Julie G (remembering the good old days of GRs)'s Reviews > The Lover
The Lover
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Julie G (remembering the good old days of GRs)'s review
bookshelves: the-french-connection, a-buck-and-change, good-morning-vietnam, chinese-take-out, coming-of-age, mommie-dearest, 80-from-the-1980s
Jan 28, 2021
bookshelves: the-french-connection, a-buck-and-change, good-morning-vietnam, chinese-take-out, coming-of-age, mommie-dearest, 80-from-the-1980s
I'm unclear on why this little novel was given the title The Lover.
Why the Lover?
This story has barely anything to do with him.
Who it is about: the young woman, the old woman, the girl who had the lover.
This distinction is important: the unnamed protagonist's age and status are perpetually changing and not in any particular order.
The story of my life doesn't exist. Does not exist. There's never any center to it. No path, no line. There are great spaces where you pretend there used to be someone, but it's not true, there was no one.
This is a story told in a stream-of-consciousness. . . completely non-linear, no distinguished dialogue, either.
And, a far more appropriate title for it would be: Surrounded by Sociopaths.
This would be a fantastic book for psychologists to read; it's a multi-generational account of a parent with a mental illness raising children who then suffer from untreated attachment disorders.
I'm no psychologist; I'm always in this reading and writing business for the characters and the stories, but I can't help but be fascinated by these people.
Never a hello, a good evening, a happy New Year. Never a thank you. Never any talk. Never any need to talk. Everything always silent, distant. It's a family of stone, petrified so deeply it's impenetrable. Every day we try to kill one another, to kill. Not only do we not talk to one another, we don't even look at one another.
This isn't the Partridge family, folks, and your family of origin will most likely look a lot better, in comparison.
Oh, and in case you're like me and you picked up this book hoping for some guilt-free, pandemic sex:
Hahahahahahahahahahaha. (I'm laughing at you and me).
Don't let the title and/or the bizarre three pages of a completely out of context, girl-on-girl fantasy segment mislead you.
Ain't nothing sexy about a girl suffering from attachment disorder who avoids her brother so he won't rape her staring up blankly at the ceiling while her “lover” must make love to fight against fear.
Ugh! Why must fictional sex be as complicated as real sex??
But (and this may surprise you, given some of my gripes), the writing was fascinating. Fascinating. I have post-it notes all over my copy. Marguerite Duras was a trendsetter and a poet. This is a bold work of “semi-autobiographical” fiction filled with inspired images and memorable lines.
In fact, the last line made me bite down so hard on my finger, hot tears spilled out of the corners of my eyes.
Ms. Duras wasn't just playing.
Why the Lover?
This story has barely anything to do with him.
Who it is about: the young woman, the old woman, the girl who had the lover.
This distinction is important: the unnamed protagonist's age and status are perpetually changing and not in any particular order.
The story of my life doesn't exist. Does not exist. There's never any center to it. No path, no line. There are great spaces where you pretend there used to be someone, but it's not true, there was no one.
This is a story told in a stream-of-consciousness. . . completely non-linear, no distinguished dialogue, either.
And, a far more appropriate title for it would be: Surrounded by Sociopaths.
This would be a fantastic book for psychologists to read; it's a multi-generational account of a parent with a mental illness raising children who then suffer from untreated attachment disorders.
I'm no psychologist; I'm always in this reading and writing business for the characters and the stories, but I can't help but be fascinated by these people.
Never a hello, a good evening, a happy New Year. Never a thank you. Never any talk. Never any need to talk. Everything always silent, distant. It's a family of stone, petrified so deeply it's impenetrable. Every day we try to kill one another, to kill. Not only do we not talk to one another, we don't even look at one another.
This isn't the Partridge family, folks, and your family of origin will most likely look a lot better, in comparison.
Oh, and in case you're like me and you picked up this book hoping for some guilt-free, pandemic sex:
Hahahahahahahahahahaha. (I'm laughing at you and me).
Don't let the title and/or the bizarre three pages of a completely out of context, girl-on-girl fantasy segment mislead you.
Ain't nothing sexy about a girl suffering from attachment disorder who avoids her brother so he won't rape her staring up blankly at the ceiling while her “lover” must make love to fight against fear.
Ugh! Why must fictional sex be as complicated as real sex??
But (and this may surprise you, given some of my gripes), the writing was fascinating. Fascinating. I have post-it notes all over my copy. Marguerite Duras was a trendsetter and a poet. This is a bold work of “semi-autobiographical” fiction filled with inspired images and memorable lines.
In fact, the last line made me bite down so hard on my finger, hot tears spilled out of the corners of my eyes.
Ms. Duras wasn't just playing.
