17 reviews
Jess Franco makes exploitation films, and he has made tons of them. Franco is responsible for some of the most shocking films in cinema history, and god bless him for it. Unfortunately, The Diamonds of Kilominjaro is a truly awful movie that is not up to his usual standards.
Exploitation films should be judged on story, sex, and gore. What else is there? This film fails on most of those benchmarks. The plot is paper thin, placing a nubile young girl in the jungle among cannibals. We really don't get information on why she and her father were there in the first place. As expected, her father is the "Big White Chief" and she becomes a goddess, sitting in trees, naked. Add fortune hunters and precious stones, and you have your basic rescue the girl for greedy intentions plot line. The characters are stock, not adding an ounce of believability to the proceedings.
Gore? None, or at least very little. This film is often mentioned in the same vein as the classic Italian cannibal movies. Those seeking that type of gore need to run the other way. Save for one cheap be-heading, this movie features surprisingly little blood and guts.
As best I can tell the only reason this movie exists is so Katja Bienert, Aliene Mess, and Mari Carmen Neieto could run around naked. Actually "Lita" (Mari Carmen Neieto) does the full frontal heavy lifting, while the two jungle ladies are bare chested throughout. Yes, there are love scenes....probably the most sterile Franco has ever supervised. The women are beautiful, but nothing here to really make this movie an erotic classic either.
This movie just reeks of low budget buffoonery. The sets are laughable. The acting is horrid, and the editing is confusing. There is no real story to hold this together, and not enough of a budget (or effort) to shock or titillate. I think Franco fans have come to expect more out of the master of exploitation.
Exploitation films should be judged on story, sex, and gore. What else is there? This film fails on most of those benchmarks. The plot is paper thin, placing a nubile young girl in the jungle among cannibals. We really don't get information on why she and her father were there in the first place. As expected, her father is the "Big White Chief" and she becomes a goddess, sitting in trees, naked. Add fortune hunters and precious stones, and you have your basic rescue the girl for greedy intentions plot line. The characters are stock, not adding an ounce of believability to the proceedings.
Gore? None, or at least very little. This film is often mentioned in the same vein as the classic Italian cannibal movies. Those seeking that type of gore need to run the other way. Save for one cheap be-heading, this movie features surprisingly little blood and guts.
As best I can tell the only reason this movie exists is so Katja Bienert, Aliene Mess, and Mari Carmen Neieto could run around naked. Actually "Lita" (Mari Carmen Neieto) does the full frontal heavy lifting, while the two jungle ladies are bare chested throughout. Yes, there are love scenes....probably the most sterile Franco has ever supervised. The women are beautiful, but nothing here to really make this movie an erotic classic either.
This movie just reeks of low budget buffoonery. The sets are laughable. The acting is horrid, and the editing is confusing. There is no real story to hold this together, and not enough of a budget (or effort) to shock or titillate. I think Franco fans have come to expect more out of the master of exploitation.
- TrickTaylor
- Feb 11, 2008
- Permalink
Ummm. A Jess Franco-movie from the early 80's. So what would you expect? Right: actors incapable of acting, incredibly dumb dialogue and a whole lot of joyful nudity (and downright disgusting sex scenes with totally unattractive guys and girls). Which I regard as absolutely worthwhile and entertaining - but that's just my personal opinion. The story? Story?? oh, well, it's kind of a remake of TARZAN, plus some adventure- and cannibal-stuff. But basically it's about seeing Katja Bienert nude, and it works when it comes down to that. Just realize: she was about 15 or 16 when this film was made, and she was really not very shy. Anyway: go get this one if you're able to find it, but be prepared to feel the urge to throw it in the garbage can once you've seen it. P.S.: This film has been re-issued in 1999 by the german label X-RATED CULT MOVIES, but with a different title: MONDO CANNIBALE 4. Obviously for marketing-reasons. Cause you'd better not expect to watch one of the infamous Euro-Cannibal-flics when you put this in. Franco has done better than this. Katja Bienert has, too. But the jungle has never looked more corny. So ... you get the idea. I like it.
