It never fails to amaze me just how little I know about classics before I read them. Take this for example. All I knew about Metamorphosis was that a It never fails to amaze me just how little I know about classics before I read them. Take this for example. All I knew about Metamorphosis was that a man turned into bug and Kafka was adamantly against using an image of a bug on any covers for this book (rip Kafka, you would’ve hated 99% of the covers for this book), I expected it to be good, but I didn’t expect it to emotionally devastate me. I find it quite impressive that whilst reading this novella featuring a man-turned-bug I constantly felt sick, but that feeling of disgust was never directed at the unfortunate Gregor; it was directed at the gut-wrenching reaction to him once he stopped being a “useful” member of society.
tldr: This book ruined my life.
“Why was only Gregor condemned to work for a company where the smallest lapse was greeted with the gravest suspicion?”
A big part of this book centers around what becomes of a person when, for whatever reason, they are no longer fit to work. Gregor Samsa handles waking up only to realize he has transformed in the night exactly as any overworked person whose entire family is completely reliant on their income: he said screw it, ‘What if I went back to sleep for a while, and forgot about all this nonsense?’ Which is, unfortunately, so real. You’re overworked, overstressed, overtired, waking up before the sunrise and realise that you are now in a state that would be deemed unfit to work and may potentially lose your job, of course you’re going to sleep and hoping that things work themselves out before you wake up again, because what are you going to do if it doesn’t? The interaction with his boss at the beginning was absolutely insane, but so representative of how so many bosses view their employees—even the ones that do their jobs perfectly for years aren’t safe from the wrath that one slipup incurs. Seriously, Gregor had never called in sick for 5 years, yet they went ballistic and assumed absolute worst of him when he was a couple hours late to work (because he was a bug and didn’t know how to use his new, little legs, so how was he going to get on a train?) and immediately threatened to fire him? While EVERY SINGLE thought he has when he first realizes he is now a bug is about how he is going to get to work and do his job. That man was seriously considering taking the bus as a BUG (he just had to figure out how to stand up, your honor!) and they had the gall to start yelling at him? That story definitely belongs on r/antiwork. Throughout the entire book I find it quite fascinating that Gregor never views this metamorphosis as how it affects him internally, but fixates on how this affects his ability to keep his job and provide for his family. The focus on this highlights just how conditioned we are to be productive members of society at all costs and how dangerous it can for one’s well-being when they are viewed as just another cog in the machine, whose value is only tied to their usefulness and when they live in a society that requires overworking yourself to put food on the table. Metamorphosis has a strong foundation, set up by Samsa’s need to provide for his family and his ability to do just that taken away. Once he is deemed useless, his thoughts of how he has failed his family begin. Never once does he blame his family for how abhorrently they treat him, because he genuinely believes that he is disgusting and terrible, not because he is a bug, but because he can no longer provide money for them. And because of that, he genuinely believes that he deserves this treatment and accepts it with an unconditional love and desire only to help his family in any way he can, whatever that may mean for himself.
“But what if all peace, prosperity, all contentment, were to come to a sudden and terrible end?”
Gregor’s fear of losing “peace, prosperity, all contentment” is not for himself, but for his family. He works like a dog in order for them to maintain that and, once he is unable to do so, his main fear is that he will be the cause of their demise. It seems clear that his father, who took on a strict and violent method with him as soon as he transformed, has instilled in him the belief that he has to be the provider for the family and that everyone will rely on him, following in his father and many men’s footsteps in a patriarchal society. What we see of his father’s feelings towards him are extremely straightforward. His son has fallen. His son will surely never be good enough now that he is in this predicament, so he turns towards rage. There is no sympathy in the way his father views him now, and it leads me to wonder if there ever was or if he was doomed from the start. His mother is the stereotypical “if you don’t see the world/live in the world my way then there is something inherently wrong with you” type, which opens some interesting avenues for discussion on the treatment of disabled people. There is a scene where she is fighting with the sister and says, ‘Isn’t it the case as well, that by taking away his furniture, we would be showing him we were abandoning all hope of an improvement of his condition, and leaving him utterly to his own devices?’ It is almost laughable how often I have heard a variation of that sentiment in the modern day. Her adamance to keep things the same, despite the very obvious changes in her son’s physical needs, speaks to an unwillingness to give accessibility because in doing so, she would have to accept that he has changed, which is something she is not willing to do, even if it will make Gregor’s quality of life significantly better. Grete, his sister, is the most interesting and heartbreaking of the group because of how strong Gregor and Grete’s love runs. They were always by each other’s side, looking out for each other. He would have given her the world; he was trying to before he transformed. In a way, the whole family has a metamorphosis, but hers is the most clear (besides Gregor’s, of course). As time moves, the burden of this “beast” she can barely see as her brother begins to far outweigh her desire to help him and make him comfortable. My jaw was on the floor for the last few pages, and, while the entire family was heinous, she was the main reason why.
