Showing posts with label Angelica. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Angelica. Show all posts

Wednesday, 13 December 2023

Self-Help For Cynics #17: The Imposter



The esteemed SWC over at No Badger Required asked members of his Musical Jury to vote for our favourite tracks of the year, and I made a somewhat botched effort to offer mine last Friday. Botched because I chose two tracks rather than one (fail) including one that I knew would go down like a lead balloon with the NBR readership (fail) and another track which actually came out last year (fail). It's a privilege to be invited to vote in the various polls and countdowns SWC hosts on his blog, but I always end up feeling like a fraud when I do so. This is a regular problem for me as a member of the music blogosophere. Whenever I'm aware that my own opinions don't match up to those of the cognoscenti (i.e. most of the time), I end up feeling like Wayne and Garth meeting Alice Cooper...
 

Welcome to the world of Imposter Syndrome.


Another blogger who invites regular contributions from the 'sphere is our old pal John Medd. His Photo Challenge gets grander every month, and I'm always happy to send in an old snap or two... though I've never really worried about doing so. I don't consider myself a photographer, and I know very little about angles or composition or light sources, but if I can find a decent image that fits the brief: great. So I was rather surprised to read Khayem's comment this month...

I’ll confess to feelings of Imposter Syndrome - akin to Forest Green Rovers suddenly finding itself in the Premier League - but 2024 will undoubtedly inspire me to practice, practice, practice…

As with most of the other mental health issues I've written about in this series, there's a tendency to believe I'm the only one who experiences them... though the more I do this, the more I realise that's not the case. Healthline.com defines Imposter Syndrome thus...

Imposter syndrome, also called perceived fraudulence, involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.


I wonder why I feel Imposter Syndrome when asked for a musical opinion... but not when asked to send in a photo? I guess music matters more to me... but it must also link to an issue I've discussed a couple of times recently: tribalism

Still he done nobody wrong,
He knew he didn't belong,
But he went along.


Imposter Syndrome doesn't just affect me online though.... I've felt this way throughout my entire working life. It's probably another thing that stopped me succeeding as a writer, but even when I worked in radio, I felt it. When I started out, I was presenting (hospital radio) and co-presenting (local radio). Confidence was never an issue when I was on air... off air though, it was a different story. I worried that my voice wasn't as good as other DJs, my Yorkshire accent was too strong, I'd never be good enough to present my own show. 


Then, when I moved onto writing adverts, I was fine at coming up with ideas and presenting them to clients, but I always felt other people were better at it than me, and I'd never be good enough to work at a proper ad agency (not that I wanted to as I was pretty certain they were full of wankers... but still, wankers who were better paid and more respected than I was). When I was made redundant, I briefly tried to set myself up as a self-employed copywriter, but nothing came of it. 


Verywellmind.com gives the following as a good example of Imposter Syndrome...

You've started your own business; however, you don't like to promote yourself because you don't have the same level of experience or expertise as others in your field, making you feel like a fraud.


And so I retrained as a teacher, with the saying "Those who can, do..." echoing through my mind. I got a job at a college very easily. And I progressed up the ladder quickly. After only a few years, I was a Course Leader, in charge of English for the entire cohort of over 1000 GCSE resit students. How the hell did I get there? Who on earth thought I was capable of doing that job? I spent my entire time looking over my shoulder, certain I'd be found out any second. The only thing that prevented that from happening was a dawning realisation that most of the people above me were even more incompetent than I was. They were imposters too! Except they didn't seem to realise it... or just didn't care. There are lots of people who bullshit their way to the top and don't worry about it for a second. "Fake it till you make it!" they cry, relishing the trick they're getting away with. Oh, to be one of them...


Two years ago, I started my new job, and there were no more course leader or line manager responsibilities... I was just a teacher. I've written before about how blessed I feel to have got this job, but the Imposter Syndrome hasn't gone away. For one thing, most of my colleagues are former school teachers. Not second-rate college teachers. These guys really have survived the trenches!


Actually... I've heard some horror stories about what it's like to work in certain schools these days, but being a college teacher was certainly going the same way... for far less pay. That doesn't stop me feeling like a fraud working alongside "proper" teachers now, even though nobody here makes me feel that way at all. Is it all just in my head?

How do you know what you feel?
Is it real, is it?
How do you know what you see?
Is it seen, is it?


Work, relationships, being a parent... even being out in society, going to the shops, driving down the road... there's not one area of my life where I don't feel like a phoney. Like everyone else is doing a better job of it than me.


