This short memoir from Melinda French Gates provides her perspective on navigating transitions in life and as suggested by the title, what to do on "tThis short memoir from Melinda French Gates provides her perspective on navigating transitions in life and as suggested by the title, what to do on "the next day” after a big transition. She draws on her own experiences with transitions including leaving home to attend college, becoming a parent, the death of a close friend, and stepping away from the Gates Foundation.
Recently turning age sixty is also mentioned which is a transition many of us have already experienced, but the really big transition I was wondering about was how she was going to address her divorce from her famous ex-husband. Indeed she discussed it with as much candidness as she had shared her other transitions by admitting to feelings of uncertainty but eventually evolving on to a point where the decision was made.
She admits that she knows that she’s been blessed with many positive resources which make her life’s transitions perhaps more possible than they may be for others. Nevertheless she comes across in her writing as being just as human as the rest of us, and readers contemplating their own transitions can find lessons in this book that may inspire resilience and hope....more
This memoir begins with the author telling the story of her being arrested and spending time in jail and prison. She was seventy-seven years old at thThis memoir begins with the author telling the story of her being arrested and spending time in jail and prison. She was seventy-seven years old at the time, a retired social worker, and not the sort of person one would normally expect to find in that predicament.
The reason for her arrest isn't clearly stated but it apparently had something to do with being a negligent caretaker of her husband's health. Her husband had been in failing health and insisted on not going to the hospital. After he eventually ended up either at a hospital or nursing home his condition was such that it led to the resulting charges and arrest. The state of bedsores on the husband's body was part of the issue in contention.
Early in the book the author discusses the indignities of being an older woman with her own age and health issues dealing with the limitations and restrictions of prison life. She didn't have money to buy stuff, let alone post a bail bond or hire a lawyer. Her musings then wander into the subject of her Mennonite background that perhaps contributed to her decision to honor her husband's refusal to go the hospital. In order to conjure a survivor's spirit within herself she recalls the story of her 18th century progenitor Jacob Hochstetler who survived being taken captive during the French-Indian War.
Much of the rest of the book is a review of her academic and professional experiences as a social worker including a chapter on the subject of suicide. Her husband's brother had ended his own life, and that experience is the initiating focus of that chapter.
There's also a chapter discussing the death of the author's brother. Since the author and her brother are cousins of mine I was familiar with this story, as I was with many of her other stories.
Reader's who want to know the conclusion of the criminal charges against her will need the read the rest of the book thoroughly to pick up on the scattered miscellaneous references to pretrial negotiations and trial conclusion. Near the end of the book there is a short comment about how it was resolved (which would be a spoiler if I included it here).
The stated purpose of this book is to offer an example of endurance and perseverance in the face of life's obstacles and difficulties....more
This is an interesting well written memoir by a truly extraordinary woman. Her family’s ascent from segregation to her confirmation to the Supreme CouThis is an interesting well written memoir by a truly extraordinary woman. Her family’s ascent from segregation to her confirmation to the Supreme Court within the span of one generation is an inspirational reminder of social and political progress that has been made, though to me it seems things at present are going backward.
The memoir begins with her grandparent roots and moves on to her four-year-old self sitting across the table from her father studying to be lawyer. In high school she was an oratory champion on the debate team. A full chapter is devoted to describing her debate coach—“a force of nature”—and the life long friends she formed in debate and speech activities.
As a student at Harvard she was active in the theater department even playing and singing the part of Billie Holiday in a college revue. On her college application she prophetically wrote that her goal in life was to be the first Supreme Court Justice to perform on Broadway. (A detail not in the book: A walk-on part was made for her in one performance of a Broadway show, so it’s a dream that came true.)
The memoir is surprisingly personal by delving into such subjects as meeting her husband, struggling with work/life balance, and raising two daughters one of whom is neurodivergent. It is from this memoir that I learned about “sister locks.”
Readers looking for lengthly discussion of court cases will probably be disappointed reading this memoir. However there is a chapter discussing the subject of sentencing guidelines from her time as vice chair of the United States Sentencing Commission.
I listened to the audio edition of this book which is narrated by Ketanji herself. After completing this book I feel as if I’ve had a sixteen hour conversation with her, and she is now my personal friend.
This memoir is of a life similar to many from the boomer generation—growing up in the 50s when roles of men and women were clearly defined, and then gThis memoir is of a life similar to many from the boomer generation—growing up in the 50s when roles of men and women were clearly defined, and then going to college in the 60s which was filled with war and civil rights protests and rejection many traditional roles and rules. This was the author's trajectory in her younger years except that the shift from the 50s to 60s was even more extreme than for most of us. This is because she was raised among the 1950s traditional white southern traditions of rural northern Virginia and then in the 1960s college years she participated in some of the demonstrations that most of us only aspired to.
