THE BDSM PROTOCOL

There is no dispute that in BDSM there is a set of reasonable and sensible rules that
determine how our conduct, behavior and relationship with other people should be, in turn
knowing what we can expect from others. Basically it is what we could call Protocol. In
Bartomeu Doménech's Multilingual Dictionary of BDSM (Ed. Bellaterra (2004) is defined as
“a set of rules that must be observed”.
In addition to the above, the Protocol serves to develop fantasy and imagination,
embellishing the bond and the relationship, explaining each of the steps that you should
follow during a meeting. Both ways of understanding the Protocol were named in a debate
held in Rosas5 (Barcelona) as Generalized Protocol (which affects BDSM as a group) and
another Internal Protocol (which affects the Master-submissive bond).
However, some BDSM practitioners rebel against these rules, some question them and
are not in favor of them, others say that they are in favor of their existence as long as they
are not too elaborate. The striking thing about this observation, which you can follow
through readings in forums and debates, is that although much is written about the
convenience or not of the Protocol, few dare to go into the details of what the contents of
said Protocol are, what concepts it is based on, where it comes from or how to articulate it.
One reason for this lack is intrinsic to BDSM, a consequence of its variety and plurality of
practices, so that, for example, those rules to follow that could be considered very
convenient for the practice of Bondage are irrelevant or have no effect for other practices
closer to sadomasochism. The other reason is dialectical: What does the protocol include?
There are those who consider that those objective and explicit rules or norms that are
established around an event, organization or venue (calling them, as such, rules or norms)
should be excluded from the BDSM Protocol, and those that are based on respect and
good behavior of people should also be excluded (because they are assumed for those
who want to relate to and integrate within a Community); therefore including only those
that properly typify and adorn the scene and the behavior in the role of the Dominant and
the submissive.
Others, including myself, consider that the Protocol is constituted by the existence of a set
of norms, values, symbols and forms of relationship between people, although many are
unwritten, and that they are what confer a singular and specific character that allows us to
appeal to the terms BDSM Subculture and BDSM Lifestyle.
As I am aware that the debate on the Protocol will continue after this Article, and perhaps
more out of a sense of foresight for when things happen too late, I prefer to refer to the
whole and not dwell on just one part. We must be clear that there is no single Protocol.
The purpose of this article is to show where and how the Protocol works and what are the
keys for any practitioner (beginner or experienced) to know how to handle themselves with
their best knowledge and relational capacity within BDSM.
Some common mistakes regarding the Protocol The Protocol exists because relationships
between BDSM practitioners exist. It is necessary for the good harmony and coexistence
of those who interact. I think we must take into account, above all, who the Protocol
affects. A very common mistake is to think that the Protocol only applies when it comes to
organized activities that bring together a large number of BDSM practitioners. Some
guidelines for behavior in a Master-submissive relationship already form a Protocol as a
whole. Incorporating a third person into that bond or relationship necessarily implies
explaining how the roles are manifested in said bond. It is true that the Protocol is made
public and manifest in Organizations, premises with spaces equipped for BDSM and those
specific events for the meeting and development of some practices. Each of these cases
may have specificities, although most of their rules are common.
Another very common mistake is to think that the Protocol only refers to how a submissive
or slave should behave in front of her Master, and at his direction to other Dominants and
submissives. They forget that the Protocol must also be followed and respected by the
Dominants (the false idea of the Master “god”) in relation to their submissive and slave, in
the relationship with other Dominants and with other submissives.
A generalization that also leads to frequent errors is to think that the Protocol only extends
to aspects such as the dress code, specific slang, use of facilities or applying the rules
only at the time of the development of a BDSM session or game.
To conclude with the description of situations that I consider erroneous, another that
occurs very frequently is the one that considers that the Protocol applies only to those who
have given sufficient evidence of deserving it. As a form of communication, it reveals a lot
of information: external appearance, aesthetics, savoir-faire, role character and
experience.
The quasi-dogmas of BDSM
The Protocol exists because BDSM influences, affects and alters the physical and
emotional state of those who practice it. In any of its variants, BDSM develops
asymmetrical relationships: One person immobilizes - another is immobilized; one person
exercises authority and power - another obeys; one person inflicts pain and humiliation -
another experiences it.
At a higher level, inviolable to describe it in some way and that we could consider as