“... he thought how simple everything would be if he had some help.”
From the start of the book, there is a language (species?) barrier when it comes to communication, at least for his family. While Gregor can perfectly understand his family, they cannot understand him and therefore assume that he cannot understand them. This, along with the fact that his family thinks he is so disgusting that they can’t look at him and can barely stand to be in the same room as him, alienates Gregor, leaving him completely alone by the time the story is over. But, in the beginning, there were glimpses of what could have been. Multiple times, Gregor notes just how much easier his life would be if he just had some help, or thinks about how his father wouldn’t have to harm him if he just noticed that the reason Gregor wasn’t moving fast enough was because there was something blocking him. The importance of community and togetherness is highlighted well through the injuries that Gregor sustains and how his family feels about him. When he is first seriously injured, he is completely healed quite quickly because, even though his parents have already given up on him and his sister is quite distressed about the situation, his sister makes an effort to accommodate him and his new needs. He isn’t lucky with his second injury, as he is now completely alone and rejected by everyone. This time, he suffers the injury for months and the weapon stays embedded in him, with no one who cares enough, or wants enough to get it out. Even when he thinks about helping his family, he moves significantly faster than when he is feeling especially rejected. I cannot stop thinking about how different this story would have been if his family worked towards helping and accommodating him, and it breaks my heart all over again. Kafka made it clear just how valuable it was whenever his sister, though rare, showed him kindness, as it quite literally healed him. There is power in community, there is power in family, there is power in love. Humans are social beings and we are not meant to crawl through this world on our own.
“Meanwhile, Gregor of course didn’t have the least intention of frightening anyone, and certainly not his sister.”
The part of this that really makes me sick is just how good of a person Gregor is. Being inside his head and seeing just how everything he does is with his family in mind, even as they reject him and isolate him, is nauseating and fills me with a deep pain. The only times he gets in trouble are when he leaves his room and the only times he leaves his room are when he is trying to help his family. How does one just throw someone away, especially someone who loves and cares for them so deeply and did so much for them. How do you not even check to see if your brother, your son who you have known for years can understand you even if he cannot communicate with you? How devastating it must be to be Gregor Samsa, who has only ever put his family first, but has finally worn out his use. How devastating it must be to be thrown away in disgust. How devastating it must be to justify this mistreatment by rationalizing that he somehow deserves it, because how can he, who has loved his family so deeply and unconditionally rationalize the fact that they weren’t willing to go near him let alone try and help him through this weird and unsettling change. How different this book would have been if they were willing to look past his grotesque exterior and understand that their boy was still there. Well, now I feel sick again, and I just want to give that little vermin a hug. This book made me cry way too many times for its seventy-seven pages. It shredded my soul to pieces and left me hollowed out. I want to go on and on about how brilliant and painful and relatable it is, I want to never shut up about it. This is one of those books that makes me question how I gave so many other books five stars before it because now it doesn’t feel as special to give this one five stars. This book is seared into my soul, and I fear it’ll stay there forever.
Jandy Nelson has a really special place in my heart. In high school, when I'll Give You the Sun first came out, it was one of the first queer books, aJandy Nelson has a really special place in my heart. In high school, when I'll Give You the Sun first came out, it was one of the first queer books, and therefore pieces of media, that I was able to sneak home and read (along with Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe). As a young queer person who was having trouble even accepting it myself, it was a beacon of light, showing me that other people like me exist. That 16-year-old girl is the reason that I requested this arc, and why I was so excited to read it as soon as I got it.
