React!

Because doing what I said ZZ Top did is a weird idea and won't benefit you at all, unless we're talking Eliminator if you're open, Trans if you're forgiving, and Re-Ac-Tor if you're musically stupid, like I am, and want to hear Neil attempting to roboticize/new-wave his sound without sacrificing those wild guitars, and instead compromising to repeat got mashed potatoes, ain't got no t-bone for 9 minutes on the suitably titled T-Bone. Actually, fuck it, neither this nor Trans benefited anyone. It's just fun to occasionally forget his legacy and/or stature as he so frequently asked the world to, and enjoy bizarro mistakes like this. I mean, sometimes he's really begging us, right?

B-

here

ELIMINATE ME DRIVE OVER MY FACE

Because streamlining your blues rock and bringing out a record more mechanical, futuristic, cold, driving, and grandiose than your blues rock contemporaries and heavy metal rivals should be the stupidest fucking idea in the world (Trans), but it was the best decision the beards and the non-bearded Beard ever made, not just commercially, but to my ear too. Then again, I'm a fan of Trans.

A+

here

Son of a bitch

'cause that's the joke. Not the bullshit hangover cure which has you wincing and crying. I always thought it was the hangover cure 'cause Dan McCafferty sounds like he doesn't care whether his voice lasts 'til the next song or not and that's raw/rugged/cool. Hard rock reviews are hilarious/bad so I don't wanna copy+paste one. Nazareth gave us McCafferty and the best versions of Love Hurts and This Flight Tonight. Hair of the Dog is meant to be their best album. The version here has Love Hurts on it, and McCafferty too. Soon there'll be Loud 'n' Proud, which has This Flight Tonight on it, and McCafferty too. I actually think they're equally good

A

here

(1973)

While I always thought of Slade as the best band to match Big Star's condensed pop with Bolan's sexuality and Bolan's love for the fleeting/superficial and Bolan's hair and clothes, I guess, and Nazareth's Loud 'n' Proud (which is actually pretty good, I swear), I can't think of them that way any more 'cause the records Sladest steals from came out before and at the same time as #1 Record and all of that's well before Loud 'n' Proud. So did they forge power pop all on their own without any debt or influence? That doesn't excite me like it should, they still sound like a braver Cheap Trick to me only their Surrender is Cum on Feel the Noize and their Big Star is The Who or The Rolling Stones or Chuck Berry or Otis Redding and as far as I know they don't have a convenient/well-rounded Live at Budokan. Still, dude screams like a maniac. Hooks rule. Ugly dudes. Fuckin Slade.

A-

here

$World$

Not his best or anything but it's my kind of record- arrangements left to Mick Ronson and Tony Visconti, real artsy with cool heavy guitars and Bowie sorta on top of rather than inhabiting it all with stories about freaks and prophets. Killer concept rock rather than visionary singer-songwriter. Fucking genius

A+

ha

Masters Apprentices - A Toast To Panama Red (1972)

My two favourite decades in music: the 70s and the 80s. The 80s had the best music, the 70s had record covers like A Toast To Panama Red: the reason for second-hand record stores

As a New Zealander and lover of most things Australian, I feel that it is my duty to give records like A Toast To Panama Red the benefit of the doubt rather than resorting to bratty write-offs common over the internet where music is concerned- overrated Australian trash or nobody would even care if this wasn't Australian (???) or comebacks like pump your breaks, kid, A Toast To Panama Red's a national treasure

I did it. I listened. Twice! I learned nothing. I posted it. For the cover. I'll keep any eye out for it at second-hand record stores. Maybe then it will make sense.

try
spotify

Black Bananas - Rad Time Xpress IV (2012)