Some of the author's recollections of life during the 1950s were a bit jarring when compared to today's values. For example cigarette advertisements in Life Magazine which included endorsements from doctors. It makes one wonder how any of us survived.
Early in the book we learned about the author's fraught relationship with her mother who died while the author was still attending college. Her mother had not encouraged her daughter's academic achievements but only wanted for her to be a lady of the southern belle variety. Her father remained on the sidelines of the family battles.
Beginning at age 13 the author attended boarding school and latter college at Bryn Mawr, so she received the finest education money could buy for a woman at the time (Harvard, Princeton, Yale were all male at the time). Her summer vacation at age 15 was spent touring Eastern Europe, in 1964 the following year she participated in Black protests and voter education efforts, and then in 1965 she joined the Montgomery March.
The author is from a privileged background, however her academic success and becoming involved in civil rights and war protest actions were the result of her own initiative. The book ends with her graduation in 1968 from college, but her biography indicates that she continued to have many more achievements in life....more
This is a memoir by a young South African/American reflecting on her coming-of-age experiences in Pennsylvania, the death of her mother, unexpected prThis is a memoir by a young South African/American reflecting on her coming-of-age experiences in Pennsylvania, the death of her mother, unexpected pregnancy & birth, quick marriage, and almost as quick separation and pending divorce. She is light skinned--technically mixed race by South African standards--and consequently experienced conflicting identities in school. The description of her mother's failing health and eventual death provides significant poignancy to the narrative.
The title phrase "What We Lose" is used in the book's narrative in reference to a book read by the author about abilities lost during the dying process. But of course the phrase can be applied to other aspects of the book's message including loss of identity when families move from a country of origin to a new country.
It is a reasonably well written memoir, but it reveals more about the author's sex life than I care to know, thus I can't give it three stars because in my rating system that would mean I liked the book. Therefore I need to give it two stars because I can't say that I liked the book....more
This memoir recalls an inspiring and touching story of the relationship that developed between the author and her grandmother with whom she lived betwThis memoir recalls an inspiring and touching story of the relationship that developed between the author and her grandmother with whom she lived between ages four to thirteen. The author was born in a family of eight siblings in Detroit, but was shipped off to be raised by her grandparents who lived in a rural African American community in Alabama.
Initially after moving to Alabama the author as a young girl needed to overcome feelings of loneliness and abandonment. But under her grandmother's loving care feelings of love and fulfillment developed. A significant part of this story evolves around her grandmother's preparing of quilts made from clothing worn by recently deceased people from the surrounding community. Those quilts provided family members a keepsake to remind them of their departed loved one.
There is one particular quilt which is repeatedly mentioned throughout the book's narrative that is being prepared for the young author. It's an old quilt made of clothing from family members dating back to the nineteenth century. It's in need of repair from years of wear, and as people die who the author knows pieces of their clothing are incorporated into the quilt. The quilt is becoming the author's own "quilt of souls." The quilt continues to contain clothing from the author's ancestors dating back to before the Civil War, and there are dramatic stories related to those ancestors.
This story takes place in the late 50s and early 60s, and violence experienced by the black community at the hands of white "night riders" is fresh in the memories of those with whom the author is living. Some of the stories sewn into he quilt of souls were victims of this violence.
Among the stories that the author learns about is mistreatment of her grandmother in her younger years at the hands of a white sheriff. The young author can't understand why her grandmother isn't more angry about the incident. Instead she seems to have an attitude of forgiveness. As this story develops a profound lesson in forgiveness comes out of this incident.
The following excerpt from the Book's epilog provides a good concluding summary of the message coming out of this book:
Quilt of Souls is a tribute to everything I learned about slavery, the resulting African American servitude in this country, and the bravery it took for many women of that era to eke out a semblance of dignity from a culture of white supremacy that tried to deny them their basic humanity. Books, articles, documentaries, and movies have detailed the plight of African Americans before slavery and during and after Reconstruction. But it is past time to tell the story of how this same group, particularly Black women, uplifted themselves and overcame injustices while shielding their families from a host of retributions. I wove their words and lives into my heart, just as Grandma sewed the lives of her loved ones into my quilt of souls.
The following is text from book describing how the fabric from recently deceased great-grandmother and a great-grandaunt, both of whom had lived into their 100s and could remember slavery, would be added to the author's quilt of souls—their fabric would hold all the other pieces together:
I took a seat next to Grandma as she began pulling out pieces of Mama all's and Miss Jubilee's clothing from the bag that sat before her. Tears began to well up as I realized their clothes would finish my quilt, that Miss Jubilee's fabric would join with Ella's in its center. Along with Ella, her fabric would hold all the other pieces together. How fitting: the grand finale and the closing frame for my quilt of souls.
