In Time

This book is dedicated to you

I am a mosaic of everyone I come across,

no matter how deep or faint.

No matter who I love or learn to hate,

I am thankful for every scribble on my
canvas.

I am painted,
stained,
ripped but still whole

I am me,
thanks to you

2
 Contents:

Yesterday …………………………… 4
Today ……………………………….. 30
Maybe Tomorrow …………………... 43

3
YESTERDAY

4
What is it called when the fragility of life
shatters?
When you are drained dry, and your mind is
in a drought?
When you squeeze the heart in your hand,
but no ink is spilled?
When you are drowning in a desert, not
knowing when you will see dry land again?
When you pray like a mantis and cry to the
audience of yourself?

1
If my wounds decide to scar,
Would you choose to stay
Even after I reveal it all?

2
If you saw how I cried for you
Would you be able to forgive yourself?

3
I’m afraid that when I stop caring and look
back,
I’ll see that nothing has changed
Because I stopped caring a long time ago

4
How can I grieve someone
Who keeps dancing
In and out of my reach?

5
I’ll light a cigarette using your cinders
And watch my sigh as it lingers

Convict me of your sins

But burn in those wins

You may call me a witch

But they will say saint
A hero
For burning a smoke at the stake

Was I destined to play the liar

Was it not you who sparked the lighter
Was it not your anger that started this fire

And when my cigarette should die

There will be no goodbye
Because those you failed to “purify”
Will continue to march to my lullaby

My smoke will stain the earth

And I promise you, it will stay there

My fire will burn forever and, without a

doubt,
My cigarette will never burn out
6
Confidence behind a screen is the strongest
poison of all

7
Dear God,

I know I don’t deserve it but please give me

strength to make it to the end of the week
because you know I don’t even know what
I’ll do tomorrow

8
I am just searching for
reasons to justify my tears

9
I speak like this isn’t my first language
Even though it’s my only

I’m a foreigner wandering the pages of a

dictionary
Unable to formulate the words I need nor the
words you deserve

10
Laying in a bed of roses
Leave you smelling like heaven
But in a pool of your own blood

11
The person in the mirror feeding soulless
whispers to an undeveloped mind

Who better to trust if not your own shadow

Who better to see you if not yourself

12
I fumble like an idiot
Because I have emotions too heavy
For my words to carry

13
When I have nothing left to give you
There will be nothing left to love

14
The pattering rain bounces off my skin
creating a rhythm for me to dance to. I
sweep the ground with my feet, gliding it
against the concrete. I don't care how stiff or
fluid my movements are, nor do I care about
the audience that watches me or not. Tears
from my body and soul combine with the
rain becoming indistinguishable. The
cooling droplets fuel my anguished heart.

15
I back myself into a corner
Dig my own grave
feed lies to those who don’t care

And I will never change

16
Every promise was calculated
Until you

I really did believe

You and I would last forever

Forever in my memories
Never again in my heart

17
I fear you more than I fear the dark

Where I avoid the dark for not knowing

what lurks beyond
I fear you just the same

Only to you I am still drawn to

18
I refuse to label what we have as a tragedy,
Two people in love but can’t have each
other

How dare you

Claiming to be in the same situation as me
To feel what I feel

You are the reason

I’m still grieving my heart out
Looking for reasons to hate you
And coming up empty handed

19
Do you stay up watching the ceiling
Looking for stars
Like I do?

20
Because the things you said
When your voice got all soft
Has stained my heart

I got used aching feeling that would wrap

around my chest and squeeze it

Now how am I supposed to clean up?

21
Don’t say “I deserve better”
Stop saying it because
We both know you’re not going to change

Please just want me

Like how I need you

22
Perhaps they will never know
How much I care for them
Because words are my heel
And poetry is a chore

They will never know

How much I think about them
How I see them in everything

They will never know

How I talk about them
How sick my friends are of me

They will never know

How much I worry over them
How clingy or annoying I think I am

They will never know

The frustration I feel
When my words don't agree with me

23
Wallpaper in my room goes round and
round and round until the end never align
with the beginning.

24
When I got hurt, my mom was livid as if I
had maliciously damaged her property

When I got hurt, I cried, then I wiped the

tears off her face.

When I got hurt, she felt it so deeply, it was

as though it were her own affliction. She
was guilty of caring too much. No one in the
world could ever love me as much as my
mother and she never let me forget.

25
It's nothing you haven’t seen before
It’s like a news headline you know isn’t true

Let’s say we’re on a boat

Let’s say it’s not sinking yet but
You know it will

I know that too, but no one else on the boat

does, we don’t tell them
We stopped telling people things a long time
ago

Let’s say we’re not on a boat anymore, it

sunk
Let say we’re in hell, not because we sinned,
and we died
Just because it happened that the boat sunk
into hell
We didn’t know that part was going to
happen

Let’s say we got bored of boats

Let’s say we’re both standing in a tree
It isn’t ideal for standing in
26
The only reason its not tipping over is
Because we’re each on a branch on either
side
It’s great

We don’t know what will happen in the tree,

but we can see everything else, below
It’s more fun this way

Let’s say I’m in Jerusalem, for a funeral

Let’s say you’re on the television

Let’s say we meet at the funeral, its being

broadcast, it’s a pretty big deal honestly
I shake your hand and I think that you’re
terrible at giving handshakes and you think
the same thing about me
We never meet again