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Reading Progress
January 26, 2021
–
Started Reading
January 26, 2021
– Shelved
January 26, 2021
–
16.24%
"You didn't have to attract desire. Either it was in the woman who aroused it or it didn't exist. Either it was there at first glance or else it had never been. It was instant knowledge of sexual relationship or it was nothing."
page
19
January 27, 2021
–
24.79%
"It was too late for us to be reunited. We knew it at first glance. There was nothing left to reunite."
page
29
January 27, 2021
–
35.04%
"Chinese is a language that's shouted the way I always imagine desert languages are, it's a language that's incredibly foreign."
page
41
January 27, 2021
–
41.88%
"He often weeps because he can't find the strength to love beyond fear."
page
49
January 27, 2021
–
51.28%
"Our first confidants. . . are our lovers, the people we meet away from our various homes, first in the streets. . . then on ocean liners and trains, and then all over the place."
page
60
January 28, 2021
–
79.49%
"I was very serious, I stayed like that too long, too late, I lost the taste for my own pleasure."
page
93
January 28, 2021
–
97.44%
"She was a married woman, but it was a dead couple, the husband appeared not to notice anything."
page
114
January 28, 2021
–
Finished Reading
Comments Showing 1-50 of 67 (67 new)
message 1:
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Janelle
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Jan 28, 2021 10:02PM
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Thank you! I don't usually review a book this late at night, but I knew I was going to lie here in the dark, suffering over the mental processing of this story. It was better to get it out of my system!
"Beautifully written tragi-story" is a great way to describe this!
Thank you.
Surrounded By Sociopaths. Now there's a novel I'd read!
I was away at college when I saw the movie starring Jane March, who was hot for a minute. All I remember is the street traffic in the background of the love shack. When a noodle vendor is more compelling than the characters noodling, it's a problem! Alas that was the movie which I gather omitted the darker elements.
This sounds like a fascinating book to read while reclining in my smoking jacket, thinking deep thoughts and adding " ... and so on and so forth" to every sentence. I'm excited that you were in the right space to find this book compelling, Julie. It's so hard to predict what sort of mood we'll be in during these times.
Radiant sunflower review of a dark gray novel!
What an interesting comparison. It's funny you mention Faulkner, as I've been feeling for several years now that I need to reread some of his work. I struggle terribly with his writing, but I didn't struggle with this at all.
My edition of this book did not offer the Introduction by Maxine Hong Kingston, but I wish it did, as she is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I'm not sure what she contributes in her Introduction, but I'm wondering if this Marguerite Duras was an early influence on her writing.
Marguerite Duras was born in 1914; Maxine Hong Kingston was born in 1940, and I see a mystical, stream-of-consciousness style in both of their work.
No, I haven't read anything else of Ms. Duras's yet, but I'm pretty sure I will now.
No, Duras doesn't use any "psychological language" here at all. She just presents a family that seems to be comprised of members who don't talk, touch, or connect in any way, whatsoever. This mother may be one of the coldest/mentally ill characters I've ever encountered in literary fiction, and the brother not only attempts rape, he destroys their property, gambles compulsively, and seems to have no more loyalty to a member of the family than he would to a cockroach.
The protagonist's frequent and casual death threats to her mother and siblings chilled me to the bone. Some serious detachment here.
Do you recommend another one of Ms. Duras's books? I'd be curious to know which direction to take next with her work.
I understand your point, and I'll need to think about it. I may be accused of being "jaded" here, but I suspect the title had more to do with "sex sells." I think there was a push here to sell this book as "sexy," because I'm not sure that the average reader would willingly embark on this journey. I think my case is further solidified by the bizarre scene when suddenly, for just a few pages, the protagonist is fantasizing about her roommate's body. It was like it came out of nowhere, we knew nothing about this character, and it was so out of place! I got the sense that the editor was like, "Um, Marguerite, I think we need something that feels sexy here!"
Just one woman's opinion. . .
Great Review. You wrote that the story is told in a stream-of-consciousness, so does it have any resemblance with Virginia Woolf's "To the Lighthouse"? I read it a couple of months ago and it is also based on this style of narrative.
I own a copy of this novel (translated to Portuguese) but never read it. And yes, based on the tittle I always thought this could only be a sexy thing.
Ugh. I'll be haunted forever by that sad bear's tongue lapping away at that boring woman. I blame you Canadians for that misery.
Extra perk here: you are able to read Marguerite Duras's work in its original language.
Your contribution about the movie is so interesting to me. That's exactly what I remember. More specifically, I remember: a young woman who's a little too young for my particular comfort level, an attractive Asian man, shadows, the noises from the street, and awkward sex.
I feel like the movie might have played up the "prostitute angle" more. She's accused of it, by her mother, but she really doesn't take money for sex, though he pays for things for her and feeds her family, frequently, at a restaurant. (Horribly awkward scenes of them ignoring him because he's Chinese and him trying to ignore that they are ignoring him, as he pays for everything).
As far as I can deduce, humans aren't much better than snails.
I remember thinking that Duras very deliberately chose The Lover as her title because young women were taught that the only respectable way to lose one’s virginity was to “be in love.” And so, she created a fantasy of love when what she really wanted was to become a woman, and know herself intimately. I also think she was desperate to experience herself as loving and deeply connected, because she did not. I agree, too, with Robin, about the time with her lover being pivotal.
All that said, you’re getting me to want to read this again.
As for her other work, I recommend trying War, or Summer Rain. Blue Eyes, Black Hair might have the sex you’re looking for, but I worry that what intrigued me in my 20s might make us roll our eyes now. The Man in the Corridor is a very brief investment, I’m not even sure you’d like it, but it might magnify a certain sense of her as a writer for you.