- todaystomorrow
- Nov 1, 2000
- Permalink
- Woodyanders
- Dec 2, 2006
- Permalink
Jesus Franco made many bad films, and some of the worst were the ones he did with the ultra-cheapskate French outfit Eurocine. This is probably the best of the a bad lot, but it IS a chance to see Franco regular Katja Beinert in a role that might actually be legal by US standards (some of his earlier films with her probably pushed even the much more liberal Continental European age-of-consent laws to the limit). I doubt this movie will appeal too much to the "barely legal" crowd though as Bienert seems to have sprung from the womb with a body that would put any 25-year-old woman to shame, and all she really does is wander around in nothing but a ridiculously low-riding loincloth for most of the film.
Biernert plays a female version of Tarzan who is adopted by a tribe of Africans along with her godfather after their plane crashes in the deep jungle. This tribe is so pathetic that they not only worship a teenage white girl as a goddess, but also make her drunken Scottish stereotype of a godfather their "Big White Chief". The one rebellious tribes-member meanwhile is about the same age as Beinert and looks like Lisa Bonet circa 1987. The "plot" begins when some mercenaries looking for the titular diamonds stumble across the barely-legal white jungle girl. They return with some of her relatives who are planning to kill her to get their hands on the inheritance of her sickly, dying mother (Lina Romay, in a highly unusual role given that it was the height of her hardcore porn career). It would have made a lot more sense to pay the mercenaries to just keep quiet, rather than to follow them into the jungle to kill the girl, but, oh well.
There is much less violence than the earlier Franco/Eurocine cannibal films. The only real sex scenes come courtesy of the luscious mistress (Maria Nieto) of one of Bienert's greedy relatives, who gets so turned on after being nearly eaten by stock footage of a crocodile while skinny-dipping that she drags one of the mercenaries (Anthony Mayans) into the weeds for some afternoon delight while Biernert's character curiously watches them. Mayans, playing the most out-of-shape mercenary in cinema history, later also takes a roll in the hay with the jungle girl but off-screen (probably a good thing as there are already WAY too many shots of his flabby ass in this movie).
This is not good by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a pretty harmless movie (aside from a couple sex scenes and National Geographic-style nudity, it could have gotten a PG rating in America). It has serviceable plot, occasional drama, and a setting that you can sometimes believe is NOT just a European zoo. And it's "Citizen Kane" compared to the other Franco film ("Golden Temple Amazons")it's paired up with in Shriek Show's new "Jungle Girls" box set.
Biernert plays a female version of Tarzan who is adopted by a tribe of Africans along with her godfather after their plane crashes in the deep jungle. This tribe is so pathetic that they not only worship a teenage white girl as a goddess, but also make her drunken Scottish stereotype of a godfather their "Big White Chief". The one rebellious tribes-member meanwhile is about the same age as Beinert and looks like Lisa Bonet circa 1987. The "plot" begins when some mercenaries looking for the titular diamonds stumble across the barely-legal white jungle girl. They return with some of her relatives who are planning to kill her to get their hands on the inheritance of her sickly, dying mother (Lina Romay, in a highly unusual role given that it was the height of her hardcore porn career). It would have made a lot more sense to pay the mercenaries to just keep quiet, rather than to follow them into the jungle to kill the girl, but, oh well.
There is much less violence than the earlier Franco/Eurocine cannibal films. The only real sex scenes come courtesy of the luscious mistress (Maria Nieto) of one of Bienert's greedy relatives, who gets so turned on after being nearly eaten by stock footage of a crocodile while skinny-dipping that she drags one of the mercenaries (Anthony Mayans) into the weeds for some afternoon delight while Biernert's character curiously watches them. Mayans, playing the most out-of-shape mercenary in cinema history, later also takes a roll in the hay with the jungle girl but off-screen (probably a good thing as there are already WAY too many shots of his flabby ass in this movie).
This is not good by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a pretty harmless movie (aside from a couple sex scenes and National Geographic-style nudity, it could have gotten a PG rating in America). It has serviceable plot, occasional drama, and a setting that you can sometimes believe is NOT just a European zoo. And it's "Citizen Kane" compared to the other Franco film ("Golden Temple Amazons")it's paired up with in Shriek Show's new "Jungle Girls" box set.