A word about the author's name: Following book was published in 2015: Quilt of Souls, by Phyllis Lawson. The following book was published in 2022: Quilt of Souls, by Phyllis Biffle Elmore. I assume they're the same book and author, but the author changed her name.
Kukum is a heart warming though ultimately melancholic story that tells of the displacement of native First Nations people from their traditional way Kukum is a heart warming though ultimately melancholic story that tells of the displacement of native First Nations people from their traditional way of life in rural Quebec Province by the encroachment of the white owned timber industry. The story is told in the first person voice of the author’s great grandmother, Almanda Siméon, and covers a time period of approximately 1880 to the 1950s. The book was written in French and available in English by translation.
The story begins with Almanda, an orphan living with an aunt and uncle, deciding at age 15 to marry an Innu man aged 18. She rides off in a canoe with her new husband to live in the wild north woodlands of Quebec Provence. She is white French Canadian and needs to learn the Innu way of life including their language.
The first half of the book describes the routine of hunting over the winter and bringing their collected skins and pelts south to be traded for equipment and money. It’s a hard life but they have generations of experience living in the wild north forests. The way of life is abruptly ended when the logging industry clogs up the river with logs that they used to go north.
The resulting enforced end of the nomadic world and the imposed reservations and residential schools destroyed traditional family and clan life. The new young people could no longer speak the Innu language.
There’s a hard to believe story near the end of the book of Almanda as an old woman riding the train to Quebec City and siting in Maurice Duplessis’ office for days until he agreed to hear her complaints about drunk drivers in Pointe-Bleue. This story is supposedly true as remembered and told by the author’s great-grandmother.
The word "Kukum" means grandmother. The book contains photographs of Almanda and some of her children. There's a short "A Word From The Author" at the end of the book discussing family history to the present. Apparently there's some uncertainty about Almanda's birth origins. At end of the story's narrative there's a short speculative fictional account of Amanda's parents. I had to look at this story twice before I figured out why it was there. I think it should have been better labeled as a separate chapter....more
Listening to this book is equivalent to spending an afternoon (3.5 hrs, 160 pages) with Michigan's governor while she tells stories from her life in pListening to this book is equivalent to spending an afternoon (3.5 hrs, 160 pages) with Michigan's governor while she tells stories from her life in politics. She starts off by embracing Trump's decisive intended slight when he referred to her as "that woman from Michigan." She goes on to say, "I refused to let the president define me. I took his insult, flipped it, and made it my own." Indeed there were numerous examples shared where it was necessary to move on from insults and political attacks.
But there were also threats of violence and even kidnapping that needed to be taken seriously. She shares how her family was effected by those threats. She also shares how in 2013 early in her state legislative career she was motivated to tell about her own rape experience during a debate on a GOP proposed rape insurance.
She gives advice and examples on using active listening while meeting with constituents. Her campaign slogan used during her first state wide race was based on such a conversation. A mother with a hospitalized child had been diverted from visiting her child by a tire blowout after hitting a chuckhole. So instead of commenting on hospital or medical issues as might be expected the constituent said, "Fix the damn roads." Gretchen Whitmer decided to use that as her campaign slogan.
The reader does learn some about her personal life. She has remarried after her first marriage, and her two daughters are from the first marriage. It's a bit surprising to learn that she uses her ex-husband, a professional photographer, to cover her campaign events. She has even publicly thanked her ex for his campaign assistance.
There's advice offered that can be applied by any of us in dealing with life's challenges. "We must never be afraid to show up. You're not going to get everything right immediately, but you've got to get in there and try."...more
This is a memoir of the author's search in the spirit world to communicate with his son who had died at the age of seven. The narrative is structured This is a memoir of the author's search in the spirit world to communicate with his son who had died at the age of seven. The narrative is structured around a description of the author's trip from his home in London to India in order to find a sadhu who can help him find some peace of mind.
While telling of this travels in India he describes his efforts over the previous six years since his son's death trying to communicate through the use of mediumship. He had even taken lessons in the practice and had experienced some success, but he hadn't been able to communicate directly with his son as he had hoped.
Therefore he had decided to travel to India where he hoped to have more success in his efforts to reach his son. He hoped to find a rishi who could teach him to meditate at a level to experience his son's presence. Intermingled with his accounts of his search for spiritual enlightenment the author also provides the reader with his opinions regarding elements of the spirit world such as psychometry and synchronicity.
The author found on his travels that the Indians he met were more interested in his skills at giving Tarot readings than they were able to teach him about spiritual things.
