Unintentional Humor Quotes

“Atlas smirked.”
― Rick Riordan, The Titan’s Curse

“Fuck!” he snarled.

He tilted her up again, her legs now resting on his shoulders, and positioned himself and began to push.

Into her back entrance.

Kimber drew in a great, shocked gasp, her hazel eyes wide. “Deke?”

“What the hell are you doing?” Luc barked.

Tensing a little more with every inch he pushed inside Kimber’s tight passage, the tendons on his neck standing out, the muscles in his arms shaking, assailed by the amazing sensations of being slowly enveloped by her tight, ready flesh, Deke could barely form a word. “Fucking her ass. Saving her life.”
― Shayla Black, Decadent

“[Over breakfast] We discussed the 'novelisation' question. This is where the studio pay someone to novelise my script and sell it as Sense and Sensibility. I've said if this happens I will hang myself. Revolting notion. Beyond revolting.

Lindsay [Doran] said that the executive she had discussed it with had said 'as a human being I agree with you -- but ...' I laughed until my porridge was cool enough to swallow.”
― Emma Thompson, The Sense and Sensibility Screenplay and Diaries: Bringing Jane Austen's Novel to Film

“I'm the kind of person you want to kill.”
― Jodi Picoult

“A friendliness, as of dwarfs shaking hands, was in the air...”
― Forster E.M., A Passage to India

“ObamaCare is, really, I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery - and it is slavery, in a way, because it is making all of us subservient to the government. It was never about health care; it was about control.”
― Ben Carson

“Let me tell you something, I have never stated this, but you idiots refer to me as some moroon, I have a aster and a lwa degree. I simply cannot take the bar because of my stupid past in my 20’s. You people do not want to go up against m on education because most of you will lose badly.”
― Larry Sinclair

“Remember the Wizard Archer's drill arrows that rescued the entombed miners? Well, we're drilling holes in your swiss cheese building to rescue you from a costly boner!”
― Robert Bernstein, Showcase Presents: Green Arrow, Vol. 1

“I'm sorry, anal sex," Beavers continued, embarrassed by her slip of the tongue.”
― Dale Carpenter, Flagrant Conduct: The Story of Lawrence v. Texas

“NOTE-Always remove the brown hull from the peanuts even though the recipe does not say so.”
― George Washington Carver, How to Grow the Peanut and 105 Ways of Preparing it for Human Consumption:

“You wanted to empty your guts, then.”
― Sfarda L. Gül, Non Serviam

“...and often Lisa thought bitterly of the ideas she had held on "college life" before coming to Denton, ideas and images culled from a hundred magazine stories and as many movies. Where were the convertibles, the secret bottles of liquor, the gay young men and their wild girl friends?”
― Grace Metalious, The Tight White Collar