Franco films can be divided into 4 categories- the "earlies" (often black and white and inventive), the "naughties" (late 1960s/early 1970s often involving Soledad Miranda), the "nudies" (of various periods, but using full frontal female nudity as plot drive)and "the rest".
This is part of the "rest". It is not really a cannibal movie at all. It is certainly no gorefest. The few women in the picture dont even lose their loin cloths and there is little full frontal stuff at all. The picture quality on the German DVD I watched is poor. The film peters out (insofar as it ever catches fire). As a Franco fan, I would tell others not to bother. Do something else with your time...read a book....get a copy of "Women in Cellblock 9"...anything really...
This is part of the "rest". It is not really a cannibal movie at all. It is certainly no gorefest. The few women in the picture dont even lose their loin cloths and there is little full frontal stuff at all. The picture quality on the German DVD I watched is poor. The film peters out (insofar as it ever catches fire). As a Franco fan, I would tell others not to bother. Do something else with your time...read a book....get a copy of "Women in Cellblock 9"...anything really...
- John_Mclaren
- Mar 5, 2004
- Permalink
A group of adventurers travel to the 'dark continent' to try and locate a lost heiress named Diana, who disappeared years before in a plane crash, and who is now believed to be living with a savage tribe that consider her to be their goddess.
Once again, my search for sleazy, European cannibal movies has taken me deep into Jess Franco territorya seemingly endless cinematic wilderness swarming with sub-par scriptwriting, crawling with crap camera-work, and abundant with awful acting (Franco regular Lina Romay taking the prize this time for her pitiful performance as an ailing, elderly woman). It is here, in this hellish place, that I finally stumbled upon Diamonds of Kilimanjaro, an abysmal jungle-based exploitationer so stupefyingly bad that it took me three successive evenings to finish watching it.
Tawdry and unrelentingly dull, even by Franco's standards, this wearisome piece of trash fails on almost every level: the story is a dreadfully dull derivative of Edgar Rice Burrough's Tarzan, albeit with a feminine twist; the film appears to have been filmed in the local botanical gardens, although grainy stock footage is poorly integrated into the film in a pointless effort to convince viewers that the action is really taking place in Africa; and the death scenes are virtually bloodless (Franco can usually be relied upon for some splatter, but despite initial appearances, this isn't a cannibal movie and it isn't that gory).
Where the director does succeed, however, is in his casting of sexy young Katja Bienert as jungle jail-bait Diana. Running and leaping through the undergrowth in nothing but a skimpy loin-cloth, her curvaceous bod belying the fact that she was only sixteen at the time, this nubile beauty makes quite an impression. Franco also throws in some further nudity courtesy of Mari Carmen Nieto as treacherous traveller Lita (who gives us a glimpse of her untamed regions), and Aline Mess as topless warrior woman Noba, thus narrowly avoiding getting yet another rating of 1/10 from me (although I'm sure he'll be receiving plenty more in the futureI have loads of his films yet to see).
Once again, my search for sleazy, European cannibal movies has taken me deep into Jess Franco territorya seemingly endless cinematic wilderness swarming with sub-par scriptwriting, crawling with crap camera-work, and abundant with awful acting (Franco regular Lina Romay taking the prize this time for her pitiful performance as an ailing, elderly woman). It is here, in this hellish place, that I finally stumbled upon Diamonds of Kilimanjaro, an abysmal jungle-based exploitationer so stupefyingly bad that it took me three successive evenings to finish watching it.
Tawdry and unrelentingly dull, even by Franco's standards, this wearisome piece of trash fails on almost every level: the story is a dreadfully dull derivative of Edgar Rice Burrough's Tarzan, albeit with a feminine twist; the film appears to have been filmed in the local botanical gardens, although grainy stock footage is poorly integrated into the film in a pointless effort to convince viewers that the action is really taking place in Africa; and the death scenes are virtually bloodless (Franco can usually be relied upon for some splatter, but despite initial appearances, this isn't a cannibal movie and it isn't that gory).