I had always thought of India as the land where the spiritual and the mystical are a natural part of everyday life, where astrologers and mystics plied their trade along with the fruit stallholders; perhaps my perception was distorted. (p.222)
So he didn't find specifically what he was looking for, but he did have an experience that gave him a sense of peace.
I had been trying to use meditation to transport myself for a brief moment of time to a state of oneness with the spiritual realms, in the sure belief that this was where Michael now lived. I had hoped that if I could just once reach this place and feel the bliss he lived in I would be satisfied that he really was safe and happy and in no need of his dad. I hadn't got there; instead, in a back street in Pushkar, the God-force had come down and visited me and poured just an egg-cupful of its essence into me and as it had bubbled and fizzed joyfully throughout my system I knew that this was enough, I had my proof. (p.241)
The author's final thoughts were written years after his trip to India. His interest in mediumship has wained, but he still has faith that he will be able to reach his son after his death.
The years have passed and with a lack of practice my abilities have faded. ... I know life continues on the other side of the door we call death and that one day I will walk through that door and be reunited with Michael and all the other people I have truly loved who might go before me. As it will be for me so also will it be for you, I am no one special. (p.247)
The only reason I read this book is because it was the lone remaining unread book in my Kindle library. I don't believe in mediumship nor have I much interest in meditation as a path to spiritualism, thus I have no idea how the book ended up in my Kindle library. My best guess is that it was available free or at very low price and something about it looked interesting. The book itself is fairly interesting reading, but I give no psychic credit to the author's descriptions of what I consider to be spooky coincidences....more
This memoir begins with the author's enthusiastic enlistment to join the U.S. Marine Corps during the Vietnam War. He was 17 years old, but was 18 by This memoir begins with the author's enthusiastic enlistment to join the U.S. Marine Corps during the Vietnam War. He was 17 years old, but was 18 by the time he reported for bootcamp training. He looked so young at the time that a reviewing officer asked to see his proof of age. He shares in considerable detail his experiences in bootcamp which to me seemed needlessly rough and overly focused on details of behavior and speech. Nevertheless as described here, the training seems to have resulted in strong identification and pride in being a Marine.
The next part of the book tells of his experiences in Vietnam. At first he was assigned to an infantry unit guarding a military police unit which didn't satisfy the author's desire to see combat action. So when the opportunity was available to transfer to an infantry unit near the DMZ he took it. He then tells in jarring detail the experiences of combat including killing another human at close range and physical discomforts of jungle warfare.
His combat deployment came to an end when he received a serious chest wound which once he reached medical care resulted in one doctor calling for a chaplain because he couldn't do anything for such a serious wound. Fortunately another doctor saw things differently and saved his life. From there the author returned to the States and worked hard on rehabilitation hoping to be able to rejoin the war. But he was unable to pass the requited physical tests and was discharged from the Corps.
The author's disability benefits enabled him to attend college where he encountered considerable antiwar sentiment. At first he resisted the antiwar activities, but slowly his perceptions of the war changed. He began to see that he and his combat units were asked to fight under circumstances which made the war unwindable and thus futile. He joined a new organization called Vietnam Veterans Against the War and for a time became a spokesman for the group in the midwest region.
Today the author works with issues related to PTSD and veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars. He was interviewed in the documentary The Vietnam War produced by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick....more
The writing of this book was initiated after the author won a one-year fellowship thet allowed him to pursue a project of his choice. He had fond memoThe writing of this book was initiated after the author won a one-year fellowship thet allowed him to pursue a project of his choice. He had fond memories from his childhood of his family’s visits to our country’s parks, and the 100th anniversary of the U.S. National Park Service was coming up. Thus he decided to visit one national park each month, with each “symbolizing a different issue facing the national parks in the next hundred years.”
The resulting book does follow that plan, but it ended up covering much more than that. A number of personal issues are dealt with in the book’s narrative, and most significantly his mother was diagnosed with cancer. His mother died on June 30th (half way through the year). Honoring and remembering her life are part of the narrative through the second half of the year.
In most of the parks visited he has a guide, either from the Park Service, or a devoted civilian, and these people give the book some human interest. The sister of one of the victims of Flight 93 on September 22, 2001 was one particularly poignant companion on his visit to the newly created Flight 93 National Memorial.
One National Park Service location that I had never heard of before when was described in his description of his stay at the campground at Gateway National Recreation Area. The area spans 27,000 acres from Sandy Hook in New Jersey to Breezy Point in New York City, but the campground he stayed is located in Brooklyn, NYC. At first I thought it sounded like a bargain place the stay while being a tourist visiting New York City. But it’s infested with mosquitoes and located on an abandoned airport with a “post-apocalyptic” ambiance.