The online experts claim that Imposter Syndrome is linked to all kinds of other mental health matters, including perfectionism, lack of self-esteem and over-responsibility. To find out if you're a victim of Imposter Syndrome, Very Well Mind suggests asking yourself the following questions...

Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?

Am I a pedant? Yes.

Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?

Absolutely. I also attribute my lack of success in certain endeavours to bad luck... but also my own incompetence. (I recognise that many people who are successful don't really deserve it - but that just adds feelings of jealousy and resentment to my self-recriminations.)  

Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism?

What are you saying?

Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phoney?

Inevitably.

Do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others?

This really is the worst music blog on the internet. I don't know why you bother reading it.

Well, some days life feels like a play that you have not rehearsed
But one thing's true of all of us sharing this universe
Is we could all be doing better and we could all be doing worse
And everyone you know feels like a fraud 



So what can we imposters do to feel better about ourselves? Healthline advises...

Sharing imposter feelings can help them feel less overwhelming.

Hence, this post. 

Opening up to peers about how you feel encourages them to do the same, helping you realize you aren’t the only one who feels like an imposter.

Well, there's me and Khayem, at least.

Avoid comparing yourself to others.

Sorry, K. 

You may not excel in every task you attempt, but you don’t have to, either. Almost no one can “do it all.” Even when it seems like someone has everything under control, you may not know the full story.

One of Louise's friends told her recently that she didn't know anyone who wasn't either on some kind of mental health medication, taking part in some form of counselling, or on the verge of a break-up. Maybe a lot of people are just better at hiding it?

When imposter feelings surface, ask yourself whether any actual facts support these beliefs. Then, look for pieces of evidence to counter them.

Hmm. Now it's getting trickier...

Offering yourself kindness and compassion instead of judgment and self-doubt can help you maintain a realistic perspective and motivate you to pursue healthy self-growth.

Yes, yes... but can we really change the habits of a lifetime?

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here



Sunday, 1 July 2018

Saturday Snapshots #39 - The Answers




I can't offer you a Kiss From A Rose this Sunday morning, but I can offer you the answers to Saturday Snapshots. All Killer - no filler!

10. Elton joins Limp Bizkit at the mansion while a rainbow child goes undercover at the opticians.

(Convoluted yet easy if you think about it.)



Elton John + Fred Durst = John Fred, at the Playboy mansion.

Judy Garland went Over The Rainbow.

John Fred & His Playboy Band - Judy In Disguise With Glasses

9. Aha is confused by getting booed offstage at The Sands.



The Sands was a famous casino in Vegas where you might die if you were booed offstage.

"Aha is" is an anagram.

Death In Vegas - Aisha

8. Heavenly parsley from Houston causes personal illness.



Angelica, a type of parsley, is "the herb of angels". There's also Angelica Houston.

Angelica - Take Me, I'm Your Disease

7. Elemental dreams.



Earth, Wind & Fire are elements.

Dreams are fantasies.

Earth, Wind & Fire - Fantasy

6. Fake philosopher rustles up a glider - that's cool with me.


Bertrand Russell was a philosopher.

Plastic is fake.

The literal translation is "that plane's for me"... but what it actually means is "that's cool with me".

Plastic Bertrand - Ça Plane Pour Moi

5. Ripper's boy in a local area network crosses time zones to finish work early.



If Jack the Ripper had a boy, he would be a Jack-son.

A local area network is a LAN.

Alan Jackson (with Jimmy Buffet) - It's Five O'clock Somewhere

4. Contemporary jungle queen goes oriental.



Sheena goes East (on). Contemporary is modern.

Sheena Easton - Modern Girl

3. Dead guy gets stuck in Macca's farm and puts us all to sleep.



Shaun of the Dead.

Macca's farm was on the Mull of Kintyre.

Shawn Mullins - Lullaby

2. The very best of unknown aeroplanes.



No explanation needed for this one, surely?

The Mystery Jets - Greatest Hits

1. Desperate and determined child stars.



Desperate Dan has steely determination.



Saturday Snapshots will return next week... you'd be Crazy to miss it.

Tuesday, 14 November 2017

My Top Ten Kitten Songs


This is Millie, the new addition to our family. Too soon? I did think so... but I've been proved wrong. A welcome blast of sunshine and fun in these darkest of times...

The big problem with songs about kittens is that they're rarely actually about kittens. Kitten, is seems, is a popular metaphorical term of endearment, and just about the only song on this list which appears to be about an actual kitten is about a dead one. So I'm not dedicating any of these to Millie. Ten great songs, nevertheless...