Where the director does succeed, however, is in his casting of sexy young Katja Bienert as jungle jail-bait Diana. Running and leaping through the undergrowth in nothing but a skimpy loin-cloth, her curvaceous bod belying the fact that she was only sixteen at the time, this nubile beauty makes quite an impression. Franco also throws in some further nudity courtesy of Mari Carmen Nieto as treacherous traveller Lita (who gives us a glimpse of her untamed regions), and Aline Mess as topless warrior woman Noba, thus narrowly avoiding getting yet another rating of 1/10 from me (although I'm sure he'll be receiving plenty more in the futureI have loads of his films yet to see).
- BA_Harrison
- Feb 8, 2009
- Permalink
Good old Jess Franco! The always-reliable choice of director in case you're looking for undemanding sleaze, shameless exploitation and 200% gratuitousness. Jess once again really surpassed himself with this utterly trashy piece of jungle "adventure". Let's face it, this film is basically just an excuse to have the ravishingly hot (and underage
) actress Katja Bienert parade around topless. It's actually a rather disturbing thought that an innocent 16-year-old girl had to walk around a film set naked in front of a whole crew and particularly before the gazing eyes of pervert Franco! And it wasn't even the first time, since the duo previously already made "Linda" together. Anyways, just in case you wondered: YES, "Diamonds of the Kilimanjaro" does have a plot, albeit a very imbecilic one. During the opening sequences a plane, carrying aboard a wealthy Scottish guy and a girl child, crash amidst an African tribe of vegetarian cannibals. I say vegetarian because they never at one point in the film so much even attempt to consume human flesh. The obnoxious Scot declares himself the Great White Leader and the girl grows up to become the beautiful and scarcely dressed White Goddess. Several years later an expedition reaches the middle of the jungle to get the girl back to civilization and even more importantly - to steal some of the tribe's legendary diamonds. This could have been a compelling and action-packed adventure movie, but Jess Franco obviously couldn't be bothered. Why shoot jungle chase sequences or bloody cannibalistic rites when you can just as easily aim your camera at a hot young chick sitting naked in a tree? Most of the jungle settings simply appear to be filmed in someone's garden and there's a massive amount of clumsily edited National Geographic wildlife footage in order to fill up the gaps in continuity. The back of the DVD describes "Diamonds of the Kilimanjaro" as an ingenious, feminist and adult orientated version of Tarzan. Yeah right, they just put that sentence there because Katja Bienert's character swings from one tree to another using a a couple of times.
- BandSAboutMovies
- Feb 13, 2022
- Permalink
African adventure in Jesús Franco style with very short budget, ordinary stars , being a colorful but inferior production. This exciting film contains thrills , an idiot romance, disconcerting characters , adventure and action scenes of infighting between violent tribes that generate little entertainment . A lighthearted romp about jungle adventures , concerning an expedition looking for a person who has presumably missing somewhere in African jungles . As a little girl is adopted by a tribe of Africans along with her godfather after their plane crashes in the deep jungle. But some of her relatives are scheming to murder her to get the valuable inheritance . Long time after , a bunch of adventurers head to a primitive tribe in Africa to find a treasure of diamonds and a white girl who was lost years ago and was made the tribe's goddess .