Another place I’d never heard of before was Dry Tortugas National Park which is actually an island in the Caribbean off the coast of Florida. Again the camping experience didn’t appeal to me, but I suppose people who like snorkeling and diving would find the place of interest. Another park that sounded less appealing to me was Big Bend National Park in Texas.
He also visited the better known parks in the system (Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Olympic, Saguaro, Grand Canyon, Yellowstone). One place that’s maybe not as well known but that I have visited is Haleakala National Park in Hawaii.
But overall the book was interesting, and reading it is easier (and cheaper) than actually visiting all those places. Even at the parks I have visited his description of his experience expanded my knowledge and impressions of the place.
Visiting twelve places within the US National Park Service is barely scratching the surface. There are 429 official units of the National Park System. If you plan to visit them all you need to start while you’re young....more
Is this a novel, memoir, or poetry? It is very much written in first person narrative style of a memoir, but its etherial wandering style is very muchIs this a novel, memoir, or poetry? It is very much written in first person narrative style of a memoir, but its etherial wandering style is very much like poetry. Most libraries and most people on Goodreads classify this book as fiction (i.e. a novel). For me the reading experience was one of reading a memoir written by an author who likes to express is story and feelings as free form poetry.
For readers who make it all the way through the book to its end will learn that there is a multigenerational tale contained within which spans from Vietnam to USA and back to Vietnam. But intermixed with that tale are accounts of the narrator's own life experiences which include some explicit homosexual encounters. Since it's a novel I guess nothing in it needs to be historically true, but the author is Vietnamese and this causes me to assume it to be mostly biographical.
I didn't care much for the book and would have never read it had it not been selected by a book group with which I participate. I was surprised that the book group's discussion of it was quite robust, and nobody in the discussion said they didn't like the book. So much for my preferences being representative of how others feel....more
The author, Mary Pipher, is a psychologist who has written many books, and in most of these books she draws on case histories from her experience as aThe author, Mary Pipher, is a psychologist who has written many books, and in most of these books she draws on case histories from her experience as a therapist for psychological issues. In this book she recounts her own life and applies her therapy tools to her own life experiences and feelings.
This combination of memoir and life coaching results in a book that in addition to providing a memoir of an interesting life also provides lessons and advice on dealing with the impermanence of life situations. The author is about my age so I could experience familiarity with some of her experiences over the years and could identify with her in descriptions of changes experienced with age.
Separations occur and children grow up and leave the nest. From these life experiences and feelings the author provides encouragement to seek out the light (i.e. the joy) and find it in the here and now of life.
Another book by Mary Pipher that I've read is Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing As We Age,. (Link is to my review.) The two books contain similar advice. Rowing North said, "Happiness is a choice and a set of skills." A Life in Light says, “Deep happiness is independent of conditions.” ... “We can accept responsibility for our own happiness and look inside ourselves for the light we can always find..” (p.245)
Below is an excerpt from the book that caught my attention:
Maybe old age is when many of us love the sunset most. We lose people, and life crushes us in its various ways. Hope can seem like a dark star in another solar system. Yet, every night, the sun once again offers us all that it has. It whispers, "Take these coins of gold these shafts of light and these pink and orange silk scarves of sky." (p.213)
The author J. Denny Weaver calls this a “theological memoir” which ends up including plenty of personal non-theological memories to explain how his evThe author J. Denny Weaver calls this a “theological memoir” which ends up including plenty of personal non-theological memories to explain how his evolving career interests took him in various directions before he happened to ask a question not previously asked, “Is there an Anabaptist theory of atonement?” No answer was found so he set about answering it himself.
The memoir begins with J. Denny’s childhood in a Mennonite family growing up in the Argentine District of Kansas City, Kansas which happens to be the community where I have lived in for the past fifty years. J. Denny also happens to be my cousin (first, once removed). Thus I’m personally acquainted with the author, and when the book tells of his conversation with a boy named Donny when they were both in kindergarten at Stanley school, I know the Donny to whom he is referring. The point of mentioning that conversation in a “theological memoir” was to illustrate that J. Denny was aware of being a conscientious objector at a very young age.
Then as the memoir progresses through his high school years we learn that he did well in mathematics so for the first years of college he thought he would major in mathematics. By the third year in college he found himself more interested in Biblical studies than mathematics. As he progressed through Goshen College and Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminary the book’s narrative makes references to various names, many with whom I am familiar. I found it interesting to note that his first religion professor at Hesston College was our uncle-in-law.
After college he taught two years in Algeria after a year of studying the French language with his wife in France. They spent an additional year in Europe studying the German language after their time in Algeria. Later in life he was able to use both languages in academic teaching settings.
It was while he was in Europe and Algeria that his interests shifted from Biblical studies to Christian church history, Anabaptist history in particular. Thus after receiving a PhD from Duke University and Duke Divinity school he considered himself to be a Reformation scholar.