I'm glad you know this book. I'm curious if you read it in French or English?
I just made a comment to Gabrielle, wondering if she read this in French or English and I'm wondering the same thing about you now.
I'm with Joe; my memory of the movie is shadows and street noises. I also think the movie focused just a little bit more than it needed to on their age differences and how young the girl was. To be honest, in the book, this did not creep me out. She was almost 16, and it was totally consensual. I never felt like she was "out of control" or dong something she didn't want to do. It's been many years since I've seen the movie, though, so perhaps I'm remembering it wrong.
I haven't read To the Lighthouse, but I do believe it is written in a stream-of-consciousness style. Other famous works that were written that way: Faulkner's As I Lay Dying, Morrison's Beloved, Porter's "The Jilting of Granny Weatherall."
It's a style I happen to enjoy, but I know it can also be an irritating style for many readers, especially readers who really like a linear or chronological style.
Thank you. Your comment is very kind.
I do wish it had been sexy, but, alas, so little really is!
Thank you. "Strange and troubling book" is an accurate description. Yes, the author did claim it was "semi-autobiographical" and I couldn't help but wonder: which parts??!
I thought about you, while reading this. It's a depiction of Vietnam that I think is completely unique from most other stories, and I think you'd enjoy this short novel from that perspective.
I know so little about Marguerite Duras as a person, and so little about her as a writer (this being my first read of her work), anything you are contributing here may be completely true. Based on the online bio I looked at and her photo gallery, I see a sort of "stubborn defiance" in her that made me think that your comment of "I doubt she’d sacrifice her authenticity," is probably quite accurate.
I'll look through the books you mentioned and see what sparks my fancy. Given my own propensity to explore sexuality in literature, I think we may very well be a good match.
On the topic of the "Lover," I don't think you and/or Robin and I are disagreeing on anything. I see her relationship with him as completely pivotal. She engages in a romantic relationship with an older "Chinese" to subconsciously declare to her family that this is where she is not taking the fork in the road and not following where they may lead. However, to me, she is still the part that's interesting. Her. I'd rather the book had been given the title something that led us back to her. The Girl?
I just looked up the books you mentioned, and I just want to point out that you gave everything of hers 3 stars except Blue Eyes, Black Hair. I can't help myself from feeling incredibly ambivalent right now. In a word: "Meh."
If you squint, while you're reading it, you might be able to see the fuzzy vistas of Vietnam and ignore the sociopathic family members.
Haha, that's actually the secret to how I've lived my entire life these past twenty-five years! ;)
I'm glad you know this book. I'm curious if you read it in French or English?"
I read it in French, a couple of years ago. I was very struck by the amount of emotional and psychological distress in it, the way the transgression is more a relief from the other stresses than a thrill sought for its own end. What we think of a abusive relationship is never simple.
I think that the most cringeworthy part of the book was when the "lover" took her family out to dinner and they stuffed themselves, then sat back, refusing to look at him or speak to him, and waited for him to pay. I felt like it said more about racism and classicism than almost anything else could.
I wonder how different the reading experience is in French?
I actually didn't think of her relationship with the "lover" as abusive at all. I agree; the weird romantic entanglement was her only reprieve from the terrible reality of her family.
Thank you. Your comment is very kind.
I do wish it had been sexy, but, alas, so little really is!"
You're welcome, Julie. I must admit I was expecting one of your "you'll need a cigarette" reviews though.
I just looked up the books you mentioned, and I just want to point out that you gave everything of hers 3 stars except Blue Eyes, Black Hair. I can't help myself from feeling incredibly a..."
Haha, yes, nothing ever held up for me the way The Lover did (although I always loved her writing style, and the way it made me feel). But I read them a long time ago, and my memory of The War makes me think I might appreciate it more now, and so maybe you, too, whereas the opposite is true of Blue Eyes.
I'm actually reading a Vonnegut novel for the first time in 20+ years. I'm excited, but I'm also wondering how this experience is going to compare to that initial love, that I had for him, in my 20s.
I wonder how different the reading experience is in French?
I actually didn't think of her relationship with the "lover" as abusive at all. I agree; the weird romantic entanglement was h..."
I would have to read it in English to be able to really compare... I was referring to the relationship with her family as the abusive one. The so-called lover is, if anything, a strange source of comfort and affection in the narrator's horribly cold and cruel environment.
I know so little about Marguerite Duras as a person, and so little about her as a writer (this being my first read of her work), anything you are contributing here may be completely true...."
Ah, I see what you're saying. It is all about her, deeply so, but that's why I thought the title worked.
I thought it was a profound symbol of how young girls project the idea of love onto an object because the only acceptable circumstance for girls to explore themselves sexually was in the throes of "love."
I'm glad you know this book. I'm curious if you read it in French or English?"
I read it in French, a couple of years ago. I was very struck by the amount of emotional and..."
I love this comment, Gabrielle: "the way the transgression is more a relief from the other stresses than a thrill sought for its own end," although I do think she was desperately searching for many things in that experience.