dogmas, there is a set of values that revolve around the concepts “Safe, Sensible and
Consensual” (acronym SSC); and “Assumed and Consensual Risk for Alternative Sexual
Practice” (acronym RACSA or RACK). This conceptual terminology, so often cited and
redefined in any virtual or physical BDSM space, attempts to ensure that the practices,
forms of communication and safety mechanisms, the limits and scope of said practices are
agreed upon by the participants; and that the recovery or care process required and any
negative physical and emotional alteration will be adequately reestablished.
Another set of values is intended to identify the attitudes and aptitudes that should identify
the superior and inferior roles in these asymmetrical relationships. Basically, it is about
answering two questions: What is expected of a Dominant? What is expected of a
submissive? Here the Protocol is more unruly and difficult to define, because each BDSM
Community emphasizes some qualities or traits to the detriment of others, seeking greater
adaptability for the group of people it brings together (for example, Hispanic societies have
placed great emphasis on those values that clearly identify BDSM beyond any suspicion
related to the predominance of men over women and situations of sexual abuse). But all
Communities have in common that they describe the characteristics of behavior expected
in both roles and the scope of the respective responsibilities and obligations of all
practitioners according to their role. The 10 rules for Dominants and the 10 rules for the
submissive are widely spread: Patient, humble, open-minded, communicative, honest,
sensitive, dominant/submissive, realistic, healthy body, and have fun.
The qualities of the Protocol BDSM has not developed its own Protocol based on an
ideological precedent or a philosophical current, not even a fantasy, (although the Gorean
one has specificities of the fantastic world it recreates).
We can say that, on the one hand, the BDSM Protocol is the result of incorporating
specific elements of its tradition, such as, for example, the use of a BDSM language –
slang; the forms of treatment that mark the distance between roles; certain forms and
variants of clothing and body nudity; the use of symbols and adornments for the body; the
adoption of certain body positions; some considerations related to safety in the BDSM
practice, and all those other variants that make the Lifestyle an alternative relational and
sexual practice that transgresses the traditional and conventionally established ones in our
societies. And on the other hand, in addition to the above, it incorporates universal values
such as respect for people, common sense, good practices, and maintaining good
manners.
The most important quality of a Protocol is its practical usefulness, and in BDSM it fulfills
this. It exists because it is useful for every situation. Therefore, its existence and the
consideration of being taken into account do not act in a coercive manner or diminish the
creativity of those who comply with it. On the contrary, it emphasizes and generates more
attention so that respect, good practices or good manners are put into practice with
exquisite care.
In Master-submissive relationships, this sense of utility makes the Protocol act as a
powerful instrument of learning through operant or instrumental conditioning, that is,
through reinforcement and punishment so widely used in BDSM.
For example, I recently read the instructions that a Mistress gave her submissive on how
to prepare the table for her and her guests and how to serve it: absolutely none of those
instructions had any specific particularity for BDSM, on the contrary, it was the summary of
any manual on how to dress and serve a table of diners. But the submissive must comply
with it with the utmost care, knowing that his Mistress will be very attentive to ensure that
he follows the instructions, or he will suffer the consequences of his punishment. In short,
the submissive will put into practice a Protocol that obliges him to manifest his conduct of
submission to the will of his Mistress.
For BDSM in general, the Protocol serves to establish the general guidelines for the
conduct of its practitioners, the consideration of whether or not to admit new people into
the Community and their possible practices.
For the Dominant, the Protocol serves to set short-term objectives in relation to his bond
with his submissive, that is, within the agreed limits, what things to practice and how he
expects her to practice them so that they bring him the expected benefit and pleasure of
the submissive surrender.
For the submissive, the Protocol is the way to follow to carry out the behavior expected by
her Dominant, in order to provide him with the well-being and pleasure he deserves and as
a source for obtaining her own pleasure. The Protocol helps to penetrate into the
appropriate environment of submission, focusing on the tasks to be performed, leaving
aside other factors that could condition the effective performance of said tasks.
Diversity in the Protocol
In the first part we have been explaining the previous ideas, the errors of appreciation that
are frequently made, and finally their qualities, we have been giving clues about the real
scope of the Protocols or set of written and unwritten rules and norms of behavior in
BDSM. Now it's time to look at them in more detail.
The Language of Symbols
A series of visible symbols support the best tradition of BDSM in the Protocol, of which I
highlight:

 The triskel as an emblem of BDSM (Emblem Project) and the flag (Leather Pride
Flag) that we find in many spaces to identify that they bring together the BDSM
Community.
 Black, a color universally used as a form of dress that identifies the Community and
commonly accepted as a requirement for participation and relationships with
others.
 Leather, and later latex as preferred fabrics with a high fetish component along with
their accessories of boots and high-heeled shoes, wide belts and chains.
 The Collar, a universally used symbol to describe a bond of Dominance -
submission, the unequivocal sign of belonging to a Dominant, in its variants of
training and discipline collar or walking collar.
 The ring, an allegory of the ring described in Story of O, another variant of the sign
of belonging.
 BDSM practice lists, playlists, as a first step - a rule to proceed to communication
and establishment of affinities, possible practices and limits within BDSM between
two practitioners of different roles.
 The contract, temporary or indefinite, is a written manifestation of the purposes and
scope of the power of a Master over his submissive.
 The ceremonies and rituals, the most widespread being those of Initiation, of the
Roses (or consecration of a bond) and that of Tea (inspired by the world of
Geisha). To these we must add those others that each Organization or group of
BDSM friends decide to put into practice (for example, under the name of rituals,
the Peruvians of LoveChains have incorporated a wide variety).
  Coloured scarves, an accessory used in homosexual environments as a
predominant way of identifying oneself in a dominant or submissive tendency and
at what level of involvement or commitment to the relationship one maintains their
bond. Its origins began on the west coast of the United States and soon spread
throughout the country and southern Canada.

The Protocol for the Master-submissive bond, humiliation and servitude.

In this case we are referring to the guidelines (sometimes more than guidelines they are
inviolable rules) to follow and standards of conduct that exclusively affect a Master-
submissive relationship. These are usually the precise instructions that the Master agrees
with his submissive that affect: Mutual knowledge, limits and limitations based on work on
a list of practices.

 From the name of the submissive to the form of treatment and use of You; Master;
Sir; Owner; etc.
 Speech, gaze and body positions.
 Use of time, spaces and furniture
 Forms of servitude, including sexual
 Celebration of rituals and ceremonies
 Costumes and nudity
 Relationships of the submissive with other people in BDSM
 Whether or not the existence of the link is public and the degree of specificity or
connection of the relationship, temporary or indefinite, partial or with a tendency
towards a Complete Transfer of Power (Total Power Exchange).
 In the learning process of submission, humiliation and servitude, the Master
requires a series of guidelines and instructions (as many as possible according to
his objectives, and the more described the better) to help the submissive fulfill her
mission. When the Master plans humiliation scenes, he bases them on his own
fantasies and those of his submissive. He will play his role and act with authority
and creativity, and demand strict obedience, compliance and submission from the
submissive. This is where the Protocol demonstrates its benefits.
 Through humiliation the submissive submits to the will of her Master. It forces her
to realize how profound this decision is and that obeying will not always be
 pleasant and easy. It will affect the submissive psychologically in positive ways on
some occasions, and perhaps in a negative way on most occasions, hence the
importance of the Master knowing his submissive very well and using humiliation
with extreme caution. The Master is always responsible for the somatic care of the
submissive, for her growth in the relationship and for the development of the
submissive.
 Humiliation is associated with these practices: Adoration, animalism, physical
appearance, ceremonies, punishments, Master-submissive communication,
decision control, pain, exhibitionism, way of speaking and looking, way of dressing,
mortification, object, body positions, rituals, age role, gender role, functional
servitude, sexual servitude (homo, hetero and bisexual) and supplication.
 Additionally, and in a detailed manner, the Master who plans the humiliation
scenes through a detailed Protocol can benefit from: Facilitating the submissive to
assume her role, enter into submission and feel truly submissive.
 Promote humility in the submissive's behavior, accepting that humiliation is a power
that her Master exercises so that she obeys and satisfies him. The dimension and
scope of this humble behavior is restricted to the universe of her Master and only in
this space should she manifest it. Modification of the submissive's behavior.
Humiliation is used to break with one's patterns and conventions.