This Spanish/France co-production results to be a simple , plain and embarrising fun . Silly movie , containing inadequate action , thrills , worn-out cinematography , lush landscapes , brief nudism , anticlimatic score ; all meld together under Jess Frank 's failed direction . It is an unttractive and predictable adventure spectacle , ordinarily directed by the Spanish botcher filmmaker Jesus Franco . The plot is nothing more than a female version of the often-shot Tarzan story, but it lacks the curious mixture of glossiness and raw excitement that most Tarzan films have to offer. Instead, we're left with unconvincing sets and plenty of stock footage to pad out the predictable tale . As the production values are really cheap , you don't get to see Tarzana herself riding real elephants or fighting real jungle animals, just inappropriate insert stock footage. Here stands out the attractiveness of a very young Katja Bienert who spends the time of her screen appearance wearing nothing but a little junglekini thong bottom. She's badly accompanied by varios familar faces from Franco films , such as : Antonio Myans , Olivier Mathot , Mari Carmen Nieto , Daniel White : Franco's composer and of course Lina Romay. This El tesoro de la diosa blanca(1983) or Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (United States title) or The Treasure of the White Goddess results to be a late example of numerous topless jungle girl movies emanating from Europe in the late 1960s , 1970s, and 1980s this is par for the genre. It follows in the wake of the Sixties and Seventies sub-genre about semi-naked Tarzanas , when abounded this sort of films , such as : into Golden Goddess of Rio Beni (1964) by Eugenio Martin with Gillian Gills , Tarzana, the Wild Woman (1969) by Guido Malatesta with Femi Benussi or Daughter of the Jungle (1982) by Umberto Lenzi with Sabrina Siani.
Produced by Daniel Lesoeur , Marius Lesoeur from Eurociné and Manacoa Productions , Jesús Franco's owner , the latter directs this off-the-wall jungle/adventure in his usual bungling style . The motion picture was lousily written, edited, produced and directed by Jesús, Jess, Franco. Jess was a Stajanovist, restless writer, producer, director who realized over 200 pictures. His career spans over 50 years with a few successes and lots of flops, making all kind of genres : thrillers, adventures, action and with penchant for Terror and erotic genre . Jesus used to sigb under pseudonym, among the aliases he used apart from Jess Frank or Franco Manera, were the following ones : Frank Hollman, Clifford Brown, David Khune, James P. Johnson, David Though, among others. Franco used to use ordinary trademarks, such as : zooms , nudism, foreground on objects , filmmaking in DIY style and managing to work extraordinarily quick in very low budget, as well as frequently releasing various titles at the same time. He was a prolific filmmaker, directing a lot of lousy movies. However, making some acceptable films , such as : We are 18 years old, The awful Dr Orloff, The Bloody Judge , Count Dracula, 99 women, The Blood of Fumanchu, Faceless and a few others. And many of them were heavily cut and with double versions. Rating Viaje a Bangkok : 3/10 . Inferior and below adventures action movie. Only for Jess Frank completists.
This Spanish/France co-production results to be a simple , plain and embarrising fun . Silly movie , containing inadequate action , thrills , worn-out cinematography , lush landscapes , brief nudism , anticlimatic score ; all meld together under Jess Frank 's failed direction . It is an unttractive and predictable adventure spectacle , ordinarily directed by the Spanish botcher filmmaker Jesus Franco . The plot is nothing more than a female version of the often-shot Tarzan story, but it lacks the curious mixture of glossiness and raw excitement that most Tarzan films have to offer. Instead, we're left with unconvincing sets and plenty of stock footage to pad out the predictable tale . As the production values are really cheap , you don't get to see Tarzana herself riding real elephants or fighting real jungle animals, just inappropriate insert stock footage. Here stands out the attractiveness of a very young Katja Bienert who spends the time of her screen appearance wearing nothing but a little junglekini thong bottom. She's badly accompanied by varios familar faces from Franco films , such as : Antonio Myans , Olivier Mathot , Mari Carmen Nieto , Daniel White : Franco's composer and of course Lina Romay. This El tesoro de la diosa blanca(1983) or Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (United States title) or The Treasure of the White Goddess results to be a late example of numerous topless jungle girl movies emanating from Europe in the late 1960s , 1970s, and 1980s this is par for the genre. It follows in the wake of the Sixties and Seventies sub-genre about semi-naked Tarzanas , when abounded this sort of films , such as : into Golden Goddess of Rio Beni (1964) by Eugenio Martin with Gillian Gills , Tarzana, the Wild Woman (1969) by Guido Malatesta with Femi Benussi or Daughter of the Jungle (1982) by Umberto Lenzi with Sabrina Siani.