In his first year of teaching after graduating he was assigned to teach a class on Christian Faith. It was in preparation for this class that he asked the question that eventually led to his veering from church history into the field of theology.
Thus when I asked about an Anabaptist or Mennonite perspective on theology, I expected to receive a referral to several articles or a book that would guide me. Instead, the question produced shrugs and statements of “I don’t know.” (p.86)
One thing led to another (I’m skipping the details), and eventually he wrote many books including the following:
This memoir (auto ethnography) is written by and from the perspective of an author who acquired a paraplegic disability at an early age. She has a PhDThis memoir (auto ethnography) is written by and from the perspective of an author who acquired a paraplegic disability at an early age. She has a PhD in English so guess I shouldn’t be surprised by the good writing, but the narrative had me totally immersed into her world of dealing with both the social and personal issues that come from living in a nonconforming body. Using a combination of stories from her own life, similar stories of others, and providing commentary with insight and humor about access and inclusion, she makes a convincing case for ending the cultural invisibility experienced by disabled people and moving beyond the better-than-nothing and best-of-intensions approach that is common today.
It’s my understanding that this book is an outgrowth of her instagram account with over 60K followers in which she has posted numerous “mini memoirs and photographs narrating life from my ordinary, resilient disabled body.” She also has a website on which I noticed that three of her essays have been published by Time magazine. She also grew up and lives in the Kansas City metro area so some of her stories involve locations, schools, and businesses which are either recognizable to me or are likely guesses of mine as to their identity.
The book provides lessons for readers about ableism, medical model of disability, and social model of disability. I found it interesting that many of these lessons are told in the context of stories about her trying to teach a high school class about these concepts. Some of the push-back or lack of interest displayed by her students probably represented some of the thoughts and feelings of the readers of this book.
There’s an epilog to the book that had information that shocked me. One reason it shocked me is because I had not visited any of her social media sites so I didn’t know any current information about the author before reading the book. I’m not going to say what shocked me (you can read the book yourself), but one thing she did comment on in the epilog which I will repeat is the irony that when the COVID pandemic hit many businesses found ways for employees to work from home. Many of these businesses had previously said it was not possible to do such a thing. This is an example of finding ways to accommodate non-disabled people where no such consideration would have been previously provided for a person with a disability.
She also makes the point that there’s a spectrum of disabilities, and more people are going to end up on that spectrum than commonly considered to be the case. If injury or disease doesn’t disable you, old age will....more
This is a memoir by Sarah Cooper, that famous interpretive lip sync artist who so artfully brought Trump’s most famous comments to life. It turns out This is a memoir by Sarah Cooper, that famous interpretive lip sync artist who so artfully brought Trump’s most famous comments to life. It turns out she actually has a life other than lip syncing, so this memoir is mostly about growing up as a child of Jamaican immigrants, doing the college thing, and quitting a tech career to go into the acting/writing/comedy business. She had moderate success before things blew wide open in the Trump years which then led to costarring with Dame Helen Mirren and getting calls from Jerry Seinfeld about appearing is his Netflix movie “Unfrosted: The Pop-Tart Story.”
She tells more about herself than I would want to tell about myself, but at least she makes the point clear that she’s a character. One chapter is dedicated to apologizing to her former roommates for things she did. That information together with the fact that she’s been through two divorces leads me to speculate that perhaps all her exes had to be saints to put with her for more than one day.
After her Trump lip syncs she was hopeful that she would have many young TikTok fans, but learned instead that it was their fathers who were the most enthused fans. Once a thirty minute Zoom meeting with Sarah Cooper was sold in a fundraiser for $15,000 which surely must have been paid for by a real fan. When the young girl who finally redeemed the prize ended up not being very enthusiastic Sarah ask her who paid for the $15,000. It was her father of course.
I suspect there is some creative fiction in this memoir for comic effect, but I can’t be sure what’s satire and what’s real. For example, is there such a thing as an immigrant-to-basic-bitch pipeline support group? Whichever it is, she’s in it. Also, she claims she became skilled at lip syncing in grade school choir because it pleased the director. Could her singing be that bad?...more
During the author's growing up years in Brooklyn she knew her mother and many of the extended family were among the "lucky" German Jews who managed toDuring the author's growing up years in Brooklyn she knew her mother and many of the extended family were among the "lucky" German Jews who managed to escape before the Nazis closed the border. Her mother said little about her past except for occasional expressions of disappointment. The young author wasn't all that curious about the past anyway, so she didn't ask anymore questions about her mother's past.
After her mother's death the author came across a photograph of her mother and aunt as young women and realized that her mother must have had a prior life that was profoundly different from her later hard scrabble life as a struggling widow with children.
