vending machine.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“The moon is a golf ball in the sky. My motto is this: If you can’t hit a hole in one, fake it in a film studio.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“You have to have balls to golf. That’s why The Securities and Exchange Commission doesn’t play.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“People watch my unique style of play, and they want to know my top three golf influences. That's easy. John Daly, practicing daily, and an orange and white cat surrounded by yellow ducklings.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Bryson DeChambeau uses science in the true sense of the word to improve his golf game. He experiments and analyzes data to get better, and this separates golf fans, because those who think that's not cool use all of their brain capacity just breathing, like amoebas, but dumber.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I love how golf courses have water hazards. But the ponds feel empty without ducks. I'd like to start a business renting my ducks out to country clubs.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I watched the cheese melt in the microwave—along with the surrounding plastic. I forgot to take it out of its package before use, just like my golf game.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I have a golf swing like a Rosary dangling off a car's rearview mirror. I hope watching me play makes you realize Catholicism isn't for you.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I can golf in 17 different languages. I don’t speak any of them, but that’s balanced out by your inability to listen and understand.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I'll bet playing classical music to plants would make them grow taller. When my ducks listen to Mozart, they become more cultured and have done things like taken up golf.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I got a new golf bag. I keep it full of sad harmonica tunes that I hand out like Halloween candy to all the rainy-eyed players.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I played a round of golf, but I didn't get an eagle. No, that symbol of American FREEDOM flew away faster than I could say Francis Scott Key.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“John Daly is all the Caddyshack characters in one body. He's a caricature of a person, and that's why I'm a fan.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“There's a thought process that says if you don't use every club in your golf bag every round, you're doing your game a disservice. Bryson DeChambeau could use every club in a golf bag from the 1800s and still make you look like a beginner.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Of all the sports, golf is certainly one of them. Well, almost certainly, and I think that’s what I love most about it.”
― The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
― The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“Yesterday I played a round of golf. I just kept hitting the ball in circles, but never getting it in the circles they call holes.”
― The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
― The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“I once saw a duck on a golf course. It was the best part of the game.”
― Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
― Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“Yesterday I played a round of golf. And by a round I mean I kept hitting the ball in circles, never once hitting the ball in the circles called holes.”
― Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
― Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“Growing up, my mom gave me the choice of either golf lessons or piano, and of course I chose the more musical option. That's how I learned to make triumphant trumpet noises with my mouth.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“Golf is so scenic that it makes me want to compose haikus on the greens. Mini-golf makes me want to write even shorter poetry.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“A stern Scotch minister remarked concerning the game of golf, with a terrible solemnity of manner, "the man who plays golf—he neglects his business, he forsakes his wife, he forgets his God." He did not seem to realise that it is the chief aim of many a modern capitalist's life to forget all three.”
― Eugenics and other Evils
― Eugenics and other Evils
“The ceasefire lasted about ten minutes, when she discovered that Bram Stoker - inventor of Dracula - was a 'conspiracy theorist' and that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was a fool, who played golf.
"What has that got to do with it?" she cried, exasperated.
He looked at her incredulously. 'Everything. No man can have poetry in his soul and play golf.”
― The Paris Secret
"What has that got to do with it?" she cried, exasperated.
He looked at her incredulously. 'Everything. No man can have poetry in his soul and play golf.”
― The Paris Secret
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