27
My body becomes an outline of my ribs
I’ve always wanted to see what protected
my heart
Now I can trace my armour

28
How could you call her beautiful
You’ve never seen her

She can’t introduce herself

29
TODAY

30
I wouldn't trade this moment for the moon,
the sun, the stars, and for the mystery of
beyond

31
Forgive me for repeating myself
But if he were the sun, I am Icarus

And when he calls me beautiful in the

sunlight
I am left feeling richer than the golden hour

32
To the gardeners that helped me grow

I don’t remember the times you forgot to

water me. Because when I am in your hands,
I am the only flower in the world. I am so
thankful you loved me enough to stay and
grow me. So thankful, I forget the days you
forgot to water me and left me to dry in the
sun.

33
To the goodbyes left unsaid

I sorrowfully lay my heart out to you and

finally admit that I am a coward. I’m not
strong enough to bare a sword that is crafted
by a single word and used to severe the
strings that tie you to me. So I softly but
hastily walk away for your thoughts and
only leave behind memories

34
As day broke, he heard the whistle of a
cardinal. A passerine singing its song. A
wake-up call reminding him: he was alive.

He found it resting on his windowsill. As he

walked closer, it didn’t shy away. And so he
sat there for the morning, enjoying the
company of his new friend.

Oh, how he yearned for what freedom the

bird had

35
To the Moon

Though we spit hate towards each other, I

hope you hear my smile. I hope you hear the
lies under each “I hate you”. Whispering
with my snake shaped tongue but here with
honest eyes. I am a liar and I hate you.

36
He doesn’t say “I love you”
We both know it’s too soon
A mistake we both made before

Be instead he says

“I love your smile”

“I love your laughs”
“I love the way you ramble”

He doesn’t say “I love you”

Be he loves the things that matter

37
To that little girl trailing behind me

I look away for a moment and you’ve

already grown taller than me. I can’t wait to
stop looking behind me and start looking
ahead because I can’t wait to see you over
take me in this race.

38
To Saturn

I truly believe that your beauty surpasses

this world. And once you are brave enough
to lead an ear to those compliments, you
would have nothing to tie you down. That is
not to be critical, you’re capable of enough
but you are beautiful, and it needs to be
known. Let the blind whisper because I will
yell. I will be the only voice you hear.

39
I want to live in this moment with you
I want to look back on foggy memories
I want my clock to be the sun in the sky
I want moments like this to last forever

40
To the bird outside my window
I know you must leave in the winter but
leave knowing the seasons you chose to
share with me will be kept warm in my
memories. And if you choose to fly back to
me, I will listen to your adventures with a
smile. Hoping that you will talk about me
just as fondly.

41
To the bee that’s always buzzing,

You’re always running your mouth, filling

the silence with a soft hum. It’s comforting
knowing there’s someone there. Did you
know I’m envious of that? Your ability to
speak. Your drive to know things, to be a
part of a life that isn’t yours. I’m watching
behind a window in the cold while you’re
inside, warm and alive.

42
MAYBE TOMORROW

43
I want an old kind of love

One where we meet in a library

And you bring me flowers on our first date
You’ll bring me home and wait for me to go
inside

One where we go on dates every week and

talk every night
Then you’ll introduce me to your friends
and you to mine

One where we cook dinner, and you make

fun of how I cut my food
And we will dance while we wait
Till our food is overcooked but not yet burnt

Perhaps I want too much

44
Let’s go

Let’s go on a road trip and get lost

We’ll rent a small, cramped camper van

Let’s go run around and lose track of time

Let’s be free

Let’s go

45
But I need to get away
I want to watch the stars dance

Lie under them and start counting

I’ll travel far to attend the performance

I will be amazed as they light up the stage

A void of nothing but everything at the same
time

46
You make me want to live
Is that too forward?

Is it cheesy?
Or corny like you say?

But I really do want to live the cliché

The story book life

You make me want to stay for “The End”

Our happily ever after

47
I wish to be rich

Not so I live comfortably

Like you so hoped

I wish to be rich
To buy you the house on the hill

An apple orchard in the yard

A tree for every kind you liked
And two for every kind you loved

With a front porch

Like you so dreamed of
A place for fresh air without leaving home

I’ll give you as many rooms as you like

Maybe you’ll just need the one
But I’ll need somewhere to stay when I visit

How about a giant kitchen?

I feel homesick without your cooking
Now you can cook the smelliest of dishes

I wish to be rich
Not for me
48
But for you
Winter is coming
So, let’s dance under the warm sun for a
while longer

49
We’ll go to Italy first
I can cross that off your list

Then maybe we’ll explore Europe a bit more

I heard Greece is beautiful in the summer

Then maybe some in Asia?

Somewhere warm? Cold?

Your choice
The map is yours

We’ll go here, there and anywhere

We’ll go everywhere

If you want to see the world

I’ll give you the world

50
I can’t wait for the day I can call you home

51
No matter how far, how old, or how jaded
I will return home
Back where I belong

52
Do you really think that our legacy could
last forever?
Forever is a long time
But we can try

53
54