Internet Protocol
During the early years of the Internet, Protocol or rules of behavior served to recognize
who was a practitioner – interested in BDSM and who was just an unfortunate curious
person. Over the past five years and with the addition of thousands of new users, that
recognition capability is no longer possible (some sarcastic people say it's a matter of
repeating four simple rules). At the same time, virtual spaces where BDSM practitioners
supposedly gather have become widespread and proliferated (where more and more
people talk about everything insubstantial than about BDSM). So, despite the existence of
rules of access and behaviour, the administrators - moderators of these spaces seem
more vigilant - policemen pursuing those who break these rules, especially if they are the
most essential ones. As a result, the Protocol tends to become diluted and, in many cases,
to disappear, being relegated to private contacts.
To date, the Protocol for BDSM spaces on the Internet usually includes:
  Respect for others as an essential form of communication. A basic rule that
persists although unfortunately it is also violated.
 Ways to identify the nicknames or nicks of participants, depending on their roles.
Forms of speech, conversation and treatment between participants, depending on
their roles.
 Ways of organizing activities inside and outside the virtual space (commonly called
Meetings), as well as debates and treatment of knowledge and information about
BDSM.
 Ways to resolve conflicts that may arise between participants.
 Lately I have the impression that the webmaster-judge and party have also been
replaced.
 Ways to contribute to the economic and IT support of the virtual space.

Protocol in BDSM Organizations and Venues

These rules have in common:

 Forms of access to organizations, right of admission and preservation of the

identity of attendees.
 Forms of organization and administration.
 Ways to develop performance activities and group BDSM sessions.
 Use of facilities and permitted practices.
 Methods of moderating discussion groups and integrating new members.
 Forms of intervention in case of conflict.

Under the name Code of Conduct, the Society of Janus establishes 10 rules for its
members, the maxim of which is not to disturb the game of others. Club Rosas5, on the
other hand, has opted for the name Internal Regulations and has extended the number of
rules that must be respected to 15.
Some Organizations develop their Protocols inspired by literature and fantasy, such as
Roissy and Samois (inspired by the Story of O), and the Goreans (inspired by the novel by
John Norman) among others.
The Protocol between Dominants.
  Respect: For your person, your limits and your private life. I respect your anonymity
(including your nickname) unless you have given your prior consent.
 Discretion: Private conversations do not have to be disclosed.
 Before inviting anyone, you should know who the other guests are.
 Consideration: If he is not known and there are no references, he is treated as a
Dominant on an equal basis, without doubting his condition unless there is
behavior that has shown otherwise, and even so he has the right to privately
explain the reasons why he has ceased to have such consideration.
 Recognition: For your membership in the BDSM Community, for your experience in
BDSM and for your Mastery.
 Host Preference: At your home and in your Community. To be considered a Master
of Masters and/or Master of Ceremonies where his/her experience and mastery are
recognized. To be the first to use and enjoy the SM game where you are the host.
 In the presence of submissives, acting in a role, he will have preference over
them.
 Inviolability: Your property is yours and is inviolable. In order to use it I must have
your due authorization. The presence of a collar (still in the testing period) is
enough to guarantee that your property is inviolable.
 Interest: And preferential attention to what you say or do due to your Dominant
condition.
 Vision: You have the right to have a different vision, even a completely different
one, of the practice of BDSM, without having to be prejudged or criticized by me,
always in safety, common sense and consensus.
 Reciprocity: Agree on reciprocal forms of Protocol.