Produced by Daniel Lesoeur , Marius Lesoeur from Eurociné and Manacoa Productions , Jesús Franco's owner , the latter directs this off-the-wall jungle/adventure in his usual bungling style . The motion picture was lousily written, edited, produced and directed by Jesús, Jess, Franco. Jess was a Stajanovist, restless writer, producer, director who realized over 200 pictures. His career spans over 50 years with a few successes and lots of flops, making all kind of genres : thrillers, adventures, action and with penchant for Terror and erotic genre . Jesus used to sigb under pseudonym, among the aliases he used apart from Jess Frank or Franco Manera, were the following ones : Frank Hollman, Clifford Brown, David Khune, James P. Johnson, David Though, among others. Franco used to use ordinary trademarks, such as : zooms , nudism, foreground on objects , filmmaking in DIY style and managing to work extraordinarily quick in very low budget, as well as frequently releasing various titles at the same time. He was a prolific filmmaker, directing a lot of lousy movies. However, making some acceptable films , such as : We are 18 years old, The awful Dr Orloff, The Bloody Judge , Count Dracula, 99 women, The Blood of Fumanchu, Faceless and a few others. And many of them were heavily cut and with double versions. Rating Viaje a Bangkok : 3/10 . Inferior and below adventures action movie. Only for Jess Frank completists.
Jess Franco was a busy man in 1983; directing no less than thirteen films. Even if he was directing non-stop, that still works out at more than one film per month. I can't profess to have seen all of Franco's 1983 films; in fact, I only saw this one and the truly awful Grave of the Living Dead; but on the basis of the two films, I would say that less than a month for writing, filming and producing is about right. The film largely takes place in the jungle and is effectively a remake of the classic Tarzan story, although in this case Tarzan is a woman called Diana. Well...more of a girl, actually, as actress Katja Bienert was just sixteen at the time of filming! The lead actress' age doesn't seem to have put Franco off either, as she spends most of the film topless. To the film's credit, the jungle setting is rather well used; and despite being rather dull, the film at least doesn't descent into absolute boredom in the same way that a lot of films like this one have done. The ending is rather amusing - it's like Franco got so far and realised he'd ran out of film stock so just called for a wrap...though the film does run for over ninety minutes, so perhaps it was intended to end abruptly. Anyway, this film isn't really worth seeing unless you're a die-hard Franco fan.
Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Diamonds Of Kilimandjaro; here's the breakdown of my ratings:
Story: 0.50 Direction: 0.50 Pace: 0.25 Acting: 0.50 Enjoyment: 0.50
TOTAL: 2.25 out of 10.00
I don't know why I keep watching these Jess Franco flicks; they get progressively worse, but onward I go.
I have to give Franco some credit for the story because the concept is a damned good one. However, it stalls badly in its maturity into a full-grown tale, which leaves the audience with a stunted and deformed monstrosity of a mess. What Diamonds required was beefy and extravagant characters, not the insipid individuals that populate most scenes. These guys and gals are so feeble you wonder how they've survived so long, especially in the jungle. Another ingredient that needed plumping up was the story's junctures of undertaking - The scenes that drive the narrative and give the viewers their understanding of the story. Most of these are bland, and the rest are pure folderol to fill the time. But when it comes to codswallop wait until the dialogue starts.
As for the direction, I can see from IMDb that, along with Jess Franco, Olivier Mathot is listed as uncredited. If I were Mathot or his family, I'd be asking IMDb to remove my name from its listings. Diamonds is not a film to be proud of or to have detailed on your resume. The cinematography is some of the worst I've seen, and the cutting room boys didn't do it any favours with their poor trimming. Some scenes recur twice or thrice. It's substandard and annoying as hell. But don't worry, there are a few unintentionally droll situations along the way. One of the funniest is the plane crash at the film's start. When the plane is in the air, it's plain white. After the crash, the aircraft painters rush out and slap some colour on the wreck before the natives turn up to investigate the strange smell of white spirit. When the inquisitive tribe arrive, they step out of the corn. Yep, it looks like there's a lot of corn in those jungles of Kilimandjaro. In truth, it's as though the casting director rounded up the nearest black guys (forget about getting actors - that was too much like hard work), and daub them with some face paint, then shove them out of the closest farmer's cornfield. The look on their faces is priceless. Some look bored, others appear to be considering why they accepted the job, and one genuinely seems to be trying to act. He's at the back, to the right. I was giggling like a loon at this point. Sadly, there aren't enough of these inadvertent titters to promote the film to a "good" bad b-movie status.
