Kelly (and the Book Boar)'s Reviews > The Boss

The Boss by Abigail Barnette
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did not like it
bookshelves: hide-the-salami, read-in-2015, zero-dollars-makes-me-holler

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

ME - the biggest prude on Goodreads just read a BDSM book . . .

Chicago commercial photographers

So basically if this . . .

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and this . . . .

Chicago commercial photographers

had a baby you would pretty much end up with something like The Boss. The good news is, the dom/sub stuff wasn’t totally rapey like 50 Shades and the male lead wasn’t a complete and total creeper. The bad news is, I still didn’t like it.

Sophie and Neil met six years ago when the flight they were supposed to be on to Tokyo got cancelled. Rather than going their separate ways, Neil was all like . . .

Chicago commercial photographers

and Sophie was indeed down. That night she let go of all of her inhibitions and let Neil completely dominate her in the sack. Nothing has ever lived up to that experience. When Neil walks through the door of the fashion magazine where Sophie works and declares himself her new boss, she’s thrown for a loop. Luckily, Neil remembers her as well and is totes ready to play some “secretary” on the D.L. . . . .

Chicago commercial photographers

Of course, Neil realizes that it won’t work to constantly think about banging his assistant when he has a business to run, so he gives Sophie a promotion . . .

Chicago commercial photographers

Ha! Just kidding. I mean, she gets a promotion but she was already on the short-list for it to begin with. After that, things get complicated. I mean eyeroll worthy complications that made me get all . . . .

Chicago commercial photographers

leading right in to Book #2 – which I will not be reading. #duh

Okay, so as I said the sex was actually consensual this time around, but seriously these two did it ALL. THE. TIME. There was actually a decent “subplot” which should have been the main focus, but Neil’s boner and Sophie’s “sopping” (barf) ladygarden got in the way and instead it was like 75% . . . .

Chicago commercial photographers

Until I was screaming “NO MORE YANKY MY WANKY – THE DONGER NEED FOOD!”

There was also too much use of certain terms, like the aforementioned “sopping” (seriously, barf) as well as “splayed” – splayed hands across the small of her back, splayed hands on her bum, legs all splayed apart. GET A THESAURUS! I also have to mention the prude factor that makes things like this . . .

“If I wanted pineapple, I would eat pineapple. When I eat pu$$y, I’d prefer it to taste like pu$$y. And yours is fantastic.”

Chicago commercial photographers

Ew. Let’s reserve that for the “you are NEVER allowed to say things like that out loud to me and expect to do it ever again” file.
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Reading Progress

August 30, 2015 – Started Reading
August 30, 2015 – Shelved
August 31, 2015 – Shelved as: hide-the-salami
August 31, 2015 – Shelved as: read-in-2015
August 31, 2015 – Shelved as: zero-dollars-makes-me-holler
August 31, 2015 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-50 of 62 (62 new)


message 1: by Carmen (new)

Carmen LOL I'm fine with the dirty talk, less fine with BDSM - just not my thing. Great review, I love to hear your take on stuff! :)


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Thanks Carmen! I get squicked out VERY easily by certain trigger words when they are used too frequently (as was the case here) - like the mentioned "P" word and ALLLLLLL of the various "C" words. Add in the fact that she was tasting her own "P" and comparing it to pineapples and I was OUT ; )


Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* Sopping?! Oh dear.... that's not a pleasant image either.... gross.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Now I hate pineapple. Eww


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

HAHAHA awesome review. I have this on my tbr list. If I'm not mistaken, it was written as an attempt to counter FSoG and do a better job with the subject matter? IDK if it worked or not.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "Sopping?! Oh dear.... that's not a pleasant image either.... gross."

Seriously. Sopping is almost enough to make "moist" come off my "instabarf" word list.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Shelby *wants some flying monkeys* wrote: "Now I hate pineapple. Eww"

BWAHAHAHAHA! I never liked it to begin with so I was trying to figure out which would be worse - eating pineapple or eating my own puss ; )


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Shelby *wants some flying monkeys* wrote: "Now I hate pineapple. Eww"

BWAHAHAHAHA! I never liked it to begin with so I was trying to figure out which would be worse - eating pineapple or eating m..."


