Showing posts with label Lucky Soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lucky Soul. Show all posts

Wednesday, 13 December 2023

Self-Help For Cynics #17: The Imposter



The esteemed SWC over at No Badger Required asked members of his Musical Jury to vote for our favourite tracks of the year, and I made a somewhat botched effort to offer mine last Friday. Botched because I chose two tracks rather than one (fail) including one that I knew would go down like a lead balloon with the NBR readership (fail) and another track which actually came out last year (fail). It's a privilege to be invited to vote in the various polls and countdowns SWC hosts on his blog, but I always end up feeling like a fraud when I do so. This is a regular problem for me as a member of the music blogosophere. Whenever I'm aware that my own opinions don't match up to those of the cognoscenti (i.e. most of the time), I end up feeling like Wayne and Garth meeting Alice Cooper...
 

Welcome to the world of Imposter Syndrome.


Another blogger who invites regular contributions from the 'sphere is our old pal John Medd. His Photo Challenge gets grander every month, and I'm always happy to send in an old snap or two... though I've never really worried about doing so. I don't consider myself a photographer, and I know very little about angles or composition or light sources, but if I can find a decent image that fits the brief: great. So I was rather surprised to read Khayem's comment this month...

I’ll confess to feelings of Imposter Syndrome - akin to Forest Green Rovers suddenly finding itself in the Premier League - but 2024 will undoubtedly inspire me to practice, practice, practice…

As with most of the other mental health issues I've written about in this series, there's a tendency to believe I'm the only one who experiences them... though the more I do this, the more I realise that's not the case. Healthline.com defines Imposter Syndrome thus...

Imposter syndrome, also called perceived fraudulence, involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.


I wonder why I feel Imposter Syndrome when asked for a musical opinion... but not when asked to send in a photo? I guess music matters more to me... but it must also link to an issue I've discussed a couple of times recently: tribalism

Still he done nobody wrong,
He knew he didn't belong,
But he went along.


Imposter Syndrome doesn't just affect me online though.... I've felt this way throughout my entire working life. It's probably another thing that stopped me succeeding as a writer, but even when I worked in radio, I felt it. When I started out, I was presenting (hospital radio) and co-presenting (local radio). Confidence was never an issue when I was on air... off air though, it was a different story. I worried that my voice wasn't as good as other DJs, my Yorkshire accent was too strong, I'd never be good enough to present my own show. 


Then, when I moved onto writing adverts, I was fine at coming up with ideas and presenting them to clients, but I always felt other people were better at it than me, and I'd never be good enough to work at a proper ad agency (not that I wanted to as I was pretty certain they were full of wankers... but still, wankers who were better paid and more respected than I was). When I was made redundant, I briefly tried to set myself up as a self-employed copywriter, but nothing came of it. 


Verywellmind.com gives the following as a good example of Imposter Syndrome...

You've started your own business; however, you don't like to promote yourself because you don't have the same level of experience or expertise as others in your field, making you feel like a fraud.


And so I retrained as a teacher, with the saying "Those who can, do..." echoing through my mind. I got a job at a college very easily. And I progressed up the ladder quickly. After only a few years, I was a Course Leader, in charge of English for the entire cohort of over 1000 GCSE resit students. How the hell did I get there? Who on earth thought I was capable of doing that job? I spent my entire time looking over my shoulder, certain I'd be found out any second. The only thing that prevented that from happening was a dawning realisation that most of the people above me were even more incompetent than I was. They were imposters too! Except they didn't seem to realise it... or just didn't care. There are lots of people who bullshit their way to the top and don't worry about it for a second. "Fake it till you make it!" they cry, relishing the trick they're getting away with. Oh, to be one of them...


Two years ago, I started my new job, and there were no more course leader or line manager responsibilities... I was just a teacher. I've written before about how blessed I feel to have got this job, but the Imposter Syndrome hasn't gone away. For one thing, most of my colleagues are former school teachers. Not second-rate college teachers. These guys really have survived the trenches!


Actually... I've heard some horror stories about what it's like to work in certain schools these days, but being a college teacher was certainly going the same way... for far less pay. That doesn't stop me feeling like a fraud working alongside "proper" teachers now, even though nobody here makes me feel that way at all. Is it all just in my head?

How do you know what you feel?
Is it real, is it?
How do you know what you see?
Is it seen, is it?


Work, relationships, being a parent... even being out in society, going to the shops, driving down the road... there's not one area of my life where I don't feel like a phoney. Like everyone else is doing a better job of it than me.


The online experts claim that Imposter Syndrome is linked to all kinds of other mental health matters, including perfectionism, lack of self-esteem and over-responsibility. To find out if you're a victim of Imposter Syndrome, Very Well Mind suggests asking yourself the following questions...

Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?

Am I a pedant? Yes.

Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?

Absolutely. I also attribute my lack of success in certain endeavours to bad luck... but also my own incompetence. (I recognise that many people who are successful don't really deserve it - but that just adds feelings of jealousy and resentment to my self-recriminations.)  

Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism?

What are you saying?

Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phoney?

Inevitably.

Do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others?

This really is the worst music blog on the internet. I don't know why you bother reading it.

Well, some days life feels like a play that you have not rehearsed
But one thing's true of all of us sharing this universe
Is we could all be doing better and we could all be doing worse
And everyone you know feels like a fraud 



So what can we imposters do to feel better about ourselves? Healthline advises...