10. Bellowhead - Moon Kittens

Bellowhead go John Williams. Better than that might sound.

9. Whitesnake - Kitten's Got Claws

The thing about Whitesnake was, around about the time this came out, they were showing their kitten side more than their claws. Power ballads had taken them into the charts and their metal beginnings were all but forgotten. This was them showing they still had their claws. You won't like it, it ain't cool, but it did the job for teenage rock fans back in the mid 80s.

Can you believe this is the first time Whitesnake have featured on this blog? I can't.

8. The Kelley Deal 6000 - When He Calls Me Kitten

What Kelley did when she got out of rehab.

7. Lily Rae & The Saturday Girls - Little Kittens

Dark and creepy - Nick Cave would be proud. From Lily's debut record, available on The Indelicates' Corporate Records label. Since then she's gone on to form the band Fightmilk: also worthy of your attention.

Don't forget that little kittens have the sharpest claws!

6. Hefner - Hello Kitten

Another song about...
I'm gonna make myself go blind tonight
...well, not kittens.

5. British Sea Power - Electrical Kittens

I've featured this here before, but no reason not to do so again. My favourite song from the latest BSP album.

4. REM - Star Me, Kitten

I guess that should be **** Me, Kitten... or @%$# Me, Kitten. It's one of those songs that sounds beautiful, but if you study the lyrics you'll choke on the metaphors. Of course, you could also scare yourself half to death with the REM & William S. Burroughs version...

3. Riff Raff - Kitten

Billy Bragg and Wiggy, back when they were still in short pants.

2. Angelica - Why Did You Let My Kitten Die?

Forgotten noughties indie from half of The Lovely Eggs. Indie-girly-pop loveliness with a sting in the tail.

1. Little Willie John - Leave My Kitten Alone

"Laying in the back seat, listening to Little Willie John..."

Yes, it was Elvis Costello who introduced this song to me... but it was Robbie Robertson who introduced me to Little Willie. And the original has added meows!



Any cuddly kitten songs in your collection?

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

My Top Ten Decapitation Songs



"Orf with their 'eads!" as the Queen of Hearts would have it...


10. They Might Be Giants - Till My Head Falls Off

Classic TMBG. If you don't like it, you might need a check-up from the neck-up.

9. Maxïmo Park - The Night I Lost My Head
Why did we have to meet on the night I lost my head?
A decent little tune from MP's debut album... also good for those of you who are still learning to count.

8. Angelica - Bring Back Her Head

Lost 90s bitter indie-pop classic from the band that would become The Lovely Eggs.

Take out the carving knife and cut
Cut
Cut off her head.

7. Morrissey - Margaret On The Guillotine

Mozzer's subtle-as-ever anti-Thatcher drone, briefly resurrected last year when its central question was finally answered.
And people like you make me feel so old inside...
6. Elvis Costello - Tear Off Your Own Head (It's a Doll Revolution)

A single from possibly the last truly great Costello album - When I Was Cruel - though I do keep trying to find the time to give his later offerings a reappraisal. It's tough, because he was one of my favourite songwriters throughout the 90s, but his insistence on paring down the lyrical barbs in favour of a purer, more universal kind of songwriting following this album left me largely cold. Doll Revolution still carries plenty of the infamous Costello spite though... and was covered later by The Bangles in an attempt to get back to their own rock 'n' roll basics.

5. The Magnetic Fields - Chicken With Its Head Cut Off

From the magnificent 69 Love Songs, the only truly essential triple album in my record collection, this is Stephin Merritt at his camp and catty best... this guy knows how to extend a metaphor till it crackles!
Well my heart's runnin' round like a chicken with it's head cut off
All around the barn yard falling in and out of love
Poor thing's blind as a bat
Gettin' up, fallin' down, gettin' up
Who'd fall in love with a chicken with its head cut off?

It ain't pretty!
4. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll

Probably my favourite Yeah Yeah Yeahs song - Karen O makes a perfect Queen of Hearts. Having a hard time believing it's already five years old though.

3. Frightened Rabbit - Heads Roll Off

I'll dedicate this one to my old pal JC, The Vinyl Villain, who came back from a terrible tragedy last year when his original blog (years of work) was merciless destroyed by the Blog Police. Many bloggers would have called it a day after that, but JC came back fighting with a new TVV - still one of the best blogs on the internet.(And he was kind enough to give me a plug the other day, so I thought I'd return the favour.)