I remember when Madonna said something about doing the same thing and my mind was like whhhuuut? WHY?!


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Sh3lly (Not all those who wander are lost) wrote: "HAHAHA awesome review. I have this on my tbr list. If I'm not mistaken, it was written as an attempt to counter FSoG and do a better job with the subject matter? IDK if it worked or not."..."

Thanks Sh3lly! This one does better since it's not abusive, but they were both still a hot mess of insecurities and it also adds in him as a Silver Fox and she as a wee little idiot so that didn't help matters. It's almost like this one tried too hard to point out how "Not 50 Shades" it was trying to be - that stuff grates on my nerves too. Readers aren't stupid, so don't explain every tiny point to us.


Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "Sopping?! Oh dear.... that's not a pleasant image either.... gross."

Seriously. Sopping is almost enough to make "moist" come off my "insta..."


It's probably similar to my feelings about the word 'suckle' being used sexually.... instabarfarama


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* suckle....ewwwww


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "It's probably similar to my feelings about the word 'suckle' being used sexually.... instabarfarama ..."

HAHAHAHA! He didn't ever suckle her, but he did "lave" at her nipples . . . and then I could only picture my cat licking his butthole.


Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "It's probably similar to my feelings about the word 'suckle' being used sexually.... instabarfarama ..."

HAHAHAHA! He didn't ever suckle h..."


Some words just shouldn't be used, EVER!! 'lave' goes in that category.... also 'puckering'.... just no.

This is probably why I'm not a good porny reader.


message 14: by Val. (new)

Val. I love when you review smut books! They are hands down the best!


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Valerie wrote: "I love when you review smut books! They are hands down the best!"

They need a new genre for special needs gals like me who can't quite handle their porn!


message 16: by Sean (new)

Sean Gibson Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "HAHAHAHA! He didn't ever suckle her, but he did "lave" at her nipples . . . and then I could only picture my cat licking his butthole. "

His own butthole, or the dude in the story's butthole?


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Sean wrote: "His own butthole, or the dude in the story's butthole?..."

Well, my cat is an inside-only cat so he hasn't ever met Neil. That being said, if given the opportunity they'd probably both be down for some laving of the rim.


message 18: by Sean (new)

Sean Gibson What's being an inside-only cat got to do with it? You have people over to your house, right? Presumably, these people have buttholes. It's not impossible that one of them could have been named Neil. And cats are excellent lavers.

Ipso facto, I think your logic is flawed.

Fortunately, your review is epically awesome.


message 19: by Kelly (and the Book Boar) (last edited Aug 31, 2015 01:46PM) (new) - rated it 1 star

Kelly (and the Book Boar) Thanks ; )

My cat does seem to enjoy licking the OTHER cat's butthole. Next time we have friends over I'll ask if any of them are interested in some private bathroom time with Mr. Booker T. Washington (the cat, not the long-dead civil rights activist).


message 20: by Lono (new)

Lono LOVE IT.


message 21: by Sean (new)

Sean Gibson Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Thanks ; )

My cat does seem to enjoy licking the OTHER cat's butthole. Next time we have friends over I'll ask if any of them are interested in some private bathroom time with Mr. Booker T. Washi..."


I will look forward to my forthcoming dinner invitation and some quality time with Booker T.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Lono wrote: "LOVE IT."

Ha! I should have known you'd sniff out this pineapple-flavored-snatch review in record time ; )


message 23: by Alissa (new)

Alissa Patrick omg. hilarious review, and prob the grossest comment thread ever.

sopping.

cat's buttholes

licking other cat's buttholes.

oh my the humanity




Kelly (and the Book Boar) Sean wrote: "I will look forward to my forthcoming dinner invitation and some quality time with Booker T...."

*snortlaugh*


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Alissa wrote: "omg. hilarious review, and prob the grossest comment thread ever."

You ain't seen gross until Gavin shows up and adds to the comments ; )


message 26: by Sean (new)

Sean Gibson Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Alissa wrote: "omg. hilarious review, and prob the grossest comment thread ever."