I was stunned by the image of my mother ... . The woman in this photograph is not my mother, I thought. I recognized her proud profile; otherwise she bore little resemblance to the person I had known all my life. The mother I knew was frugal and practical. ... But it was not just the elegance of her attire that startled me so. The most striking difference was that the woman I knew was never still. ... She was on guard, jumping at the sound of a car horn, snapping with impatience if you kept her waiting. The woman in this photograph is calm, poised, self-possessed. She is at home in the world, and in herself.
Thus began the author's search and series of interviews seeking information about her mother's early life and escape from Germany. Her detective work revealed layer after layer of a story that started out as an apparently happy well to do middle class living situation in Leipzig dissolving into sad tragedy and untrustworthy friends and relatives.
Her dentist grandfather whom she had previously assumed had been killed by the Nazis had instead died suddenly from a stroke and her grandmother had died by suicide the following year leaving the two young adult daughters struggling with ways to export what was left of their inheritance out of the country. Their father had died without revealing his Swiss bank account numbers, a plan to export wealth to Palestine failed when a relative kept it for himself, and a trunk of keepsakes shipped to New York was not shared with them by the relatives to whom it was sent. All that the sisters were able to take out of the country ended up being themselves and what they carried.
After the author was satisfied that she had pieced together the available information about her mother's early life she decide to travel to Leipzig, Germany with her husband and visit the address where her mother's family had lived which was destroyed during WWII and is now bare ground.
We both knelt on the ground, listening and breathing until words came. "May all be forgiven. May everyone be liberated from an burden of blame. May the pain between my mother and her family be put to rest, no more hatred to be carried from this day forth.
May the trauma between German and Jew acknowledged and brought to completion. From this day forward, no victim, no oppressor. May all beings be free of suffering. May this land be free to nourish new life."
They then visited the cemetery where her grandfather and grandmother were buried. Luckily the Jewish cemetery in Leipzig survived the Nazi era and is now taken care of.
I reached into my pocket and took out a rose quartz stone I had brought with me from home and placed it on this grave that had remained without a visitor for seventy years, probably since my mother left Germany in 1935.
Michael and I closed our eyes, each with our own prayer. Then I spoke.
"I am sitting on the bones of my grandparents. They have crossed over to another plane and the things they did or did not do, the words they said or did not say, are no longer relevant. They are my grandparents and I thank them for the gift of life they gave to Alice, and she in turn, passed on to me. I acknowledge the pain that they may have inflicted, and forgive them for anyway they caused my mother to suffer. Now Alice is also free. ... she has returned to her pure spirit."
Near the end of the book the author reflects on lessons learned. She acknowledges that she knows that she was loved by her mother and that her own life circumstances are blessed compared to those of her mother. However, she doesn't need to inherit everything.
... I didn't need to accept everything she gave me, like her fears that people would let you down when you needed them, or the conviction that danger lurked behind every unguarded moment. This part of my inheritance I gently buried in the Leipzig cemetery.
A unique mix of neurology and memoir, this book describes brain activity caused by falling in love, and then the author goes on to recount her own perA unique mix of neurology and memoir, this book describes brain activity caused by falling in love, and then the author goes on to recount her own personal experience of falling in love. Readers who enjoy a true love story will find it here, and unwittingly learn a bit of science while immeshed in the love story.
I enjoyed learning how disparate parts of the brain become active in response to love.
“By looking deep into the brains of people in love, we discover that this complex neurobiological phenomenon activates not just the brain’s mammalian pleasure centers but also our cognitive system, the most evolved, intellectual parts of the brain that we use to acquire knowledge and make sense of the world around us.”
The author is a credentialed social neuroscientist who has researched the human brain’s reactions to falling in love, and she also has experienced falling in love and getting married at midlife at age thirty-seven. After seven years of marriage her husband died, consequently the experience of grief is explored near the end of the book. Ironically, her husband was an internationally renowned scholar author of multiple books about grief and loneliness. Their friends referred to their match as the marriage of love and grief.
The following excerpt is part of the author's summary near the end of the book.
... love is much more expansive concept than we give it credit for. We must begin to view this phenomenon not as an isolated and ineffable emotion but as a cognitive and biological necessity, one that is measurable but ever changing, one that has the power to make us not only better partners but also better people.
I began this book alone and I'm ending it ... alone. Yet by coming full circle I believe that I found the key to lasting love both as a neuroscientist studying it in a laboratory and as a human being experiencing it in life. The key is to have an open mind. That is far, far, easier said than done, but the process of opening the mind begins by understanding how it works. That is exactly what you and I have tried to do in this book.