Sharing imposter feelings can help them feel less overwhelming.

Hence, this post. 

Opening up to peers about how you feel encourages them to do the same, helping you realize you aren’t the only one who feels like an imposter.

Well, there's me and Khayem, at least.

Avoid comparing yourself to others.

Sorry, K. 

You may not excel in every task you attempt, but you don’t have to, either. Almost no one can “do it all.” Even when it seems like someone has everything under control, you may not know the full story.

One of Louise's friends told her recently that she didn't know anyone who wasn't either on some kind of mental health medication, taking part in some form of counselling, or on the verge of a break-up. Maybe a lot of people are just better at hiding it?

When imposter feelings surface, ask yourself whether any actual facts support these beliefs. Then, look for pieces of evidence to counter them.

Hmm. Now it's getting trickier...

Offering yourself kindness and compassion instead of judgment and self-doubt can help you maintain a realistic perspective and motivate you to pursue healthy self-growth.

Yes, yes... but can we really change the habits of a lifetime?

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here



Tuesday, 21 November 2017

Saturday Snapshots #9 - The Answers



We now return you to our regularly scheduled programme... two days late. Apologies, we have visitors from New Zealand, the decorators and a new kitten. I haven't had time to blow my nose, let alone blog...

As usual, you pretty much worked them all out between you.


10. Len met Adam x 2. Said hi to drugs from a witch doctor.


Len (123) Barry + Ryan Adams (Adam x 2) = Barry Ryan.

Hi = hello (or 'elo!)

The Shamen (witch doctors) sang about E's being good...

The Swede worked that out, also recalling that the song was written by Barry's brother, Paul.

Barry Ryan - Eloise

9. Restaurant for birds: glue on the menu.


George came up with a much fancier answer for this clue: The Penguin Café Orchestra.

Rigid Digit takes his birds to much more basic eateries though, meaning he was able to spot Feeder.

Nobody got that cement is a type of glue.

Feeder - Cement

8. Hayes goes feminine on the road to the Cathedral: won't stop listening to Bruce's longest player.


Hayes Carll is a cool Americana singer. A feminine version of his name would be Carly.

Paul had his epiphany on the road to Damascus and ended up a Saint who had a Cathedral named after him... all of which leads us rather tenuously to Paul Simon. One of my more misleading clues, but Alyson got there in the end, even though Chris was convinced this was one of the three sirens from Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

The River is Bruce Springsteen's longest album - well, it's his only double album.

Carly Simon - Let The River Run 

7. The Amarillo Hulk avoids the Flaming Lips' postman.


Tony Christie sang (Is This The Way To) Amarillo? Lou Ferrigno was The Incredible Hulk.

The Flaming Lips have a song called Lightning Strikes The Postman.

Lou Christie - Lightning Strikes

Charity Chic was reluctant to admit to having this poster on his bedroom wall. George had no such qualms. Martin glued the pieces together.

6. Spock's killer loses her pliers while sympathising with Prince.


Spock died in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. (I originally typed The Wrath of Kath, which would have been a much better title.)

Chaka Demus & Pliers were a popular beat combo from the decade known as the 90s.

If you sympathise, you feel for someone. Prince wrote the song.

Chris was first out of the traps this week and nabbed the easy one...

Chaka Khan - I Feel For You

5. Find your fortune in Motown and you'll always stay warm.


If you found your fortune, you'd be lucky.

Motown = Soul.

If you're always warm... you ain't never been cool.

The most obscure track this week, but we can always rely on Martin.

Lucky Soul - Ain't Never Been Cool

4. The 18th provost makes you a suit despite being hunted by Harrison.


R is the 18th letter of the alphabet.

Provost is another name for a Dean.

Tailors make suits.

Harrison Ford was Indiana Jones.

Alyson spotted the artist straight away but figured I was making a reference to George Harrison being a ghost now, so went for There's A Ghost In My House. Like I'd ever be so bad taste, Alyson!

The Swede set her right...

R. Dean Taylor - Indiana Wants Me

3. The sound made by a feuerwehrauto, after almost a century of hot air.


A feuerwehrauto would be a German fire engine, which might go Nena Nena Nena (Nena being German, see).

Almost a century would be 99 years; hot air is what you get in balloons.

I figured Alyson would get this one... though Rigid Digit provided the German translation (Neunundneunzig Luftballons).

Nena - 99 Red Balloons

2. Go to the chemist for gender realignment.


A chemist is a drugstore.

Gender realignment could change lead singer Isabel Monteiro into a man.

Pretty simple, if you know the song. The Swede did.

Drugstore - I Want To Love You Like A Man

1. Scared by basic Maths? Be polite to Quincy.


Basic Maths would involve counting.

Scare... crows.

If you were polite to Quincy, you wouldn't call him a doctor (no, it wasn't a reference to Jack Klugman), you would call him Mr.... Jones.

Another easy win for The Swede (though I'm surprised he took credit for knowing such an "uncool" band... then again why else did I make them this week's Number One?)


Thanks, as always, for taking part.

I'll be back later in the week with possibly my most controversial post yet (particularly right now): How To Be A Morrissey Fan in 2017. Despite all those who are turning against him, I will endeavour to explain why I think we need Morrissey right now... perhaps more than we ever have.

So that'll be fun.

(If it makes you unfollow this blog, well - thanks for sticking with it as long as you have!)

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