You ain't seen gross until Gavin shows up and adds to the comments ; )"


Or shows us that thing on his foot.


Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ Would it be alright if I stole "ladygarden"?


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ & MANTIES Champion wrote: "Would it be alright if I stole "ladygarden"?"

Hell yes. I'm sure I stole it from someone : )


message 29: by Shelby *trains flying monkeys* (last edited Aug 31, 2015 02:20PM) (new) - added it

Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Alissa wrote: "omg. hilarious review, and prob the grossest comment thread ever."

You ain't seen gross until Gavin shows up and adds to the comments ; )"


I think Lono introduced him to German porn. I haven't seen him since.


Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ & MANTIES Champion wrote: "Would it be alright if I stole "ladygarden"?"

Hell yes. I'm sure I stole it from someone : )"


Oh good! I was prolly going to anyways but now I'm legit. :)


Cathryn I just love your reviews. And leave it to Sean to take it there. Booker might want to hide when he comes over.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Cathryn wrote: "I just love your reviews. And leave it to Sean to take it there. Booker might want to hide when he comes over."

Thanks Cathryn. Yeah, I think Sean might "conveniently" get who was supposed to be licking the other's butt confused.


message 33: by Gavin (new)

Gavin Guten Tag! Ich bin hier! Mit der fucken and der sucken und der scheisseporn fur alles! Du canst mein foot gesucken?


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Gavin wrote: "Guten Tag! Ich bin hier! Mit der fucken and der sucken und der scheisseporn fur alles! Du canst mein foot gesucken?"

I started laughing as soon as I saw you were here. Good thing you didn't disappoint or I'd have to send Sean and Lono over to paddle your ass!


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Gavin wrote: "scheisseporn fur alles!"

DIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chicago commercial photographers


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Alissa wrote: "omg. hilarious review, and prob the grossest comment thread ever."

You ain't seen gross until Gavin shows up and adds to the comments ; )"


P.S. See Alissa, I told ya so ; )


message 37: by [deleted user] (new)

ewww to "lave" and "suckle." I read one that talked about (view spoiler) endlessly. The word "cream" is another no-go in erotica.


message 38: by Gavin (new)

Gavin description

Makin der paddle-stewen fur der gay sexin mit der boyos und der sucken und der cockenspielens.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) I've read about that spoiler too (and dry heaved). (view spoiler)


Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "I've read about that spoiler too (and dry heaved). [spoilers removed]"

I don't know what that is, and I don't want to either...


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "I don't know what that is, and I don't want to either..."

BWAHAHAHA! Countdown to Sean filling you in 3, 2, . . .


Jess ❈Harbinger of Blood-Soaked Rainbows❈ I'm not very good at reading smut either Kelly, and I am one of the least prude people ever.

That pineapple phrase even turned my iron stomach.


message 44: by [deleted user] (new)

LMAO at Gavin.


Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)* Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "I don't know what that is, and I don't want to either..."

BWAHAHAHA! Countdown to Sean filling you in 3, 2, . . ."


subtext, subtext..... *shudders*


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* Gavin wrote: "

Makin der paddle-stewen fur der gay sexin mit der boyos und der sucken und der cockenspielens."


You are grounded from playing with Lono young man!


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Karly *The Vampire Ninja & Luminescent Monster* wrote: "BWAHAHAHA! Countdown to Sean filling you in 3, ..."

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I forgot to add another in in there ; )


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Shelby *wants some flying monkeys* wrote: "You are grounded from playing with Lono young man!"

Oh God no. Then he'll want to play with us *shudder*


Kelly (and the Book Boar) Jess ❈Harbinger of Blood-Soaked Rainbows❈ wrote: "I'm not very good at reading smut either Kelly, and I am one of the least prude people ever.

That pineapple phrase even turned my iron stomach."


I'm not easily put off either (bet you never would have guessed, huh?) - there's just something about the way sexytime books are generally written in the unsexiest way possible.


message 50: by Gavin (new)

Gavin I PUNCH YOU IN FACE! YOU SOAK MY CORK! ERGO I AM DREAMIEST MAN IN FICTION!

Fitzwilliam Darcy is spinning in his grave.


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