This is a memoir that wanders through Native American history and myth with poetic flourish; all the while being overtly self-conscious about the factThis is a memoir that wanders through Native American history and myth with poetic flourish; all the while being overtly self-conscious about the fact that the author's one-eighth blood quantum pushes her to the questionable edge of being a "real" Indian. The author is an enrolled member of the Jamestown S/Klalam people, a Coast Salish tribe of the American Pacific Northwest region. Any children the author has are not eligible for membership—unless the father is also enrolled—because one-eighth is the statutory limit.
The author grew up in Georgia, far from the homelands of her people, with little emphasis in learning of tribal culture and lore. But as an adult she has made up for that lack with a vengeance in order to reconnect with her Native American heritage. She introduces the reader to her ancestral maternal line by referring to the graphic image of a totem pole placing her great-grandmother at the base of the pole, represented by the spirit of Bear. Next on the pole comes the author's grandmother (Salmon), then her mother (Hummingbird), and finally, at the top the author herself as a Raven.
The "thinning" of the ancestral blood began with her great-grandmother who in defiance of family wishes married a Russian Jewish Immigrant. Each subsequent generation continued to wander far from the tribe. The author has no plans for children but feels sick with indignation when a white doctor suggests sterilization due to the history of approximately one in four Native American women of childbearing age who were sterilized during the six year period following the 1970 Family Planning Services and Population Research Act.
The statistics on domestic violence and missing and murdered Native women is explored by the book, and then the author tells her own near fatal encounter with a boy friend who was certainly not a friend. I as reader felt like shouting the question at the author, why put up with men like that? Apparently dangerous men seek out Native women with the expectation that they will be helpless, and Native women seem to comply.
The author goes through the thought experiment of imagining the life of her maternal ancestor seven generation into the past, and then imagining seven generations into the future. The differences are so extreme that the future seems impossible to imagine. The book exudes a spirit of longing and sadness over the anticipated future diminishment of Native cultures, and seven generation into the future will surely result in continued loss. ____________ I am providing the following link mostly for my own future reference which is a Substack column written by a "a child of one of the first peoples of North America" in which she discusses how her people are victims of official government policy to diminish their culture and dilute percentage of native blood. https://sarahsheri.substack.com/p/chi......more
This is a memoir of the author's experience volunteering to prepare one meal per week together with some teenage boys who lived in a group home, and tThis is a memoir of the author's experience volunteering to prepare one meal per week together with some teenage boys who lived in a group home, and then eating the meal together with them. She was motivated to do this project after the unexpected death of her father who had worked for the residential home for adolescent boys.
The author had previously suggested her "cooking plan" in response to her father's statement that he missed the rapport he'd had with the kids in his early days as a direct-care provider.
When my dad said he wanted to find a structured way to facilitate more casual interactions with his kids at the House. I had an idea. "What about a cooking class?" I suggested. It could be like your own cooking show!" My dad loved cooking shows. … "I would even help," I promised. He … said he was interested. "That would be neat."
Her father's death derailed this plan before it could begin, and now the author felt that her carrying out the plan on her own was a way to honor and memorialize her father's life, and perhaps also it could sooth her deeply felt grief caused by her father's absence.
What followed was nearly three years of weekly meal preparations with the young men living in the group home. When the food was ready they would sit around a table and eat the meal together, having a conversation much like a family, and then planning the menu for the next week. The author showed impressive patience and understanding in dealing with these guys. They weren't always cooperative and as helpful as one would hope, but over time the food won them over and relationships became smoother.
Early in the book it appeared to be the story of a succession of different menus, but it wasn't long before we begin to learn more about the young men. They all have a back story of family neglect or rejection, and they face being on their own—ready or not—when they age out of the foster system at age eighteen. By end of the book I felt as if I knew these guys, and I couldn't help being concerned for their future.
Coincidentally the author's three years with this meal schedule ended up also being the final years of the nonprofit's housing program. There was a change in the State's care philosophy that called for ending this type of group home. The non-profit had provided homes for hundreds of wards of the State over forty years, and it was feared that the memory of its existence would be forgotten once it closed. So this book ends up being a record of its existence and a testament to the fact that "something happened here."
This book provides a hard look at endings, grief, and examples of life's-not-fair. There is no simple feel-good happy ending.
Books are supposed to have calibrated worlds and endings that make sense, where heroes you root for don’t die, and boys whom you meet in the beginning — the ones who make jokes while cutting chicken and help to feed other people and keep showing up to do it again — get to be heroes by the end of the story. This book doesn’t make that kind of sense.
All this book provides is an account of being present for a period time in the lives of some disadvantaged young people. It is a story filled with uncertain futures, but the book also conveys the emotion of meeting life at its tender spots and rough edges. I found this to be a story worth reading and knowing about....more