Album cover of the year. No doubt. Jennifer Herrema's (Royal Trux) new "non-exclusive opposition rock" project (need to remember that, couldn't describe Royal Trux's appeal better myself!). Taking their/her ideologies and pushing them further by encompassing more styles than ever before to achieve total highbrow kitsch, or smartass kitsch, or subversive rock that rocks, or, fuck it, "non-exclusive opposition rock." As big, dumb, colourful, and funny as the cover- tacky vocal manipulations, Eddie Hazel guitars, early 2000s distorted synths, fuzzy riffs, funk basslines: "all the shit you don't like, woven into all the shit you can't live without." Essentially glam: block it out for a minute and come back and there's no denying things sound like Electric Warrior by way of Funkadelic performed by some dance-punk. There are good moments where they reach the same levels of camp as their sources, and brilliant ones where they go "camp" instead a la Ween. Me, I like the shit they bring in and admire the project of an all-inclusive rock band, but could go without ever listening to this again. Sounds mean, but it's not meant to be. I get what they're going for and think it's rad. I admire it. I wish I liked it. But I don't. There's no denying how good it is- if I were a critic I'd have to give it an A or an A minus. But I'm not a critic, and so I'm standing by the could go without ever listening to this again conclusion.

C+

grooveshark
buy

Manic Street Preachers - The Holy Bible (1994)

Sometimes known as the heaviest album of all time or the darkest album of all time or the scariest album of all time- lyrically focussing on suffering of all kinds (spiritual, mental, physical), with the Guns N Roses obsessed Welsh britpoppers focussing more on the machine-like atmospherics of a band like Joy Division or PiL, than trying to go filter yelpy pop choruses through glam metal. The non-personal sources for these exercises in suffering are often history (concentration camps in Dachau and Belsen), politics, and literature. For all that it's easy to snigger and recall one's own teenage angst (I remember thinking this really spoke to me when I picked it up in a bargain bin 8 years ago), or the ironic right-wing perspective of that girl you knew that read Sylvia Plath, Nietzsche, and Camus in high school, the fact remains that Edwards was assured enough in his beliefs to not only write this shit, but (SURELY) kill himself in 1995. As a stand-alone work in the same mysterious vacuum that Bryan Loren found himself in, the lyrics don't fit most of the songs and vocalist Bradfield sounds like he's having a real shitty time squeezing all those syllables into every line, no matter how quickly he yelps. It's also really long. Like, play the record, think this goes on a while!, walk to the dairy, come back and it's still playing long. But that mysterious vacuum isn't real! Acknowledging Edwards' beliefs and persona, The Holy Bible is a sick, dark, nasty album, self-obsessed and completely misanthropic. But it's gripping because it's so sincere. And I like it! Maybe it's 'cause I first heard it when that kind of shit meant a lot to me, but that's probably not the case 'cause a lot of people much older and wiser than me circle-jerk over it all the time

My favourite's Yes 'cause I dig the riff and Die in the Summertime 'cause it's the best example of HOLY SHIT DEPRESSING lyrics over Wire-esque poppy punk rock yelp choruses

A

buy
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Bob Seger - Ramblin' Gamblin' Man (1968)

Was at some point known as Tales of Lucy Blue

But then it was not

Bob fuckin Seger. Not the most popular dude I've ever posted music by, and maybe for good reason. But here's Ramblin' Gamblin' Man any way

Some of Seger's most hateful haters like Ramblin' Gamblin' Man because it's so different to what you expect from him. They find it's either good, admirable, or interesting. Or maybe all of those, I dunno. Seger fans on the other hand (I half count myself as one), might find issue with it because it's NOT unpretentious HARD WORKING blue collar heroism, and is in fact PSYCHEDELIC. I have my reasons for not giving a shit about psych-seger, but here's some RAMBLIN' ones to flesh this page out: Seger's hard-working blue collar freedom loving lyricism, aesthetic, and fanbase, are largely at odds with the idea of the psychedelic if one takes Morrison's and then Kael's (>implying I've ever read Kael) ideas seriously- that the naivete of the psych-fan is a sugar-coated pill of lies and optimism available solely to those of privilege, the denial of things evil, which is dangerous as for all that optimism, hedonism, and intellectualism, when those of high-profile get involved, it's all the more irresponsible, blinding, and is in fact wholly immoral. Make sense? No? Good. Ramblin' Gamblin' Man has a few really good tracks on it- 2 + 2 = ? might be a protest song, but it's a good pissed off garage rock one that'd indicate the tipping of the pendulum toward Seger's world-weary working-class narratives, or at least the end of all the dumb joy to the world bullshit that Ramblin' Gamblin' Man accidentally half-embodies. Is it his fault? Nah, it half seems like he's tried to cover up his psych material (okay, I made that up), and the fact that this was released in 1968 just reminds me how hard he had to work to break into any real fame. Also, I haven't read any of the lyrics 'cause frankly I'm not moved by how this record sounds. For all I know, he acknowledges time, place, gender, ethnicity, and income, making even his psych record far from blind, but I'm just so indifferent to Ramblin' Gamblin' Man that I guess I'll never know. I mean, that hardly ever happens! I find music crazy polarizing! Ramblin'? Good! Check it out if you're a Seger-hater! Or maybe get it for 2 + 2 = ? 'cause that song rules