While I still love Nelson’s writing as much as I remember, I found the plotting of this one to be a bit. . . all over the place. The introduction of Cassidy as a conduit for the stories and an additionally long backstory made it feel like there was way too much going on. The magical realism aspect of this book was really sweet and I did enjoy the family history, but it felt like a lot of it got muddled in the mother and father and uncle’s generation, because it kind of just felt like they sucked in ways that didn’t really relate to the curse? Or maybe the curse was just really well flashed out in the written historical parts and not in the present? There were just some things that felt a bit unforgivably cruel, both done to the parents and to the children that I couldn’t really get over and feel happy about the reunion? I know that was part of the point, but I just. . . didn’t feel bad for any of them so it didn’t work.
That being said, I loved all of the kids. Dizzy and Miles with Sandro were my favorite points-of-view and I really loved the inner turmoil that came from this inability to communicate between Miles and his brother, Wynton. I find myself wishing that Cassidy’s story, which honestly felt out of left field for a lot of the book to me, was less of a focal point and Dizzy, Wynton, and Miles’s story were more at the forefront. There was just so much that could be done with that family dynamic that I felt there was some wasted potential. Part of that may have been due to the fact that it felt as if I was dropped into the middle of the story instead of at the beginning of one. Even with that the case, I did find a lot of this book to be compelling and even grew to love Cassidy’s story, even though I do wish it didn’t fill up the majority of the book, but that could be an expectations thing. I probably would’ve liked it more if I knew she would be the main focus and not the thing that happened to the family.
When I liked this book, I really liked it, but there were a lot of times that I was just. . . eugh. While I enjoyed the curse in the history, I found that it felt like a way to excuse pretty much every adult of their terrible behavior in the present day and found their mother’s past to be just. . . weird in a way that wasn’t explained or justified well. Or really led up to in any way? I just wish it was more believable, because I was just left a bit annoyed instead of understanding. Additionally, I found that the curse was used a lot to talk about how one relationship was definitely not incest and I’m just at a point in life where if I have to listen to a long section of text about how them getting together isn’t incest, I’m not really interested anymore (sorry Clary and Jace, but you are a thing of the past). My last issue was that there was a really odd one off about a bisexual person’s past relationships that felt like it added to a pretty harmful bisexual stereotype and rubbed me the wrong way. I hope they change this part in the final copy, because it really was unnecessary and only added that being with a man and a woman is the perfect situation for a bisexual, which pissed me off.
While I really wanted to love this, the pacing was a little too off, and there were too many small issues that became bigger as the story went on. I did actually really like the ending and message of the book, I just wish that it was done a little bit better. I also loved the history of the town and was pleasantly surprised with the magic that filled the pages.
Thank you Netgalley for the advanced reader’s copy book release date: September 24, 2024
If I had a nickel every time one of Emily Henry’s books made me root for the two main characters separately but not as a couple, I’d have two nickels,If I had a nickel every time one of Emily Henry’s books made me root for the two main characters separately but not as a couple, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but I’ve only read three Emily Henry books. This book solidified my half-baked theory that Emily Henry is not aware that men and women are capable of being platonic friends because… man I don't think Emily Henry has written a book where a male/female close friendship didn't end in them being together (this is mainly pointed at Peter and Petra here, but also as soon as Daphne/Miles got semi-close it immediately got sexual, so I'm also talking about them). I did really love the friendship and growth between Miles and Daphne, I just wish it was done in a less sexual way (at least for the majority of the book)! I think I’m being harsh on this one because it really had the potential to be my favorite Emily Henry book and just fell so flat for me.
“Every time he looks over, it’s like the sun peeking out from behind a cloud, and I do my best to feel content, to be just another person at the edge of his glow.”
