Kaitlyn's Reviews > The Sea Witch

**I’m going to rant, so there will be some spoilers**

Okay, so truth be told, this was not good…but it’s also one of those cases where the narration made it AWFUL. I am ONLY giving this a 1.5 and not a 1.0 because Zuri's narrator deserves better than that!

THE NARRATION. This book had three narrators, one for each of the main characters (I’ll address the male narrator in the next section), and its only redeeming feature was the narrator for Zuriel – rewrite this book from just her and Ursa’s perspectives and have Zuri’s narrator read it (because damn, her voice for Ursa was HOT AF) and I would probably be giving this 3.5 stars just for great narration making everything better…honestly, even if you left the dude part in and made her narrate it, it would have been better!! The other female narrator that did Ursa’s part was not good. She wasn’t unbearable, but she used some weird intonations and pacing and added this really f***ing unfortunate lilt to her part that I think was meant to be seductive and cocky, but just sounded really stupid.

THE DUDE…I’m just going to call him ‘the dude’ because he was such a s*** character with such a s*** narrator that it’s not worth looking up how to spell his name. Okay, so first thing first, his narrator can read just fine, he’s okay(ish), if boring and uninspired, but bearable…where he is unbearable and, frankly, downright insulting, is when he does the voices for the two women. Sir, is that really how you think women sound? Or are you just incapable of doing any sort of halfway passable voice for a woman? That was absolutely, unbearably foul, characterized only by the words ‘winey’ and ‘nasal’. And don’t even get me started on the level of CRINGE when bro said the female parts during sex scenes – BARF! On top of that, the dude was just such a flat, boring character. I sort of knew what I was getting into with this one, but honestly, there were WAY more utterances of the word ‘cock’ than I expected, wanted, or needed – HARD pass (pun intended).

THE CHEMISTRY. What chemistry? Lol, I mean really, these people are all just horny, that is the predominant characteristic when you get right down to it, ‘____ WANTS TO F***”. Sorry to spoil the character development for y’all! There is literally no chemistry between Zuri and that slab of meat, the dude, and only a tiny little spark of it between Zuri and Ursa (and that is NOT me just being super-duper gay, I promise). Zuri is supposedly IN LOVE with this dude, but she’s literally dripping for every other person she meets along the way.

THE STORY. Making me repeat myself here…WHAT STORY? I’m so disappointed by this because the framework of it is SO promising. You’ve got all these mythological characters and gods and so much to play with there, but instead of doing anything interesting, you just make them all queer, kinky, polyamorous sluts – EVERYONE just wants to f*** EVERYONE ELSE. I mean, I know this is erotica, but erotica is so much better when there’s a compelling story, or is that just me? That is, of course, a matter of opinion, so if you ARE looking for a story comprised of nothing but steamy, kinky smut, look no further.

Last, but certainly not least…TENTACLE DILDOS. Bruh, NO! Just no! Tentacle dildos should never make an appearance outside of hentai. SMH, there just is really nothing about tentacle dildos that sounds attractive, pleasurable, or like a good f***ing idea! PUT THAT BACK IN YOUR DRAWER, MADAM!

Okay, okay, I will also say that it’s well-written, technically speaking. And the sex is steamy af, though WAAAAAY too much dick for my liking, but oh well, I won't reduce my rating for that. Unless you have a weird kink for dudes doing really bad fake chick voices, just READ THIS ONE, save yourself the cringe and read it…