C

Night Moves (1976)

I came to the conclusion today that I like Bob Seger more than Aerosmith. I KNOW RIGHT, CRAZY

You don't care! Neither do I, really! Rocks is still great. Seger was always the whore I visited on my way back from a Springsteen binge. But now I'm starting to like him a lot. Probably not marriage material 'cause I don't wanna break up w Bruce, but I'm REALLY liking this record. Or at least I'm starting to see it for its own merits. It's safe, potentially boringly so. But his band can ROCK when they want to, albeit safely, and things never turn out boring. And Seger's lyrical introspection/nostalgia/blue-collar-heroism/realism: Worrying about your credit rating--now that's what I call rock and roll realism (Robert Christgau) repeatedly brings to mind Springsteen, but I guess he never put a copyright on every-man rock and roll and Seger's sincerity sells it to me any way.

B

Nazareth - Classics Volume 16 (1987)

1. This Flight Tonight

2. Expect No Mercy

3. Love Hurts

4. Morning Dew

5. Carry Out Feelings

6. Hair of the Dog

7. Razamanaz

8. Love Leads to Madness

9. I Want to (Do Everything)

10. Holiday

11. Star

12. Dressed to Kill

13. Broken Down Angel

14. My White Bicycle

15. Heart's Grown Cold

16. Shanghai'd in Shanghai

17. Go Down Fighting

I could write about how for some reason critics hated Nazareth more than other hard rock bands in the 70s, or how Hair of the Dog is definitely worth checking out if you want a whole album and not just a best of (but starting here is a good idea), but I'm only really in it for This Flight Tonight


Nazareth famously covered songs by a wide range of artists (their best songs are Love Hurts and This Flight Tonight- that's The Everly Brothers and Joni Mitchell) and they were a pretty good band 'cause they rocked hard and lead singer Dan McCafferty had a raw ass voice which is real moving on Love Hurts in particular- way more moving than you'd expect from a Scottish hard rocker- but, again, it's This Flight Tonight which really gets me. Joni did what a folky does and wrote a sentimental song which because of the nature of the folky being um an artist or singer-songwriter, had listeners wondering WHO IS THIS ABOUT, JONI? WHAT BOOKS WERE YOU READING? WERE YOU ON DRUGS AND WHAT ONES? so it had to be auto-biographical- a song treated like a diary entry where the author's intention is the end of interpretation and universality and so on. It's a good song but that's what happens to folk. SO THEN NAZARETH COVER IT ON A SHITTY ALBUM. Shitty album? Yeah, that's why I got this compilation for you! NAZARETH COVER JONI? Yes!!!! Perhaps it's the fact that we know it's a cover, or perhaps it's just the heavy way Nazareth perform it, but the love song previously only related to our understanding of Joni begins to reach further- the regret she felt, the broken heart, the frustration of powers beyond her control restricting her and not letting her grab true love and never let it go------ all of it becomes the listener's  in the Nazareth version. Starting heavy (muted distortion) and dealing with the lyrical low-point (as it's meant to (forces beyond one's control stopping us achieving LOVE LOVE)), the song builds and builds with melodies and other sweet things (uh drums AND SWEET RIFFS) entering- not only do the feelings become OURS, but Nazareth have turned the melancholy into something heavy, so as the song ascends (and it does), the melancholy is buried and McCafferty makes sure that despite the regrets, he will not be defeated (AND NEITHER WILL WE). It's the same bittersweet mixture of triumph and defeat AND SO TRIUMPH AND NOT DEFEAT (bitch!) that makes The Pogues' Fairytale of New York so heartbreakingly exciting and moving every time you hear that

Oh yeah, and there's 16 other tracks too

This Flight Tonight A+++
Classics Volume B