If this book wasn’t so focused on a romance that neither Daphne nor Miles were ready for, it could have been my new favorite Emily Henry book. There are some really good discussions on how to live after a relationship, especially one where you have lost your sense of self and only view yourself as part of a couple. Unfortunately, those self-reflections felt a little weak when Daphne started some form of romantic relationship incredibly quickly. I think there could have been some really great discussions on how neither of them were in a place for a relationship (which was, again, stated multiple times in this book), but I guess that wouldn’t make it a romance? I still think they had great chemistry and would’ve been more on board if they maybe started thinking about each other romantically at around chapter 30, but this felt way too soon for the circumstances. Maybe I’m just a romance hater; more likely I’m a much bigger fan of romances that start emotionally rather than physically. And are between two idiots who don’t realize their feelings. And there’s a lot of yearning. Anyways… I actually did end up liking them together in the end, it just took me a while to get there. And I still wish there was a bit more time between their breakups. Seriously, this all happens starts right after they both get out of very serious, long-term relationships so obviously they’re going to be a bit selfish and maybe not quite over their exes, because who would be? That’s such a terrible event to go through. There were so many times when it was so clear that neither of them were ready for a relationship and both were benefitting from just having someone in their corner that I really just couldn’t back up this relationship in it’s current stage.
“ ‘But after a while, someone either finally sees you or they don’t, and either way it fucking sucks. Because if they see you, and it’s not what they signed up for, then they’re out of there. And if they never see you. . . it’s worse. Because you’re just alone.’ ”
The bulk of this book felt like that one Arrested Development scene where they’re like “I have feelings for you.” “I have feeling for you.” And then the narrator goes “That feeling was friendship, but neither had ever experienced it.” Because wow did both Daphne and Miles get treated like decent human beings by the opposite sex for the first time in their lives and immediately decide that they were romantically interested in each other. That being said, I did actually really like their friendship and only got the ick when things would get weirdly sexual (in public too??? I’m sorry, ew. Maybe I am just a hater now that I think about it…) I don’t want to call it chemistry, but they were really good for each other and got on incredibly well. They also were probably the only two people in Waning Bay who had their long-term partners cheat on them with their best friend and then get together, so there was some major solidarity that they wouldn’t have been able to find from anyone else. They both brought out the best in each other, held each other accountable, and were all around just decent people to each other. I really liked them together (platonically) and could see the vision for the romance, just not at the time it occurred.
“I wouldn’t have become a librarian if I didn’t love stories, but I’ve never been great at telling my own.”
Daphne is an incredibly relatable character that has one major flaw: the Daphne Moan. I’m getting this out of the way first because, wow, it had the potential to ruin everything for me. Every single time this (grown) woman ate food there was at least the mention of her moaning in pleasure about it. It was gross. Anyways, aside from the moan Daphne is a very cool librarian who loves her jobs and has various classic parental issues. Her unsurety and winding stories were incredibly relatable and it was really nice to see her grow and learn once she exited a “we” relationship (again, should someone who becomes a “we” and not a “me” as soon as they enter a relationship immediately jump into a new relationship? Debatable. Moving on…). With Miles as her tour guide, Daphne really blossoms into her own and gains confidence and connections. Daphne has the works: daddy issues, lowkey mommy dependency, severe trust issues, doesn’t know who she is and Emily Henry really does a great job at showing her evolution. I especially love how Henry showed how her trauma shaped the way she viewed the world. Part of it may be because I used to have similar unhealthy habits (Therapy! Helps! Maybe she should go to it instead of getting in another relationship so quickly!), but I found myself agreeing with her a lot and was thrown for a (good) loop when Emily Henry was like “no, this is bad thinking.” I also really appreciated the coffee-hater-who-still-goes-to-coffeeshops-everyday representation, even if I am more of a (good) matcha than a chai sentient being.
“ ‘ I’ve never been good under pressure. I would’ve fucked it up eventually.’ ‘Based on what?’ I demand. His smile is rueful. ‘History.’ ”
I was very happy to see some stoner-in-severe-depressive-episode-who-immediately-becomes-productive-when-he-is-needed representation in Miles! I’ve seen people be 50/50 on Miles, but he really is just Nick Miller from New Girl in a different font and I can rock with that. He does kind of lose a bit of his personality once he becomes Daphne’s tour guide, but I’m attributing that to the fact that the tour guide situation also served as a great distraction for him so he was able to stuff all his feelings down and just do that. Everything negative about Miles can be whittled down to him being in a very severe depressive episode and having just been broken up with in the most insane way and having all of his fears about himself seemingly be validated. Have I mentioned how bad of a time it is for them to be in a relationship enough yet? He’s also just got a lot of unresolved childhood trauma that I thought was really interesting to explore, especially his mommy issues. Overall, a great friend and also love interest if the timing was not the worst ever.
