Well that didn't take long

Leaked video from Rehoboth about Biden's advisors convincing him to drop out of the race.

This is really funny, and really well done.  I love how he gets names and dates repeatedly wrong.  And was Corn Pop really a Soviet General?  Who knew?

Even Hitler knows that Joe Biden is done

This is pretty well done, with Hitler watching the debate.

Hitler hears about the Mueller Report

HAHAHAHAHA!

It's all there - donations to Hillary, CNN and Chuck Schumer saying for two years that Trump was toast, James Comey and the FBI musketeers, Joe Biden as the Last Great Hope of the Democrats.  A lot of these parody videos have been funny, but this one is right up near the top.

Bravo.

Rest in Peace, Bruno Ganz

Bruno Ganz, the actor who played Adolf Hitler in the film "Downfall" - and which has the scene of Hitler ranting that has been turned into its own Internet meme - is dead at 77.  I have a post tag for "Hitler Video" because there are almost three dozen of them that I've posted.  Here is the original scene:



This one may be my very favorite parody version of them all (yes, it's about Global Warming):



Or this one abut Global Warming.  I'll have to give back my Nobel Prize ...



And of course, there was one for Obamacare.  Hitler is infuriated that his insurance got canceled even though "If you like your Doctor, you can keep your Doctor."  And he was going to buy a Harley with the $2500/year that Obamacare was going to save him.  Heh.



Of course, there's a Computer Security one, too:



Here's an interview with Ganz on all the parody videos that have been made.  He was pretty tickled by them:



Thanks for the performance, Mr. Ganz, and for all the fun that resulted.  Rest in peace.

Hitler deletes his Facebook account

I mean, you don't get to be fuhrer of a thousand year Reich by being careless with your personal data ...

Electronic Voting Machines - unsafe at any speed

The Geek With Guns recounts the recent DEFCON security conference where they had a voting machine hack-a-thon.  The carnage was brutal:

Anonymous ballots are notoriously difficult to secure but it’s obvious that the current crop of electronic voting machines were developed by companies that have no interest whatsoever in even attempting to address that problem. Many of the issues mentioned in the report are what I would call amateur hour mistakes. There is no reason why these machines should have any unprotected ports on them. Moreover, there is no reason why the software running on these machines isn’t up to date. And the machines should certainly be able to verify the code they’re running. If the electronic voting machine developers don’t understand how code signing works, they should contact Apple since the signature of every piece of code that runs on iOS is verified. 

And therein lies the insult to injury. The types of security exploits used to compromise the sample voting machines weren’t new or novel. They were exploits that have been known about and addressed for years. A cynical person might believe that the companies making these voting machines are just trying to make a quick buck off of a government contract and not interested in delivering a quality product. A cynical man might even feel the need to point out that this type of behavior is common because the government seldom holds itself or contractors accountable.

In non-technical language, it''s like they built a house without external security lights or locks on the doors and windows, and had absolutely no idea what they had for furniture so anyone who wanted could come in and take or rearrange things as they like.  Other than that, it's totes secure.

And The Geek With Guns sarcastically predicts the next big "fix" the clueless government guys are likely to propose:

Just put those voting machines in the cloud! Everything is magically fixed when it’s put in the cloud!

Because everyone is hip to the cloud, right?  All the Cool Kids are doing it, so it must be even toteser secure!  Even Hitler knows that!

Hitler finds out that the FBI reopened the Hillary email case

Is there nothing that this video cannot do?



"Didn't Huma get the memo to keep her Weiner wrapped?"  LOL.

Hitler runs the Democratic National Committee?

Explains rather a lot, really.

Hitler heckles at a Trump rally

Pretty ironic, because Trump is Hitler, amirite?



I mean, Hilter is heckling himself!

OK, this sucked me in

I'm not one to spend much time with reality TV, but this sucked me in bit by bit.  Maybe it's because it isn't quite reality TV, and it's all about motorbikes.



If you haven't seen this, it's on Netflix.  And it's impossible to understand Hitler's motorcycle without watching it ...



But seriously, it's sucked me in enough that it's been cutting into my blogging.

If Architects designed buildings the way that programmers write software, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization

Peter finds a real humdinger of a security post: why is software security so broken?

Libpurple was written by people who wanted their open source chat client to talk to every kind of instant messaging system in the world, and didn’t give a shit about security or encryption. Security people who have examined the code have said there are so many possible ways to exploit libpurple there is probably no point in patching it. It needs to be thrown out and rewritten from scratch. These aren’t bugs that let someone read your encrypted messages, they are bugs that let someone take over your whole computer, see everything you type or read and probably watch you pick your nose on your webcam.

This lovely tool, OTR, sits on top of libpurple on most systems that use it. Let me make something clear, because even some geeks don’t get this: it doesn’t matter how good your encryption is if your attacker can just read your data off the screen with you, and I promise they can. They may or may not know how to yet, but they can. There are a hundred libpurples on your computer: little pieces of software written on a budget with unrealistic deadlines by people who didn’t know or didn’t care about keeping the rest of your system secure.