The actors and actresses are abysmal in their portrayals of the near-nonexistent characters, except for Aline Mess. She stands out like a sore and throbbing thumb as the devious and vicious Noba. She would have been the tribal Queen had the "White Gods" not crashed in her cornfields - sorry, jungle! The reason she stands out is down to one thing. The lady has talent. And though her name is Mess, she's the freshest thing about the whole production. Another random guffaw comes in the shape, and particularly the sound of, Daniel White as Mr De Winter. He's dressed in his Scottish garb and parleys in the worst accent I've ever heard - a mix of Scottish, Irish, and something unidentifiable.
All in all, Diamonds Of Killimandjaro is a travesty of a mess, which, had a decent writer and director been engaged, could have been one of the better Jungle Pictures. As it stands, I cannot recommend the movie in the slightest. It's one of which to steer well clear. In fact, if a friend recommends this movie to you, delete and block their number on your phone, drop them off the Christmas card list, unpoke and unfriend them, and consider moving... I hear Siberia is nice.
Drop that ear, and come out of that cornfield, it's time to check out my Dramatisation Of Life and The Game Is Afoot lists to see where I ranked Diamonds Of Kilimandjaro.
Take Care & Stay Well.
Story: 0.50 Direction: 0.50 Pace: 0.25 Acting: 0.50 Enjoyment: 0.50
TOTAL: 2.25 out of 10.00
I don't know why I keep watching these Jess Franco flicks; they get progressively worse, but onward I go.
I have to give Franco some credit for the story because the concept is a damned good one. However, it stalls badly in its maturity into a full-grown tale, which leaves the audience with a stunted and deformed monstrosity of a mess. What Diamonds required was beefy and extravagant characters, not the insipid individuals that populate most scenes. These guys and gals are so feeble you wonder how they've survived so long, especially in the jungle. Another ingredient that needed plumping up was the story's junctures of undertaking - The scenes that drive the narrative and give the viewers their understanding of the story. Most of these are bland, and the rest are pure folderol to fill the time. But when it comes to codswallop wait until the dialogue starts.
As for the direction, I can see from IMDb that, along with Jess Franco, Olivier Mathot is listed as uncredited. If I were Mathot or his family, I'd be asking IMDb to remove my name from its listings. Diamonds is not a film to be proud of or to have detailed on your resume. The cinematography is some of the worst I've seen, and the cutting room boys didn't do it any favours with their poor trimming. Some scenes recur twice or thrice. It's substandard and annoying as hell. But don't worry, there are a few unintentionally droll situations along the way. One of the funniest is the plane crash at the film's start. When the plane is in the air, it's plain white. After the crash, the aircraft painters rush out and slap some colour on the wreck before the natives turn up to investigate the strange smell of white spirit. When the inquisitive tribe arrive, they step out of the corn. Yep, it looks like there's a lot of corn in those jungles of Kilimandjaro. In truth, it's as though the casting director rounded up the nearest black guys (forget about getting actors - that was too much like hard work), and daub them with some face paint, then shove them out of the closest farmer's cornfield. The look on their faces is priceless. Some look bored, others appear to be considering why they accepted the job, and one genuinely seems to be trying to act. He's at the back, to the right. I was giggling like a loon at this point. Sadly, there aren't enough of these inadvertent titters to promote the film to a "good" bad b-movie status.
The actors and actresses are abysmal in their portrayals of the near-nonexistent characters, except for Aline Mess. She stands out like a sore and throbbing thumb as the devious and vicious Noba. She would have been the tribal Queen had the "White Gods" not crashed in her cornfields - sorry, jungle! The reason she stands out is down to one thing. The lady has talent. And though her name is Mess, she's the freshest thing about the whole production. Another random guffaw comes in the shape, and particularly the sound of, Daniel White as Mr De Winter. He's dressed in his Scottish garb and parleys in the worst accent I've ever heard - a mix of Scottish, Irish, and something unidentifiable.