“ ‘I’ve seen your place,’ Ashleigh says. ‘I didn’t see a cohesive theme. Unless it was major depressive episode’ ”
Am I going to be lumping Ashleigh and Julia together for most of this? Yes. Ashleigh is the way-too-cool coworker of Daphne (with a conversation pit??? That’s literally the most exciting thing about this book. I’m a very big conversation pit person.) who helps Daphne realize some things about herself and just is there for Daphne, and Julia is the way-too-cool little sister of Miles who helps Miles realize some things about himself and is just there for Miles. See any similarities? No? Okay. While I love both of them, and could probably write pages about how we deserve to see a (sapphic) romance with Ashleigh as the main character, they kind of boil down to the same importance. They’re wonderful friends (or sister) and a great duo with some pretty good comic relief. I wanted to be in on their conversations 24/7 and I, as a person with a bunch of water (and gemini and leo, if you care) placements in their birth chart, am still wondering what the hell they were whispering about water signs. Probably that we’re super cool and also really compatible with single mom librarians who have conversation pits in their house and are also the coolest people ever, idk (marry me, Ashleigh).
“To him, he’s the brother who ran away. To her, he’s the one who stays, even when he shouldn’t”
Marriage proposals aside, Ashleigh and Julia were great characters because we got to see Daphne and Miles’s growth through them. They were outside parties that really loved the two of them and were a really nice addition. There was also a decent amount of focus on Ashleigh and Daphne and Julia and Daphne’s friendship that showed how important friendships are, instead of completely focusing on the romantic relationship. Likewise, the brother-sister bond between Miles and Julia was so sweet and nice to be able to see, even if we only saw it from Daphne’s pov.
“ ‘Life’s short enough without us talking ourselves out of hope and trying to dodge every bad feeling. Sometimes you have to push through the discomfort, instead of running.’ ”
If you’re looking for a new romantic pairing to love (Lake Michigan x Sunlight), I would consider this a cute story. It feels more like Happy Place than her older stuff, but it was still definitely a book that I read and also wrote “cute!!!” on the end sentence, so if that doesn’t sell you… I don’t really have much else to say. This one is for the pessimists, the ones whose childhoods make them feel a bit fucked up especially when it comes to pretty much any type of interpersonal relationship. It could've really been one I resonated with....more
“I have lived a long time, and the longer I live, the more it surprises me, and saddens me, how wise the young must become to live in this world.” I “I have lived a long time, and the longer I live, the more it surprises me, and saddens me, how wise the young must become to live in this world.” In a theatre between worlds, you are shown the tale of the destruction of the Moon Throne - a powerful family dynasty who caused extreme pain to pretty much everyone. You follow Jun, beloved son of the First Terror, the heir to the Moon Throne, and Keema, a one armed man who has spent many days working at a gate outside of the city as they work to fulfill the Moon Goddesses last request - that they help her destroy her sons (The Three Terrors) and then lay her to rest in the East so that a new Moon may rise. We see this journey unfold in 3 points of view. First person - during the play, actors stop and tell the thoughts of the civilians, many of whom are suffering the most during this brutal rule. Second person - You are the one who has come to the theatre with the family spear, and you are here to watch the performance with the other shades. During this time you also have flashbacks with your family in your present day, allowing readers to gain knowledge on who you are and how this myth has survived for thousands of years. Third person - this is how we see the story of Keema and Jun unfold. I was pleasantly surprised to see sections with second person pov as it is by far my favorite perspective, even though I very rarely come across it. The way this story weaves in the povs is so unique and wonderfully done, the writing is really such a big part of the plot in this way. “This is a love story to its blade-dented bone.” The relationship between Jun and Keema is such a beautiful and human thing to witness. We see as this mistrustful pair eventually ends up having a true love story, even if it is in the background of the myth. “Why is this my story?” This book is an experience more than anything else as we’re dropped into a story stumbled upon in a theatre in a dream of a man who was told stories by his lola years ago. It’s magical in an all consuming way, reminiscent of a story that belongs to a ghibli movie. It feels like you are reading a myth. I won't say more than that because this is a book you truly have to experience (which is why I’m being so vague with everything in general). It is one of the most immersive books I have ever read and was by far the most beautiful fantasy book I have ever read. This book is truly a masterpiece of this generation and I am so glad I took my sweet time reading it. 4.5/5...more
“Her name was Jenny Hauser and every Wednesday I put pickles on her pizza.”