The Protocol between submissives.

The most commonly used Protocol contemplates brotherhood between submissives and
slaves, as a form of understanding, appreciation and mutual support. On other occasions,
this Protocol becomes stricter when it is necessary for the scene or practice of Domination
- submission that you want to carry out.
Some submissives carry out activities aimed at providing information, guidance and
support to those who are just starting out. In these cases, the distribution of tasks is
specified, a certain hierarchy based on the experience and the scope and responsibility of
said task without prejudice to the actions and decisions that a Dominant can take.
Protocol in Security
The practice of BDSM involves assuming risks equally between Dominants and
submissives, in the same way that reducing them and increasing safety conditions are the
responsibility of both roles based on knowledge of the practices, experience and how to
act in case of injuries. We often forget the convenience of having available the guidelines
to follow to increase the safety of our practices. Here are some examples: Safeword or the
possible use of the security word during the development of a BDSM session

 First aid instruments and care.

 Bondage Safety Knowledge
 Knowledge of safety in spanking and whipping
 Knowledge of Aftercare or Post Session care.
 The Protocol for resolving conflicts within BDSM

This issue continues to concern many BDSM Communities, whether formal (legal) or
informal (friends who get together to celebrate and play). These are the solutions they
propose:
The existence of the Master of Masters, who in BDSM clubs is usually the owner of the
club (he has the right of admission and expulsion, he is responsible for the dungeon and
he decides who plays, how and how much). In the Communities, the Master of Masters is
elected on a temporary basis and is responsible for coordinating the development of
activities or sessions. In a private home, he coincides with the host, unless he recognizes
among the Dominants someone with more credit, skill or experience than him and
delegates that task.
The existence of the Slave of slaves, some call it Slave Guardian, others Slave Guide; it
fulfills the same function as those previously described.
When it comes to applying discipline to a Dominant's bad behavior, that's where big
arguments arise. In most cases, four situations are determined: Warning, Reprimand,
Exclusion, Complaint
Note: You must stop the session at that moment and it will be redirected or guided until it
is concluded. Away from the scene, accompanied and isolated in a feedback loop, the
observed behavior is analyzed and how to redirect it. This fact is not considered
punishable, on the contrary, it is considered very safe and is common: a meal that causes
discomfort; a drink with an unwanted effect; a subspace with inappropriate reactions; a
safeword going unnoticed; or simply a busybody who takes photos of a scene without
permission... or the one who starts talking on the cell phone at the most inappropriate
moment.
inappropriate. If the warning is acknowledged, return to the stage. If you do not
acknowledge the notice, you are asked to leave the premises.
Warning: This is in the above cases where the person does not acknowledge the warning
and persists in the inappropriate behavior and does not heed the Master of Master's
indication to leave the place. It is delivered a day or two after the incident has occurred,
offering different options depending on the cause: Withdrawal
temporary encounters; Practice with a Master Guide or Tutor; or a time with a passive
participation, assists but does not play actively. In any case, the warning is a subsequent
dialogue, comprehensive and seeking consensus. It is the right of the person being
warned to be heard and to act in his or her defense, providing as many considerations or
witnesses as he or she deems appropriate. The content of your warning, its withdrawal or
its ratification is then reviewed.
Exclusion: The most drastic measure given in BDSM communities at an internal level. If
the person being reprimanded does not agree to redirect his or her behavior and practice,
he or she is informed that he or she will be excluded from any meetings that the group or
Community may have. Just like the warning, there is a relationship with the excluded
person
meeting and a dialogue.
Complaint: This is understood as the legitimate right of any citizen to resort to the
protection of his or her personal and legal rights. In BDSM this is a personal and non-
transferable right of each person, it is never denied, each practitioner is free to exercise it
always, always and independently of whether the BDSM Community has or has not begun
the previous steps explained above.