All in all, Diamonds Of Killimandjaro is a travesty of a mess, which, had a decent writer and director been engaged, could have been one of the better Jungle Pictures. As it stands, I cannot recommend the movie in the slightest. It's one of which to steer well clear. In fact, if a friend recommends this movie to you, delete and block their number on your phone, drop them off the Christmas card list, unpoke and unfriend them, and consider moving... I hear Siberia is nice.
Drop that ear, and come out of that cornfield, it's time to check out my Dramatisation Of Life and The Game Is Afoot lists to see where I ranked Diamonds Of Kilimandjaro.
Take Care & Stay Well.
- P3n-E-W1s3
- Jun 25, 2022
- Permalink
- superguapo2000
- Jul 23, 2010
- Permalink
This film is a cheap rip off of King Solomon's Mines and "She." Those books have been done so much better in other films. But this one manages to grab all the tropes from those classics and trot them out in a cheaper version.
Do you want a native tribe protecting jewels Check Do you want a white woman as the tribe's goddess? Check Dp you want a native shaman dancing for the tribe Check Do you want stock footage of a jungle? Check Do you want women running around in skimpy loin cloths? Check.
And when it comes to continuity.... Well, I am sure the director would echo the classic line: "Continuity? Continuity? We don't need no stinking continuity".
So, for example, quick cut to a rhino chasing a jeep. Wait, we didn't get into the jeep yet. Film that. Now add the same cut of the rhino. Don't worry about the first one - no one will notice.
There is just so little to like about this movie.
Do you want a native tribe protecting jewels Check Do you want a white woman as the tribe's goddess? Check Dp you want a native shaman dancing for the tribe Check Do you want stock footage of a jungle? Check Do you want women running around in skimpy loin cloths? Check.
And when it comes to continuity.... Well, I am sure the director would echo the classic line: "Continuity? Continuity? We don't need no stinking continuity".
So, for example, quick cut to a rhino chasing a jeep. Wait, we didn't get into the jeep yet. Film that. Now add the same cut of the rhino. Don't worry about the first one - no one will notice.
There is just so little to like about this movie.
- charlesadamek
- Jun 3, 2024
- Permalink
Another no budget-shot which is full of the nudity of some quite plain women as well as a not-existing plot and a set decoration that seems to be taken from the botanic garden of a zoo. In other words: Ruggero Deodato´s film looks like the "Citizen Kane" of the cannibal movies, because any acting, storyline, suspense, dramatic, or even cannibalism... are totally missing in Franco´s flick! There´s some animal documentary footage brought on, but the style doesn´t fit to the rest of the film what causes some real laughable impressions! And former German sex starlet Katja Bienert is only ridiculous in the role of Tarzan-like girl Liana, her scream sounds like a drunk gorilla! Don´t be fooled, folks! Even Franco can do it better! Only for those a must-see who think they should have seen all of this director - a lot of work in view of the 176 films Franco shot!!
- DJ Inferno
- Feb 10, 2002
- Permalink
Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (1983)
* 1/2 (out of 4)
A plane crashes in the jungles of Africa and a little girl survives. Fifteen years later her mother (Lina Romay) sends a search party out looking for her but they've also got their eyes on some priceless jewels. I enjoy these jungle adventure films but this one here dies off after a decent start. There are a few good moments but not enough to really keep the film moving as well as it should. I've heard that Franco didn't shoot all of the material here but it certainly looks like his work.
* 1/2 (out of 4)
A plane crashes in the jungles of Africa and a little girl survives. Fifteen years later her mother (Lina Romay) sends a search party out looking for her but they've also got their eyes on some priceless jewels. I enjoy these jungle adventure films but this one here dies off after a decent start. There are a few good moments but not enough to really keep the film moving as well as it should. I've heard that Franco didn't shoot all of the material here but it certainly looks like his work.
- Michael_Elliott
- Mar 10, 2008
- Permalink
- thebrownwarrior12345
- Oct 2, 2015
- Permalink