Pizza Girl is an A24-esque short book that follows our 18-year-old pregna “Her name was Jenny Hauser and every Wednesday I put pickles on her pizza.”
Pizza Girl is an A24-esque short book that follows our 18-year-old pregnant pizza girl as she forms an obsessive connection with a new customer, Jenny, who orders pickles on pizza every Wednesday for her son. It’s a bit of an unsettling ride as we watch our avoidant main character latch onto this middle-aged woman who she has fed her delusions into instead of facing her own fears of being 18, pregnant, and completely terrified about every aspect of her life. As she grows more and more distant with her boyfriend and mom, these fears fester in her as all she begins to see in herself is her alcoholic late father.
“I had my father’s hands, and in my dark, honest moments at 3:00a.m. googling, I worried they weren’t the only things of his I had… I felt it strongly in the car. Dad was always going for drives late at night. I stared hard at my hands, our hands, gripping the steering wheel. He didn’t just go for drives late at night, he went for those drives in the very car I was sitting in. I nearly ran into a lamppost.”
Throughout the book, we get a sense of how like her late father pizza girl is. As she continually breaks her boyfriend and mother’s hearts, we see this untouched pain that is ripe in her, threatening to tear her apart. There is this self-hatred stemming from a hatred of her alcoholic father who she hasn’t yet allowed herself to grieve because she only really remembers the worst parts of him and her similarity to him. As she continues down a path more and more like his, getting up in the middle of the night to drink beer in his old shed and avoiding her family, we see her reach an almost breaking point. This relationship with her father elicited the most emotion out of me and I particularly loved how her mother was allowed to hold space for him to be seen in a different light while still not excusing all he did.
“He got me roses a few weeks back just because, roses that I never put in a vase, just let sit in their wrapping on the windowsill slowly wilting until they were brown and their petals had fallen in a dead heap on the floor. I never saw him clean them up. I just woke up one day and they were gone.”
There is something a little extra heartbreaking about people doing everything in their power to make someone happy due to no fault of their own; it’s just not working. That is the case with pizza girl’s mom and her boyfriend, Billy. As pizza girl pulls further away from them and continues to not confront anything, we see the heartbreaking reality of their situation and what it means to them to have pizza girl continually ignore and not want to spend time with them. It makes it incredibly hard to root for pizza girl as she is stuck in a quite delusional life, but does make one wish for her to get help at the very least so her family will know peace. There is a lot of nuance added with this everyone-is-miserable-but-I-promise-they’re-trying-their-best situation.
“They could support a teenage pregnancy, but not this, not a person who drifted from one moment to the next without any idea about where she was headed.”
Lostness is at the center of this book as pizza girl continually reflects about how she never really had any dreams and how, even if she hadn’t gotten pregnant, she would still be here, selling pizza, with no goal of anything else. Where she would be content, this festers in her as her boyfriend has to give up his dreams of a good school to care for her and her child and as she feels continually on edge about everyone pushing her, at least in her mind, to want and be more. The feeling of lostness really is a driving force in this, pushing her further and further to the oasis that Jenny and her son are.
“I almost told her that, yes, it was absolutely her fault I was in that position. That if she’d never called in to Eddie’s, never left me alone with Adam, if she’d never kissed me back, if she hadn’t made me feel special, like the things I did and said mattered, I would’ve been okay. But I knew that was a lie and that, even if I’d never picked up the phone and heard her voice on the other end, I would’ve found something else to lose myself in—if you were pushed off a cliff, you’d grab hold of anything resembling safety.”
While Jenny and her son, Adam, are conduits for pizza girl’s avoidance and powerful fixations, they aren’t really the point. As pizza girl herself brings up, they were what was there when she was (and still is) falling down into this dark place of feeling lonely and unknown and confused and like a problem to everyone. The way they represent an easy escape from her feelings and allow her to be more avoidant is the true beauty of them. There’s a scene in the epilogue of the book where we learn pizza girl’s name for the first time because Jenny had never bothered to call her anything other than pizza girl. And with that comes this acceptance that they never really were anything, pizza girl just needed an escape.