Over the years, JC has introduced me to many fine records and bands - Frightened Rabbit are one of his very best recommendations. And this song's kind of apt as a tribute, as it's all about not giving up.
When my blood stops,
Someone else's will not.
When my head rolls off,
Someone else's will turn.
And while I'm alive, I'll make tiny changes to earth.
Here's to you, JC... I'm sure you'll be horrified by my #1.

2. Warren Zevon - Roland, The Headless Thompson Gunner

I've had this one as an earworm a lot lately, a stand-out track from Zevon's outstanding Excitable Boy album. It's the grimly hilarious story of a Norwegian mercenary targeted by the CIA who becomes a vengeful ghost with a submachine gun that just keeps shooting.

Tragically, this was the last song Zevon ever performed live, on the David Letterman show in America, shortly before his death in 2003.

1. Queen  - Don't Lose Your Head

The album A Kind of Magic wasn't particular well-received with the critics, being largely a soundtrack to the (not-very-good - sorry, 80s fans, but it isn't) movie Highlander. And this isn't even one of the best songs on that album. So why do I love it, why do I give it Number One above all the excellent records that preceded it on this list?

Because it's very special to me. Although Queen's Greatest Hits was the first LP I bought (or I might have asked for it as a Christmas present), A Kind of Magic was the first of their studio albums I got into. I'd have been about 15 or 16 (so a couple of years after it's release, but I was a late developer in all things musical... I've been making up for that ever since) and I often spent my evenings baby-sitting for my sister or brother, both of whom are a good sight older than me, married young, and had kids (my nephews) who ended up being just a few years younger than their Uncle Rol. Much of that time I'd spend listening to their record collections, and I think both of them had copies of A Kind of Magic on vinyl... it was probably one of the few albums their collections had in common. I wore the grooves off this record, and eventually bought my own copy on which to do the same.

Don't Lose Your Head, then, isn't one of the great Queen songs. It's an average Roger Taylor album track (hence the drums are more prominent than any other instrument), distinguished slightly by Joan Aramatrading on guest vocals. But it's one of my formative musical experiences and, thus, irreplaceable.





Those were my headless chickens. Which is your Marie Antoinette?

Saturday, 18 January 2014

My Top Ten Lipstick Songs


One for the laydeez, the cross-dressers and the Robert Smiths among you...


10. Lit - Lipstick & Bruises

Even if you're not a fan of early 21st century American punk-pop, this is worth watching for the amusing video about mullets. (Which has nothing to do with lipstick, but still.)

9. Caro Emerald - The Lipstick On His Collar

Not the sugary pop Connie Francis song from the 50s, this is way sexier...

8. Angelica - Lipstick Kiss

Only 34 youtube views? Angelica deserve more respect.

7. Christy Moore - Mystic Lipstick 

 I've only recently discovered Christy Moore, but this won't be the last we hear of him round these parts.

6. The Buzzcocks - Lipstick

Never let it be said that the Buzzcocks didn't ponder the great existential questions of our time...
When you kiss me
Does the lipstick on your lip stick on my face?
5. Benny Spellman - Lipstick Traces (On A Cigarette)

Recorded by everyone from the O'Jays to the Beautiful South to Ringo Starr, this is the original from 1962 New Orleans. Nice.

4. Elvis Costello - Lipstick Vogue

Ah, the other young Elvis... nobody did spite like him. 
Don't say you love me when it's just a rumour
Don't say a word if there is any doubt.
Sometimes I think that love is just a tumour;
you've got to cut it out.
3. Skint & Demoralised - Red Lipstick

Matt Abbott's biggest/only hit/"hit" single. It reached #100 in the hot one hundred.

Which only goes to prove that the record-buying public are idiots.

She likes red lipstick,
Fish & chips,
Orange juice and trips to the seaside...

2. Echo & The Bunnymen - Lips Like Sugar

I might be stretching the rules a little here, but I figure if she's really giving you sugar kisses, either it's a flavoured lipstick... or she's been gorging on Mars Bars prior to the snog. Either way, this is the first time I've managed to squeeze an Echo & The Bunnymen song onto this blog in 18 months, which is a crime against all reason. How the hell did it take me this long?

1. Pulp - Lipgloss

And this is why Jarvis Cocker should be canonised...
And you feel such a fool,
for laughing at bad jokes,
and putting up with all of his friends,
and kissing in public.
What are they gonna say, when they run into you again?
That your stomach looks bigger and your hair is a mess,
and your eyes are just holes in your face.
And it rains every day,
and when it doesn't,
the sun makes you feel worse anyway. Oh!



Sorry, Shaky: Lipstick, Poweder & Paint wasn't your finest hour.

But which lipstick lyric makes you want to pucker up?


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