Golfing Quotes
Quotes tagged as "golfing"
Showing 1-30 of 49
“You have to have balls to golf. That’s why The Securities and Exchange Commission doesn’t play.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“People watch my unique style of play, and they want to know my top three golf influences. That's easy. John Daly, practicing daily, and an orange and white cat surrounded by yellow ducklings.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Bryson DeChambeau uses science in the true sense of the word to improve his golf game. He experiments and analyzes data to get better, and this separates golf fans, because those who think that's not cool use all of their brain capacity just breathing, like amoebas, but dumber.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I love how golf courses have water hazards. But the ponds feel empty without ducks. I'd like to start a business renting my ducks out to country clubs.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I watched the cheese melt in the microwave—along with the surrounding plastic. I forgot to take it out of its package before use, just like my golf game.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I have a golf swing like a Rosary dangling off a car's rearview mirror. I hope watching me play makes you realize Catholicism isn't for you.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“He has a golf swing like a Bukowski line. It's slightly rough, but it's got a shape that knifes through time.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Do you know who profits most in a gold rush? Mining suppliers—merchants. Today that includes marketers, because they're selling an idea or lifestyle. It's why golf's richest men aren't the pro players.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting, but that's balanced out by the fact that I paint like Jack Nicklaus golfs. My record is finishing in 63 strokes.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“When I golf, I use just enough strokes to create a masterpiece, like I'm a painter. The score I post up would look great on a museum wall.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“They say those who can't do, teach. That's why today I'm pleased to announce I'm giving golfing lessons.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy, your golfing days are over.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Many people have accused me of having a Coach Face. I may not be able to get you to improve your golf game, but I sure will have fun verbally abusing you while you play.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I can golf in 17 different languages. I don’t speak any of them, but that’s balanced out by your inability to listen and understand.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I was allowed exclusive access to Project Looking Glass' future-viewing telescope, and there's good news and bad news. The good is the game of golf manages to live on after you starve to death, and the bad is you'll never get to realize just how meaningless you are to the sport.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I played a round of golf, but I didn't get an eagle. No, that symbol of American FREEDOM flew away faster than I could say Francis Scott Key.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“People ask me if I like golfing, and I look at them and reply, "Does The Pope wipe his ass with tuna fish sandwiches?" That response is NOT sponsored by Subway.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Golf is the only sport where you can't tell how good a player might be by glancing at their physical form. I've seen some real slobs shoot scores so low the number is almost their age.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Some men are dedicated to golf like I'm addicted to cheese. We have real problems, but somehow only the alcoholics get to claim a disease.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“There's a thought process that says if you don't use every club in your golf bag every round, you're doing your game a disservice. Bryson DeChambeau could use every club in a golf bag from the 1800s and still make you look like a beginner.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I love cola-flavored soda—especially if it's authentically brown colored and manufactured by the government. It reminds me that Soviet Russia never produced any great golfers, and that is the only mistake made by the game over the centuries.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I play golf like a machine. That machine is a tractor.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I created an Excel spreadsheet full of golf terms like eagle and birdie. I’m surprised one under isn’t called duck, because isn’t that what you do when you go under, duck?”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“My golf swing is like a James Cagney smile. It curves with sincerity, but it's also slightly sinister.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Inflation hurts us all. Today I'm seeing inflation at the grocery store, the leisure sector, and even on my golf scorecard. Yes, The Central Bank is to blame for my horrendous game.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Hidden Valley is a golf course in Springfield. Hidden Valley is also the name of a brand of ranch dressing, and that’s more suited to my game.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I watch people play golf in silence. Even after they hit I remain quiet, because my commentary won't help the ball roll into the hole, but it will saturate the air with unwanted pressure. Spoken words are like direct energy weapons, and I don't deploy them at an unarmed target.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“As a human, why would you ever get cocky? You are just a lump of flesh in the shape of a golfer.”
― Me and memes and memories
― Me and memes and memories
“The game caught on with the East Coast's upper crust like birthday cake; it was fun, it was outdoorsy, it could be, if socially required, coeducational, and it nearly qualified as exercise.”
― The Greatest Game Ever Played
― The Greatest Game Ever Played
“Everyone sucks at Golf . . . otherwise they would be on TV . . . I am not even on the Radio”
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