Snapshots #424: Songs About Weights & Measures

Yesterday we had Emma Stone, today it's Sharon. Two Stones!

Here are a few more weights and measures... 

15. Wolfed me taco… but ended up feeling out of sorts.

"Wolfed me taco" was an anagram.

Fleetwood Mac – The Chain

14. Capital resident, eh?

The capital of Canada (where I've heard they say "eh" a lot) is Ottawa.

Ottowan - Hands Up

13. Dip a digit in the flour.

Powderfinger - The Metre

12. There’s nothing Large about the Little Tramp.

No L in Chaplin leaves us with...

Harry Chapin – 30,000 Pounds Of Bananas

11. Inventive mother, mostly.

Frank Zappa was a Mother of Invention. Most of Zappa is...

Zapp - More Bounce To The Ounce

10. Country Goth.

Goths wear black. He'd grow up to do the same...

Johnny Cash - Five Feet High & Rising

9. Bladdered bladder (for bile).

Bile is in the Gall bladder. So that gives us Gall on drunk. Or...

Gallon Drunk - Gallon Drunk

8. So long, Traitors.

So long, Marianne, said Leonard. Traitors fans will get the rest. (I don't watch it, but everyone else seems to.)

Marianne Faithfull - Full Fathom Five

7. City of Bulls and Bantams.

One for sports fans!

Bradford - A Pint Of Bitterness

6. Lazy gits.

Idles - Gram Rock

5. Red grave dug for extinct TV company.

Vanessa Redgrave & Carlton TV.

Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

4. Greek Valhalla.

Elysian Fields - Black Acres

3. Met Jesus in the Wilderness.

Temptations - Papa Was A Rollin' Stone

2. Horse.

A Man Called...

Richard Harris - The Yard Went On Forever

I'll have some of what Jimmy Webb was smoking.

1. Inspiration for the original No Kings protests.

I understand the other dinosaurs were all up in arms about their tyrannical king...

Tyrannosaurus Rex - One Inch Rock

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I left this one out because it would have made the whole thing far too easy...

Tennessee Ernie Ford - Sixteen Tonnes

More of this nonsense next Saturday... will you measure up?

THE CHAIN IS BACK!!!

Just in case you haven't noticed, Jez quietly brough The Chain back last week... so if you haven't dropped him a suggestion yet, get over to A History of Dubious Taste now and help restore the greatest interactive blog feature on the internet to its prime position.

Here are some Chains to celebrate...

Hank Williams - Take These Chains From My Heart

Sam Cooke - Chain Gang

Aretha Franklin - Chain Of Fools

Mercury Rev- Chains

The River Detectives - Chains

Georgia Satellites - Battleship Chains

Snapshots #292: A Top Ten Elephant Songs

There's an elephant in the room. Well, actually there's ten. Did you get them all?

10. Humanitarian relief workers.

Red Kross - Elephant Flares

9. Sit down, then get up to speed faster than anyone else on the road.

James sang Sit Down.

The McMurtry Spéirling "electric hypercar" can go from 0 to 60 in 1.4 seconds, faster than any other car on the internet. No, I wouldn't have known that either.

James McMurtry - See The Elephant 

8. Barbie, Cindy, Action Man.

Last time I did a Top Ten Elephant Songs, more than 7 years ago (not that I'm running out of ideas or anything), Charity Chic complained that I hadn't included The Toy Dolls. There! Happy now?

The Toy Dolls - Nellie The Elephant

7. Venue for drums.

Tom Tom Club - L’Éléphant

6. Was Johnny's wife, now a Walton.

He used to be a Carter (USM), like June. Now he's just Jim Bob, like the Walton.

Jim Bob - The Loneliest Elephant In The World

If you've never seen that before, I recommend having some tissues to hand.

5. Half a famous painting plus Teutonic null.

Half of the Mona Lisa plus a German 0.

Lisa Germano - No Elephants

4. Hoover discovered after putting a Manc in India.

Henry Hoover discovered after putting a Manc in India.

Henry Mancini - Baby Elephant Walk

3. Domesticated Chevy.

Tame your Chevy Impala...

Tame Impala - Elephant

2. Just inside the crematorium.

Just inside the crematorium.

I don't know if REM were entering a Madness lookalike competition in that photo or what.

R.E.M. - The Great Beyond

Yes, it's the song about pushing an elephant up the stairs.

1. If you're heading north of Blackpool, I'd recommend a raincoat.

Just north of Blackpool, you will find the town of Fleetwood. You may also need a Mac.

What's the Fleetwood Mac song about elephants? 

The interweb tells me that "Tusk" is actually a metaphor for a penis. I prefer to think it's about elephants.

Fleetwood Mac - Tusk

Never forget that Snapshots will be back next Saturday...