My only criticism of this post is that it isn't terrifyingly pessimistic enough.  If you boot it, they will come.  Remember, you're reading this from a computer screen right now.

Software secure is wretched.  Sometimes it's wretched because nobody cares.  Sometimes it's wretched because, well, because you recompiled a program for a 64 bit architecture (rather than a 32 bit one) and without changing a line of code now everyone can pwnz0r you*.  It's a little known fact that Nazi Germany fell because of a failure of cyber security.



But back to the post that Peter pointed us towards.  This is absolutely correct:

Security and privacy experts harangue the public about metadata and networked sharing, but keeping track of these things is about as natural as doing blood panels on yourself every morning, and about as easy. The risks on a societal level from giving up our privacy are terrible. Yet the consequences of not doing so on an individual basis are immediately crippling. The whole thing is a shitty battle of attrition between what we all want for ourselves and our families and the ways we need community to survive as humans — a Mexican stand off monetized by corporations and monitored by governments.

Even classified networks get hacked.  I'm still the #1 Google result for "How to hack a classified network"**.  If the Defense Department - with all their skilled security d00ds and financial resources - if they can't keep themselves safe, then what chance do you have?

The answer, of course, is slim to none.  And Slim just left town.

I've worked in this technology space since 1985.  Quite frankly, I'm not sure what to tell you to help yourselves out.  I wish I had a better answer, other than "never do anything consequential on the 'Net".  And that absolutely, positively means never bank online.  Or vote online.  Of have a car with a computer in it.  Or a "smart" gun.

Riddle me this, Security Man: what do you get when you cross a car with a computer?  Answer: a computer.  Go read the post that Peter points us to.  Re-read it until the hair on the back of your neck stands up, and a shiver runs up your spine.  At that point, you will understand the situation precisely.

If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.

- Sun Tsu

Good morning.  ;-)

* I'm actually pretty proud of this post, which is from when I'd only been blogging a couple months but already a distinctly Borepatchian style had emerged.

** Another pretty good security post from the early days of this blog.

"If only the National Socialist German Workers' Party was considered a labor union, we'd be set!

Hitler finds out that he can't keep his doctor in his new Obamacare Bronze plan.

Hitler's health insurance gets canceled because of Obamacare

It's getting real.



Via Chris Muir, who finds the coolest stuff.

I hadn't known that Alec Guinness played Hitler in the Bunker

The script is very similar to the one used in all the parodies.



Very similar indeed.  This is the original with subtitles, not a parody.



Guinness plays the role with a less passionate outburst than Bruno Ganz, and the contrast is pretty interesting.  It may say less about the actors than how the style of films changed between 1973 and 2004.

Hitler: The Last Ten Days vs. Der Untergang.  It's not a cage match, it's a Fuhrerbunker match!

I'm in my prime

Quite a lively discussion in the comments to my post about getting a Harley.  Old NFO leaves a comment:

LOL, what if you're already PAST mid-life???

That made me think of the fabulous scene from the film Tombstone, where Doc Holiday protests to Johnny Ringo that he (like me) is not retired, he's in his prime*:



The Latin is not widely understood, but has a striking relevance to the discussion of motorcycles.  While my Latin skills are quite rusty, here is my transcription of the original Latin and my translation (in italics):

Doc Holiday: In vino veritas.  Best time to think about buying a Harley is when you're drinking.

Johnny Ringo: Age quod agis.  Careful, an old guy like you will buy too much bike and get tatoos.

Doc Holiday: Credat Judaeus Apella, non ego.  Nah, I'm not one of those Rich Urban Bikers.  I'll ride every day.

Johnny Ringo: Iuventus stultorum magister.  You might do better with a more modern touring bike, like a Yamaha FJR 1300.

Doc Holiday: In pace requiescat.  Hey, that's your funeral.

Like I said, my Latin is a bit rusty, but I think this conveys the original message pretty well.

For the two of you who haven't already chimed in on this proposed madness of mine, drop a comment here.  Bonus points for identifying yourself as in the Doc Holiday or Johnny Ringo camps.

* I actually think you could use this scene like the Hitler Bunker scene from Downfall, with your own custom (and topical) subtitles for Internet Meme hilarity.  And it seems that someone wrecked Hitler's Honda and they replaced it with a BMW:

I'm founding a thousand year Reich here.  I need a bike that's going to last.  I may as well go buy a Harley-Davidson.  

Heh.

It seems that Hitler wants access to the PRISM technology, too

Tell Obama that he can send the Republicans to my camps.  Heh.

Putting the Meta in the Metadata

This is kind of cool - the actor who played Hitler in the film that's inspired all the Hitler rant youtube videos, interviewed about what he thinks about all the parodies.



Or said a different way:

Hitler finds out that Google is shutting down Reader

Heh.

Hitler has a blog?

Not getting much traffic, I see.  Funny stuff.

Kat tip: KurtP.

Stalin was a "Bronie"?

Wait, what?



I hate to say it, but the man makes some sense here.