Celebrity Jukebox #56: Christine McVie

Stevie Nicks is the one everyone knows, because she's bonkers. The quieter one, the one who was there almost from the start, was Christine Perfect. Of course, she wasn't Perfect for long... she soon married the Mac (John McVie) and so began the bizarre love pentagram that was Fleetwood Mac.

Christine McVie wrote Don't Stop, Everywhere and Little Lies, three of the Mac's biggest hits. She didn't love the limelight as much as Stevie, but she was just as important. Could I find any songs that mentioned her name though...?

Yes, I could. Pretty good ones too...

Deep in the seas

We keep dreaming and dreaming

Like Don't Stop on track 4

When Christie McVie sings

And it doesn't get more perfect than this...

I’m not a Stevie, I’m a Christie McVie

I feel the weight of the world

I find comfort in being second best

I can relate and I feel guilty

Rest in peace, Christine.

Snapshots #219: A Top Ten Sarah / Sara Songs

I did look for a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker holding a camera. That would have been timely with the whole Sex & The City revival going on right now, Unfortunately I couldn't one. Also, SJP annoys the hell out of me. Unlike the divine Sarah Paulson, an actress who elevates any film or show she appears in. 

So it's Ms. Paulson who introduces our Top Ten Sarah Songs. Take it away...

10. Oft welcomed, a comet flowed.

"Oft welcomed, a" and "a comet flowed" are both anagram...

Fleetwood Mac - Sarah 

9. Connected to celebrity's thigh.

The star's hip bone would be connected to the celebrity's thigh bone...

Starship - Sara

8. Headwear that can't be plaited.

You can't plait fog, can you?

Foghat - Sarah Lee

7. Found in the lobby and nowhere else.

"lobby and" was an anagram...

Bob Dylan - Sara

6. Murder via heavenly bodies.

Sun kills moon! (That's Mr. Mark Kozelek there. Don't mess with him.)

Sun Kil Moon - Sarah Lawrence College Song

5. Maternal agony.

Anagram!

Ray LaMontagne - Sarah

4. Jim Morrison claimed to be one.

He claimed to be a Lizard King. And the King of the Lizards was...

T-Rex - Sarah Crazy Child

3. Hipster friend quits card game.

My hipster friend is Ben. If he quits a card game, he folds.

Ben Folds - Zak & Sara

2. Axe murderess needs to eat more pies.

Lizzie Borden needs to put on a bit of weight.

Thin Lizzy - Sarah

(Strong stomachs or sick bags required for that video.)

1. Linked to the Church and the Quakers.

Church Hall + Quaker Oats.

Hall & Oates - Sara Smile

Smile, Sarah - there'll be more Snapshots next Saturday...

Saturday Snapshots #145 - The Answers

Here's a Bombshell - the answers to yesterday's Snapshots. Hopefully it wasn't too much a Longshot for you...



10. Protect with pads. Tra la la.

Footballers protect their shins with pads.

The Shins - Simple Song

9.  Stop mucking about - this is relevant!

Relevant = germane.

Jermaine Jackson - Let's Get Serious

8. Fast forest apple elephant.

Fast = fleet. Forest = wood. Elephant = tusk.

Too easy.

Fleetwood Mac - Tusk

Doesn't really sound like anything else Fleetwood Mac ever did... or anyone else, for that matter. I love that there was a time when tracks like this were hits. And why the hell is it called Tusk?

No, don't tell me, it'll only spoil it.

7. Norse computer brand offers contradictory directions.

The computer I use to compile this feature every week is a Dell. Vikings were Norse men.

The Del Vikings - Come Go With Me

Come? Go? Make up your mind.

6. Tongue twisting rain chatter.

Red Lorry Yellow Lorry - Talk About The Weather

5. Out of focus, but can be plugged in anywhere.

A universal adapter can be plugged in anywhere.

Blur - The Universal

Second greatest Blur song ever.

4. Drumming medic alienates frog.

I honestly forgot who this was between compiling the competition and coming to do the answer's post. It took me ages to pick apart than anagram. I don't know how you guys do it so quickly each week.

Gloria Estefan - Dr. Beat

Considering the serious artist Gloria became, it's worth watching this video to see how wacky she was in her earlier days.

3. Phone company gets philosophical.

Talk Talk - Life's What You Make It

2. Where Warren considered afterlife activities, Bob just wanted the exit... by air, presumably.

Warren Zevon was looking for Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead.

Bob Seger just wanted to Get Out Of Denver.

We all know the tragic irony of Leaving On A Jet Plane.

John Denver - Leaving On A Jet Plane

I never get tired of hearing that.

1. Forced romance by highest ranking attractions.

"I'm gonna make you love me!"

"Restraining order, please."

Highest ranking is supreme, attractions are temptations.

This is audio perfection... although it's interesting that Eddie Kendricks has a higher voice than Diana Ross.



The Monster returns next Saturday. Until then, keep driving Fury Road...